SAHM Having a BFF

My best friend is my husband. I have girlfriends that I talk to every once in a while, but I can talk to my husband about anything, and would rather go out with him than with my girlfriends.....but that is just me......I am not really a high maintenance kind of person and am happy to hang out by myself if no one is around.

As a part time working mom, I say no I don't have that person I can call. I think motherhood can be lonely, more than we realize. My close friends work all day so I have to wait until they get home if I really need to talk. Right now I am finishing my maternity leave with my second, so I am home all of the time. Have you tried joining a group?

I have a best friend that I met in college, I am married with 2 girls, she is not married, no kids but she is with us at least twice a week! But I do also have a hand full of great friends that I have met since I moved here through my meet up group. Those women I can call anytime and we talk about everything and if someone is in a bind we help. My suggestion is try new groups, one is bound to fit, that is what I did, I knew no one here but knew I would lose my mind without a great group of girlfriends with all the same interests as me.

I don't think this is just a SAHM issue....I think some people have a BFF and some don't. I moved after college to a city where none of my college friends were and not near my hometown; then 2 years later moved to the midwest. I kept in touch with my closest friends from college and high school as much as we could, visited, etc. But then with law school, having kids, working, (on my side and theirs) our friendships took a back seat. I work in a male-dominated group in my law firm. I have a VERY VERY good friend who recently moved back to the area but I doubt either would call each other BFF (though we would likely do anything to help each other out). I consider myself BFF-less. It is tough and sometimes I wish I had that kind of a friendship with someone; but alas, it just hasn't happened. I think it gets harder to bond as we get older and have kids...especially if you aren't the sort of "pushing" and super extroverted person to start with. Good luck with your friendship endeavors!

I'm probably much older than you at age 43 and my kids are high school and middle school age, but..I was the SAHM in a new city with no friends about 16 yrs ago and this is my theory.

As you get older, the BFF really changes into either a BFFN (best friend for now) or in my case it turns into a circle of friends, any of whom you can connect with easily. In my case, I have a circle of friends I met through a moms group at my church when my older dgtr was an infant, my book club that I joined as recently as 2 yrs ago, ladies I met because we were all doing the same workout classes at the gym we joined and friends I met through my girls schools. It is a variety of friends and I consider some closer than others, but I cherish each one of these relationships. The "best friend" concept is great for school or work when you see the same group of people over and over and it is rewarding to have just one of those people consider you their 'favorite". However, as a SAHM you are not limited to your group of people, so open those eyes and make friends where ever you go!! Good Luck!!

My husband is my BFF....is that sad? LOL

I have a few friends that I could call to make plans with, but no one that I can just call up and chat about nothing with. I am close with one of my sisters and a cousin; we can sit on the phone for hours. But no one that isn't obligated by blood or marriage to love me ;o) hahaha

**Edit per Cassandra:
For me, I do consciously 'choose' my friends. I just know who I get along with or not, and per the type of person a person is. I am like my late Dad, in that I can gauge people pretty well. My Daughter is the same way, even at her young age. It takes "discerning' people. And I just know what kind of people I want or don't want in my life. Per their tendency for 'drama' or 'problems' or just being normal folk. Luckily, my kids have friends whose Moms are really great women. Normal. Nice. Like minded.
I also teach my kids how to 'choose' friends and by their actions... to 'discern' people. Then, I either nurture something closer or keep my distance.
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Yes. I do.

These are women, that I have met through my Daughter. My daughter's friends' Moms. We are all like minded and in personality. We get along great and are really good friends.

Versus, when I did not have kids, my friends were different. And we have grown apart, since I did get married and had kids. They are not married and do not yet have kids. Thus, they could not understand intrinsically, how 'my' life changed and priorities.

It can take time.
And its also about choosing friends.
I don't just friend anybody.
I 'know' within me, who I connect with or have the same values/perspectives with. And then we just sort of mesh.

I am not a SAHM, but I am a mom and NO I don't have a BFF. I have two really good friends that I could call at any time, but they live 10-20 hours away by car. My sister lives far away too. And to make it worse, none of them have kids! So a lot of the problems that i have or the worries etc... I just don't have many people to talk to about them.

I have put this same question out there on this site and have gotten similar responses. It is hard to make friends as a grown-up! Some will tell you to join a mommy and me class or something, but those women always seem to have their own friends or no time to make new friends.

I have had many 'mini-breakdowns' over this topic because when you reflect you realize that you don't really have any true local friends and it can really make you sad. I will follow your post to see where other mom's are meeting friends.

good luck and know that you aren't the only one out there!!

Sister, you are not alone. I haven't had a BFF since before I had kids. I do have friends that I can call whose kids are the same ages as mine but we are all so busy and always have something going on that its hard to get together when we want to. Don't worry. You are not the only mom who has felt this way. It can be hard to adjust sometimes but you will and it sounds like you already have. Good luck.

R. D.
www.LegitWorkAtHomeBiz.com

Not at this time, but I am looking.

I didn't 'have one when i was a SAHM but i did have other casual mom friends, now that i work part time i have casual work friends but still no one to call to with my deepst darkest secrets, or to just hang and have fun with as a woman.

I think i'm picky though. I don't want just anyone, i want someone who's morals and general life journey compliments mine.

I do have a best freind... but It is not the same one as I had before I had kids. Don't get me wrong, I still talk to and occasionally hang out with my "old" best friend... but I don't want to talk about dating and partying anymore, and she doesn't really want to hear about diapers and laundry... so we just drifted apart. I "met" my new best friend when she was trying to conceive, and since we both were "family minded" we have a lot more in common... hence a lot more to talk about! I got pregnant with baby #2 right after she got pregnant with her first, so It is nice to have someone to "share" the experience with (and fun to be the educated girl-friend I wish I could have had the first time around)

But it took me a while to find that "mommy friend"- Just try to connect with other moms or moms to be and see if one person and you just "click". Where to find "mommy friends"? - Baby showers, playdates, volunteering, kid's activities and playgroups, your husband's work (ask him if any of his coworkers are having babies or have young children, and invite them out to dinner!) My BF is the wife of one of my husband's old coworkers. You'll probably find that since you are living the "family life"- it will be easier to maintain friendships with COUPLES that "click" with both you and your husband, rather than single people.

Don't worry, someday, if you put yourself out there... you'll find a new best friend. When you do you will be happy to have someone who "gets it"! Good Luck!

-M.

My daughter, 24, has the same friends she had in High School. They get together and talk and go out and are raising their kids together andthey all work full time. I know she is lucky. My BFF moved about 250 miles away about 8 years ago and it kills me I miss her so much.
I'm a huge fan of Sex in the City, which is more about the freindship between the women, and I know it's fiction but I wish I knew how to do that. They manage to be friends and get together for drinks and dinner once a week and brunch on Saturdays no matter what else is going on. Ya I know fiction. But there has to be a way of doing that.

My husband and my mom are my best friends! I only have one friend with kids and we are not that close, we just get together here and there so the kids can play, but we don't have much in common. I do have a friend that I consider somewhat of a best friend. I know I can always count on her for anything, we get together when we can which is usually once a month, sometimes twice if we're lucky. We like to go out and have dinner and drinks and what is best about her is she LOVES my kids, she is totally happy with coming over and just hanging out with me and my kids. I am lucky to have her as a friend, most of my friends completely dissappeared after I started having kids. I don't think it's weird at all that you don't have a best friend...

I was the first in my group to have kids too, and while I still had friends, it was not the same. I can honestly say I didn't have really GREAT friends until my daughter started kindergarten. I had friends, mostly my kid's friend's moms that I enjoyed spending time with, but we didn't do stuff without the kids. We usually paired up to go somewhere with the kids, but when my daughter started kindergarten, I found some really sweet friends, also my daughter's friend's moms, that I had a lot in common with, and we do stuff without the kids. I would think there are 2 things going on. One, it's hard to do things when the kids are small. It involves a lot of working things out to be able to leave. When they get older, it's easier to leave them with hubby, family, or a sitter without as much effort. Next, when they get older, you have more time to yourself because they are less needy, and you can invest that time into a friendship. Hang in there, and look for opportunites to connect with people that are in the same stage of life as you are...church, playgroups, or just at the park, start a conversation with the mom next to you. she might be your new BFF!

I do not. Well, I do if a sister counts?

My BFF lives in CA. we met on our first day of High School and were BF's ever since. I moved away and had kids and she is still child-less and although married, they lead a very 'free-willing' life style, traveling all the time, they have moved a million times and are enjoying their time together.
We talk every so often, but not a bunch.

I do have a couple friends now...but none that I would consider a BF that I just call all the time and always want to do stuff with.

So to answer your question, NO.

~I do not think it is that weird? I sometimes wish I had a BFF that lives in my city...but I am content with my sister and my hubby, who is my best BFF as a SAHM, by the way.

*I am kind of 'Crusty' so I am not really a have a lot of friends and go hang out kind of gal to begin with ;)

I am lucky to have the same BF since high school, we've been friends for twenty five years! She is like a sister, and is the person I call to laugh and/or cry with.
But we lead very different lives: she had kids much later than me, she works full time (I stopped working in 1993) and there are other lifestyle differences too. I have made friends with many fellow moms over the years, through school and volunteering, but I've never gotten really close to any of them.
So to answer your question, no I don't think it's weird. I think it's pretty rare for a grown woman to have a true BF. Just make sure you're putting yourself out there and making connections, so you don't feel isolated.

My BFF lives in a different state. We met in college and have kids the same age. We talk weekly and text daily, but I only see her about once a year. In town, I have a couple very close friends. I can call them at random, we hang out, and they are helpful with my children (and I help with their children). Maybe you could find a playgroup or story time at a local library and meet some ladies that way.

Hi H.,
I'm a SAHM, but I don't have a "BFF". I am one of 5 sisters and I'm very close with 3 of them, but only one of them lives in the same state that I do. The in state sister is over an hour away, but she is my best and closest "friend." She is 7 years younger than I and doesn't have any children yet but we are very very close and can count on each other for anything. Mind you, there are sometimes whole weeks that go by that we don't even get to chat because of our busy schedules, I know she loves me and I love her dearly. She is the only person that I can be totally honest with and not worry about hurting her feelings and who I can have a blast with without worry of being judged for my silliness! So, in terms of having a BFF like a girl friend, I don't have one. I have lots of "girl friends" from church and bible study but I'm not nearly as close with those girls as I am with my younger sister. I'm sorry that you don't feel connected with anyone. I can only imagine how hard that must be for you. I would recommend joining a local moms group or even join a church where you can meet like minded people.

I am and I do, but she is not helpful.....at all. She usually gets in the way and is more drama than my kids. Gotta love her though.

I feel like I have a few BFF's. I have my BFF from college who I see ever few weeks (she's still single/no kids). We have dinner's out and see movies, and actually are taking a weekend trip together in a few weeks.

I have my BFF from high school, who honestly, I rarely see (once a year usually) and rarely talk to, but for Facebook, but I still feel like if I needed to, I could call her and she and I could connect at the drop of a hat (she lives about 5 hours from me).

I have my BFF Mom friend who has 3 kids the same age as mine. We used to be neighbors until I moved. I miss her... but we still get together as families as much as possible, and do girl stuff on occasion.

I also have a few family members that fill the gaps too - I can call my SIL or my husbands cousins wife (totally random, but we connect) if I need someone to chat with.

What I miss is knowing someone in our neighborhood that I connect with to walk to the park with, trade kids with, share baked goods, etc.

I think as a SAHM, we need more than one BF, especially when our lives our in different places than many of our 1) single friends, 2)working friends, 3) college or highschool friends.

Good luck!
Jessica

I am in similar shoes! It would be great to find some people local to Rockwall area to hang out with...share my secrets with etc. I have my husband but some days that just isn't what I am looking for. My Aunt sent me a link awhile back for a website that is supposed to help you connect with new friends. It is called girlfriendcircles.com. Only problem I have with them is that they charge you to be on their site AND they don't have anything going in my area AND the meetings that they do have are all nearly an hour away right now. Too far to make a new friend...I have friends who live long distances away. I would love to find another option for meeting other women with similar interests now that I am past the baby playdate stage of life...

I dont think that is totally uncommon. I am lucky enough to have two actually but it is not a perfect match as things get in the way w/ parenting styles even though they are really similar. I call one for one thing and the other for another :-). it is hard when you are a SAHM and give yourself totally to your child, you might not have room for another and that gets tricky. hang in there and keep w/ the moms group bc any friend is imp when you are a sahm, it can get lonely.

I didn't have a BFF when I was a stay-at-home mom. Now that I'm a working-outside-of-the-home mom, I still don't have a BFF. Actually, I haven't had a BFF probably since college. LOL With the obligations of taking care of a family, working, various other committments it's hard to make time to cultivate and nurture true, meaningful friendships. Possibly the easiest place to start would be to look for a good church. This way, you're meeting and interacting with like-minded people and getting your spiritual "food" at the same time. Good Luck!

P.S. If I really need to vent about something or am having a particularly crappy day, I just call up my mom or my sister and bend one of their ears for a couple of hours! LOL ...and she does the same with me, so I guess my mom and my sister are kind of like my BFFs

I am a SAHM. I had my first and only child when I turned 40.
All of my best friends either had their kids years ago or don't have kids.
So while I am at different life stages than most, we still make it work albeit not as often as we'd like. I do, however, have one friend who is younger, had her first child 10 years ago then just had another one 3 years ago so we have reconnected.
Honestly......I love all of my friends and keeping them (some since high school, some from recent jobs about 5 years ago but I like to be alone.
I like to get together with them when I can and when we all feel like it.
Now that we are older we are all busy.
If you want to make new friends, I suggest swinging by a nearby park to see if you can befriend any new moms.
See if there is a local mom's group (look online, doctor's office etc).
How about taking your baby to a "baby and mom" class to meet people?
What about through a church?

I have a few close friends that are local. I have lots of acquantinces..I would not mind a couple more close friends. I feel so overwhelmed many days with my kids and house work. Plus my husband works very long hrs so there is more for me to do.

I met my BFF in college. I am a SAHM and she is a married, working, and not a Mom yet. I call her after school, but before my hubby comes home. She is 2 hours away, so I only see her every few months. But, we talk on the phone or Facebook almost daily. My husband and my Mom are my other BFFs.

I am a SAHM with no BFF either. I am friends with some of the other moms at school, but none of them are close friends that I see all the time, or would confide everything in. Sometimes I wish I did have a close friend that was local, but at the same time, I am so busy with my three kids and taking care of them and the house, that I don't really have the time to be social every day like I was in high school or college. Some of the moms I know just hang out with other mom friends all day every day, and I can't do that.

Hi there,

I live in Allen and I moved here a year ago and I feel the exact same way. I don't really have any friends here and I don't really have anyone I can really hang out with. Id love to meet new moms and have other moms I can talk to and relate to. It does get a little lonely not having " grown ups " to talk to or someone I can relate too.

I had my daughter very young and so alot of the moms at my daughters mother day out are older than me and also work so I guess I haven't had much luck finding moma's that wanna hang out.

I am 23 but my fiance is 36 =) so We are a very playful fun and outgoing familiy...Im more mature than my fiance is so all of my friends are alot older but most of them don't have children and can't really relate or do fun things with because I have my sweet daughter.

I think there are some mommy groups on Meetup.com or something. I haven't really looked into them quite yet =)

I don't think it's a SAHM thing at all. I used to think it was because I work... I do still have my BFF since I was 10 years old but she's across the country. And luckily I have my sister and my mom and another close friend across the country I email with all the time though don't speak on the phone with... Other friends I can call and do sometimes and vice versa but most aren't local etc. I've thought a lot about this whole thing and I think there are several reasons it's harder as a mom/adult. We get busy, we have different life stages, ages of kids, schedules etc. We have husbands. And I think new people can get competitive - how smart are your kids vs mine, who has a nicer house/more money etc. At least that's what I've seen. It's sad. I feel like when I was young, we had so much time to devote to friendships and so little conflict. Have you tried reaching out to your old friends? If they now have kids, it may be easy to reconnect. And I just think there's nothing like an old friend... Fewer judgements or something. My sister and I weren't so close until I had kids too. So your old friends may LOVE having your wisdom as a more experienced mom etc. Otherwise, know you're not alone. :) And you definitely can and likely still will make a BFF along the way. I know my mom made close friends later in life.

i am lucky. i have a BFF. She currently lives across the country though :(. until my fiance introduced me to his good friend's fiance, i didn't have any real friends around here. we met once and then didn't talk for a few months. but now we're close to best friends. we talk about everything. however we can't drop everything to save each other (neither of us drive and we're both sahms). but we'd do everything short of that. we schedule a day to spend with each other once a week, i see her more than any of our other friends. and i'm thankful for her. we're in similar living situations and relationship situations. she's a great friend, but i don't think she'll replace my BFF... maybe i could have two BFFs??? who knows...

I am a stay at home mom and I feel that I do have a best friend. I met her through my daughter, her son and my daughter are best friends and have been for 3 years now. Her and I go to lunch at least once a week(while the kids are at school), or wander around the mall, call each other every week and send random texts when ever the mood strikes, we also do play dates with the kids and other moms. It is great to have her. I did not have any close friends until my daughter went to kindergarten. That year there were so many birthday parties that I met every mom in her class and we kept running into each other at different birthday parties. Since then we formed a play group and still get together with the other moms too. For some mom's the BFF returns when your child goes to preschool and you meet someone with common interests or it may be later when your child goes to school. You could look for a local playgroup, that might help at least cure the routine or boredom and perhaps find a good friend.

Not just one. I am still friends with several girls from high school and my home town who now live close to me. While we don't talk or hang out all the time because they work and I don't, we are still very close and I know they are always there for me no matter what. We do get together once a month, just the girls, to hang out and catch up. I,also, have a "new" group of friends in the suburb I live in. We all have kids the same age and even though we've only been friends for a couple of years, I could call on any of them for help. I feel so blessed to have met them. We take our kids to the park together, attend each other's children's birthday's and do girls nights out every few months. I really am so blessed to have so many amazing women in my life.

Yes im 22 and i have a 2 1/2 year old and out of my group of friends i was the first to get married and the first to have a kid. But they all followed behind me. I have 2 really close friends who we have been friends since 5th grade that we hang out at least once a week or every other week and our kids are about a year apart and love having play dates and we get to talk about everything. Were actually doing a little slumber party at one of my friends house for just the girls and her nieces it should def. be fun.

Yes I am a stay at home mom, with a bff. I am so fortunate to have her. We've been friends for about 7 years and. I couldn't ask for a better friend. We speak or texted eachother everyday. She works where I live, so sometimes she'll stop by just to say hello. We both have sons that are 6 months apart in age. Hopefully they will grow up to be as close as we are. I also have a lot of ppl that call me for advice, so I'm pretty fortunate in the aspect. Friendship is something that shouldn't be taken lightly. I believe that God puts ppl in your lives for a reason. These days, you have to be very selective about the ppl that enter your life. You'll find someone you can confide in, and trust. I know you will. :)