Seeking Advice on Co/sleeping Transiton to Baby Crib

Hi,
I nursed and co-slept with both of my children.
ALL babies are different in how they will transition to the crib. My daughter was not easy, my son is.

Where does she nap? And how do you put her down for naps? If you are not co-sleeping for naps... then just duplicate this routine the same for bedtime too.

One way to transition them, is...nurse your baby BEFORE bed/nap time, in a chair....NOT lying down in the bed. Then, after nursing, put her in the crib... then, tuck her in, say goodnight and walk out. Don't linger or make it emotional, just straightforward. Keeping in mind that a baby either will cry or will not, right away.

You can also try and give her a "lovey" to sleep with, and put some baby safe stuffed toys in her crib. When my son was 6 months old, he got attached to a stuffed cow (all on his own), and he sleeps with this and LOVES his cow, and it helps him to sleep. And, we have a few stuffed toys in the crib with him, and he entertains himself with it, and then falls asleep on his own.

My son, transitioned to a crib with no problem....and in fact, he loves his crib. At night, IF he wakes, then I co-sleep with him (although he is now weaned, I still co-sleep with him).

For us, well we have a futon mattress on the floor of our bedroom... and if the kids wake, then I go there and co-sleep with them... and when they were babies...this is where I nursed them at night. That way, they were still close by, our own bed was not crowded, and it was still convenient for nursing because it was STILL in our bedroom.

Do NOT worry that a baby will be traumatized if you are NOT right next to her. Sure, it is convenient if the baby is right next to you IN the same bed... because you need to night-nurse. BUT... there are other options... and for us, well the floor futon in our room, was they way we trouble-shooted the situation.

But yes, NO MATTER WHERE THE BABY SLEEPS... the Mama will STILL need to wake and nurse. Right? Even if the baby is IN your bed beside you. So....

And too, a Hubby has to be considered in all of this... some men like to have their own bed to themselves and their wife. Nothing is wrong with that... but so you need to see how to circumvent this... and for me and my Hubby, having the floor futon mattress in our room, was and still is, the perfect solution. For some men, sharing the same bed with all the kids is just irritating after awhile. But, their feelings needs to be respected too. My friend, they ALL sleep in the same bed...(she has 2 kids), and her Hubby gets irked because it wakes him up and he can't get a good sleep that way. So, they also have a floor futon mattress in their room too.

Co-sleeping takes various versions... it does not have to be done IN the same bed all together. And it does not have to be all night.... for instance, IF and when your baby wakes, you can simply go and get her, then lay down on the floor futon in your bedroom... and then co-sleep with her there. She can meanwhile, initially go to bed in her crib...starting her off there... and then when she wakes, you wake, and get her and nurse her on the futon. When she falls asleep, you can always get up, go back to bed with Hubby, or step out of the room and do your own thing at night. It's flexible...

It works for us.

To get her in the crib, you just have to try it. Each baby adjusts differently. A baby will be perfectly fine in a crib... and they do adjust. But I would not let her cry it out. You can always put her crib in the SAME room as you and hubby. My son, his crib is in our room... and he sleeps there, or on the floor futon with me. BUT, initially when I put him to bed or nap, I first put him in the crib. This is our routine.

In either case, ALWAYS HAVE A ROUTINE, CONSISTENTLY... for bed-time or nap time. That way, over time, the child will get used to it, and then it will help in the long term. Having a consistent routine, helps a baby/child in going to bed.

Good luck, hoped this helped,
SUsan

Hi Y.,
I think ultimately is a decision between your husband and you. My son still co-sleeps somewhat, he is 14 months and still nurses. My husband puts him in his crib after his 8/9pm feeding. He doesn't go back to our bed until he wakes up for his 2/3 am feeding. He sometimes sleeps until 4/5 am., he is very inconsistent with his sleep. I have been doing this since he was a newborn;he never co-slept the whole night. He didn't seem to have a hard time, just tell your husband to put him in his crib; it doesn't work when I do it.I'm hoping he will soon start sleeping through the night.
Good luck!
Ceci

You've gotten some great advice...

Here's the thing, co-sleeping is great if it works for the whole family. If it is affecting your husband, and impacting your relationship then you need to think of a comprimise.

Susan's idea of a Futon mattress on the floor seems to economical and safe for everyone...it's just a matter of finding what works.

My son's Dad and I are not together, and he came from a family of CIO for independence and we butted heads over co-sleeping and attachment parenting and still do. I have chosen to co-sleep with my son, and still do now...he's almost 2.5. But, he falls alseep on his own and usually through the night...unless he's thirsty. Men often have very different opinions of HOW kids should be taken care, and where their places ARE. It's important to be on the same page about big decisions like this, because in the future bigger one's are coming...

As for the Breastfeeding, someone mentioned that at 7 months old there is no need for nightfeedings, and I say 'poo'. My son had nightfeeding until he weaned himself off them, and that was after he'd been on solids for a while and had gotten past some very bumpy growth spurts. BM is recommended for a minimum of one year, and for me and my son's Pedi this meant whenever he needed it. So, just wanted to say GOOD JOB!!

I really liked Susan's suggestions for transitioning...just because you aren't sleeping next to her doesn't mean that you can't be there when she needs you and keep meeting her needs. If it is important to you to continue co-sleeping talk to your hubby and provide him with research to show him, and encourage your position.

Good Luck and keep up the good work!

Deanna

With our daughter, I had a crib right next to my bed, so when it came to nightly feedings, I could just roll out of bed, grab her, feed her, and put her back, then go back to sleep. Then when she started sleeping through the night, I just moved her crib into her room! Everyone was happy. Your daughter may have a hard time at first, but most changes take only a couple of days to get used to!

Hi Y.,
Our lil guy slept right next to our bed in a basinett & I BF throughout the night until he was 6 mos old. I was really anxious about sending him into his own room, but it was actually a lot easier than I had anticipated. I think it was harder on me than it was on him. We had a night-time routine of bath, lotion massage, bedtime story, BF, & then rocked to sleep & transferred to the crib. When he would wake, I would just go in there & give him his binkie and pat him until he would lull off again. Sometimes if he was really awake & crying, I would rock him back to sleep while BF. The first night he pretty much woke up every 1-2 hours. The second night he slept 6 hours straight. After a couple of weeks, he was sleeping 7 pm - 5 am. I think he enjoyed having room to move around because he was really moving around in his crib throughout the night. At 8 mos, I stopped BF him if he would wake at night. If he's really awake & standing in his crib, I just either lie him back down with his binkie or rock him back to sleep. For the most part, he's sleeping through the night except for when he's not feeling well from a cold or teething. Hope everything works out for the two of you.

I have 2 kids that I BF/co-slept with at night. This is what we did:

First son (now 8.5) was in our bed till age 2. I didn't want him out! DH did. He literally dragged me to the store to buy a twin bed. But DS was still nursing at night (2-3 times) so I nursed him to sleep, went to my bed and when our son woke up around 2am, I went back and just stayed there. It was fine. I night weaned him at 3 yrs, 3 months.

My daughter (now 4.5) I transitioned to a twin bed on the floor of her brother's room at age 1 (wow it IS great to have your own space in your own bed back!) Same deal. I nursed her to sleep and went to my bed. Interestingly, she was a waaaay better sleeper than her bro, so she'd just wake up at 5am. I heard her cry and went to her. As she got older, she learned to walk (very quietly) across the hall to my door, knock quietly and I would get up, walk her back and lay back down with her until it was time to wake up. She still does this.

(I don't believe in arguing or fighting sleep with my children. If they need cuddles at night, they get them and we ALL feel better and get a good nights sleep.)

Although her infrequent night waking was driving me nuts and I wanted to night wean at 2 yrs, but couldn't do it, so I night weaned her at the same age as her bro.

I think with your husband being around half the time, you can easily comfort them in their bed if they need it.

It was so funny, my daughter didn't want to go back to our bed because she wanted HER bed. Even when DH went away on business and I tried to get both in my bed (easier on me) they said no. COOL! Keep that. So that your husband doesn't come home and find kids who don't want to return to their rooms.

Encountered the same situation and same age. I started by rocking and nursing my baby in her room. When she was asleep I transition her to the crib. Of course she would wake up immedately. Then I woulr redo the task again two or four times. After a week of this hectic phase, I started letting her cry for five minutes then I would return to her room and rock her back to sleep. After a few nights of this, I started letting her cry for ten minutes. Then I was getting tired of this and decided to be the bad mommy and let her cry it out! Two nights of this she learned to sleep immediately on her own. She also stop waking up for feeding, so she slept a good eight hour. I suggest trying what feels right for you and your baby. I went through several methods for nearly two months before I finally decided to use the crying it out method. She is now one years old and is content in her crib. By the way I was so sad myself after having to accept the fact that my cosleeping days are over. I probably would have still coslept if my husband didn't complain and if she wasn't too wiggly. On the bright side, those three hour wake up feeding schedule came to a quick end.

Greetings ~ we didn't co-sleep with our children (not that we thought it was wrong, we just wanted a place in the house that was still 'ours'). And I breastfed both DC 3-4 times through the night. So, while I don't have a comparison between co-sleep and not co-sleep, I didn't see/sense any issues with either child about not having me right next to them during the night. As for transitioning to a crib, I would suggest small steps . . . one of those attachable co-sleepers and then slowly start moving it further away from the bed over a period of days or weeks. Until, eventually, your DD is in a crib, in her own room. Good-Luck.

Hmmmmm, the question is would YOU rather she sleep in a crib. Breastfeeding is hard work throughout the night, and it is also an incredible bonding experience for mother and child. There are also many, many benefits to cosleeping. Since your husband isn't even there half the time, my advice is that you continue cosleeping until she's done breastfeeding. Educate him on the benefits of cosleeping. It seems absurd to me that you should have to get up and walk to another room three times a night. The benefits to you and the baby cosleeping outweigh the benefits to your husband (I am not suggesting he is not understanding).

Wow, if she is 7 months old and otherwise healthy, you need to stop that nursing at night. She does not need any milk to make it through the night. She has a habit of getting it and this is much better resolved right now. While my kids did not sleep with me, my first one would wake for nursing once each night until I let her cry it out (I cried it out too.) but it only took 2 nights and then she was fine. She has been a phenomenal sleeper ever since. You child needs to learn how to self-soothe or she will count on YOU to help her get back to sleep. Don't you owe it to her to help her develop this skill? It is hard, but this is one of many difficult things that you will do as a mom. You can do it!!! Just pick a method and don't give up on it - ask your husband to help you get through it and be consistent. This is an important lesson for baby and you!

Something to think about .... I understand that co-sleeping is a personal choice, but both parents have to agree. When I was home on maternity leave I refused to allow my daughter to sleep with us because I understood that regardless - I would be tired. I did not need my husband to be up as well - making him tired and cranky and less willing to help when he came home from work.

It is not something that will affect your child - eventually she will have to sleep on her own. It is your choice as to whether or not you can get up and go to her room to feed her.

You have to find the balance to nurture your daughter and your marriage, which is no easy task, but you do have to consider what is best for your husband and for you.

Another thing to consider is the eventual transistion to her bed later if you continue to co-sleep. A lot of mothers write in her to get help because it is hard to readjust her to a new bed and a new room and that may take weeks or months. Also, you are at a point where you and your husband can be intimate again which is part of the marriage - how will that change or affect your marriage if you consider her co-sleeping for another 6-12 months - as long as you breastfeed.

Good luck - I know there is lots of pressure either way, you just have to find what works best for your entire family, not just you.

Hi Y.,

My experience with 2 daughters, one now 21 and one now 11. My first one did not mind where she slept, today she is still the same way. My 2nd one Maddy nursed until I started weening her at 15 months, so by the time she was 18 months he was off. To get back to the being in bed part. I kept them in bed with me as long as they needed. The first was out in the first year, but Maddy slept along side me for years, and then even when she got older she preferred to crawl into bed with us. This went on till she was about 8. Then one day between 8 and 9. Poof! She was gone. All grown up. She is one of the most confident 11 year olds I know. She is social and smart, she has great friend and is well adjusted.
You know what I'm getting at is that they do leave, and you will never have that opportunity again. I believe that having them with you creates a bond of trust, leading to an individual who likes themselves and is secure and treats others well.
If you really need her out of the bed, maybe put the crib along side it. This way you don't have to go far for nursing, and most importantly you can keep an eye on her and she knows you're right there for her.
They ll grow up and go to college one day. So love them and keep them close as long as possible. :)

A.

I was in a similar situation with my daughter. I believe I first started napping her in her crib. Then I began putting her down at night there. When she woke up for her evening feeding, I'd bring her into my bed. Eventually, she started sleeping through the night and the transition was done! As much as I could from then on, I'd only nurse her in her room when she woke up at night.

I am still nursing and she's 19 months. I have a feeling that topic will be my first "seeking advice" posting on this site ;-)