Anxiety About Going on Our Honeymoon and Leaving Our Daughters for a Week

I guess he was trying to be romantic.

Are you getting married online? That doesn't sound fun.

Other than that. IF YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED IN A FEW WEEKS THEN GOING ON A HONEYMOON WHY IS HE LEAVING FOR THE HONEYMOON BEFORE YOU??????

I don't understand this post at all. Sorry if it's obvious to others. All I see is that you're getting married and since he's already going to be there he's bought you a ticket to join him....isn't he coming to the wedding????

Your fiance is working in Europe and you expect him to be there without you right after getting married?

Did you expect to take the kids with you? Did you have that conversation with him about having a FAMILY honeymoon?

It doesn't matter if this is Europe. It's really clear that you don't want to leave your kids. I'm sorry, but your fussing about flying by yourself a week apart is just you making excuses. You aren't a child. You're an adult and are perfectly capable of flying on your own.

It's way past time for you to have someone on hand to watch your kids since your mom is older now and has a difficult condition. Tell your husband that part of the deal for going away for a week is to find a babysitter. Then find one together.

It makes NO sense for you to pick somewhere else for a honeymoon when the cost is SO much more to go, and your husband is already in a destination where a honeymoon is actually quite wonderful. You are just sour grapes about it because you didn't get to call the shots. You need to make sense about this from a financial and time point of view. Get help with the kids and don't start your marriage off coming across as bridezilla with this man. He IS going to show you a good time and you need to appreciate it. Once you've been together for a couple of years, you may not have the opportunity to go somewhere like this again. And though you say you aren't interested, you may find that dropping the attitude that you don't want to go will mean that you actually find it to be a wonderful thing you've done in your life.

Roll with it. You must already have sitters you use so book them to come in and help your mom. If you have a car with GPS program everything in she needs to find.

I went to Europe with my older daughter a few years ago and Italy for my honeymoon two years ago. It is scary having that distance between you and your kids but when you think about it, what ever happens? Nothing really, and the chances of something happening in that week, well I would think you have a better chance of winning the lottery.

Relax, enjoy yourself! If you can relax both you and the kids will have a great new experience!
______________________
Cheese and crackers why is everyone going on about the marriage? Have y'all ever been to Europe? Troy and I planned our honeymoon together and I still had some of the feelings the OP has. It is scary leaving your kids where there is no way possible to respond quickly if something happens. I just happen to believe it was worth the stress.

You are anxious and are throwing up barriers to keep from going.
It sounds like something I would have done at one time.
You know you would enjoy it. It's just the hectic mess to get to go.

Guys are not thinking about the details. You are thinking too much about the details. It's one week out of your life for the celebration of your life together. If your mom and the kids can eat and sleep for a week without you, they are golden. I bet the 6 yr old has friend's moms that can look in on them and help if needed. They can pick up one for school and bring her home. Done.
You can build your anxiety or you can let life go and have fun for a moment in time. You will be glad you did. What do you want for your kids? If they were in this position, would you want your child to go to Europe? Absolutely. You would be the grandma keeping the kids. You would make do. That's all that's needed.

First question? Do you really want to get married? Look DEEP within yourself to find this answer BEFORE you get married.

I am sure your children will be just fine, bonding with their grandmother. Make sure your mom knows where you frequent and keeps things pretty much on schedule. The children are 2 and 6, not infants. The 6 yr old will be able to help grandmother out a lot. It is good for children to have time away from parents to bond with relatives just like it is good for parents to have some time away to work on their relationship, re-energize and come back refreshed.

Why are you looking at the honeymoon so negatively. Many people would love to go on a trip to Europe. Can't you see some positive in this? You'll be with your new husband, bonding.

Step outside your comfort zone... the flight will not be that bad. Take books, etc read, rest and be ready for your husband. Are you scared of flying?

If you are still this upset over the honeymoon, COMMUNICATE with your fiance'. Let him know how you feel. There are not a lot of husbands who would take the responsibility and plan a honeymoon for his new wife.

I sense deeper issues here that need to be addressed BEFORE you marry.

Seems like a good idea is to stay home with your children and postpone the marriage until the two of you are on equal ground.

I get that you are nervous, and no you do not have to take a honeymoon, but why not? My husband and I will be renewing our vows next year (I think) and plan to take a kids free trip at that point...even if it's closer for a long weekend. We'll see. But I say go and enjoy yourself.

Maybe he was trying to surprise you - not hurt you. Don't you have anyone else that can help with the kids? Are they in schoo;/daycare during the day? Do you have neighbors or someone that can help yout mom - or does she have help?

I really think it will be fine. You've got a lot going on with getting married in the near future and that's stressful...no matter how prepared you are.

Go, enjoy yourself, and bring your girls home lots of pictures of Europe!

You don't even say what country. There are plenty in Europe -- England, France, Italy, Belgium, Spain, Greece, where?

Get a few books and look up things you would want to see and go from there.

You sound like a small child trying to stomp their feet and say no. Sit your fiancé down and speak to him without any distractions and find out why he did the booking without your knowledge. Get to the bottom of this before you walk down the aisle. Get air cleared before you say "I do." Otherwise welcome to a controlled filled marriage of not being taken as a team member of equal footing.

Think long and hard now before you commit or be committed.

the other S.

I am confused.
In March you mentioned your husband of 6 years. Is the man that you are marrying? Or is it another man? If he is already in Europe where is the wedding going to be?

Does this man routinely make large decisions without consulting you? Because that doesn't bode well for any relationship.

Who do you normally use as a sitter for your children? Can they help your mother out while you are away?

The problem is not with the children.

The problem is that this honeymoon is so far from being a shared experience of two people who love each other, it's really sad.

Your fiance is not your partner in this venture. He's not your partner in planning the trip, you feel forced to go, he's not involved with finding a week's worth of child care, he's dismissing your anxiety and fears.

You say you have no fears regarding the marriage - but I think maybe you do, or should. Is this the only time you have disagreed or where he has been controlling? Is this the only time he has tried to pry you away from family and friends and make you do what he wants?

Your mother not knowing where things are in town is not the problem. Two- and six-year-olds don't need much. A helpful neighbor, a map, and a well-stocked fridge should be fine. Her stamina with MS is an issue but do you have teens in the neighborhood who can come in after school and pitch in? They can help watch kids, throw in some laundry, bring in groceries?

But back to the honeymoon - this is all happening in a few weeks, he's booked the travel without talking to you, and is leaving ahead of time, and you two are so far from being on the same page, it's quite concerning. I'm wondering if that's what's got you all upset and anxious, and it doesn't have anything to do with the travel part.

My standard response to these questions is always, try not to worry, relax, go have fun, etc. because I still have anxiety when I leave my kids and they are teenagers now!
BUT...
the bigger, underlying issue is the complete lack of consideration and respect your fiance is showing you.
Your two year old still needs a LOT of hands on care, so I can see why you're nervous about leaving him (her?) with your mom.
And you don't even WANT to go to Europe? He's just completely disregarding your feelings there.
Honestly, why are you marrying this guy? I know that sounds harsh, but seriously, based on what you're sharing here he seems very disrespectful, and I think you need to think about that before making such a huge commitment.
Don't your kids deserve for their mom to be married to a man who loves AND respects her, and them?

You sound really upset and I wonder if you are fixating on this trip instead of addressing real problems in your relationship. If I was this wrung out about a trip, I would be discussing it with my fiance....and if you can't discuss this with him (you say you talked to him but do you and he actually communicate?), then why is he your fiance? It is better to post-pone a wedding and pay cancellation fees than to regret a divorce.

You say you have no anxiety about marriage...but you and your fiance can't work out a mutually agreeable honeymoon and appropriate babysitter? This is small potatoes compared to what some marriages go through.

FWIW, my mom doesn't really know my town, either, but when she's here for DD, I leave her with the GPS and a list of things to do/places to go/where the grocery store is, etc. The fridge is stocked. She's a capable person. If your mom is wiling to come for the week, then perhaps trust her judgement on her health and abilities and give her the name of a friend to call if she needs a hand.

But regarding just this trip - if you go and don't want to, then it's a big waste of money for both of you.

ETA: I have been to Europe. A few times. And I know what a big waste of time and energy and hurt feelings it is to "suck it up" and go anyway if you are not feeling it. We tried a last hurrah with the family and half of them didn't really want to be there. We could have saved thousands (and had a good time) if we left them home. This isn't "eat your veggies, they are good for you." This is a grown woman - a mother! - who doesn't like the plan. I'd probably have the same reaction if my DH planned a trip to Mexico or Siberia. I think the trip is the topic but not the real subject.

And why are you marrying him?? Not off to a good start. You say you have no anxiety or fear about marriage...but look how it is starting. He isn't listening to you and booking tickets regardless. Just wait...it is only the beginning!!

I am sorry...but this honeymoon is destined for ruin. You don't want to go, you have anxiety about going, you resent your fiance for booking the tickets after telling him you don't want to go. Your mom is in her 60's with MS taking care of young children at very physically demanding ages.

Yes...a honeymoon should be looked forward to and you both should decide where you are going. It should be a fun and relaxing time.

I understand him wanting to use this work trip as your honeymoon...1/2 of the flight is already paid for. That is awesome!! I personally would go for it..but that is just me. We didn't have kids and childcare to consider. Our kids came years after we got married. So, maybe I would feel differently in your shoes. Regardless, he should be respecting your feelings and concerns...not just looking at the bottom dollar.

I say either cancel your ticket and tell him when he gets home you will go somewhere together closer to home where you can relax and enjoy eachother. Somewhere you can travel to and from together. I fondly remember our road trip to Monterey for our honeymoon...so much fun was shared just in the ride there and back.

Or...go and put a smile on your face and don't complain one moment.

I am sorry you are faced with this. Your wedding and honeymoon should be such a special and fun time. Sure there are stressors...but not such animosity already built toward your fiance because he is not respecting your wishes or concerned about your children's safekeeping while gone.

Keep us posted!

Are you sure you want to get married? If you're already having issues about him making decisions without you, and you feeling put upon... that doesn't bode well.

As for the honeymoon - make a decision about whether you're going or not. Your post reads like someone who wants the Internet to tell them it's OK to say no. If that's what you're looking for, then yeah - it's fine to tell your fiance that you don't want to honeymoon in Europe. Cancel the ticket and plan something that makes both of you happy. But if you don't want to back out, just don't be passive aggressive. Throw yourself into it and be positive. Learn about Europe and all the fun things you can see. Make plans to help your mom acclimate. Draw her some maps. Ask a friend to show her around. Hire a babysitter to help her out during the afternoons.

You can make this honeymoon work. But first you have to decide whether you're going to A. cancel it and plan the honeymoon YOU want, B. share your disappointment with everyone you know, and go kicking and whining to your honeymoon, making it awful for both you and your new husband, or C. choose to see this as your fiance trying to help plan, and a nice opportunity to go somewhere you never thought to go... and happily. It's up to you. But if you don't make a choice, you're basically giving in to B.

Don't you also have a 13-year-old son? Will he be around to help out?

Don't go to Europe if you don't want to!!

Where will your 13 year old son be?
You know, there's no LAW that says you HAVE to go on a honeymoon.
If you don't want to go, then don't.
Last time I checked it was a free country!