Question for Those with 1 Child or Children with Big Age Differences

My daughters are 19,18,15 and my son is 18 months they adore him, buy him stuff, spoil him, babysit him...etc etc.... I love it !!!

I have a similar situation, two boys ages 18 and 15, and a little girl who's now 7. We were gonna stop at two kids but I wanted to try for a girl and got lucky. I do sometimes feel like she's the only child (especially because my boys are so much older) but in a way that's a little easier. When she was a lot younger we joined a neighborhood playgroup, which was really nice both for her and me, and now we just try to invite her friends over as much as possible or she goes to their houses. The truth is even when the boys were both little they didn't always play together or get along, so it's not always easier having two kids close in age. I'm pretty happy and content with the age difference between my two sons and daughter and couldn't even think of having another child right now.

I have a 13 y/o and a 3y/o and I wanted it this way because I was feeling that if I had kids close together - I would never be able to give them undivided attention.
They play together just fine. Little guy let's the big guy act silly and gives him an excuse to play with toys... and the little guy learned to stand up to kids any size :)
Relationships between kids are less consearn to me than their individual relationship with me. I am the type of mama who wants to own her boys forever :) Both of my kids heavily involved in sports and activities. I also hire help so I can have one on one time with each of them.

I have an only and we do tend to have kids over--a LOT, which is fun and fine by me!
Also, just wanted to say that I am the youngest of 3,(as my mom says: a surprise, not an accident!) and my brothers are 7 and 9 years older than me and we are VERY close. Your little O. will love her older siblings, just like I do! Congratulations!

I know you have plenty of answers but I thought I'd add to them. I have two sisters one who is almost 4 years younger than me and a sister who is 11 1/2 years younger than me. I don't think she ever felt like she was an only child, though there were many times she acted like she was the only child. I think that at times she liked the attention she got from being the little sister. My sister and I adored her and loved helping my mom out or watching her. I think that she really looks up to us as role models and I feel that we have a very strong bond with one another. It may be different since we're all girls so we have that in common but I don't think there were many times she felt lonely. My mom got her involved in sports, dance, preschool activities, etc so once she was about 3-4 years old she was just as busy as the rest of us. There were probably times occasionally where she might have been a bit lonely like while my mom was making dinner and me and my sister were busy with homework but she played pretty well by herself. There are times she misses me and my sister being around every day (both of us moved out about 2 years ago), but we get together quite often and make time for "sisters day" where we just hang out the three of us and talk or shop or whatever. She likes getting advice from us and gives us advice as well. She thinks that it's her job to check out my boyfriends since I don't have an older sibling to do it for me...and my sister gets to check her boyfriends out to make it fair. All and all I'm sure that your baby will do fine. I wish you the best!

Hi LaTrina,

I have 5 kids. They are 19, 17, 10, 4, and 3 yrs old. I, like you, was so glad when I had the first two 2 years apart because I had given them each a buddy. I felt the same way about our last 2 even though I wasn't trying to have two kids 13 months apart.

While my middle daughter doesn't have that same buddy relationship with her siblings that they have with each other, the relationship that do have is really awesome in a different way. The older two are role models, protectors and advisors to her and she is the same to the younger two.

It so fun and funny to watch. The older two have already come up with an "action plan" for when she starts dating. My oldest lives 8 hours away from us and on his own for the first time and he is planning a trip in for that first date. My second oldest tells her when her shorts are too tight or short. I don't even have a chance to say anything. He just looks at her and says, "No. If you wear that out of this house I swear they'll disappear." When friends are being mean to her they build her seft esteem and will even play with her so that she knows she is loved and likeable. I have even seen them go outside with her and play around the very kids that are being mean because they don't want to see her skulk away and hide in the house. They give her guidance on how to deal with boys, friends, and adults. And the great thing is she is taking what they are teaching her buy example and paying it forward to her younger brother and sister. Their presence in her life is invaluable even if it does look a little different than what they share with each other.

Their relationship has been so rewarding to see and I am blessed beyond measure that I was the one who got to see it.

L.

I can certainly understand your question and the basis of it. I don't view it as hormonal, I view it as a genuine concern because of the age differences and the success of the sibling relationship with your older children. You don't have experience with an only and your #3 will in a lot of ways, grow up as only.

We have an only. She'll be 16 in December. In no way have things been lonely around here. When she was born, I knew I was done and complete. I had great neighbors with children all born right about the same time. My daughter lived her first 5 yrs with someone either at our house or her at a neighbor's house all the time. Those relationships have continuted to this day and we all treasure them.

When she was 5 we built a larger house and the entire upstairs is hers unless we have guests visiting from our of town. She loves having her upstairs. Friends are here at least 1 night a weekend. They can chill out, watch movies, mani/peids are popular, pool table, wii....there is not a lack of things to do.

Our daughter thrives on being the only and tells us loves it. We have her set up financially so she will not have worries or burdens of caring for us when we age. We are a strong, secure family with with very open lines of communication at our house.

Your baby will be just fine and I know you will too. Don't feel guilty about not having #4. #3 has older siblings who will care about her, although they might not be as tight as the older 2.

Best wishes!!

Hi
My daughter is an only child but is VERY sociable. She is also very close to her cousins and has lots of good friends (girls & boys). I think your daughter is very lucky to have 2 older siblings who will love and protect her always. My daughter is also involved in a lot of after school activities so she never ever says to me that she is lonely. Your daughter will be fine. Congratulations, I bet your kids are SOOO excited.

My son turns 4 on Sunday. He is an only child and he is very independent. He has friends at his Day School that he plays with during the week. When he gets home his Daddy and I will play with him, color with him, help with his homework. Most of the time he is content in his room, playing with his toys or making pictures for us.
I have had the same concerns you're having. Jaxson so far is wonderful. I would really like to have another child, it just isn't an option for me until I have a kidney transplant.

If you want my advice (not that you do) lol.. Stop worring, enjoy being pregnant and all the blessings you have. Congrats on the new baby..

I had my two adult aged children, 25 y/o daughter & 22 y/o son when I was quite young. I divorced & remarried, and like you really thought I was through. God had other plans for me! :) I have a beautiful 3 y/o daughter and she's my world! There is a HUGE age gap, but my oldest were sooooo excited when she was born! They spend as much time as they can with her, and it is quite a different relationship & also very special. They protect her & I feel always will look out for their 'lil sis'. I think children, no matter what their age, are very adaptable, more then we give them credit for sometimes. I'm sure your two will adapt to their 'lil sis' and have a blast teaching her things and being the older kids for her to look up too. As for keeping my little one busy, that has always been a challenge. She does play very well by herself, but I have definitely found myself spending ALOT more time playing, then when raising my two oldest. They played together, which gave Mama a break! I am my daughters playmate alot of the time, but we do stay active in playgroups, she takes 2 classes a week, has her own set of little friends, and I get her around my older kids whenever their schedule allows it. She's quite social and LOVES people. I don't sense she's lonely, she seems to love all the attention she gets!! Good luck to you & congrats!!!

i hope this is hormones talking....

believe it or not onlies (and she won't be an only, she has two older sibs who will adore her) are just fine. they aren't damaged, they don't drive their parents crazy being clingy and bored because they don't have a sibling that mom got pregnant with just for them to play with.

i really hope this is just hormones talking.

Well my sister and I are almost 4 yrs apart. I was 12 yrs and my sister was 8 1/2 yrs when our younger brother was born. I am so happy my parents choose to have another child..At the time I didn't think so. I was embrassed when they told me they were pregnant.
My sister and I totally adored our younger brother. We came from a loving supporting family. It worked for our family. My parents did plaly with the idea of adopting a child so my brother would have a child his age..they never did though. He was never lonely.

My husband and me have a 16yr old daughter and a 22monthold daughter. They get along very well. When our oldest is home they play together and hang out together. While our oldest is away our youngest isn't lonely..she has momma. During the day we do alot of activities at home: dancing, coloring, flash cards etc., or we go to library storytime, she plays with kids she sees at chuck e. cheese, she even talks and plays with other kids at the park when they are around, otherwise she is more than happy to play around with momma. Ocassionally we go around my other friends that have kids, but they are older too 5yrs old and up.

As far as playgroups, did join one but quit due to it was just odd being a mom with a teenager daughter and a toddler daughter. The majority of them are first time moms and I found the conversations/activities a bit boring amongst other things for my taste.

Your youngest will be just fine; they will have a wonderful supportive system of older siblings that will love her beyond belief. She will not be lonely; so no worries. I love seeing our teen an toddler run to play hide & seek together to dancing to music in the oldest room.

I just wanted to reassure you that your youngest child will be fine, even without close-in-age siblings. I have one sister who is 11 years older than me. No, we don't have a typical sibling relationship, but I adored her, especially while growing up. She helped take care of me and also (I learned later) manipulated me to get things from our parents, like having me pretend to be sick so she could stay home from school (which sounds like a typical sibling thing, after all!). Yes, do playgroups and such if you want to, because they are fun! But don't worry over the different sibling relationships your youngest has. He or she will enjoy what she has, and not know anything different.

I am from a family with big age gaps..31,30,18,16,13,11. The youngest "set" are my dad & stepmom's and live farther away, so I am not as close to them. Yes, each "set" in our family has a special bond, but I loved having younger siblings. The middle two have jokingly called me their second mom & I have a very good relationship with both of them (met my 16 yo bro at the gym, then talked to my 18yo sister on the phone at college for 45 min just last night!). I have chaperoned and attended multiple high school events and enjoy knowing my sibling's friends.

I have only one child. Was planning for more, but God had other plans for us! She is 2 1/2 and plays so well by herself at home that people are shocked. On the other hand, she is very social-seems like we are always seeing her friends when we go out! She goes to daycare during the day, we are active in our church, we attend ECFE, we go to the gym 2-3 times/week, and I try to set up playdates a couple times per month. She & I spend a lot of time one on one, playing games, reading books, or even just hanging out in the same room. At this point, I don't think she is lonely..she's never indicated that. And she has a special relationship with my 16 & 18 yo siblings too, despite that age gap!

I would guess that your youngest will have a great, though different, relationship with your older two. They will look out for her and probably want to show her off to their friends! Good luck with your new arrival!

I have a 10, 8, and 2 year old. They were all planned, but life delayed #3 for a while. My big kids LOVE the baby. They play with him, they teach him things, and bonus, they can "watch" him some! Like if my son is playing in the sandbox, I can put the 2 year old out there too and he'll keep an eye out. I do not let them "babysit" per say, but they are very responsible to keep an eye on him for a few minutes. He loves his big brother and sister too. I too worried about needing a 4th in order to let the baby have a playmate, but it really hasn't been an issue. First, it's hard going from independant kids to a baby again, so the though of having a 4th terrifies me! Ha, ha! When it's just the two of us, we run errands, I play with him some, and he plays alone. He goes to a mother's day out 2 days a week, and I'm in a MOPS group where he kids to be with kids his own age once a month. Our MOPS group also plans playdates so we have others to hang with. We've also gone to the library story time for his age group and I go to the gym, so he's with other kids there. Finally, I actually have a few friends that also have a spread of kids and we get together sometimes, but honestly, we are so busy with the big kids, we don't always get together for the little ones! I guess I'd say my son is not lonely, there are ways to get involved so he can have other friends his own age, and if you know you don't want a 4th, just enjoy this being your last baby!

My sister and I are 8 years apart. We were like 2 only children. That said, we were and still are very close. We had different experiences growing up, but our parents were different people at different stages.
I chaperoned her trips in High School. I went to Band Camp with her instead of Mom and Dad. I picked her up after parties and dances. I certainly didn't mind and I loved doing it with her.
So - fear not. Things will work out. My sister is far more social than I ever was, but we are not the same person. We have different personalities.
My mother sent us both to preschool. We did crafts at home. We played with our toys. We colored. We did puzzles. She made sure we had friends over a lot. We lived in a neighborhood with kids who were both of our ages and it worked out great.
As for the school bus - we both just got on and never had any issues. I never rode the bus with a sibling and neither did she. It's not something I've ever thought about. :-)
YMMV
LBC

Ours are 8.5 years apart and planned that way. We have two only children. We have friends over a lot but he is lonely at times. That being said he is also very good at entertaining himself. He is social and has a lot of friends so I do not feel he is suffering. My sister and I are five years apart and closer at our age than we were when we were younger.

My son was 15 when my daughter was born so in some regards they are both "only childs". I definately know what you mean. What we did with both (obviously at different times) is kept them engaged in activities. My son was very active in sports and scouting and has a cousin that is just shy of 2 years younger and another that is a few years older. He is close to both. My daughter is about to turn 4 and she has always interaction with kids at a home daycare and now a preschool. We will keep her active in things as well.

I understand your concern, but I don't think you should feel the need for a 4th baby to keep #3 company unless you just want a #4. My sister is 20 years older than I am and my brother is 23 years older. I remember my sister moving out permanently when I was 3 years old. (She was never there except holidays and summers because she was away at college.) We are close and always have been. I loved and looked up to her and our friendship has strengthened over the years. My brother and I were not close until I was in college and we had more in common. However, I was and still am very close to my nephews who are not that much younger than I am. I was never very lonely as a child. My parents played various games with me and I had neighborhood friends to play with. My own children are about 7 years apart and they have a very close bond. It is probably not the same bond as siblings only a couple years apart, but that is ok. I think that they probably get along better because of the age difference sometimes. The younger one sometimes feels left out when the older one goes out with her friends, but that will happen with anyone - even twins as they get older. I made sure we went to the park and that she had her own friends from the neighborhood and school to play with. The 2 still do things together and share some common friends at both ages. It's funny how the younger one likes to play with a couple of the older one's friends so well and how a couple of the younger one's friends want to know if the older child will be home when they come over to play.

I joined playgroups. I met one of his friendsmother from preschool and her situation is exactly like yours with the exception of her oldest it's his 1st yr of college, second child is 1 yr of high school, then there is this 4 yr old. He is like an only child because they so much older than he. We just meet up and do activities together. Our son's are very close as we've became close too. It's really worked out for me because he knows that he is going to spend time with his friend. He is never lonely because he's at school around children and he has cousins, neighbors. He is used to playing by himself at home. I came from a large family and I still can remember the times when I played by myself because we all had different interest and personalities. I wouldn't worry about it. His older cousins are only childs and they say it doesn't bother them because they don't know what it's like to have a sibling. They've been independent their whole life. My child he meets a lot of children at his school and their parents offer to do playgroups which is nice. It's been a good experience for me because I was blessed to just have this one. Can't complain......

I believe you will be allright.

There is 22 years between my children and they couldn't be more close! The 5YO's best friend is the 27YO's best friends daughter. They go to dinner, movies, shopping, or sit at their house and watch movies.

The 5YO is entertained with birthday parties probably once a month, church, parks, Grandma visits and more. She is never short on things to do.

I wouldn't do it any other way if I could.

I have two brothers, 14 and 25 years older than me. I call myself a semi-only child. My 14 year older brother have a close bond. My parents divorced when I was 5, so my brother taught me how to ride a bike, play basketball, drive a manual transmission, etc... He loved playing with me, and even after he moved out of the house, I never felt lonely or that I was lacking something. My 25 year older brother was living in another state when I was born, and still lives there now. We weren't as close, but I used to really look forward to his visits, and still do. I was the baby by all sense of the word, and both always took very good care of me. Your baby will have a bond with her siblings, and they will probably love her to pieces.
As a child I learned to entertain myself and had a vivid imagination. Since my mom was a single working mother, I was probably more responsible than other kids my age. But I always had a lot of friends, so I was never lonely.
Congrats on your pregnancy!

My girls are 10 years apart and they couldn't have a closer bond.

I went through the same thing.My first two are 17 month apart and always had each other...my third one is 10 years apart and like an only child.
My older son wants nothing to do with the little guy, my daughter and him get along and they do alot together like a big sister.But yes ,he is a pain in the butt to her at times, especially when she has her friends over, he feels left out.And it was harder in the beginning, because we couldn't do alot of things anymore with the baby.But it is still great to have him, just different . But I read the other day, it is great to have siblings, no matter the age difference.Don't feel bad, the third baby will be happy, no matter what.

Hi LaTrina,

I am the oldest in my family with 2 younger brothers. One is 3 years younger and the baby is 12 years younger so we were 12 and 9 when he was born. My parents thought they were done too! We helped take care of him and play with him. He has said that he had 2 Moms and 2 Dads when he was younger. I've always been especially close with my baby brother - 32 now lol. I left home when he was 6. That was heart-wrenching for both of us but, in my mind, it was sort of a testament to how close we were - and still are. I always made sure I would talk with him on the phone and spend time with him when I went home to visit. We still do that. In recent years, he's actually thanked me for being there for him and listening and helping guide him on things. I think my other brother and I are actually closer with youngest brother than we are with each other. We both believe that's due to the sibling rivalry we had growing up closer in age plus we're both naturally competitive.

With the new baby, I would say that you should definitely do playdates as well as stuff like gymnastics, library, etc - I do those with my daughter - so that she can be around children her own age. She will probably be a bit more mature since she'll have older siblings around but she'll still need and want to be around kids her own age. That will help her with not being lonely too. Its wonderful that your two oldest have a close relationship and they should definitely be encouraged to maintain that while helping and bonding with their new baby sister.

Hope that helps. Congratulations on your new baby girl.