Seeking Mother's Help on How Many Children Is Enough?

I am 23 and I have 4 children. 4yr old twin girls, a 3yr old girl, and a 3 mo old son.. If you plan on having more now its a goood idea to keep them close in age and do it now..

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I am 23 and I have 4 children. 4yr old twin girls, a 3yr old girl, and a 3 mo old son.. If you plan on having more now its a goood idea to keep them close in age and do it now..

Oh I so wish my husband was able to stay in the military! I think it would be awesome to add to your family as long as you were "ready" in all aspects of your life; finances and such. If my hubby was still in we'd have more children but we're not "ready" in all aspects of life!! Good luck on your choice and whatever choice you make it will be the right one!

Oh, I think you're going to get lots of different answers here!

My children are close in age, too; I had four in five and a half years. It was crazy but it was fun (most of the time)! This was at a time when the prevailing social attitude was fairly strongly anti-child. Women were supposed to want careers rather than kids. Leave it to me to be countercultural.

When my husband and I were first married, he wanted two - if that many. One or none would have been fine with him. I, on the other hand, wanted - don't faint - six! Obviously, we compromised, but I would have welcomed those other two if they had happened along anyhow.

Think about being flexible, being willing and able to roll with whatever punches come your way, maintaining your love for each other and your senses of humor and adventure. Then, whatever happens with your family, you will be able to face it well.

I don't have advice... but maybe this little bit of info may help?

I come from a family of 5 kids within 6 years. In the earlier days my mom was SAH and my dad was enlisted in the Navy. Being deployed my mom was a single mom for much of our younger days. It was tough but she wouldn't have had it any other way. Finances were tough(We were free lunch kids for a little while) and I can't imagine the stresses she went through. I'm currently SAHM with 4 in 5 years in a better financial picture than my parents and the emotional & physical demands are beyond anything I could've imagined. I have NO idea how my mom managed... but she did.

What helped my mother was to have amazing neighbors and my grandparents, aunts & uncles close by... even living with us at times. That was also a challenge but as kids we never saw that part. We were also part of an active church community.

From a kid's perspective I had a fantastic upbringing. My memories of the earlier days didn't include much of my dad. I mostly remember him returning from somewhere. But, he retired from the Navy by the time I was in middle school and was more present for the later years of our upbringing.

It's true that with the ages so close and the resources spread so thin that one-on-one time and piano lessons, nicer clothes, etc... weren't available for everyone all at the same time. But, my mom wouldn't change anything and neither would I.

So, it's not impossible. But, like the others have said only you & your husband can make that call. Whatever decision you two make I'm positive it will be the right decision. Best wishes!

I think this is something only you can answer...

If you always wanted 3 and you think you can emotionally, financially, and physically handle 3 children then I don't see why not but if you are having doubts then maybe you need to put this idea on the back burner and revisit it in 6 months or so...

When I was 20 I also had 2 children. My first 2 were close in age but I waited a little bit longer between my 2nd and 3rd children. I had my 3rd when I was 22. I didn't feel a need rush to have them really close together. A 3 year space is actually really nice. I even went on to have a 4th and my last 2 are 4.5 years apart and they still get along nicely too and I have alot more time to spend with my youngest (and alot more help) because the other 3 are so much older and not so demanding of my time. My time is quite a bit more balanced. Thought I would share my experience because it is a bit similar to yours.

Whatever you decide I'm sure will be best for you, but I think it is a matter of soul searching and deciding what you can handle.

All the best to your family!

Are you in a rush to decide? You're so young - you have LOTS of time to make that decision (unless, of course, you want your kids super close together)

I have 4 kids...we had our first at age 18, then spread the rest out...another at 22, 26 and then 29. While its nice to have them farther apart so you can really be more involved in them individually....it would also have been nice to have them closer together to have gotten it all over with at once! (if that makes sense) I have one that is out of highschool...and while I love all my kids...its such hard work when they get older in the teenage years....i now think...OMG....if i would have stopped at 2...I'd be almost done!!!
So basically....3 is a good number, but gets very very expensive...and then you have kids like my older two...."If you wouldnt have had the last two, we'd have more money and could do more things etc!" Either way, I wouldn't change how many I have now obviously....cuz i always wanted a big family...but it is a lot of work and a lot of money! So if your going to have another one...I'd say do it now and get it over with, don't drag it on to long! lol

Just my opinion, but had 3 kids super close together and there are pros and cons. The hand me down clothes are still in style and I can group all their activities together and make them do the same things. On the other hand, I always wish I had more one on one time, or really any one on one time. They all demand my attention at once.

I always knew I wanted 4 kids. I grew up in a family 4 of us kids and I thought it was a great number. Each kid had an instant 'partner' for everything from playtime to riding a roller coaster!

Skip forward to my first pregnancy, with twins. Now the twin factor didn't bother me or make me nervous, if anything, I was thrilled. These two would definitely have a partner for everything and I figured, I had 2 hands/arms so 2 babies would be just fine. And it was/is. During pregnancy, the hubby (who also wanted a larger family) and I discussed everything and realized that maybe 2 kids is enough for us after all. We really took a practical look at things to make this decision.

I know each kid doesn't have to have his own room, but how big was our house? With kids needing to be in car seats/boosters until they're - 8 I think, did we have room in the car? Would we need to get a bigger vehicle just to drive them all around? Could we truly afford to expand our family beyond the now 4 of us.

For some people, the answer is yes, they'll make it work. For us, we decided that 2 was indeed enough. I want to be able to retire one day. I want to send my boys to college. I want to occassionally take a vacation. I hate to have it come down to a financial decision, but that did make a big impact on our decision.

Now for the big question......Now at age 41 with my sons almost 8 years old....do I regret it? Not at all. We forced ourselves to look at the question maturely and made the right decision for us.

Think of everything. If you're not sure, then certainly, wait. Don't 'make' another baby unless you are absolutely positive. We all know that accidents happen, and we do love the little buggers!! but you're in a position that you can control this and if you're questioning having another, then maybe you're simply not ready or simply done. Either way, it's ok. It's ok to be done!

Good luck in your decision.
J.

Well manageability and finances... will always be a factor for anyone.
Then, there is you. Since you are the Mom and will be the one home with your kids, when your Husband is away, due to him being in the Navy.
So ask yourself... how that would be for you?
How are you handling your 2 kids now??? Is that manageable for you? Is it easy-peasy or difficult????
You need to gauge, yourself.

Then there is the saying, that after 2 kids... having 3 is no different. Just more.

Then there is the saying that closely aged children, is more stressful.

Then there is the saying that the more spacing between children is good...because then the children are not going through developmental based difficulties at the same time and the older kids will be more mature developmentally and emotionally, by the time a 'baby' comes into the picture.

For me, my kids are 4 years apart. Just so happens. But also, I did NOT want kids one after another. I was NICE... to just have my daughter for 4 years, by herself, and for me. THEN when I had my 2nd child... she WAS already mature and emotionally to welcome a new baby into our family and she did not have any emotional problems about it or behavioral issues. For us, the age spacing between our kids is GREAT... and our kids are VERY close and 2 peas in a pod. They are best friends.

And then, it depends on how long it takes for your to get pregnant. But you are young. There is no biological clock ticking away.

I have a friend with 4 kids. Her kids are space like 2 years apart. She goes nuts. But they wanted a 'big' family. But she admitted to me that... sometimes, she is so stressed that she has to take a tranquilizer because she gets stress related health problems.

Then I have a friend with 3 kids.... close in age, and her Husband is away a LOT due to the nature of his job. She has a hard time.... and although a fantastic Mom and her kids are normal active boys... she is mostly a "Single Mom" and its not easy. Because her Husband is away on business trips so much and has LONG work hours. So she is very busy at home alone, managing the house and the childrens affairs.

Then I know a Mom of Triplets. So well, her Husband is away a lot on business too and works LONG hours. He's not home much. She goes berzerk sometimes. But as her kids are getting older, its getting easier in a sense...

The bottom line is: is the quantity of kids that you want... MORE important and to have a big family. OR... is the 'ability' to manage all the kids more important???? And to do it, happily.

AND also an important factor: Does your Husband, ACTIVELY help out with the children... daily, and participates in the child-care and raising of them, TOO? Is he responsible as a Dad and that he does help out??? If not... then, you will probably be the one, that does everything... even with a new baby.

all the best,
Susan

Trust your gut. If you are not sure right now, wait a little while a decide later. I had my first two close together, but we are spacing the 3rd a little further. I think it'll will be great for you either way!

This is really yours and your husband's decision.
When you do have them close then many of the milestones are closer and you move on with the children into the different stages pretty much all together. If you end up with 12 years between the oldest and the fourth like we did then one gets on the bus for his senior year and the baby goes to kindergarten, I was literally doing diapers for 18 years.
I am finally at the stage where the 3 left at home are responsible enough to feed the dogs, change cat litter, stay home for a while, bandage their own wounds. I have no more baby bags, no more diapers and no more late nights. It's been nice. This is what you get to look forward to in about 8 years if you have your next one very soon.
Or you can be like me and have a slew of kids 3 and 6 years apart. I would change one thing, I would have had another baby between the oldest and 2nd as there are 6 years, they are too far apart. But this is only my opinion.