This isn't a question so much as observation I'm curious if any of you have had and an immature vent that you are more than welcome to comment on:)
I'm 36 years old with a baby bay and in a pretty happy and committed relationship. Generally speaking, with the normal not too extreme ups and downs, I'm a happy person and simply love being a mama and adore my son to no end. I don't think I ever really knew what 'love' really meant until I had my son. I am planning on joining a parent/child play group next week so will soon interact with other parents...which is sooooo necessary for both my son and me I think and I'm very excited for both of us.
All of our friends are either single or in relationships but none of them have kids. There was great excitement when I got pregnant and women I wasn't regularly hanging out with suddenly wanted to spend more time with me to talk about 'the baby'. I enjoyed getting to know them! After my son was born, everyone of course wanted to spend time with me and my son and I have enjoyed that as well. But as time has progressed, I've realized that whenever I try to make plans to spend time with these same friends without my son, they all seem to insist I bring my son. Even though I express it will be nice to have some 'me' time with a momentary break from caring for my son. Plans seem to always be canceled with the offer to hang out a different time and that way they can see my son.
While I truly love that everyone adores my son (who wouldn't!), it's literally been months since I spent time with a girlfriend without wearing my mama hat. Every single friend...and I do mean every single friend...wants to have a baby in the worst way. Whether it's my single female friends, women friends in relationships, or gay male friends. I get it, I think, but guess I'm surprised how much everyone wants to talk about wanting a baby or ooooo'ing over my son (again, who wouldn't! He's the bomb!).
I actively go out of my way to NOT talk about babies so was curious about whether anyone elses single friends became baby crazy once you had kids and they didn't. One person is trying to get pregnant even though she's single because she wants kids so bad...I find it an odd phenomenon, this baby-fever, so was just curious if anyone else observed this in their single friends after their first child was born. Not necessarily as extreme as the one woman I mentioned but baby crazy. Not meant as a super deep post really:)
All thoughts welcome!
Interesting responses thus far! I didn't realy think of it this way until reading Riley's response but I guess in a way it does sort of feel like I'm being ditched. Only instead of being ditched for night clubs I'm somehow ditched for baby-fixes and I'm just the wallpaper! And to clarify, I totally go out of my way to NOT talk about baby stuff so no 'banners' here:) I think my friends just love all things baby and want to procreate ASAP. Nothing wrong with wanting children so I didn't mean to imply there was. But there's a difference between wanting kids and obsessing to the point of alienating at least one friend? I'm just a woman in dire need of time with adults not baby-related! Thanks for sharing your views everyone...so far the responses are interesting and somewhat relatable:)
Hazel...thanks for normalizing this so eloquently:) Hit the nail on the head! I look forward to any kind of girls night out for sure:)
I know you didn't say you wanted advice, but while I had the more common "ditched" by single friends, the ones that stuck around seemed to have the same baby issues.
Solution:
Meet at your house for 30-60 minutes and then GO OUT leaving baby with dad or babysitter. They get their baby fix, and you get to actually just be yourself sans responsibilities.
I really like Riiley's suggestion of a little bit of both: hang out with Bebe Extraordinaire for a bit, then "Hey, Mama needs some me time. Let's go get dinner!" or something else.
I personally didn't have a huge problem with this; then again, I was 36 and my husband was 44 when we had our son. Most of our friends are older (in their 40s, 50s, 60s) and childless by choice, so while we didn't hang out with them as much, we do have the benefit of getting a lot of odd encouragement in the form of compliments like "Your kid is cool. He's not weird like other kids." (this from a very brusque dear friend, who likes that Kiddo's "not a freak, and actually knows how to listen"). For our friends, they were less interested in holding the baby than they are now, as the older guys like to sit and play guitar or blocks or just about anything with him. The Aunties are amazing, too. Not my sisters, who are also great; these are honorary Aunties... the ones that *would* hold the baby. You should have seen the looks of horror on some of my girlfriends' faces when we offered "Do you want to hold him?" Some offer to babysit, some don't, but I know they all know what he means to me and they love him for it too.
One younger single friend sort of began 'recoiling away' when we announced our pregnancy. Without going into it, her personal history made it hard for her to be around us; she'd had disappointments in both love and pregnancy, and I could see why she just sort of receded. I think, in retrospect, it was easier for us both. So, there's another perspective.
I could go on and on... what I'll just say at the end is this: hopefully, with this playgroup, you'll meet other moms you connect with on a personal level, and THEY will be the ones who decide to take you up on a Ladies Night Out sort of excursion. They will understand why you need to get out sans baby, even if it's for a couple hours. One woman in my mom's group began organizing these by the time our babies were about 4 or 5 months old, and now that our kids are 3-4 years old and a new round of babies have come about for some of us, we still meet from time to time. I can't attend the playgroup, so this is my way of keeping connected with this fabulous group of mothers.
Have fun and hopefully, your friends will be able to get their baby fix, and then get out the door for a night out.:)
Best to you~
H.
I cant say I ever had that problem. I like rylies idea though of meeting at your house to spend time with your son and then go out somewhere.
I can totally understand a kid free night with friends! But, think about if it was the other way around, and your friends didnt want to hang out with you if you had a child with you? Then you would probably never see friends, which is really lonely! Most of my friends have kids, but a few arent interested in hanging out with children.
Make them babysit so you and your man can go out! lol!
I have single friends, married friends, friends with kids, friends with none...and I am not one of those parents that spend hours raving about my kid and thier newest skill. Maybe thats why I am at a loss that this would be an issue. It is just so foreign to me.
My friends like being with me, period. I think it may be your crowd....or that you are carrying your "mommy banner" everywhere you go. I would try to find some friends who are interested in the same things you are...and avoid talking about your child. Find some non child related venues so you can make friends who make time for you, because of you,
Not that there is anything wrong with Baby Crazy Buddies...but sometimes we want to just be ourselves. Find some people who can relate to you on your level,
I think it's a natural thing to want children the older we get especially if we do not have any (at least for most people, there are exceptions). At some point in life, you realize that one day you will be old and one day you will die. You want to leave an impression, a legacy on this earth--what better to do that than a child?
