Pressure to Ween My Daughter off Breast Feeding and Begin Formula Feeding

I don't think I'd leave my daughter because of everything you wrote out. Either postpone the honeymoon or bring her with you. Honeymoons traditionally don't involve children, but since she's already here, I think tradition went out the window! =)

First thing I can think of is: breast pumping is very effective. I pumped lots of milk for occasions and my son took it in his bottle just fine. If you start now and freeze it, you can have more than enough ready by the time you go. Go get yourself a pump now and start practicing if you haven't already; you will be so glad you did. Weaning a baby before either of you is ready can be really hard on both of you.

Second. Children are incredibly adaptable. Yes, your daughter will miss you. But she'll be 1 year, and with people who love her. You'll be amazed how children will let other people do things we struggle with. Like she might nap just fine for someone else.

All that said, I think as a mother you have to trust your instincts, and unfortunately our children always come before our spouses. See if you can't sit quietly and meditate and ask yourself what is fear, and what is instinct. If you really, truly believe in your heart that she will be traumatized, don't go yet. If you find out that maybe it's more about YOUR fear of separation, then let go and trust.

Last case scenario, is there anyway to get a babysitter on your honeymoon who could pretty much watch her all day, except for at night?

marriage and family are a balancing act (as if you havn't seen that already). They can both be number 1. Him in the husband roll and her in the daughter role.
You have two roles - mother and wife. You should be able to do them together.
My opinion is that you should NOT leave her with anyone for four days. Bring her along, and do your best to make hubby feel like number one while fulfilling your mommy roll too.
This is only one of many many times you will have to make this choice in your future. Show everyone you can fulfill both rolls now and forever.
Now that you have a child, excluding that child from your activities is no longer an option.

Have you thought about bringing a sitter or the honeymoon? Either a family member who wouldn't mind a vacation or paying or someone? You could have lots o time with the new hubby alone but not eel like your leaving your daughter in a bad situation. Plus, from what you are saying, weaning isn't the issue, leave her behind is...just means you are a good mommy who is inlove with your little girl AND your husband!

Hi J., I couldn't read all the advice everyone has given you but I do agree with Meredith and Liz. For some of the very same reasons you listed, my hubby and I had to stay at home quite a bit! I had 2 kids basically back to back: had a baby, breastfed, got pregnant, had the baby then breastfed again, I was indisposed kind-of for 3 1/2 yrs!! It's awesome that you're being able to go on a honeymoon but your child should absolutely come first!!! If it were me I would take the baby and a babysitter (it might cost a little more) but it would be worth it in the long run! I never gave my babies formula, it's just not as good as breastfeeding! My daughter was soooo attached to me that she wouldn't even take a bottle with breast milk in it! I was lucky I was able to stay at home with her! I would just make it easier on myself and bring the baby, you don't want her to be emotionally upset the whole time plus you're going to be worried about her the whole time too! Good luck!

I feel there's a LOT to address with this one issue for you, and the first is weaning. You do NOT need to wean your daughter... especially to formula! I think it's AWESOME that you are a dedicated breastfeeding mama!!!!! I understand your parents' concern with weaning, but you don't have to introduce formula. Like another mom, my son is almost 3 and still nurses 2-3 times per week at bedtime; he started weaning himself at age 2. Also, breastfeeding is not just about the nutrition; it's about the special bond between mom and baby for everything from curing boredom to the safety and security of knowing mom will be there for her.

I read the responses, and I agree with most of them (especially about pumping & freezing), but I would love to offer my services as a counselor with Nursing Mothers Counsel to help with the pumping and transition to a bottle. We are a non-profit group of peer counselors who offer FREE non-judgmental advise and information to breastfeeding moms at all stages, prenatal through toddler. You can call our "hotline" at (650) 327-MILK and speak with the counselor who answers, or you can ask to be assigned to your own one-on-one counselor, or you can email me directly at ____@____.com can also go to our website http://www.nursingmothers.org for lots of information on a variety of topics.

The 2nd part of this issue is that your daughter is at a critical stage in her development called separation anxiety, and regardless of how you & your future husband feel about it, it's going to be very real for your daughter (and for you based on your reluctance to leave her)! When my son went through this stage, he wouldn't even stay with his dad (my husband)!!! It was very frustrating, but they do get past it, and she'll get to a point where she'll be able to be away from you. Have you talked to your fiancee about postponing the honeymoon until she's a little older and will more readily stay with your parents? Another option is: what if your parents stay at YOUR house, so Anaiah is surrounded by all her familiar surroundings, sleeping in her own bed, etc? Don't know if that would make it harder for her or not; just a thought....

I also wanted to address the response that suggested weaning to food to improve sleep and putting oatmeal in a bottle. Research has shown that the introduction of solids and/or giving a cereal bottle before bed does NOT improve baby's sleep! It's also a choking hazard to have a thickened substance in the baby's bottle, like cereal. Breastmilk is the PERFECT food for your daughter at ALL ages as long as you decide to breastfeed, as it grows and changes as your daughter does :)

If you choose, I look forward to hearing from you!

Hi J.,
Well, it sounds to me like the pressure to wean isn't just coming from your parents, but yourself as well. And rightfully so, since she obviously needs to eat while you're gone. Here's my take on it. After reading everything you had to say, my first thought was, well, you made a choice to have a baby, then made a choice to have a wedding and a honeymoon. I'm not preaching here, I'm just laying out the facts. As a husband, I think I would be a little less than excited about having the baby throughout the honeymoon. And as the wife, I would hope you would have the same reservations. Your honeymoon should never be about your kids, whatever age they are. It is a time for you and your husband and the beginning of your lives together as a married couple. The fact that you have a child is a choice you made that you now have to deal with. My personal suggestion is to postpone the honeymoon. It seems the only fair and stress-free way to do things. It would not be fair to your husband to bring your baby, and you obviously are stressed about leaving her, so it is extremely obvious that now is not a good time for a honeymoon. The wedding day alone will be hard enough. I don't blame your parents for their concerns about weaning. What else would you expect them to do while you are gone? If you/your baby are not ready to stop breast feeding, then that makes the decision pretty much a no brainer. The honeymoon can wait until you and your baby are in a better position to be apart for a few days. It sounds like you want to put her needs first, which is as it should be, so that means your needs/wants come second....like the honeymoon. If your soon-to-be husband is a good man/father, he will understand as well. Again, I'm not preaching here, but this is part of what you have to deal with when you put the cart before the horse. You now have some tough decisions. Children are blessings. I'm glad you love and enjoy her so much. Now do the right thing for her and put her first. It is a decision you never will regret.

Hi there,

I know you've heard from lots of moms who breast feed for long periods of time but the truth is, most moms breastfeed for about 6 months and that, by the pediatrician's standards is plenty. I personally feel that if a kid can ask for the boob, they are too old to breastfeed. Sometimes I think moms keep breastfeeding their 2&3 year olds because of some codependent issues (I apologize if I offend anyone, just being honest) I breast fed both my children for 3 months. They have no allergies and are very confident, outgoing and independent. They had an easy time transitioning to preschool and babysitters, I think, because I didn't make them so co-dependent upon me. Whenever friends or family visited, I would ask them to feed the baby so they would get used to being with other people. Do my kids love me any less? No, we give and get plenty of hugs throughout the day. Weening gave me freedom to leave the baby with my husband and he, in turn, had a more pleasurable experience with the baby when I would go to dinner with my girlfriends. It's also way easier on the babysitters and grandparents. Don't feel guilty about weening, 10 months is commendable and more than enough time for your child to have reaped the nutritional benefits. Most SF moms tend to be more extreme about breastfeeding, anywhere else in the country, you'd be seen as a supermom for breastfeeding so long. New marriage with a baby will be tough unless you make baby a little less dependent upon you. As for your mom, make sure Dad does not leave baby alone with her and if possible, find a friend or nanny to watch baby while you're gone. Maybe go someplace more local for a 2 night stay and save the long honeymoon for another time. Good luck!

If neither of you are ready, the longer you can give her breast milk the better. Why not pump and freeze a ton of your milk. At least she will continue getting the benefits of breast milk. When you return if you feel like your done breastfeeding and if she doesnt have interest in resuming- then quit, but maybe she will want to continue with breast milk (as long as you can I think. ) I actually know I would not leave my daughter with parents who are having such issues. You will never relax on your trip. Bring someone with you maybe to watch her or find someone else to leave her with. Good luck and have fun on your honeymoon.

Sorry I didn't read all the responses but I wanted to put in my 2 cents. My husband and I got married when our daughter was 9 months old and even though we felt a great deal of pressure not to take our daughter with us we did. We went to a bed and breakfast and she was wonderful. It's completely up to you guys but you really need to weigh how you're going to feel if you bring her with you as opposed to leaving her with your parents. If you're going to be stressed the entire time then explain that to your husband and that you would be a much better travel companion/wife if she went with you. Is there a possibility for you to bring someone/your Dad maybe with you to help watch your daughter? I know too many people on a honeymoon might be crowded but it would also ensure you some alone time with your new hubby. I can see why you're stressed but the sooner you decide to put yourself and your concerns first the better off you'll be.
My suggestion: Don't stop breastfeeding but keep up the bottle thing so other people can feed her during the wedding. Take her with you and assure your husband you will be a better mom/wife for it.
You can still "devote" this honeymoon to him but you are now parents and your daughter does come first. I wish you the best and congrats on getting married!

Apart from the breastfeeding... I really wouldn't want to leave my child with anyone (or close to anyone) that I feel in some way has as you put it, "slight mental health problems) that in and of itself would concern me and cause me to either take my child with me OR not go at all.
If anything, can you postpone the honeymoon? honeymoons can be taken any time. Also, do you think you would actually be enjoying yourself on your honeymoon while at the same time, wondering how your child is doing? If I was this concerned about going away, I personally don't think I would go, but that's just me. I just don't see the point of making myself agonize over something I do have control over. Maybe you and your fiance' can take a small overnight trip or two day and do the longer trip when your daughter is older. It's definitely something to think about and is what I consider a good compromise.

J.,
Go with your gut. Don't leave your daughter if you don't feel comfortable because you won't enjoy you're honeymoon because you will be worrying the entire time. If you can afford it, bring you're daughter and a babysitter ( a lot of the time you can just pay for the babysitters airfare, room and board and then just pay them for the time they actually watch your daughter). Otherwise, reschedule for a later time.. when the stress levels are down, and Anaiah is old enough to be left for so long.

You baby's sense of security rests in her Mama. It seems to me that you understand this. You may have to try to convince the people around you that you know what is best for her, or you may just have to inform them, flat out, that you're not going to leave her. This age is not one to mess with her trust.

I guess you need to make some hard choices right now. If you don't trust your parents, do not leave your daughter with them. From your description, she doesn't trust them either. It doesn't sound to me like your has her best interests at heart either. I'd really consider that as a factor in proceeding with the wedding--is he the baby's father? If a honeymoon is that important, I'd postpone it for next summer. The World Health Organization reccomends nursing until 24 months. There's no hurry to wean--especially if you're both happy with it!

If I were in your position, I'd postpone the wedding a year. If your trip is nonrefundable or changable--give it to your parents as a last ditch effort to rekindle something for them. I understand that your fiancé wants a wedding and honeymoon--and it could be much better when your baby doesn't need you so much.

J.,

Ask your honey to consider delaying a 4 day-away trip, and go somewhere closer for just an overnighter. You can do the 4 day trip a little later when things are right for it. There is no written rule saying you HAVE to go somewhere fantastic and far on a honeymoon! The most important thing is to give him great sex and undivided attention. You can do that without getting on a plane.
Consider a trip to the ocean with a picnic on the beach and rent a bed and breakfast retreat the same night, and return home on the following late afternoon. The books "Best Places To Kiss in Northern California" and "Best Places to Kiss In Southern California" have great ideas for romantic getaways and refences to the most romantic B and Bs and restaurants for particular areas.

My advise is to NOT take the baby. It undermines the whole reason for going on this trip. He wants some time alone with you. I hope this doesnt sound too rash, but dads just arn't as closely bonded with babies the way mothers are! No matter how good a dad they are, they want and need the time and attention from you and will feel kicked to the curb if they don't get it. I doubt any dad would relish bringing an infant on his honeymoon. The best thing you can do for your children is to make sure daddy is happy. Unhappy men can lead to broken homes.

Keep trying to give pumped milk in a bottle.

J. ~
You are a concerned mother who is trying to right by your daughter. Are you pumping breast milk for your daughter? If not, I would start there. As far as your honeymoon, it will be a challenge. Not just for your baby to be with your parents, but for you to be away from her. Have you thought about the possibility of taking a nanny on the honeymoon and having her have full care of your daughter and then you can still breastfeed? I wouldn't rush to cut the breastfeeding, but certainly getting her used to the bottle would be good. I would also have a frank discussion with your parents about the negativity and how that is going to impact the baby. But, if you are only comfortable with your parents, then you need to start having the baby go over there for extended periods of time. And, they need to find a way to make it fun and exciting so she is not thinking about you.
You are the mom, and you decide when the child needs to wean. Everything will fall into place if you look at the possibility.
Good luck!

J.,

Don't let others pressure you to do what you don't feel is right. You said your daughter isn't ready...listen to your gut and to your daughter.
Go out and get a pump today. There is no reason why you have to give up breastfeeding to go on your honeymoon. Start pumping now and so you will have plenty of milk when you leave. Second, have someone else give her the bottle-make sure she is really hungry- leave for a few hours so she doesn't even smell that you are around. Third, it sounds like your parents are not in a good place to watch her. Find someone else that you trust to watch her. You shouldn't knowingly put her in a place that is so full of negativity and turmoil. Kids do pick up on that and you don't want to make the transition harder than it has to be for your child. If you can, have your child do a few practice runs with whoever you decide is going to watch her when you go...for 3+hours then do a few overnights. That way it won't be a huge shock when the time comes. Good luck and congratulations on getting married!!

Molly

First of all, congrats on your decision to breast feed for so long! I breast fed for 13 months before I weaned my daughter. Continue til you're both comfortable weaning. And instead of formula, go ahead and wean to food. It does wonders and your baby will sleep better that way. Wean to a bottle with oatmeal and milk, instant oatmeal, when you're ready ^_^

Good luck!

First, to address the weaning. You don't have to wean her at all. You need to get yourself a good breastpump and start stocking up on breastmilk. Then you take the pump with you and pump whenever you need to while you are gone. You do need to get her used a bottle, but you don't have to use formula.

Second, it sounds like you need to find someone else to take your daughter while you are gone. Sounds like there is too much turmoil in your parents home right now. I would suggest finding someone else you trust and then work with them to try getting your daughter used to staying with them. She should stay over night a couple times before you leave so she knows that she is safe and that you are going to be back for her. Even if you can't find someone else, you should still have her spend the night at your parents house to get her used to it.

You are obviously a very loving mom to your daughter. Go with your gut feelings. It doesn't sound like a good time to be away from her. I can understand your fiance's side, too--he wants some time with you. Is there any way you can postpone the honeymoon for 6-12 months? A honeymoon doesn't have to come immediately after a wedding, especially in today's world when the couple is already living together and there is a child already--why not start a trend for a honeymoon that falls on your first anniversary?

P.S. I am still nursing my 3 1/2 year-old, and he is weaning himself. We'll be all done soon. It is hard to withstand all the pressure from everyone for weaning, but it should be done when _you_ want it, not when someone else thinks it should be done.

Good luck!

HI J.-
I do not thing you should ween your daughter just because you are going on vacation. Do you have an excess supply? If not, can you take fenugreek and pump extra milk? My sister had a hard time with breastfeeding her baby but still wanted him to have the real thing, so she pumped for 10 months. Between getting sick and not being able to always save her milk, she still had enough left for 12 days when she did start to ween him. Does your daughter eat any solids or cereal? Now may be the time to start introducing those to her so she is still getting breast milk, but is not 100% dependent on it. This way she is getting the goods but also moving to food without going the formula route. She is old enough for cereal,etc.
So my overall, random advice, is to pump some, nurse some, and start her on solids. You should be able to store enough to feed her while you are gone. YOu can also continue pumping while on your holiday as long as there is a mini fridge to store it. This will keep your supply up (because you can't just stop cold turkey- your body will go crazy) and allow you to spend time with your husband.
Lastly, because you have a new baby, as much as you want to make him 100% of your priority, the baby is still very small and needs you (and him) around the clock. It's not like you wouldn't give him everything now, but the baby has to be fed and formula- while it works, is not your first choice IF you have the option. If you don't, you feed your baby whatever it takes. But if you do, feed them the best.
Hope this helps.
-E.

Wow! It sounds like you do have a lot of concerns. I'm wondering if your fiance would agree to putting off the honeymoon for a few months to give you time to ween your daughter and perhaps get your mother on some medication. Also, you could try leaving your daughter with your mom and dad for just a couple of hours here and there and perhaps even one overnight before you go on your honeymoon just to see how it will work. If there is a lot of tension in your parents home, perhaps it is that that makes her cry while she's there as opposed to missing mommy so terribly much. Perhaps you can try leaving her at another family member's home (or very trusted personal friend) for a few hours to see if she does better in a different environment. At least that way you'll have a better idea of what's causing her so much unhappiness.

Is your "future husband" the father of this little girl? It doesn't sound like it. Can't this honeymoon wait? You will be so stressed being gone and won't be able to relax anyway. You only get to nurse and nurture your daughter once at this stage of life. Can't you go on a trip in 6 months? That's my advice. The baby comes first. If your soon-to-b-husband can't put the child first and is being selfish to take vacation, essentially, then I would rethink the relationship.

From all you've said here, it seems obvious that maybe the honeymoon should either be put on hold for a later date, or that you do bring your baby with you. (I'd want to bring the baby with, too!) Your husband has to understand that a baby does have priority right now; that's the way it is. If you did bring her with you, you could do some research and see what babysitting options are available, or maybe have someone come with you that could watch the baby while you and your husband enjoy some alone time...
Listen to your gut - don't do something you are not comfortable with!
best wishes and congrats!
L

I hate to say it but it sounds like you might have to postpone this honeymoon. Between the breastfeeding and the problems with your parents, it definitely does not sound like a good time to leave your daughter.

Have you already paid for things? Why not postpone it 6 months? I can understand your fiance not wanting to bring the baby along - it will kind of take over the trip and it won't be relaxing and the two of you won't get any real quality time together.

Your honeymoon is supposed to be fun, right? Not all stressful. My vote is to postpone it.

I really think that you should trust your instincts. I know that I am just a random mama out here somewhere (Ukiah, CA) but I have a one year old too. I don't see any reason why your fiance's needs should come before your baby's. Your fiance is a grown man and can deal with disappointment much better than a baby. He can also make sure that he is in a loving and safe environment, but it is your job (and his too) to make sure that your baby is in a loving and safe environment. It sounds to me like your instincts are telling you that the best thing for your baby would be to be with you on your trip. It sounds like you have been doing a great job keeping your baby safe and in a loving environment - don't stop now - she is still too young to make those choices for herself. I have found myself telling my husband (for some reason or another) that my number one job is making sure my baby's needs are met. Someday in the nearish future our wee ones will be able to spend the weekend, etc. at grandma and grandpa's, our partners just need to give our babies more time to be babies, and not be so impatient. Celebrate your baby on your honeymoon too. She is an important part of your life together. Besides all of the above, you will not enjoy yourself if you are worrying about your baby. Of course I don't know every single thing about your situation, which is why I most importantly encourage you to trust your instincts (and keep your baby in a safe and loving environment). :) Good luck to you!

I think the problem here is the pressure surrounding a honeymoon. What is the purpose of a honeymoon? To have a wonderful, fun experience with your new family. Usually that is just a new husband and wife but in your case it is a husband and wife and baby. You are all the new family and it is fitting that you should all enjoy your honeymoon together -- a break before the everyday grind sets in. Why try to fit some mold of a "traditional" honeymoon, when you are not a traditional family? I got married after my baby was born and we wouldn't have considered leaving our baby out of the honeymoon experience for a moment-- enjoy the honeymoon as a new family!!
As for the separation anxiety-- that is so normal. My baby went through it for about six months (he didn't even want dad to hold him most of the time if I was in the room-- and his dad is wonderful). I think you should try to enjoy this special bond between you and baby and respect your need to be together. They grow up so fast. Good luck. Remember that everyone will survive no matter what you do. And be fine.

Why don't you just pump and freeze enough breast milk so there will be plenty for her to have from a bottle when you are gone? I work f/t and this worked like a charm with my daycare provider. Just have dad warm the breastmilk in the bags under hot tap water and put it in the bottle. Your daugther will not be missing the nutrients and should be fine. As for your parents watching her... if you feel that dad can watch her and he will be there 24/7, go without your daughter. It's really hard to leave your baby and is very unnerving, but kids are amazingly adaptable and they need to learn there are differences in this world, including places, people and environments. But if you are worried about safety that is another story and maybe you should take her. You could always use skype every night so you can see her and hear her, too. Good luck. Congrats on the wedding!

dear J....
you are the mommy here...you are also the main source of food for your beautiful baby girl, that being said as much as your husband would like for you to be putting him first, the two of you became parents and that relationship trumps everything period, case closed, and the two of you should be putting her first in every decision that effects her. now, don't misunderstand me, happy stress free parents create happy stress free children, so the health of your romantic relationship is definitely not to go overlooked. from what i gather you really don't want to end the benefits or bonding breastfeeding provides both you and your daughter, since pumping and storing only work if your daughter will take a bottle (she will if she's hungry enough believe me) that she seems uneasy and/or agitated when you leave her in the care of your capable father without the added stress of an unwelcome change to her feeding method and habits, it probably isn't the best time time to lay it on her. it seems this may not be the best time to lay her on your parents, even with the knowledge that grandparents live for this sort of thing, to be fair to all those involved; your daughter, you, your fiance, and both grams and gramps, i would suggest putting off your honeymoon (pay the rescheduling fee 2-3 hundred bucks is nothing when it comes to the health and happiness of those you love. take the next six months or so to allow your daughter to happily transition to both breast and bottle feedings without the added stress of your absence, begin prepping her for the long stay at gmas and gpas with all day visits there without you, let her experience the swing of things as the are in their day to day lives, then add an overnight visit in, then another and another, children really can't conceptualize time into days at your daughters age so one night is really the same as four, tears will come i'm sure, as i am just as sure they will go, and that is ok, the practice visits will have built up her sense of security in your return and in you as well. your fiance has to buck up and be the parent here, the adult, and that means many times your wants, needs and desires have to be put aside, but be sure to revisit them when and if you are capable. i mean how much fun could he really have? what kind of celebration does he think four days of your constant worry, guilt and reeling far away mind, will allow him??? he must know you wouldn't be much of a travel companion, that the very nature of circumstance with which you were made to go on your honeymoon may lead to one highly regrettable experience that could have altogether been avoided??? he should and you should relate this to him as only a lover can and when love and reason, perhaps a little persuasive pleading on your part, win out to selfish want, thank him profusely and build him up, let him think it was his grand idea...then the two of you take your trip truly take the trip, mind body and soul and enjoy one another like you haven't in a while, and truly honeymoon.

make it a familymoon. i agree, she is way too young to be left alone, especially in a situation like that. you would be worried about your daughter the whole time and not really enjoying yourself anyway. bring her with! this surprises me your fiance doesn't want her to come along, it is his child, correct? it's a perfect opportunity for some wonderful family time. get a suite at the hotel, baby goes to sleep in the other room and you two get to hang out. i agree with another mama who suggests putting the honeymoon off for a year or so if you really want to go without your daughter.

also, if you do decide to leave her behind, there is absolutely no reason she can't be bottle fed breast milk. i mean, you have to really stock it up and then do lots of pump-and-dump, but i think it's kind of silly for your mom to think she needs to be on formula when you'd only be gone for four days. formula is yucky and not good for a baby's health, especially when you don't want to give it to your baby. don't allow yourself to feel pressured to put your baby on formula. stay strong and do what you know to be right, you will regret, regret, regret having to feed your baby formula because you gave into some strange pressure to put your baby on formula. perhaps when making these decisions, do some forward thinking. how will you feel about these decisions down the road. how will you feel feeding your baby unnutritious and expensive formula when you return from a 4 day honeymoon? how will you feel on your honeymoon when your daughter is staying in a place that makes you uncomfortable?

good luck!!

Can you really enjoy your honeymoon and just let go the stress and have a good time? From your e-mail there appears to be too much conflict. I suggest expressing breast milk and putting it in bottles for the Grandparents. Then coming back in 4 days and resuming breast feeding. Sounds like this might be a good compromise for you. Plus your new husband will get away with you alone. This way you can really have both as that is where stress comes from. We think it has to be one way and give up the other way. And as a mother I have taken my children's side over my husbands, sometimes you just have too. There are no hard and fast rules.
GOOD LUCK.

Iaso sorry to hear that you are going through that pressure. It is reallynot fair. And their fears should not dictate your parenting choices. I thi9nk nursing is one of the most astounding things that a mother and baby share and I find it unfortunate that this culture discourages mothers from bonding with their babies. I imagine that it must be disheartening that you arn't getting the support you need to feel good about taking a little respite to enjoy your beloved.
I encourage you to be bold in your stance. Formulas cannot compare to mothers milk and you have plenty of time to pump milk and it will keep in the freezer fine.
I relate to your expereince b/c my in-law (and now school teachers) wil act like it's perfectly fine and normal and natural to feed kids junk food. I am very concerned about genetically modified organisms so sometimes it is like literally doing battle to stand by my values and hold true to what is important to me. I have met mothers who are way more fierce than I am and I respect them for being adamant about what they hold to be true. I think it is important to do this now while we have little ones b/c it is all too soon that we can be undermined or bend to compromise.
I think our parents more than anyone else should be there for us and not acting against us. It is actually childish and inconsiderate when parents push like this. Next thing they're sneaking jelly beans at the dinner table! (REally!)
Four days is not long and you will still have milk. (It can take a longgg time to go away even if you don't pump.) I suggest bringing a friend or two into the mix. Hve them help your parents a couple of afternoons or a night. That friend can oversee that your parents are respecting your values and you can even tell them I want additional help b/c I am unsure of whether or not I can trust you to respect what I want.
It is NOT about them. You are QUEEN! Stand firm in that regal Mother Bear caring loving beauty of yours.
Your baby is your baby and that is why that little baby came to you- she wanted you for her mother and what you do and choose and know is why your daughter manifested through you. Best wishes!

I have a couple of thoughts. You can try pumping and have enough for 4 days come September. After a year, she can have cow's milk if you need to supplement right, and i wouldn't think you'd need to bother with formula? She can also have milk from a sippy cup or regular cup, and not a bottle and that might help her taking it. She might have a hard time taking a bottle from you, but not other people. I might go right to a sippy cup and not bother with the bottle. Don't wean if you or your daughter are not ready. At one year, she doesn't need to have breastmilk all the time, nutritionally, so if she doesn't have it for a while, you can resume nursing when you get back. So I don't think it's a question of weaning or not at this point.

But from your message, it doesn't sound like you are ready to leave. Is it understood by all that your daughter won't be alone with your mother? Is it possible to postpone the honeymoon until you feel more ready? Might you be too worried the whole time to enjoy yourself? Or else bring her along but don't call it a honeymoon. : ) Don't think about whether you are putting anyone first at this point, it's not black and white like that.

It sounds tough, best of luck!

If you pull out each sentence in your request, you are clear about what you and your daughter need. To nurse until she weans, to stay with her as a baby needs, to reschedule your trip or take her with you.

There is a lot of trauma around this for you. I would pray and be sincere with your fiance about the stress you will be under which will no doubt affect your trip. Your parents marital issues are not for your infant to carry.

I am sorry he is not on the same page as you. I think the reason we spend time alone with our spouse before children is knowing that the children's needs to surpass a lot when they are very young. There will be time for you both when she is a little older.

A solid situation will make your trip that much more meaningful.

I just remembered...when my daughter was 7 months old, I had a non- baby wedding to be at. It was a very close friend. My husband came and stayed in the hotel so I could nurse and run back to the reception in the hot july heat..outside. Baby would cry...he would call me..it was a nightmare but we made it work. My son was home with my mom missing me and he was 3 just years old. I was so torn and could not wait to get home..I I know some people travel far away but I have always liked one parent home. I know it is not ideal for romance but there is something about the closeness you have as a family that makes simple things romantic....now that baby is 3 and we have a weekly date night while she bakes and plays with her brother and babysitter that we have known for three years..and we are relaxed when we go out..

Do we desire time away, yes..but not under stress..we create other ways to get adult time..and we know the time is coming where we can go away...but mostly, we like them to come with us..and we did travel before children.

I think there is alot more going on here then just breastfeeding. Why don't you postpone your honeymoon until your daughter is a little bit older. There is no sense on going to your honeymoon feeling stressed out & not able to enjoy yourself. Honeymoon's are meant to be relaxing.. Good luck & best wishes!!

Hi J.... my but you do have LOTS of things to think about and stress over. For one thing, you and your baby are #1, and no one should be giving you orders what to do, you follow your gut instincts. If need be, if at all possible postpone your honeymoon. It sounds like you would worry the whole time about your daughter and not enjoy it anyway. Hope everything works out for you, no matter what, Sincerely, CJ

Hello,
I also nursed my son until he was 1 year old, but I did have to be away from him for 5 days when we was just over 11 months old and didn't want him to go on formula and I didn't have enough pumped milk. We talked to our pediatrician and he said that we could start him on whole milk 2 times a day earlier than 12 months. I gradually gave him the milk over 2 weeks before I left to make sure he could handle it. I continued to pump while I was away to keep going once I came home. If that is something that would work for you, you may want to talk to her doctor to see if they agree.

I can't help with your other concern and it is a valid one, but she may have an easier time with you gone when she is older (in September), so I would go ahead with your plans and know that she will be ok and you will be able to enjoy your honeymoon the way you should. I would think you would regret your decision to bring her along a few months or years down the road...

Good luck and congrats!

Hi J.- It sounds like you really know the answer yourself. Listen to your heart. Being Moms gives us an extra ability to make the right decision based on intuition. It sounds to me like your heart is telling you it's not the best time to leave your baby for 4 days. There are a million ways to alter your plans and ease your worries. Work it out so that you can enjoy a short vacation and feel relaxed and not be constantly worried about your daughter. Bring her with you, shorten the time away or bring some else along (your dad?) to help out on the trip. There is lots of time in you future to spend alone time with your new husband. They grow up really fast!

Hi J.,

You can pump and store plenty of breastmilk for your daughter between now and then and your parents can feed your daughter using a bottle - it is absolutely no one's place to tell you how to go about weening your child until you and your child are ready for that - especially when there is really no solid reason to ween the baby early. You can also continue to pump while you are on your honeymoon to keep your supply up.
In terms of wanting to take your daughter - how far away are you going and what are your finances like? The reason I ask is that you could ask one/both of your parents to accompany you on the trip - to alleviate your concerns of the childcare situation and the breastfeeding issue - and you could still have alone time with your new husband. To me, bottom line is that you have to do what you believe to be right in your heart for your child - and your husband should want that, as well. If time alone doesn't work out right now because you don't have a good feeling about your childcare arrangement for that time - wait until a situation comes along that you can be comfortable with - it is always tough to leave your baby - but it sounds like your particular situation has more to it than just not wanting to leave the baby. Follow your instincts - they won't lead you astray. And if your husband doesn't understand...I would have a long talk with him about priorities and the safety of your child - plus, you will have the rest of your lives to find special time to be alone together.
I hope this helps. Be strong and continue to take such good care of your child - you are doing the right thing.
N.

I don't think I could leave my daughter at this age and under the circumstances you describe.

How does your husband feel about all this? Would he be open to having a friend or family member accompany your family on the trip, to babysit and give you and your husband some alone time?

Is it possible to compromise and take a delayed honeymoon a few months later? You'll still have to wean her at some point but it'll be after the 1 yr mark when she is eating more food and can drink water from a sippy cup. Then I wdnt worry so much abt her not getting enough (even if it doesn't seem like enough to you).
I agree with all the points here, ur fiance/new husband deserves to have you all to himself, you should go on bf'ing your daughter as long as you should, and all that.

On a separate note regarding your mom - I understand and emphatize with your/her situation. My dad has ben a saint putting up with her all these years. My mom was just (finally!) diagnosed with parathyroid (something) which affects her physical as well as mental health. This is one surgery I am actually excited about because I hope it will relieve all the psychological problems, as well as various physical problems she's been having.
See if you can't delay ur honeymoon by a few months. When my son was 14-15 months, I dreaded weaning but he took it so much easier than I thought. So we were able to vacation when he was 15 months.

Best of luck!

You might try giving your daughter a tippee cut with a rubber top instead of a bottle. Many breast fed babies never take a bottle and go from breat to tippee cup. You really need to start working on this now and not wait until right before you go. And your daughter needs to be spending more and more time with Grandpa so she gets used to being with him while you are gone. What about if Grandpa stayed at your home whie you and hubby are gone?
Then she would have her own bed and the environment she is used too and Grandma can stay at her home. It takes awhile to ween a infant and doing it all at once is difficult for baby and for you.
JMO
F.

hi J.- wow! Sounds like u have a lot going on right now... Try not to stress too much because the stress may affect ur milk supply and then u won't have a choice in this matter. Kay, lots to address here; first things first... Do NOT wean or stop breastfeeding until U and ur daughter are truly ready (I nursed my son for 14 months.) Make sure u pump each day to build up your stock for when u are gone. Have someone ELSE give her a bottle of ur breastmilk once a day for now. Step out of the room or house for that feeding. She won't take a bottle from you because you have the real deal - my son went through the same thing. Trust me... She WILL eat while you're gone! She won't starve herself to death - that just won't happen. She may have a hard time at first, but she WILL take the bottle. Not just for ur honeymoon, but it's good for her to take a bottle for any given day that u must step out.

Do NOT take her on ur honeymoon! This is time u need to focus on ur new hubby and marriage.

If ur comfortable with ur dad watching her, then talk with him and make sure he doesn't leave ur daughter alone with ur mom (due to her mental state) while ur gone. Between now and ur HM, try having ur dad come around more and take her to their house more so she gets used to the idea. Step out for a few minutes to go for a walk or to the store so she gets used to being left there/ with ur dad.

Lastly, as long as she is SAFE at ur parents house, four days of ur parents "tension" will not impact the rest of ur daughters life. She won't need therapy for this when she's older ;0)...

Congrats on ur marriage and honeymoon!!! Enjoy!!!

-K.

I think this goes beyond just nursing but to address that first. Have you been pumping at all? If so there is no reason to wean your daughter any sooner than you were planning.
If you are not yet pumping there is still plenty of time to start there isno reason for anyone watching hr to have any reason to worry if she eats some solids and has breast milk handy. People are so quick to recommend weaning when nursing is the best hing for our babies and babies know best and often reject formula for the realtuing because they know they are getting the best hing for them!

As for your honeymoon it sounds like you have some valid concerns to address and I would say you should start with your dad. Make certain he understands that your mom is not to be alone with yor daughter and maybe work on some back up sitters for support. Do you have a sibling or friend you trust also? I would say if you don't feel comfortable leaving don't but make sure to discuss yor reasons maybe it is jut jitters though or if you look into it ahead of time maybe there is a sitter aervice where you are travelling to that could be a good compromise.

Your instinct is telling you to wait. I agree with Toni D. and Jackie....there's a lot more going on here and I'm wondering if there is any way you and your fiance can compromise with a shorter trip or postponement. Your fiance needs to understand where you are coming from as the mother of a young child. I could not imagine forcing myself to wean my son from the breast before he and I were both ready. We went through a gradual weaning process which he started and it was the most natural thing. There has got to be a way to communicate and for your fiance to understand where you are coming from as a new mom who wants the best for her child and husband. How can one enjoy a honeymoon stressed out and worried about a baby at home? Could the honeymoon wait just a few more months after your baby turns 1? What a huge payoff to wait and truly get to enjoy a honeymoon. I hope your fiance comes to understand your heart's desire and that it will benefit him in the long run to understand this situation. Take the baby with you or postpone. It sounds like these are your options and your fiance should be interested in building a life with you and being supportive rather than stress you out. My heart goes out to you and I hope and pray your fiance can come to desire the best for you and your baby with the knowledge it will be reciprocated in the future. You want the best for him and he wants the best for you.

Hi J.,

You have received a lot of wonderful advice and support. Just thought that I would throw my two cents in and reiterate what other mothers have said. Go with your gut - trust your instincts. It sounds like there is just way to much going on for you to be able to get away with your new husband for four days without your daughter. If he cannot understand that (and is not the father of your child) then you might need to give serious consideration to the type of man that he is. I know it is tough for men to understand the bond we mothers have with our children however, your future husband needs to be supportive of you and your decision to breastfeed. This sometimes means not being able to do some of the things that you would like to do as a couple. If putting off the honeymoon is not an option then I would absolutely bring your daughter. You will not be able to have a good time otherwise...trust me. Good luck and blessings to you. And again - you already know what to do...just follow your heart and remember YOU ARE A MOTHER FIRST and a wife second. Your daughter cannot live without you. Your husband can.

Hi J. - I was in the same boat you were about 5- 6 months ago. My daughter is also 10 moths today!!! My problem was I was not producing enough milk and she flat out would not take the bottle. We had to feed her with a syringe and I was going back to work. I didn't trust any one with and didn't want to leave her side. BC of her not gaining weight and having dry diapers I was stressed to the max and getting no sleep.
You mentioned she would take the bottle but not all the time. So with that said, remember she knows how to take the bottle. You need to do some test runs. Leave for several hours and have some one try to give her the bottle. It might take a few times, but try it. Try just formula or just breast milk pumped. I don't know if you have some saved. My baby ended up taking the formula just fine. I didn't want to waste the saved breast milk if she wasn't going to take the bottle. I saved it till she was taking the bottle 100%.
Plus she also is on solids by this time as well as she should be learning a sippy cut so she will no no means starve. Be glad your not dealing with this at 4 months.
It will work out : )
K.

Is there any way you could delay your honeymoon? Reading your post, you remind me a lot of myself and there is absolutely no way I could have left my son for 4 days at that age. Sometimes you just have to re-evaluate...everything changes when you have a baby. If she really is that distressed without you, I don't think leaving her for that long is good for her. Especially if you have concerns about where she'll be staying. Your fiance should be able to understand that. Tell him you really want to enjoy your time away together, and that you will be more able to do that later, when your daughter is old enough to be away from you for a few days. I really feel for you and I hope that you can work something out that makes you, your daughter, and your fiance happy.

Put off the trip! You might only miss her the whole time anyway and she probably needs you more then your future husband for now. If you do end up leaving your baby girl you can still breast feed when you get back.
One of the things I love about my hubby is that he has always done what ever he could to support me and encourage my strong bond and attachment with our 18 month old daughter and our little girl has always been a mommies girl too. We are still breast feeding.
Best of luck, I feel your pain. You will know what to do if you really look into your heart.

Weaning seems like only the tip of the iceberg.

If you aren't ready to wean, you can keep breastfeeding and go on this trip. If you start pumping now, you should be able to freeze more than enough milk for 4 days. Take the pump with you on your trip and pump & dump so that you maintain your milk supply. Your parents can give your daughter bottles of breastmilk or formula and when you come back you can return to breastfeeding. Your daughter is also eating solids at this age. She will be fine.

The larger question is whether you are ready to be apart for 4 days. I would have had a very hard time being apart for 4 days especially if this is the first time away. On the other hand, your husband to be is right that your attention won't be were it should be on your honeymoon with the baby with you. He has a right to expect your honeymoon to be full of wild fun adult time where he gets to be the center of your attention.

It sounds like you have a lot of valid concerns about leaving your daughter with your parents. And having made the arrangement it would be hard to tell them that some one else is going to take care of her. But you have to do what is best for your family (dh & dd) and decide what is best.

If it were me, I would talk it over with your fiance. Start with the problem: I am conflicted because I want us to have the best honeymoon together but I am worried that our daughter won't be ok with my parents for 4 days. Ask him to help figure out what to do. Perhaps you could shorten your honeymoon to 2 days and have a 2nd honeymoon later for another 2 days. Or maybe he will come up with another idea that you haven't thought of.

Whatever you do, let him know that you are looking forward to the honeymoon too. You don't want to give him the idea that his needs are not important to you. If they weren't this wouldn't be difficult. You would just trample over him and bring the baby.

Whatever you decide, your daughter will be fine. She will miss you while you are gone, but won't be scarred by it. Children are very resilient and it will be ok. It will probably be harder on you than on her.

Wow, you have really stated tons of concerns. I will share my experience.
You will always have people telling you what you "should do " with your child, but remember, she is your child, you are the mother and you are instinctually connected to this child like no other person.
I guess I am a blackbelt nursing mother, so I am biased, so take what fits for you. I nursed both my girls exclusively, they never had a bottle or a pacifer. With this conscious decision came sacrifice on my part. One year ago, I won an all expense trip paid for two to Australia but my 18 month old still nursed two times a day, so I chose to let the trip go. I tried to bring her with me and my husband stay at home with our 3 year old, but they would not let her travel, due to age requirements. Trust me, I have had sooooooooooooo much flack over my decision, but I could not justify weaning my daughter for a trip. Just my feelings on the subject. She is now 3 and just weaned two months ago, so like I said, I am a total child lead weaning mom and viewed as extreme by some, however I did have full support from my husband, which means the world. We made these decisions together, in the best interest, we believed of our children.
Also, please listen to your instincts about all of these things, especially when it comes to your daughters safety around your mom.
Good luck
K.

Hi J.,

is your fiance the father of your little one? I think it is more important to breast feet her and take her with you for four days, than transfer her to this "junk food" formula just because of only 4 days. It is sad. I don't know why your fiance doesn't want to take her? When you have a baby it is all about her, your treasure, your precious moment!! I know you will not have so much freedom but it worth it. Also in other hand you can transfer her to the regular milk after 10 month it fine, I have 2 kids, I started give them whole milk after 10 month I think it much better than formula. And also she probably eats solid food, your parents should be fine for 4 days.

Just wanted to share my thoughts,

nat

i wouldnt do it, for all the reasons you feel. it doesnt mean you wont leave her in the future, but she is very young. sounds like you already have tickets for your trip. you know, you married him but she is part of the deal too. it gets complicated when you have kids before the wedding. i am in the same boat and there are some things you have to be open to non-traditional. like honeymoon. you may need to spend on one, but at this point a night out for dinner and a drink is appropriate, at least would be for my kids who are very attached at age 1.

Hi
The real issue is not the transition from breast to bottle.
Look deeply.

{My fiance does not want to though. I know that I need to devote this time to my future husband and put him first instead of Anaiah for once... but how do I leave her with all of these concerns I have that are keeping me up at night? Please help... I'm desperate fir any advice you may have.}

Have you considered the new soon to be husband is taking a soon to be wife with a small child as his future from now til death do you part wife for life ?

Ask him : I came with a small child and the child must be included in every aspect of our lives. We will have private time even when we are married but this is an example of a fantasy then real life hit us after "Honeymoon period."Life will be the same as on our honeymoon...we slip into the bathroom....hummm...we take showers together....we get a private licensed babysitting company at the destination for childcare...So am I worth the extra expenses?

Experience speaking here....If you compromise your child now it will continue.

Question: Why would he consider the baby [YES,Baby stay behind ?] She too young for that kind of seperation anxiety.

Email me anytime
Do feel better and have a great wedding but HAVE A GREAT MARRIAGE.
Y.