So Much for a Honeymoon!

Unless you had plans already, let it go. This is just the beginning of poor timed events that you will encounter :)

Men don't think like women. I doubt your FIL even gave it a thought, and if he did, I'm sure he couldn't imgine why that would be an issue. You do already live together, so in truth, it's not like all that much is changing with getting married the weekend before. I wouldn't make more out of this than it is.

Not everyone can take a honeymoon the day after they get married. My suggestion is to plan a trip or a weekend in the future, plan the date and put it in pen. Then you can look forward to your honeymoon.

Marriage is a whole lot of compromises and give and take. Don't be mad or wish for rain. Just hope that your future hubby has a great time with his dad and brothers. Family is so important. Sounds like he lies his. Give him this and let him enjoy it - hold back on comments and just remember - if he's happy, you'll be happy.

And try to go to dinner with a girlfriend while he is away. Get a manicure - rent movies that YOU want to see. Enjoy the time alone.

And congrats on getting married!!!

Okay, I must admit I would be irritated too. The poor planning wasn't intentional but still stinks. Let your hubby (to be) enjoy himself and show him the woman you truly are. You will feel better about yourself in the end. Best wishes for a happy marriage!

You've already decided to go along with your bridegroom's taking this trip. Now do it IN STYLE. This is the time to show your class! Be as gracious as you possibly can... wish him a great time (and mean it)... be so sweet that he'll regret leaving his bride at all... and say in a friendly but firm way, "Next trip will be our honeymoon, right? We can start saving up for it as soon as you get home!"

Many people have honeymoons after they've been married a bit, instead of going right after the wedding. The idea of a honeymoon is to have uninterrupted time together, just the two of you. One of my relatives was married in the spring and had her honeymoon in the fall - a leisurely car trip across country when the leaves were turning.

I'm still waiting for mine. After we married, we had two days to drive back to the post where my husband was stationed (he was in the Army then) so he could get back to work. That was forty years ago. Once in a while I say to him, "I'm still WAITING!" :^)

P.S. You're probably right about the scheduling business. Your fiance's dad was probably not thinking about the wedding date.

I would probably feel a little put off by this too but in all honesty, your future FIL probably didn't even think about the date being a problem. Most men don't think about those kinds of things. I would just let it slide if I were you (and yes, pray for rain). :) If they do end up going then maybe you could have some girlfriends over for a few drinks and to watch some movies.

You're not alone in not being able to go on a honeymoon. My husband and I couldn't afford a honeymoon either so we just spent our wedding night at a bed and breakfast and went back home the next day. Good luck! Hope everything else goes well for you!

Men!! Unless it was done out of spite and not stupidity you have to let it go. I agree with PP-plan a girls weekend-a post wedding bachelorette party! IF you get enough people together a place at the beach for a couple days can cost next to nothing.

This is a part of marriage (compromise & sacrifice). Let him go and enjoy his man time...be glad the FIL didn't plan a trip to Vegas! I am sure your future FIL didn't think about the date when he planned the trip.
We couldn't afford a "real" honeymoon either, so we waited 4 or 5 months, scraped up some funds and did what we could afford: a 5 day driving trip up the coast of Michigan. We did inexpensive things like picnics and hiking. We had a blast. While he is gone, plan a romantic 2 or 3 day trip for the end of the summer and think about ways you can save or earn some extra money for the trip. It will give you something to do while he's gone and something to look forward to!
Congrats on your upcoming wedding!

don't be upset, plan a special honey moon for later. for a special anniversary, due to the economy, you are not the only 1 that missed out on a honey moon, mine consisted of staying in 2 different hotels two nights then home, then to a local water park (my dh is not a big fan of water, almost drowned as a kid) and we WERE going to make a trip to the ocean since i havn't seen the ocean yet...but that didn't happen either

i also agree with the below posts, plan a girls weekend while hubby is gone, that'll help and maybe you can have an adult women's novalty party and let hubby come home to a surprise ;) keep the sparks going ;)

i agree with jl, you will regret (or he will) wont be a bad idea to set your foot down now and explain to the inlaws and family that YOU COME FIRST for him now, and he needs to remember if you go through with this, it's not just him he needs to think about anymore. i will admit i didn't do that, and now, my dh AND i are seperating ourselves from his family cause we got so sick of them "planning our schedule for us" and telling us how to raise our kids. during the holiday's they would say, (without talking to us) we're having this on this day, what are you bringing.............uh?? i didn't know we were coming. finally this year i just told her, we are in the process of making plans and will let you know IF we come, we didn't but they still got upset despite we've spent EVERY holiday of the year with his side for 3 years except this year and now "we're too good to come out" despite that i work full time, going to school full time and dh is also going to school full time and looking for a job

it a catch 22 but make sure YOU AND DH are on the same page, or it will be a rocky start and it's stressful enough on ppl

Dont be mean ;-) PLAN a GIRLS weekend for yourself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you'll both have a fantastic time, and when you meet up after - Show him FIREWORKS !!!!!
ps: Congratulations on getting Married !! :-) xoxox

it does stink a little, but i agree with you that your FIL was doubtless working around his work schedule, and had other people and their work schedules to accommodate too.
it's nice that you recognize how much your fiance wants this, and are being sweet and flexible about it.
you can have a terrific honeymoon down the road. i disagree with those who say it starts the marriage off badly not to have one now.
i suppose i'm a little leery just because you are ALWAYS the one making compromises. i'd like to see it swing a bit more in your favor sometimes.
but since you have given way over much more important stuff than this, i think it's best to be gracious here and plan a fun weekend for yourself and the kids while he's gone. and tell him you expect him to land a great job soon and take you to bermuda!
khairete
S.

;)

Well.. in all honesty, it shouldn't be that big of a deal. You aren't going away anywhere for a honeymoon that week. So why not? Right? But we all know that female emotions are WAAAY more sentimental than that, and it IS a big deal to you. But, I think that I would let this one ride. Surely FIL didn't realize that this was THE NEXT weekend, nor would most men think it was that big of a deal... the SAME weekend.. he would have known not to do! And he didn't (right?).

Let him go and encourage him to enjoy it. He will absolutely LOVE you even more for it! But I wouldn't necessarily jump into a girls weekend while he is gone. That almost sounds like it is some sort of plan to "get even"... just doesn't appeal to me. Just start planning a later honeymoon. It doesn't have to be elaborate. And it doesn't have to be the days immediately after the wedding to "count".

My hubby and I got married in December, and didn't go on our honeymoon until April. He didn't have any vacation time left when we decided to get married, and I wanted a winter wedding. So we waited until April (when he had leave--- which in his career is bid in October for the ENTIRE following year, and there are no guarantees you will get the time you want during the bidding process). We had a fantastic 10 day trip to New Zealand.. and it didn't matter a flip to me that we only went away for our wedding night on the day we were married and then both went back to work 2 days later and had to postpone going away for a "honeymoon". It was actually much more enjoyable I think. All the post wedding stuff was already dealt with (left over cake, getting the dress heirloomed, sending out thank you's, etc).. including getting passports issued in my new name.

Would you want your husband to not want you to go on a trip because he doesn't have plans to look forward too? I would have a problem if you were being asked to postpone your wedding or honeymoon for the trip, but if you aren't going on a honeymoon at all, and you have no set plans, then I do not see why you aren't happy for your husband to be to have this opportunity to be happy. If your living together, then the point of the honeymoon is basically moot and would just be a celebratory get away anyway and i commend you for not spending money you don't have. If you are not living together, then the honeymoon is time that allows to get to know your partners quirks so to speak and have time to get to know each other thoroughly and to set up your home to accomodate you both and have your spaces together. I would recommend a honeymoon then even if you have to cut costs on the wedding to do so. It seems though that your expectations of your special day or moment are not being fulfilled and i really hope you work through that prior to getting married rather than transferring your frustration, & anger at your special day/moment not being what you dreamed to your new husband to be. That is really starting it off on a bad foot and one you may not ever be able to work out in the long run. So if your expectations are having a fancy wedding or honeymoon, then you need to acknowledge that and wait till you can have what you want or work it out in your mind, where you really are at peace with just having a portion of your expectations met. Either way, your husband to be can not be blamed for going on a trip he has been looking forward too regardless of the timing.

Example, my husband has always like George Jones and I have wanted to be able to take him to a concert cause i know he would love that. the opportunity presented itself and I had planned this really nice get away for the both of us. he would get to see his concert and I would have a nice weekend to boot. Well, both my kids, 4&5 came down with Roto virus and so I couldn't go. I was naturally disappointed, but i did not cancel the whole thing. I insisted my husband go. I had him call a friend and he went and had a great time with a friend of his and he called and texted about how great it was and how much fun they were having and he had a great weekend and made some great memories. I on the other hand dealt with two kids vomitting and pooping all day long I was waiting on them hand & foot with no breaks but i made the conscience decision to give this to my husband because I truly love him and want him to have as much happiness as he can find. This is what marriage is all about....each of us having the others back.

You giving this to your guy, would be a great wedding gift and if you can manage to do it whole heartedly will be a great thing for your marriage.

We had a mini and didn't have a REAL honeymoon type vacation for years. Take your time, don't get upset cause it's not worth it. It's an expectation that we have that the honeymoon MUST happen, blahblah. But if it can't happen now, have a staycation honeymoon, and when you're back on your feet, make it special. Totally understand the disappointment, but it's not worth getting too upset about. I'd say do some kind of girl thing while they're away!

Let it slide. IF you two were going on a honeymoon, then it would be up to your HUSBAND to tell his dad that he either wouldn't be back in town yet or that he wished he would reschedule so they could all go. But, that's a mute point, so just let it go. By this time next year you'll be DELIGHTED for your hubby to go away for a few days ;-)

Let it slide. You probably live together anyways right? Its good to get away from each other sometimes. After all, you will only be married a week, you dont want to act like the old ball in chain already. Plan something with your girlfriends and think how fun it will be to have him home after you missed him. You know, fun stuff. ;) My husband is planning an annual fishing trip when Im 9 months pregnant. I told him to keep his phone on!

Not sure what your plans are for the night of the wedding but I know the 'norm' is to stay in a hotel. We did for our wedding night and I have to say that even as nice as it was, if I was able to do that part over again I would and I would have decided to come home.
Your wedding is suppose to be the biggest party of your life essentially so you probably are not looking to skip out early to go back to your hotel room for the night and you have to figure by the time you do get back to your room, you are so tired from the day that you will probably have your expected, celebratory sex =) and then crash out. So there is really not too much time to enjoy your overly priced hotel room for the maybe 8 hours you will be in it sleeping before you have to check out.

I suggest that maybe you skip the hotel room the night of the wedding and then maybe some night the week after (but before his trip) you sneak away to a local hotel and treat yourself to a night that you can actually enjoy each other. You would have spent the money on the room already for your wedding night so no real money lost there and you will actually be able to enjoy it. You might even be able to afford a couples massage in your hotel room too. (Thats what we did and it was so nice and really romantic)

Just a thought. Congrats on your wedding and good luck with everything!

We had a honeymoon eight years after our wedding...

Men do not think like we do. Plan something fun for yourself, smile and wave him off on his trip! Start putting money away for your honeymoon, no matter how little at a time.

We took a minihoneymoon and then several months later our big honeymoon. Don't feel bad about not having a honeymoon right after the wedding. We didn't do it like that for financial reasons but it ended up giving us something else to look forward to and was just as special as if it was right after the wedding. I actually recommend it to people now bc we weren't exhausted from all the wedding planning etc. And it was a bit amazing how quickly you can get into regular life after the wedding and we didn't even live together before. So don't be upset about this trip and try to start planning a little something special for you guys even if it's just a stay at home honeymoon where you aren't allowed to do chores and do some candle light dinners at home. Quiet time w/ just the 2 of you and no distractions or obligations is really what makes the honeymoon.

I agree that your FIL probably didn't pick the best weekend. Have you asked your fiance what his thoughts are? If he agrees, he should let your FIL know he won't be attending as he's on his "home-honeymoon". At the least, he should mention this because your FIL should choose more wisely in the future (i.e. he should ask his kids what dates are good for them because they have families to consider).

Try not to make a huge deal as you don't want to start off on the wrong foot.

Good luck and congrats on your marriage!

I agree that it was insensitive. But I guess you can't do anything about it though :(

You are definitely not alone in not having a honeymoon. Our 3 year anniversary is in about a week. We never had a honeymoon. Heck we didn't have a regular wedding either - ended up having to just go to the courthouse (military kept messing up our plans). Closest thing we've had to a honeymoon was when my company took everybody & their SO's to Blackberry Farm for 2 nights last March! haha

Maybe you can plan to do something that weekend with your friends or family? No reason for you to not have fun & sit at home missing him! Go shopping, to the movies, out to eat, spa, etc. :)

I would just let it slide. At least he didn't try to plan it for the week of your wedding.

Insenstive -- Yes but probably not intentionally so. Let it slide -- Yes but console yourself by planning a weekend get-away with your new groom for the following weekend...Something as simple as a nice dinner downtown and then spend the night at a nice hotel (a date night on steroids). It will be something to look forward to and will take your mind off of this less-than-perfectly timed Man Camp.

So, if you can't afford a honeymoon, who is paying for the guys camping weekend? Is FIL footing the bill? B/C even a camping weekend would be a great honeymoon.

We weren't able to afford much either when we married. And my hubby could only take a long weekend off, so we just went to the beach in our little pop up camper at the time with our bikes, spent a couple of days riding our bikes and gazing at the stars. Probably had cheap boxed wine too I forget now.

I agree with the gals here, FIL probably thought he was planning way after the wedding, going for the following weekend. He's not trying to be insensitive, he's just a little clueless. Definitely plan a girls weekend too. But I would recommend you still do something really special soon afterwards just the two of you. And it doesn't have to cost much...ask all the guys involved if you can borrow all the necessary camping gear to go out by yourselves. And then your husband can come home already pre-packed from that trip ready to take you camping.

My hubby and I got married on a Saturday afternoon, left our wedding reception and stopped but the hospital to visit my uncle so he could see us in our wedding clothes (he had Cancer and was quarantined but we got permission to visit). We had a free hotel room for the night (I had won it at a bridal show). We went to dinner and then were in bed and asleep by 9:15. LOL

We both worked all week and then left Thursday to go camping at Hershey Park for the weekend. We were only alone Thursday night and during the day on Friday because we had friends come to stay with us for the weekend and go to the park with us.

Sure, we didn't have a traditional honeymoon, but we did something that was very "us" and didn't leave us strapped. Almost 5 yrs later we're still in love, in fact, moreso now than we were before.