Planning for Second Baby -- When???

I stopped at my friend's house today. Her daughter is a senior in HS. Her other daughter is 11. They haven't really hung out together in 3 years. Once in a while, they talk. Depending upon the children, they may or may not hang out together when the older one gets into the teen years.

Start trying now. It could take one month or 2 years, you don't know. Once pregnant, you have nine months to get ready.

Everyone has a different "right time". I got pregnant with my second a few months after my first had his 2nd birthday. They are just shy of 3 years apart. Then for the longest time I didn't want anymore. I had an unplanned pregnancy when my 2 were 6 & 3. That ended in miscarriage but that's when I realized another one wasn't such a bad idea. But, I still didn't want one right away. I didn't get pregnant until a year and a half later. My boys were 8&5 when their sister was born and that was perfect.

When baby #2 is born my kids will be 18 years apart.

That's how long it took for M. to want another. Plus I wasn't in the best position to have a second till recently.

There is no magic number. Do what feels right for your situation.

I am two years apart from my brother. I think this is perfect spacing. Although it took nine years to decide to have two more, both sets of my kids are two years apart.

Just my experience but I feel you can tell when you are ready.

I think each family is different. My daughter is a year, and im 6 weeks pregnant. M. and , my husband thought it was the right time for us, plus we wanted them close in age. So if you and your husband are ready, go for it. But If your not....wait. its all up to you two

We wanted ours close together and started trying before my oldest turned one. they are 21 months apart, and are great friends and share the same interests. But, like all siblings, they also fight, a lot. I do notice that my oldest nephew is often on his own while his younger brothers play together. He is 5 years older then the middle boy and the middle and youngest are less then 2 years apart.

The time that is right, is when you and your husband are ready. My kids are 6 weeks shy of 3 years apart. I had my second and 6 weeks later my son turned 3. I have moments of them playing together now. ( he is 4.5 and she is 22 months).

4 year separation, is what my brother and I are and when the tough get going we are there for each other, but otherwise we do not hang.

Good luck

Well, a few years in age difference could make a big difference. For example, I have a friend. She was the oldest of two kids. She was 5 years and ten months when her little sister was born, and she says that they were never very close, because their ages were so far apart.

I had my second when my first was 2 years and ten months. And my two oldest are very close, and usually get along great. I had my third when my second was 1 year and 3 months. They are a boy and a girl, and have different interests, so they are not as close as my second and first, but they do seem to be close, since they are close in age.

My next kids (twins) were born when my 3rd was exactly the same age as my first was when I had my second. They are not very close, but I think it is because the twins are very close. When I had my 6th, the twins were the same age as my 1st and 2nd, and my 3rd and 4th/5th. When our newest addition arrives, my youngest will have just turned two.

Hope this helps, and Good Luck with your next baby!

There is 21 months between my first two, and 3 years between my last two......I think 3 years is perfect spacing for both the parents and the kids...5 years is too much, if you ask M......Maturity wise they will be world apart, and this means, they won't like the same toys, or TV shows...With a smaller gab, they will share interests more.

Depends on what you want out of siblings. If you want separation and be able to devote nearly undivided attention to each child, then 5ish years apart. If you want them to have the same interests and play together, then 3 years apart is probably the maximum, with 2 years being better. My husband and his brother are 3.5 years apart, but 4 years apart in school, and they never played - just didn't have the same interests. Weren't in high school together. Even as adults they're not close because they didn't form that bond when they were younger. As young children, it was easier on my MIL because the older was more independent and could help a little when the younger was born. i am 3 years apart from my brother, and though we are very close now, as young children we fought horribly because he always wanted to hang with M. and he was the annoying little brother. It wasn't until high school, that it changed.

I think 2 years is a great spacing - mine are 22 month, 22 months, and 19 months apart. There wasn't sibling rivalry when the baby came home because they were really too young for jealous. They were close enough in age that they had similar likes and interests. They play together, have the same friends, etc. But there was a world of difference between that 22 month spacing and the 19 month spacing.

This is way too personal for anyone to tell you what is right for YOU and your family. Personally I wanted mine close together and now that I have my 2 at just 2 yrs apart I wouldnt have had it any other way. I was the opposite from you where I said I didnt want more than a 3 yr age gap between my kids and thankfully I was able to do that. I grew up with an older brother and we were 4 yrs apart and of course I love my brother, I couldnt imagine my life without him BUT..... I feel that we didnt have that close of a relationship 1. because there was 4 yrs difference and 2. because we are a boy and a girl. But if YOU feel that you are not yet ready for another yet more power to you. Dont let anyone other than YOU and your family tell you when it is the right time because they will not be the ones raising that baby or living your life so.
Good Luck

My children are four years apart. We knew we were ready to start trying again when:
1. My son was completely potty-trained
2. He was no longer sleeping in a crib
3. He had his own activities and interests and didn't need us to be his entertainers!
4. We felt like someone was "missing" when we were all cuddled up watching a movie. Seriously, we both had this "empty" feeling like there should be another person with us.

For us, all of the above happened around the time our son was three. Our two are 4 years apart and completely adore one another. She looks at him (she just turned 1) like he is the most amazing thing she has ever encountered. He plays with her and makes sure that she has everything she needs at all time. It's adorable and I hope they are always this way.

Your husband makes a solid point, but I wouldn't suggest having another child to ensure a playmate for the older one. They may not get along or may have totally different interests!

I am the oldest of three girls. The youngest is 9 years younger than I am. Candidly, we were not very close until we were both adults. At a certain point in time, the age gap becomes irrelevant, but when she was 9 and I was in college... two different worlds.

Well, if you get pregnant TODAY, your son will be nearly 4 before his sibling is born. He'll probably be heading off to preschool soon, right? Would you like to have the chance for them to spend lots of time together before big brother ventures into the world of FT studenthood?

I have to be honest though, I have never been as close with my little brothers (4.5 and 7 years younger than M.) as I am with my older siblings (3 and 1.5 yrs older than M.). Not saying that it isn't possible to be very close with a big gap, because it certainly is, but my experience has just been that it was easier to form a stronger bond with my siblings that I spent more time with.

Our 4th is due in Sept and at that time our spacing will be:
6 yrs 9 mos, 4 yrs 3 mos, 2 yrs 5 mos, newborn

All that matters is what feels right for you and your family. My 3 kids are close (18mos between 1 and 2, then 2-1/2yrs between 2 and 3, so 4yrs between the oldest and youngest), so we are more in the camp of many consecutive years of diapers and being in the weeds rather than having an older, much more independent child then going back to a newborn/infant. While my oldest son adores his sister and was always gentle with her, he was waiting for her to be able to talk, walk and be more interactive. The greater an age gap, the harder it becomes to find activities for both kids. I wouldn't take my kids to certain parks and playgrounds because the equipment was too big for the youngest, but then they were bored or too big for the tot lot. I'm in that situation now, where I will get a sitter for the youngest to take the older two to a movie. Good luck!

Our first three were 17 and 17 months apart. The rest of our children were farther apart. The first three played together and did homework together. They played on some of the same sports teams and even went to the same proms.

A 5 year old doesn't have very much in common with a one year old. But my 2 year old was very helpful doing things with my 6 month old. My second and third children walked sooner and talked sooner because the older brother was always interested in helping them and mom.

Based on my experience, I'd have them as close together as possible.

Good luck to you and yours.

My kids are almost 6 years apart. For M. I think that's perfect. My son was completely out of diapers and for the most part can take care of himself. My brother And I are only 13 months apart and my mom said there were parts that was super easy and things that was hard. There's no magic age, especially if your NOT 100% ready that will only make it harder.

I think 3 years apart is perfect. I am 5 and 6 years apart from my siblings. When I was growing up, they didn't want anything to do with M.. By the time I was in grade school, they were in middle school, by the time I was in high school, they were either going to college or getting married. My sister made M. an aunt when I was 16. So it sucked growing up. We only got closer when I was 21 and older.

My kids are 4 years (and six days) apart. It's been a great spacing for us. I didn't want a baby and a toddler. It would not have been feasible to pay daycare for two kids for a period of years. I liked having a kid who was a little older and a little more independent when a baby came. They are not competitive with each other, because their roles are clear. I didn't have to pay for two in braces at the same time. I didn't have to run from one class to the next on curriculum or parent teacher conference nights because they were never in the same school. By the time the second goes to college ($$$) the first one will have graduated ($$$). While we didn't end up having a third, when I was still thinking about it, I'd have done a 4 or 5 year difference there.
Were they inseparable best friends? No, but they each had their own friends and they have their own relationship which has gone through its stages over the years (they are now 13 and 17). My two oldest sisters are 17 months apart, and once they got to be school aged, they were not close, did not get along and didn't play together - they weren't close again til they had kids during the same time period.
Good luck, only you can tell the best spacing.

I had my second when my daughter was 4. It was the perfect age gap for us even though I had tried for over a year to get pregnant with the second - my daughter was old enough to grasp the concept of M. having a baby and it was really fun to watch and share the experience with her. She was pretty bummed to hear she was getting a brother at the US but he is now 2 and she is 6 and they get along great - they love playing with each other (though the boy is a bit rough with her - terrible 2's and all) but it is so much fun watching my daughter be the "big" sister. And since she was older it was easier on M. taking care of the baby - he is still very needy and its nice to know that I can tend to him and not have to worry about my daughter too. She is pretty self sufficient.

I never decided how many kids I would have. I always said around 3. which means 2-4. I knew that I wanted my first two kind of close. They are 2.5 years apart (almost to the day). I never had an idea of when (if) I would have a third. My girls are now 7 (almost 8) and 5.5. At this point I am not ready for number 3 (or more). I have not made the decision IF I will have another. there is a huge part of M. that does not want to start over (diapers, up all night, etc) but I am not ready to close that door (permanent birth control). I do feel like it would be tough to start over but so what. there is no magic age when everything is fine. it is not the same for one family or another. people have kids with in the same year, 18 years apart, and everywhere in between. You will figure it out and know when the time is right for you. And then you will know no other way than your own experience. Good luck with your decision.

I found three years to be the perfect age difference. When baby number two was born my three year old was potty trained and pretty independent. He was starting nursery school a couple afternoons a week, so he had time to spend with M. and the baby and time away from us. All of my baby gear was still usable, not expired or out of style. They are close enough in age that they play together and they enjoy many of the same activities, movies and tv shows.

having kids close together is awesome for the kids. Having a little space is better for parents. Yes I think 3 years is the best of both wolds for not have two babies to care for, yet still have them be playmates. You know that whole thing about how two are easier than one? Well its true (for the most part),they entertain each other.
the plus side If you wait for a 5 year difference is that your older child will take on more of a second parent role. I think those are very special relationships too.
There is no doubt that siblings close together are a recipe for chaos, but its fun, very very fun.
My husband, who was the baby, and more than 5 years apart from the next oldest, describes his childhood as having 5 parents. Also since his next older sibling was also a boy, he got bullied A LOT. His stories of sibling are often of being mistreated by his brothers, but his sister was like another mother. So I think that while age difference is big, the sex of the children plays a big role too.

I would also say talk some more with your husband & do what feels right :) My hubby & I have 3 far apart but that wasnt the "plan", wanted kids closer together but didn't get pregnant... So we have a 12,8, & 7 month old. So far so good & hubby loves we wont have to worry about paying for college one right aftet another:)
Pammy