New Husband Going on a Guy Trip.

I would not object to my guy going on such a trip, and he would not object to me going either.
Sometimes couples need to get away from each other and do something just for the individual.

I have a feeling that B. has it right. He's thinking of only himself right now. You two didn't have a honeymoon, but he wants to spend this kind of money with the guys? You are not being a bratty wife. He is being an inconsiderate husband.

A few thoughts. You didn't "just" get married. The wedding was two years ago. If having a honeymoon were that important to you, it should have been planned (and budgeted) at the same time as your wedding.

Second, if finances are such an issue, you and your husband should have planned a lot more carefully than to get pregnant so quickly, especially considering there are other children you are both already financially responsible for. The solution is to sit down with your husband and find a way to budget both his trip and your honeymoon to Greece. Military friends from 20 years ago are a big deal and a huge part of the reason your husband is the man he is today. Finding a way to work out both trips will make the both of you happier in the long run.

Get over it. It's your second marriage, you have a blended family, you're buying a house, you have a baby and the poor guy wants to go on a great trip without you. I would let him go and instead plan the Greece trip for your 5th anniversary after the baby is much older, you are settled in the house and have had a few years to save up even more money for it so you can have even a better time. It's our second marriage also and we each have kids. We don't own a house and we did not get a honeymoon. The only trips we have been on are the 4 day one's my husband has qualified for work and they are considered business trips. So if I were you, I would count your many blessings and be nice to your husband and let him do this. Good luck.

You will sound like a bratty jealous wife.
It's not his fault that his buddies want to go now & it has nothing to do with your honeymoon. If you live with this quid-pro-quo style, you will not make it long.

And by quid-pro-quo I mean, "I didnt get my honeymoon so you don't get this trip".

I can totally see how you wouldn't want him to go. I really do get it. But this chance to spend time with his friends doesn't come along too often. I would put my feelings aside (and yes, they are valid, they're your feelings and you're entitled to them) and encourage him to go. He's going to come back so happy and energized and YOU'LL reap the benefits of that. You'll also be "my fantastic wife" who supported him and selflessly took care of things back home so he could enjoy his trip. He will never forget that.

Or you can be the wife who forbade her husband to go. He'll never forget that either...

We, meaning you and I, had the exact same honeymoon. One night in a sweet B&B. 20 years later we still have not been on that one extravagant, alone time vacation, because weaning the baby didn't happen soon enough and we also had no one to leave the babes with anyway, and then another sweet baby came along...you get my drift.

Life is full of changes, and unpredictable events. That is life. Managing the best with what you have.

I am also like your husband and served in the US Army, and every single military man I have met in my life, who carves out time to meet up with old buddies comes back a stronger, healthier, happier, more grounded husband / father. Connection and reconnection especially for ex military provides untold benefits.

Dear Wife, not so new in my humble opinion, please stop making every marital decision about your self, your needs, what you got, what you didn't get...stop comparing all family decisions to just you and your lot. Don't look at your cup as half empty. Please see the bigger picture and encourage your husband to spend some one-on-one time with these friends.

In your marriage when decisions like this have you focusing on just your needs, try to stay calm and solution oriented and make it a win-win situation for both.

For us, even though we still have not had our honeymoon, we have traveled extensively with our kids in tow.

I'm I'm the camp with give him your blessing to go. Don't begrudge it or hold it over him. Your aren't doing a single thing traditionally why do you have this idea that he shouldn't do this before your 4 year late "honeymoon"? Its a once in a life time reunion with his military brothers. Schedule a girls weekend or weekend to yourself.

Let him go! Been 20 years since he has seen his Marine buddies. There is a bond there that cannot be described. Plan your trip to Greece.

From what little I have heard about surfing trips to Costa Rica... they aren't expensive. I mean, if you took your family and stayed in the most expensive place, etc.. sure it adds up. But a bunch of guys flopping in some place near the ocean to trudge out onto the sand and surf every day, grilling something on the back porch in the evening? Beers in hand.. that isn't the most expensive trip that has even been planned by a long shot.

And the points the other ladies have made about how long you have already waited on your fancy honeymoon are valid points. Take a smaller more manageable trip if waiting to go is going to cause other problems in your marriage/relationship. Or decide you're not going on a honeymoon at all, (you have a baby you haven't weaned yet after all) and plan a 5 or 10 year anniversary trip--and CALL it that.. an Anniversary Trip. If you continue to refer to it as a honeymoon--3 years after the wedding-- then you are fooling yourself. And no, don't invite yourself and baby to tag along with his Marine buddies.

Tell him Thank You for his service.

I know exactly how you feel, it has been twenty years but we still haven't had an actual honeymoon. But and a big but, I also had a son in the Navy, and there is a bond,that the people that were in the military have that none of us will never have. And being a Marine, your husband may have experienced so much that none of us will ever know. If it were any other instance I would encourage you to fight him tooth and nail on this, but this is perhaps a possibility for some closure where he could possibly actually go on with his life feeling freer and happier with his family if he can alleviate some of possible past issues and stress. Try not to think of it as a cost, or a threat or a problem, but perhaps a major thank you for taking care of all of us in these United States. And thank him for his service. I am sure he will see to it, if you let him go, that you will get that beautiful honeymoon you wish for. God bless both of you.

you're planning your honeymoon. it's a year away.
you're newlyweds (sort of) and new parents, but also a blended family. your husband had a life and relationships before you, and i think it's healthy that he realizes this and wants to keep it up. especially with guys he almost never gets to see. most men aren't very savvy about keeping up their own friendships.
it sounds pretty immature and petty to prevent him from going on a really fun trip with his buddies just because you haven't been on your honeymoon yet. you both decided to do a BIG trip in 2016. it's not 2016 yet. so he has to be glued to you until then?
if he were planning his surf trip for 2017 it would be okay?
i would be enthusiastically encouraging him to do this. (i would probably also be planning my own solo me-time.)
if you can't afford it, 'nuff said, but you don't indicate that finances are the issue here.
khairete
S.

If you can afford it, I think you should let him go, with your blessings. It will be a huge boost to your marriage. This is not an opportunity that is going to come around often for him, and these were important people in his life.

You sound jealous and petty to be honest. These are the guys he served with, they have a deep bond, and they have not seen each other in years. He should go with your blessing. I understand being jealous, my husband has gotten to see many places I have only dreamed of, but I would never begrudge him those experiences just because I did not get to experience them as well. I just make my own experiences, like when I traveled recently with my BFF and left the kids with my husband.

Agree--get over yourself.
He doesn't need your permission but he's asking for your blessing.
You said yourself you're planning on taking your honeymoon in 2016 when the baby is eraned and you feel comfortable leaving him, yet you're using the "I didn't get my honeymoon yet" complaint to hold him back THIS year.
Makes no sense.
Stop holding him hostage.
Tell him to go and have fun!

ETA: It doesn't take over a year to purchase a home. This is your second marriage and it's not "New" nor is your husband "new". You've been married over a year...it's NOT new.

welcome to mamapedia!!

K. - you need to sit down with your husband and discuss the budget. Is it affordable? If it is?? He doesn't NEED your permission to go - you're NOT his mother - you are his PARTNER....

I understand what YOU want. You're looking for a HUGE honeymoon - Greece isn't cheap and one week will be VERY short (long plane ride might wipe you out...so I'd plan for 10 to 14 days)....it's a huge expenditure.

Why not support him in this and say - "John, I love this idea of you getting together with your buddies and surfing!! Before you go, can we take the 4th of July off and get some alone time before you go?"

Don't be **THAT** wife and be his mother instead of his partner.

You don't NEED a honeymoon to make a marriage work. You need a partnership!!!

I am divorced, and I believe I would have felt the same way as you, in my first marriage. I now have a significant other and think differently about how lives are spent together. I would most certainly want him to go spend time with his buddies if money were not an issue. I would encourage it and actually hope he had a great time. I think you're jealous and feel like you're trapped at home. That's very sad for you, and not a good way for a wife to feel toward her husband. Let him go. Find things for you and the kids to do that week and try to enjoy yourself as well. If you can't get past the jealousy, I think you need to talk to someone about that.

So he can go to California and it wouldn't bother you as much?

Ummm....you can't plan where his trip is with his friends. His military buds have planned it.

Let him go and tell him to have a great time. Guys soooo need bonding time together just as gals need gal pal time.

Please don't be one of those wives that keeps score on what he gets to do compared to what you get to do. Buy your house and take your trip to Greece next year.

Buy him a cool pair of board shorts and attach a note that says "I love you! Have fun in Costa Rica. This is no April Fool's joke" Give it to him tomorrow with a big hug and kiss.

He will so appreciate your love and support and work harder to make your trip together to Greece the best ever!!

Yes it is being bratty because bottom line, you don't like it because you want to go as well.

You will be know as the wife who won't let him do things and that will backfire on you. You do not own him nor does he own you.... you are partners.

Second, if you can't afford this trip, he should not go because you should not spend money you do not have when there are other priorities which are daily expenses, college funds, retirement, etc.

Third, I have no issue with spouses having separate trips (IF THEY CAN AFFORD IT) with friends, alone, etc. My hubby plays in a couple of big pricey golf tournaments yearly and I go on at least 1 trip a year, sometimes alone, sometimes with a friend. I think it is good for a couple to have separate things to do to keep their individuality and recharge themselves so they make a better spouse.

Don't start out this new marriage by dictating what he can and can't do. Communicate with each other maturely as partners.

As long as money isn't an issue I really don't see the problem. You don't want him to go because you cant get away from a nursing baby? Look, I've been there done that (three times) so I know what it's like but I wouldn't hold my husband back because of it.
You two have the rest of your lives together, God willing, so don't be petty. Let him enjoy time with his friends, and someday when your baby is a little older you'll get to do the same thing as well.

Here is what I see. A man who is remarried but was once active duty Marine. You are from the civilian world not connected to the military way of life and are now being introduced to that world.

Hubby has had these people in his life for a much longer time than you. There are bonds that are formed through basic to serving on the front line that you will never know and understand. I don't understand them all and I am a retired military wife - some you don't want to know about.

Do have a sit down meeting with hubby and discuss the budget. Show him matter of fact manner with no emotion in your voice what this side trip will cost and how that will affect your "honeymoon" Greece trip. Put it in black and white for him to see and then let him answer with no input from you. I personally would send him off for a week just to be alone with my kids and for me to do my own thing. Enough said.

Yes you want to jump up and go with the boys but you can't. I would not push my way into the trip as you are not invited and it would ruin the reunion. This may be the last time they see each other in life and they may be closing this part or chapter of their lives. You don't know that. All you know and see is surfing on a beach in the sun having fun and you not being there.

Life is short so make the best of what you have. You have a husband blended family of four kids 3 girls and 1 boy. If he served as you state he should have the GI bill to buy a home so that should not be such a hassle.
Plan for a get way for yourself and a friend for a week in the future. Go to a hotel with a beach and enjoy the sun and surf for yourself to recharge your own batteries.

Do plan a road map for your family as to what, where and how you want to get to do x, y, z, and then put it on the frig to be seen by all. My best to you.

the other S.

PS If counseling is required, do get it to make this marriage work.

I would support him in going. And I would also insist that we make concrete plans for a family vacation, so that I have something to look forward to also. I know you are waiting until your baby is older to go on your honeymoon, but is something stopping you from taking a vacation with the baby now? Even if finances are tight, a long weekend at a lake in the summer, or something like that, might be just what you need so that you feel like you are getting a little vacation time too.

I do understand why you are jealous - my DH went to the Bahamas without me last year (in winter, and I was at home freezing with the kids). I was so jealous! But, I was not at all upset with him for going, I just really wished I was there too.

GEEZ! I'M having a lot of trouble on Mamapedia today. I'm frustrated more than I've ever been on this site. How did my post get several updates?! I just tried to make a couple of corrections and to edit out all the updates and here they are again. When I was editing the site kept sending me to a different post 3x.

When you look at your finances can he really afford to go wthout borrowing or using credit cards? Have the two of you agreed on how your money will be allocated? If so then this discussion is easy. I would focus on the practicality of him going. Stay away from an emotional appeal. Most men think more on what is practical. Women tend to focus on the emotions involved.

Of course you're hurt. To you, what is important is to take that honeymoon. I suggest that the two of you have put the trip too far away, and too expensive. This makes not yet having had the honeymoon to cloud other issuessuch ss this trip. Realistically I suggest what with life in between now and then you will be taking that honeymoon trip after the kids are grown. I urge you to stop thinking that your honeymoon needs to be an expensive trip. I suggest to be called a true honeymoon one has to take the trip close to the wedding A honeymoon is for getting to know each other in a new way. Plan for the big trip to be just a trip. When you invest so much emotion into a trip by calling it a honeymoon and needing to have this honeymoon before taking other trips you are setting your relationship for failure. We need to live in the moment. There is no way of even knowing that you'll want to go to Europe when you have enough money for it.

I suggest, if you can financially afford his trip, that he take it with the agreement that you'll take a trip together within the next 6 months to
celebrate your marriage.

Updated

When you look at your finances can he really afford to go wthout borrowing or using credit cards? Have the two of you agreed on how your money will be allocated? If so then this discussion is easy. I would focus on the practicalit is of him going and stay away from an emotional appeal. Most men think on what is practical. Women tend to focus on the emotions involved.

Of course you're hurt. To you, what is important is to take that honemoon. I suggest that the two of you have put the trip too far away, in a way that will cost a lot of money; thus allowing having not taken it yet to cloud issues such as this trip. Realistically I suggest what with life in between now and then you will be taking that honeymoon trip after the kids are grown. I urge you to stop thinking of your honeymoon needing to be an expensive trip. I suggest to be called a honew moon one has to take the trip close to the wedding. Plan for the big trip to be just a trip Without so much emotion tied to it.

I suggest, if you can financially afford his trip that he take it with the agreement that you'll take a trip together within the next 6 months to
celebrate your marriage.

If money isn't an issue, then let him go. They're his marine buddies, they haven't seen each other in years.

You're married and will be together with and have opportunities to travel with your husband for years. This is a one time trip with service buddies. Be a bigger person and let go of the envy, and send him off to have fun with his friends. Then have fun with him when he gets back.

As far as the "we haven't had our honeymoon yet", my husband and I didn't have ours till about 6 years after we were married. It's a trip. That's all. You've already planned your honeymoon.

Not wanting him to go because you haven't been there yet isn't a good reason.

I would let him go. My husband and I were married for 15 years before we got to go on a "honeymoon" without the kids. That's what usually happens in a second marriage where you already have kids walking into it. We have taken vacations with our kids thru the years but, last summer was our first vacation with just he and I. Our youngest child was 7.
I think it is important for him to maintain the relationships he formed while a marine. I would, without a doubt, give him my blessing. :)

You know, my husband and I were married for 10 years this past October and never did a proper wedding or honeymoon. We were married in the local courthouse and went to Outback for dinner. The plan had been for a long time to do a vow renewal and actual honeymoon at 10 years - then he lost his job 2 days after. Thankfully we hadn't planned anything. We will, but we have to postpone again. So don't feel too badly about that - lots of people don't get honeymoon's ever, especially when kids are already involved.

As far as "letting" him go, this can be tough. So what do YOU spend money on? $5 lattes from Starbucks? Pedicures every two weeks? High end purses and clothing/shoes? Nice car? Get my drift? What kinds of things do you spend money on that is just for you, that gives no benefit to the family? I ask this because I had a mom on here bring this to my attention.

My husband used to travel for softball, and would fly to Orlando for a week when we really didn't have the money for it (in my opinion). He would be gone for weekends at a time with 1-2 nights in a hotel and all day at the ball field - think lots of Gatorade and obviously food. BUT!!!! I was grabbing a coffee once or twice a week, getting my nails done, etc. So all of the money I was spending on ME was pretty equal to the money he was spending on HIM. When I started to budget money for his softball trips, life became a lot smoother. Because I was respecting his wishes of fun time like he was respecting mine.

So yes, I'd be upset to possibly move the trip, but I would do it. What's 6 more months if that gives him a week with his battle buddies? Not sure how familiar you are with the military, but the bonds they make serving are unbreakable. I'd give him this trip.

I'm not saying I wouldn't be hurt, because I would. But I would be open and honest with my husband both with my support of this and my disappointment of moving the honeymoon a little further. Communication is key here. He ASKED you, that's a big step on his part, and I think you have to take a big step back and be honest, but give him your blessing.

I'd encourage my husband to go. You only live once and he needs to spend time with his old friends. Think of the fun memories he will create and be happy for him. Then in the next couple of years plan a girls weekend for you and your friends. :) When kids are older, it's much easier for momma to get away too.

Definitely two sides to this one... So some things to discuss and consider. Does it have to be a full week? Or would that not save much. I assume vacation time is a factor in your lives too. How big a dent in your budget is this really? Annoying but absorbable or your would incur credit card debt? Or it really cuts into your house down payment? Does he do these things often? Like he goes out with guy friends a fair amount or other than this trip he's really attentive and there for your new family? I think these questions make a difference in how I would answer. Is this a once in 20 years reunion for these guys or in two years there will be another trip? Are these his closest friends he never gets to see? Or yeah, they were close but he also has very good friends from other life stages he sees pretty often? And what would his reaction be if you wanted to go? I remember getting mad at my husband when our kids were small and he'd want to leave me to care for them alone but in fairness, he was supportive of me going somewhere. I never did but he certainly didn't argue if it ever came up. Tough choice. Hopefully you guys can talk it out.

I don't know that it's a popular answer, but at this point in my life, I'd be inclined to let him go. I'd also advocate for yourself-- that you need a break too.

You have already planned for a week in Greece next year, with the thought that you would like your baby to be weaned and able to handle your absence for a while. I want you to think about this-- he's not saying he doesn't want to go on the honeymoon with you, he's saying he really wants this time with these fellows who he has a very special bond with. (Both myself and my husband are former military; his buddy from the Army--- met him in 84-- is our son's godfather, believe me, there is nothing like the bond that comes from being in the service with others. It is a very singular life.)

Honestly, I've been in a similar position; when our son was about two my husband was going to England on business and decided he wanted to stay an extra few days and visit friends. It was hard for me, but I am glad I let him go with my good graces. He had a great time and was renewed. For what it's worth, we never had an official 'honeymoon' after we married (we'd taken a camping trip years before after a handfast ceremony) but I don't think a marriage thrives on keeping track of what's fair and even. I'm not a particularly selfless person, but sometimes, in the short term, our loved one's happiness (which doesn't seem to be coming at a significant cost to you) can mean a lot more over the long term. I want my husband to remember that I was supportive and overall, willing for him to do something special for himself because he works so hard for us. Costa Rica is a rather inexpensive destination, from what I understand. They aren't planning a gambling trip to Vegas or a bunch of debauchery-- they just want to get together, reconnect, and surf. So let him, and then tell him you'd like a girls outing away too. :)

I think that rather than just go "am I the bratty wife?" you and he should have a sit-down conversation. Is this about the location? The lack of a honeymoon? The finances? What you and your DH need is communication. Maybe he still goes. Maybe he doesn't. But if you two can talk like adults about it, you will be better off than if he stays/goes out of resentment.

I'm not sure how I would feel about this. I would go over the budget with him and review the finances. He might not realize the cost of the trip or what you spend each month. So, before I said anything I would say "okay, that sounds amazing but we need to review our finances to see if this is even possible". Sit down and do it. If its possible, I would say "sure go for it."

This has nothing to do with your honeymoon. That is a separate issue. Stop keeping score!!! HOWEVER, if this trip pushes back Greece, I would say "I know you want to go and I would love for you to go but this trip is for you only and would push back a trip that we both had planned on going on. I'm not sure I can agree with this". Then LISTEN to what he says.

Hubby and I have gone on separate vacations but NEVER out of the country. I had talked about going with our daughter (26) to London and he was pissed! He wanted to go too!!! Oh well!!!

As for pushing back Greece so he can go on this trip as suggested by some of the posters is a deal breaker to me. Why should I give up our trip for him to go on one alone. Marriage is about compromise. To me that's not a compromise. I don't agree with that.

All said? If after y'all review the budget and its doable, I would say "surf on dude"!

He should go and you will just sound petty and jealous if you discourage him.

He should be able to go and reunite with his male friends. Why not make plans for a trip with your girlfriends either before or after his? You are both on second marriages and unless there is trust and compromise, you could be headed for # 3.

My husband and I do quite a bit of travelling for work and we both have BFFs that we travel with every once in a while, so I don't really have a problem with my husband travelling without me. If he had an opportunity to go someplace really cool without me, I would definitely be jealous! But I would have him take lots of pictures and collect maps and brochures so we could plan a trip there together in the future. I would probably be a little cranky about it, to myself, but he is probably a little cranky when I tell him about places I go. You can feel however you want, you just have to be an adult about sharing those feelings.

If finances are a major issue, I would suggest to my husband that he should consider selling something to make up the extra cost. If he isn't willing to part with one of his guns or comic books to go, it's not that important to him. I would never tell him no, I am not his parent, but I would say that we need to look at how this will fit the budget. If it doesn't fit the budget, the person wanting the expensive thing is responsible for making up the difference through extra work, selling something, garage sale, whatever.

I completely understand how you feel. Left out and overshadowed.

I also hope the two of you could brain storm to come up with a solution or a compromise.

The jealousy part on your side? That he is so willing to drop all plans and go away? What is it about? Be honest.

Yes you want to get away, but you are breast feeding. So that would mean 3 of you traveling. Not as restful for him. It may end up taking the place of a Honeymoon?

These are his military friends. Very important people in his life. You can understand that?

But the missed Honeymoon, is taking a long time to make up to you, maybe an expensive trip is too much of a stretch? Greece? How about somewhere not so far away? It t is taking a lot of time to save for. This is 2 years later. Seems like you are pining for this and it is dragging you down. You have something better.. A Baby!

I think this is way more than his trip with his buddies. You never got what you had expected would happen and you feel like he does not realize this is really bugging you.

You need to talk to him and tell him what is going on. Not that you are mad, but you are restless about this Honeymoon.
Things will always come up with a new home, new baby and the 3 other children. So what are some solutions? Be honest with yourself. Then think of a way to share your feelings with him.

Women communicate differently than men. We want to be heard, we want discussions, we want out feelings validated.

Men just want to do it. To make it happen.
Figure out how to make some compromises.

You have only been married for two years. In that time you have a lot going on, and also are buying a house. That in and of itself is stressful. I can see why you and your husband want a get away. I just don't see why you can't have a nice stress free honeymoon now. Like a weekend somewhere close by where you can enjoy each other. Then maybe you won't be so worked up over his time in Costa Rica. I think he should go, but I understand your feelings.

I don't think you're bratty.

Here's how I see it.

If you had gone on honeymoon and had some nice vacations since, and your husband was invited on a guy trip to Costa Rica, I could see you saying "Sure Hon, go and have fun!"

But you haven't. So it's quite normal to feel a bit hurt. He hasn't made this happen with you but he's willing to (and incur the cost) for his guy friends.

I get it.

I have friends who go on trips together, apart, and they have the money for it. If they didn't go on couple trips and family trips, but the husband went off ... I don't think they'd be thrilled either.

On the flip side ... if you can make it happen, come up with the money so it doesn't totally impact your family negatively (or your trip), then I would.

Why? Because it's a nice opportunity for him to see his buds. Guy time.

So .. I think your feelings are valid, but I would probably try to support it. Because you love your husband.

Then I'd make him take me to an inn for a long weekend :) Or have my own long weekend with the girls.

Good luck to you :)

Ugh, sucks but I think he should go and have fun.

I think you're jealous because you want to go too. I would, too.
But...I think it's pretty crappy if you don't "let" him go on this trip. And you're setting a dangerous precedent for the rest of your marriage if you stop him from going...because at some point, you'll be in this situation. How would you feel if he told you no? For whatever reason.
Think about it. Don't be the wet blanket wife.

If going on this trip stretches your finances to the point that you have to further postpone your honeymoon, I think it's fair to ask him not to go. However, if you'll still be able to go to Greece in 2016 as planned, then I don't think it's fair of you to ask him to miss out. He deserves the chance to spend quality time with his friends, and it is healthy for your relationship (any relationship) to have some time apart.

I'd be jealous too - who wouldn't want a week on a beach vacation without kids, right? I see your point, but I still think you need to let him go without complaint.

As I said originally though, I think your honeymoon should be the first priority. If Costa Rica pushes the honeymoon back, then it's being selfish of him to take the trip.

***I rethought this, this is not a silly trip, it's an important reunion. I would push back or alter honeymoon trip plans to 5 year anniversary, take a smaller trip together in mean time, and let him go! Do it! He'll be forever grateful and he'll be really sad to miss it. I would have let my husband do this because of reunion aspect even if it was a budget crunch.***

If you have a goal of Greece coming up and his week-long vacation in Costa Rica would interfere -which I would think it would!! That's a long time! air fare and week of eating and drinking...

I would object over that.

My ex husband was very social, traveled for a living, and got invited on all kinds of fun things constantly. He was also not a planner whatsoever, so he'd have all these sweeping invitations to go off and do fun things far away which was really annoying, because we would just stay home struggling with finances and never made our own fun plans because of it. He was barely home but he wanted to run off hither and thither if other people invited him places.

I almost always said no. It was legit. We couldn't afford it. He got mad. Then he got over it. In the end I was usually like, "OK, whatever, it costs this much, if you can afford it, go ahead" and he'd then have to admit to himself that he coudln't afford it. But when it was me saying it it made no difference...

Keep the jealousy of location out of it. Just point out it's a long and expensive trip and not really fair to your family.

If it can easily be afforded with no down side then let him go and be sure to do some nice week-long trip for yourself after!!!

That's another good deterrent. I would sometimes say, "OK, well if you will be gone these dates for _____$, then I want to go for these dates (equally long) for __$ to see my out of state friend/go on a yoga retreat WHATEVER..All stuff he would never in a million years want me to run off and spend money on.

Instant perspective.

Normally I think it's great when spouses are comfortable having guy-only or gal-only trips. But I think you're right on this - it's a ton of money to spend on a week in another country, while there are 4 children depending on you both for care and financial support. I think it's a huge extravagance that sets you back on your goals. I would think a long weekend in California would let them bond and surf without shooting the whole bankroll. I also think a full week is a long time with guys he hasn't bothered to see in years - who knows if they can even stand to be together that long?

Have you suggested a week away for yourself with some girlfriends? Why not suggest that and see what he says? You could both use a break from parenting and diapers and backpacks and permission slips and laundry, right? So if you can't, as a couple, afford both, then I say nobody goes - not him, not you, for a full week.

He can compromise and still have time for his family. If he thinks this is totally unfair and that somehow it's different for him than it is for you, then I'd suggest counseling. If he's somehow not into the domestic thing and the parenting because he has you (and perhaps an ex-wife) to do all the work, then he needs a wake-up call.

Reunions are great but he's married with children now.
You and the kids should be his priority right now - not old surfing buddies.
I don't know anything about his history except what you've mentioned but if his first marriage failed I've got to kind of wonder if maybe this sort of thing might have been a contributing factor as to why that happened.

I can empathize with how you are feeling so very acutely that it's painful but as long as he is still taking you on a trip in 2016 I don't see how you are able to say no without him feeling resentful. Affording a short term trip for one person is more affordable than planning an extravagant honeymoon type trip. As long as you have the funds to send him, I'd say that it is probably not ideal but better for your relationship to allow him to go as long as everything is squared away and in the box for your joint trip in 2016. You need to talk to him and express your concerns as well as revisit the overall budget for the next two years.

Be honest about how you feel and then make a pact. You go on your fun trip but as soon as you get back, we book a trip and start to pay it off. End of story. I think he'd really appreciate being able to see the guys he was so tight with. And one day, you'll have that girls only trip. And while he is away, do something special for you (massage??).