My 4 month old has slept pretty great his entire life. Always 5-6 hour stretches. Some other mom's in my mom's group were telling me they used the "Sleep Lady" system for their kids and it has worked great. I bought the book and am working on putting him to sleep when he's drowsy but awake. This has been awful. Instead of falling asleep in my arms he is crying and won't stop without me picking him up. This is a no no according to the sleep lady. But I just can't allow myself to let a 4 month old cry like that. The book says to show him support in other ways but me being there and not picking him up just makes him more upset. Any ideas? Anyone else following the sleep lady's techniques? Thanks!
Thank you, thank you, thank you. As a first time Mom, I over analyze everything and I worry too much. Your responses reminded that my gut reactions were valid, but there are still great things to be learned from research and professionals. I've decided to keep up with many of the the sleep lady's techniques. Bedtime @ 8:00, bedtime routine every night, a "dream feed" at 10 or 11pm then not another feeding until 7 am, etc. But, for now I am going to give up the drowsy but awake technique. For my family, it turned things upside down. My baby turned from this happy, content, good sleeper into a crying and exhausted mess which was hurting everyone. I will continue to try it now and again, but I agree with all of you who said to treasure that time with him. We both adore it so why give it up yet? Maybe in a few months. Thanks again!
Try Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep solution...her website is full of tips. Also, some peoplel like the Baby WHisperer...
Good luck.
Nichi Hirsch
MyHealthyBeginning.com
Hi M.,
I have a 10 mo daughter, and we have gone through periods (around 4 months, around 7 months and around 9 months - until now) where sleep is more of an issue than at other times. I read all the the books too and then beat myself up about no-no's. Then I have a moment of sanity and realize that you can only do what works for you. We have gone from being able to put my daughter into her crib awake and get her to nap, to not being able to do it and now I am nursing her to sleep in my arms. The month when we decided to work on getting her to lay in bed and go to sleep were absolutely miserable.
I am just going with the flow now and responding to our household's needs. No one was happy when we tried to follow the books rather than our hearts. I try and relax and enjoy the time we have before sleep now rather than sitting in a chair anxiously analyzing the situation and dreading what was to inevitably come next!
Good luck and stick to what works for you. Consult the books only when you really need to and don't feel guilty if you do something your own way. We all put way too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and have "textbook" babies. Enjoy being a mom :)
We adhere to the put down asleep while awake - our doctor said the kids needed 20 minutes to settle down on their own. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 6 mo. old. I am very grateful and happy that we followed that advice from the Dr. My 2 1/2 year old is very good about going to bed (naps and bedtime) and also going back to bed when gets up too early. I credit the 'put down while drowsy' system. At first it sure is tough ( I hated to hear the crying) but I am so glad to have done that. Stick with it and Good luck!
I feel for you. Neither of my two children slept easily. My only advice is to tell you what the other moms have... do what feels right to you. I did not follow the sleep lady advice for either of my children. In fact, I did the dreaded family bed for the first year of both of their lives. I freely admit that when they cry, I pick them up to comfort them because that feels right for me.
I can only say that now at 3.5, my son puts himself to bed when he's tired and he'll stay in bed playing and singing to himself until 9am in the morning. My 15 month old has been sleeping through the night consistently now for a couple of months and goes to sleep on his own too. What worked for both of my kids is the Fisher Price Aquarium "fishies and bubbles" is what we call it. They can use it when they need a little soothing and it also provides a light if they get afraid of the dark.
Whether you decide to follow the sleep lady advice, or any other experts advice(other mommy's included), just remember that sleep is natural. Humans need to sleep. Your child will learn to sleep on his own and you will be able to sleep through the night yourself. Also keep in mind that after that first year, the time flies by and you will soon have a little boy that probably won't want to snuggle when you do.
So, take a deep breath and just do what feels natural for you. Because whatever you decide to do, you are doing the right thing.
The things that bother me about books that tell you how to raise your child is that not all children are the same.
One person may be able to put their baby in their crib wide awake and leave and their baby will go to sleep without a fuss, while another person will do the same thing and their baby will sob until you come back and comfort them.
You need to do what is right for YOUR baby. While the ideas in the books may be great, your baby will let you know when he's ready to try them.
You also need to remember that no matter what you decide to do, YOU must be comfortable with it. If you are not comfortable with it or you are not ready for it, your baby will pick up on that and it won't work.
Do what is best for YOU and YOUR BABY.
Hi M., my name is S. and I am a mommie to Sofia who just turned 5months old and I have never heard of the Sleep Lady but what me and her father have found that works really well to get her to fall asleep without us holding her is as follows- 1st give the nightly bath, the feed a bottle, after cuddling for awhile then we play with her and let her play with her favorite toys, she is tired by now and after kisses and hugs we put her in her crib with her mobile going and she falls asleep almost instantly. She still hasent sleep thru the night but goes out at about 8pm and wakes about 3pm. Hope some of this will help you.. Good luck
It may be wrong of me, but I STILL rock with my son before putting him down. We would let him fall asleep in our arms until he was 6 months old. Then we slowly weaned him by putting him down when he was almost sleeping, then groggy, etc. He is 18 months now and we only have to rock with him a couple of minutes, but I know that won't last forever. He will grow up soon enough.....just enjoy your time together!
I am reading the sleep lady's book right now and using some of the techniques for my 10 month old. Personally, I would not have been ready to try these suggestions when my baby was 4 months old. In my opinion, that is too young to let them cry for any length of time. When my son was four months old, I was definitely still soothing him to sleep - often he fell asleep in his swing and then we moved him to a bassinette next to our bed. He slept next to our bed until he was six months, then we transitioned him to his crib.
I think its great to put a baby down drowsy if its possible, but it doesn't seem possible for all that many people. Most babies seem to wail when they are left alone to fall asleep. All babies are different and have different sleep crutches, but I will say that I don't regret rocking, nursing and walking my baby to sleep when he was younger or nursing him in the middle of the night if he woke up. I don't think its made things all that much harder now.
My son gave up the swing pretty easily as he got older. We let him start the evening in the swing and then we moved him to the basinette/crib once he fell asleep. We kept shortening the time he spent in the swing until eventually we could just put him down in his crib and he'd stay asleep. We were lucky in that when he would wake up at night, which was usually only once (maybe still twice at four months), he'd just eat in about ten minutes and fall right back to sleep - so there wasn't a lot of nighttime drama.
Now that my son is older, we do need to teach him to fall asleep all on his own. We are putting him in his crib awake and then leaving the room (not the sleep lady's suggestion, I know, but staying in his room does not comfort him - it just makes him more upset). We do a long bedtime routine that starts with nursing, then bath, then pjs, then stories, then about five minutes of walking, then in bed awake. He cries, but I can tell that he's getting it.
Sorry this advice is a little rambling - I guess my main suggestion is to do what feels right to you and don't worry that if you aren't super strict now it will be a nightmare later. Your child's needs will change and you'll respond accordingly.
Good luck!
B.
"Follow your heart rather than some stranger's sleep-training advice, and you and your baby will eventually work out the right nighttime parenting style for your family." Dr. Sears
Crying it out is HARMFUL to your baby and horriffic for you. Throw out the book or take the strategies that feel right for you and ignore the rest. You'll never regret the time spent rocking, soothing, or holding your baby. This is just a "blip" in your lives-it will pass and you will miss it! ~~W.
I personally think 4 months old is too young yet to expect him to fall asleep on his own. I let my daughter fall asleep in my arms until she was about 6 months old and then gradually made sure she was able to fall asleep when awake. I've found with my daughter that when she's ready for something, she'll do it. If she's not ready, she won't. I would go back to letting him fall asleep in your arms and then try it again later.
I HATE sleep trainers!!! Who is to say what is right or wrong for each individual? I just put myself in my babies place and wonder how she feels to cry herself to sleep. I wouldn't want to do that, falling asleep with fear an anxiety. Do what feels natural, if that is rocking/nursing to sleep, do that!
4 months is too young to cry it out!
There's a method in another book that might help. It's called the pick up/put down method. It's for when your trying to do exactly what you're doing, but allows for some contact with your child. I believe the book that discusses the technique is "The baby whisperer solves all your problems: By teaching you to ask the right questions." We had the same type of problems with my son and the books methods helped a lot.
