She Will Not Listen to Me!

Hello N.. I was having the same problems with my 5 year old daughter. i got some advice on using a system called mommy dollars. I made a chart with 5 things on it a day that she has to do if she does them she gets a mommy dollar if she is bad she looses a mommy dollar. When she gets a certain amount of mommy dollars she gets a special treat. Ever since I have started it she has been an angel. i think it really works so I think you should give it a try and see if it will work for you. Also she could be acting out if she knows that you and her father are having problems. My daughter started being really mean to her dad when we were going through a rough time. We are no longer together and I know that is part of the reason she acts out like she does. let me know how it works.

She is doing it because she see's that you and daddy do not get along. If you are going to argue, fight, yell, give attitude....DONT DO IT IN FRONT OF HER! I know we as parents try to set a good example for our children, and to teach them respect. We try to teach our children by telling them not to do something, but we can only teach by example at that age. If you yell, she will yell. If you hit, she will hit. If we dont eat our dinner, they will not eat there dinner. I know it may seem like it is a never ending battle, but it will end when you and your hubby sort out your differneces. Let her see the two of you happy, smiling, laughing. She may follow.

I am 24 and act like I am 35! I have a three year old girl, a two year old boy, and a three week old baby girl. I feel for you. I can relate to where you are at. My husband and I stuggle with similar things. Have you considered counseling (for you and your baby's father I mean)? There is also this great book my therapist turned me on to called How to Parent. You might want to get that and read it with your baby's father. Hopefully he will be receptive to that. I will be praying for you. If you want to talk please contact me.

I am in a similar situation. I have a son who will be 4 in June. He was an awesome baby and was great until he hit 2. Now, it's like the older he gets... the worse he gets. Our problem is that my husband works days and I work nights. We differ in our parenting techniques and he doesn't feel he needs to listen. I have tried timeouts, taking toys away, tv priviledges, even spanking him. I can not find anything that works.

My best advice is for you to be consitant and try not to fight with her father in front of her. I know how it is to have a stubborn husband. You need to stay strong and stick to what you know is right. Then, after she is asleep or out of the room, talk to your husband about trying not to argue in front of her or flip flopping when punishing.

I found if I sit my husband down and explain to him what's happening he is more sympathetic. For instance, I took my son's cable out of his room because he refused to help me clean it. He was not supposed to get it back until his room was clean. My husband would either give it back anyway because he was bugging him or he would clean it for him so he could get it back. Now, when I say about cleaning his room my son will flat out tell me no. He will do it when Daddy gets home. When I say about taking his tv away, he says "Daddy will give it back". When my husband heard this he realized what he was doing. Now, he will help him clean, but wont do it for him and he wont put the cable back until he's done what he's asked.

You're not alone... I'm right here with ya!

WELL HAVE YOU TRIED TALKING TO THE FATHER AND SAYING HEY WE NEED TO WORK TOGETHER ON THIS AND ALL? MY NAME IS A. I AM 24 YEARS OLD AND MARRIED WILL BE MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS THIS YEAR AND WE HAVE A SON WHO JUST TURNED ONE SO HE THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY WITH ALOT LIKE TELLING ME NO ALL THE TIME AND ME AND MY HUSBAND HAVE TO AGREE ON THINGS.
JUST TRY HAVING A TALK WITH YOUR SPOUSE AND TELL HIM FOR THE SAKE OF ARE LITTLE GIRL WE HAVE TO WORK TOGETHER AND AGREE AND DISAGREE ON THE SAME THINGS FOR HER IT IS IN HER BEST INTREST.

WELL GOOD LUCK I HOPE ALL WORKS OUT FOR YOU
A.

Hi N. my name is T. and I am a 22 yr old divorced mother of 2---I have found it helpful with my daughter that if she is not listen to set her in a chair for time out---that hurts more than correctin her---my daughter is 2 and a half but I found that it works beeter to set her in a chair...Give it a try and let me know how it works...my e-mail is ____@____.com keep in contact.....

It sounds like you BOTH would be a lot better off with out HIM.
If you already don't get along and now you and he do not agree or stand together as a united team in parenting, it will only get worse. It is not only confusing to a child but the child needs a loving model of loving parents or the child will have a dysfunctional idea of marriage and love. Sometimes It's better to be on your own than to be together being miserable and lonely and divided.

Oh, man! I know exactly why you are so frustrated. There's the #1 issue that comes up between parents, I think. You have to have a united front. Even when you disagree, don't do it in front of the kids. When they see that break between you, they want to manipulate the situation, and they can learn to do that at a very young age. It's much easier to correct this situation now, while she is 4 than when she is a teenager.
Does her father live with you? Have you talked to him about this? What does he say?
I don't have an easy solution for you. It comes down to communication and working together as a team, setting up ground rules that one parent will not override the other, at least not in front of the child! Maybe some family counseling would help.

Good luck, N.! My daughter will be 3 in less than a month and she is doing the same thing! Me and her father are together and for the most part happy but w/ very different views on parenting! And now she's becoming more emotional and listening less and less everyday! If you figure it out, let me know! I will take any advice i can get, also! We did try the chart thing, got a smilie face for the morning and then at night if she was good thru out the day. Unfortunately, that lasted a week! It was GREAT for that one week, tho. So, maybe it will help. GOOD LUCK!

hey hi you doing.
i fill like this when a dad dont help then let him do the job .
you might have to put your foot down and damand him to help you or old school tap that but.i have a great nephew that i had over for the weeken and i was going throw the same thing so i tap him.let her be mad in the long run when she get older she learn and love you for it. smile girl

Maybe it's a stage that she is going through b/c I'm having the same issue with my 4 yr old...It's not that bad b/c me and her dad are not together but there is another male figure in the house. When he gets on her don't back him up walk away and let him deal with her...At the same time don't stop discipling her b/c she still needs to understand that you are mom and whether she likes it or not she needs to respect you and she will eventually grow to learn that you are looking out for her best interest..As far as dad is concerned, if you not happy PLEASE don't stop b/c of the baby..I tried it and it did not work you will end up trying to keep the baby happy when inturn you are tha one that is unhappy...I know that was off the subject, but that might just be what you really need to hear, b/c he could slightly have something to do with the way she is acting...Good Luck!!!

I do not have much advice. All i can say is I know what u are going through, My daughter turned 4 over the summer before she turned 4 I had tons of problems with her not listening, She was like a wakling tornado. Once she turned 4 it was like she became a teenager. LOL. She has an attitude adn will outly said she doesnt feel like doing something. I tell her she has a choice do what I tell her or she gets timeout. She also has a 3 yr old brother. I have to do with two of them. It seems the onyl time I can effectively disapline them is if they are both being disacplined together. If one is put in time out the other acts up and then that one in time out doesnt listen and trys to get out. Be glad you are only dealing with one right now.
It took awhile for my to get my husband to back me up. I was a stay at home mom until July when I started working and he had the kids during the day. Before then he thought all i did was stay home and watch tv all day long even though I tried to tell him how the kids were behaving. He had to experience it himself in order to understand. Now we back each other up.
I understand how it is to be the one who is alwasy wrong even when u are right. I would say just try to keep bringing it up with him. Do not do it when either of you are in a bad mood. Maybe see if you can scedule a time to sit down and talk with him have a moderator(an uninvolved person) to mediate the conversation. I do know a PP said to go to family counseling. I also know that he may not be willing to go. For the sake of your daughter he needs to understand that that you two need to work together. No one said u have to get along but in front of your child you two need to be friendly. If that makes sense.

my son is 2 years old and i feel that sometimes he tries to mock me too because he is winning some battle and his dad also plays good guy bad guy. but then again, if he doesnt get something he wants from his dad, he'll also come crying to me. if you and her father are not getting along, just dont argue in front of her or show your anger because she is using it to her advantage. she is smarter than you think! if you dont want him ganging up on you when you discipline her, tell him (when shes not around) that he needs to be silentif hes not going to reinforce what you're saying.