Okay I am prepared for the negative feedback but that's what I am looking for here....feedback and change.
I am a single mom meaning that I had no one to help me in the early years with transitioning with the up in the middle of the night and then going to work and keeping myself fairly awake for work, etc. That being said, I was a very sleep deprived mom for 3 years but now that my 3 year old sleeps through the night, it is better overall. However, here is my story and would like it to change but may have become complacent (because it works) but I am concerned with what I am doing to my son. He has a wonderful room and has been out of his crib since 1 yr old. I would put him to sleep in his bed with a nice routine of book reading, sing and then lay with him while he falls asleep. He would come to my bed after a couple of hours and a few times I would take him back to his room but it repeated every 2 hrs for days on end. Because I had such sleep deprivation, I just started to let him stay in my bed without returning him and had a fairly restful sleep. So now for the past 2 years, he gets ready for bed and we use "my" bed as the family bed for book reading, watching a movie and sleeping. Am I making a bad choice in having my 3 yr old son remain in my bed? I know that in some countries this is acceptable with the limited space that homes have, etc., however, we are not in those countries. Any help/advice on whether I need to get him to remain in his bed and how to do it without suffering too much sleep deprivation again or will he just someday decide he needs to be in his own room. Sometimes I do go and sleep in his room if I feel the need to have my own space in bed. I
Great thanks! It's working fine. I have no immediate plans for a relationship with anyone else so I'm not bothered by it. I was just wondering whether I was teaching him something wrong with not being able to sleep alone in his bed. He does have a wonderful queen size bed and he helped decorate his walls and picked out his sheets but he still wants to be in moms bed. When I do occasionally go sleep in his bed due to the leg in my neck or something :0)...he still ends up following me over to his bed. Thanks again.
Personally, I don't see anything that awful about co-sleeping even with a three year old. Whatever gets you through the night, is all right!
Eventually, he WILL want his own space, they all do!
I think that Dr. Sears made the best point of anyone when it comes to things like this, especially bed sharing- "if you resent it, change it". If it works for you, don't worry about what country you're in.
I think it's entirely up to you. He's obviously OK with it and you seem to be as well. Don't look for trouble!
I think it's only an issue if you want to end it. If not, snuggle up!
(I take my hat off to you. I've always found it very hard to sleep with my leg-flailing, arm-thrusting boy! LOL)
Have a floor mattress in your room. FOR him.
THAT is where he can go.
That is what we do with our kids. We have a futon on the floor in our room. The kids can go there, if need be.
It works for us.
It is not a big deal. We NEVER have sleep battles, whether they are in their room or ours. They ALWAYS start off in their room first. And IF they creep out of their bed/room at night, in the middle of the night, they plop themselves down on the futon and go to sleep in a second. We do NOT get sleep deprived that way and neither do they.
all the best,
Susan
if it doesn't bother you then I don't see the problem. Eventually he will want to have his own space.
I currently have a 3 yr old and a 7 yr old in bed with me and I don't mind.
There is nothing wrong if your son wants to spend some nights with you or many nights with you. He is still young.. Enjoy it while you can. What I would do though is start the rule he must start in his bed at night and then he can get up and crawl in with you. I did that with my daughter. Sometimes she stayed in her bed and sometimes she crawled into mine. Most wont like this next part but we would but a movie in or some music on. A kids record or dvd. But set a timer for it to go off after an hour. Nothing loud or a tv show that is going to wake him up more. It will confort him a bit. But again if he decides to crawl in with you dont worry about it.
First off, no negative feedback from me. You sound like a champion mom and you are making it work, and now you are looking to change something that isn't really working for you (perhaps?).
I agree with Susan's suggestion of a futon on the floor. Our house has very steep stairs up to our attic bedroom, so we decided not to have Kiddo sleep in his own room until he doesn't need us so much at night. He has a futon on the floor of our room--it's a full-sized one we call the "little bed". My husband and I sleep on the big bed, and these boundaries are clear. (We did cosleep until he was nearly 3, BTW.)
One thing that's helped us immensely was to change our bedtime routine. Instead of laying with him until he fell asleep, we'd do our stories and songs, and lay with him for a few minutes, then the adult goes up to the big bed until Kiddo falls asleep. We have noticed that he sleeps longer on the nights we do this; and that if we stay on the futon with him when he does doze off (my husband often falls asleep putting him down) he usually wakes and wants company earlier. I am pretty religious now about getting off the little bed, because in our house, the person doing bedtime also has "floor duty", which means taking care of Kiddo's nighttime needs. :) I like my sleep! And only very, very rarely does Kiddo get to sleep on the big bed with us; it's called 'floor duty' for a reason.
I don't know that "improving" his room is really the issue, I think not being in bed with him when he nods off is the key. I hope someone here has advice that will be helpful for you and your son.
I don't see a problem with it, but I suggest you work with him to make HIS room more appealing to him. Make the bed comfy for him and a space comfy for YOU if you fall asleep. He's a little older, so you can talk to him about the transition, about how he has his room and you have yours, that he's getting bigger and needs to sleep in his bed cause it'll be more comfortable. Be honest with him in words/reasons he can understand, etc.
I have a 3 year old who sleeps in his bed most of the time. Sometimes he comes to sleep with me but it's usually when he's had a bad night, a big transition, etc. He has a twin mattress, and I keep a large crib mattress next to it. I'll curl up with him at bedtime on the little mattress when he's on his big mattress - that way he's in HIS bed by himself, but if I fall asleep, I'm comfortable(ish) LOL. It works pretty well.
Make the transition gradual, and involve him and his choices, etc. in it as much as possible. :) Good luck!
Single mom too... my soon to be four-year-old sleeps with me and I've gotta say, it works. I hear so many moms complain about sleep issues and we've never had a problem. I consciously co-slept w/ her from day one and I trust that when she's ready to transition, I'll help her with that. Right now, doesn't make sense to change what is not at all broken: ) Sleep well!
Jen
I think co-sleeping is a personal choice and whatever works best for you is the right thing to do. However, my only concern is if you should someday meet someone and get married, or decide to live with someone, is this arrangement going to work? I would hate to see your son at that time be told he has to sleep alone, for a few reasons. He may resent the new person in your life, or the new person in your life is not okay with co-sleeping. Other then that if this works for you mamma then get your rest, and don't worry about what others say. I was a single mother and didn't co-sleep, but I do know how HARD it is to not have any help, so I completely understand where you are coming from. Good luck in whatever you decide!!
I think it's pretty normal with kids this age. We urge and often carry our 4 year old back to his bed, but only if he doesn't climb in and go to sleep and is fidgeting around. I think I got up in the middle of the night every night of my 3rd year and got in bed with my parents! He'll most likely stop on his own eventually. You may want to start putting him to bed in his own bed, but I wouldn't push it too hard at this age.
i'm married, but my husband has never been around much (he's making a HUGE effort to be here 5-10 hours a week now... prior we'd go weeks and months without seeing him).
That said... my son hated cosleeping as an infant. I spent a LOT of time in his room in the middle of the night. Then... about a year after switching from the railed crib to no rail crib... he started piling in with me.
My son, as well, has a great room and a great bed (that we camp in, play on, read on, have epic battles, etc.). At 8 he still piles in with me about half the time. We watch movies, read, chat, hangout, sleep. It works for us. We have a king, so if Dad is home, he can climb in, too, or he can go sleep in our son's room or on the couch... his choice.
My best friend growing up split her time between mom's and dad's house. At her mom's she stayed in her room 100% of the time (excluding nightmares, etc.). At her dad's, she was welcome to pile in with dad whenever she wanted. We'd trade sleepovers all the time, and I remember how special it felt to be able/allowed to sleep in her dad's room with him. ((He checked with my parents periodically as we got older, and they were more than fine with it. Mr. K was an outstanding father/person.)) It just felt SAFE, and magical to be able to sleep in his room.
So when my son started piling in with me... I remembered Mr.K's room and allowed it. I have had ZERO regrets. As kiddo gets older the percentage of how often he's in my room is gradually lowering. I know it won't be to long before 'sleeping with mommy' is just a cherished memory on my part.
