Seeking Advise for a Small School Problem

Okay, here we go. I have a 10 YO boy in 5th grade. Reads at 8.6 level and has a language arts grade of C-. I know where you are sitting. Put the reading log in an envelope with the teacher's name on it and have him take it to her and request she respond that day to let you know she received it. One easy way is for her to just send the envelope back to you. His teacher should be more than willing to help you until he gets himself trained.

Hey N.,
I'm kida in the same boat. I have 4 kids so do know how cazy it can be. My best advice is to him face the music. I know if will be hard to do that becuse we want the best for them. He is old enghogh now that he needs to take on his own responblies. Hope this helps. Sorry for the spelling errors.
M. Wonderly

I have to agree with most of the other moms. This is a problem of responsibility that needs to be fixed by your son. There should be consequences for not being responsible. A bad grade is the one the school has, what do you do at home for bad grades? I would let the teacher know what the problem is, but don't expect her to fix it. This is a problem that your son must fix. A teacher reminding him to turn in his reading log, is not teaching him responsibility and that is what they are learning in the third grade. I have a third grader myself, it is a different world. I like the idea of holding his hand through the day and making sure the homework gets turned in, just make sure you get the teacher's blessing on this. I'm sure that it would only have to happen once. Good luck.

Wow! You are a busy momma! I am going through the same thing with my 12yr old right now. We do the homework together. He doesn't turn it in. Here is my solution for him. I will attend school with you for the day. We will hold hands, walk(skip) to class together, and mommy will be your new best friend until this problem is gone. Let's see how "cool" your friends think you are with me singing and dancing your way to your next class. He evidentally didn't believe me. It came down to "the day," and he panicked. Let's just say the homework situation is greatly improving! My step-dad used this routine while I was in high school. I got caught skipping school. He walked me into the high school singing "Doobie Brothers" the whole way. Let's just say the "Doobie Brothers" weren't too cool when I was in high school in the 90's! I didn't skip again!

Talk to his teacher and have BOTH of them sign his daily agenda (if he has one). We did this with our youngest son, and it forced both student and teacher to be on their top game. His grades came up - because he was forced to turn stuff in - or his teacher wouldn't sign it. We as parents had to sign it also, stating that he DID do his assignments, it taught him that he was accountable for his actions and grades.

We were also advised also, for every missed assignment our son lost his Xbox for 24 hours - or until assignments were turned in. This one was a tough one, but seemed to have some small effects.

Good Luck - keep in touch with the school for help and advise - remember there are plenty of others going through this and they have dealt with many of these issues!

You could photo copy his logs and take him to school the day he is to turn them in and hand them to the teacher yourself or you can make sure he does them and punish him if he doesn't turn them in.But I would still keep copies.Sounds like he needs to become more responsible and Organized and I know with 5 children that can be hard to accomplish.Boys often more than girls have a organizing problem, I don't understand why but I am a reading tutor at our local grade school and almost all the children I have ever tutored were boys.The one girl I tutored was a left handed child and she was very Organized. My boy friend who is 47 can't keep anything Organized at all.He can only think about doing one task at a time and is also a left hander.He is a very bright guy but he can't even keep his clothes Organized. Organization starts at home and then follows us through life.
Good Luck

My child would not do his agenda book. I decided to do a reward system. So he gets 20 minutes of DS. but anything that would motivate your child. I also have a sticker system in place for doing chores and when they get 10 stickers I have a treasure box of favorite things to eat. Kudos, gummies, stuff that is not to bad but still a motivation that they enjoy getting them out of the treasure box. You could do toys to but I have too many little toys and that would drive me crazy.

Good luck,

T.

my son is in 1st grade and their reading log is a bit different, they are given so many books to read in a one month span and then you turn it in at the end of the month, the list has the book name & your signature stating you listened to them read it. well, my son always forgot to turn his in, i just started mailing them to the school addressed to his teacher. i can't blame his forgetfulness on him just not wanting to turn it in, he had 2 concussions within a month apart at the begining of summer this year, & it has effected his memory. good luck & God be with you.

Hi, I also have a son that has problems with school and motivation. He is 15 now but it started around that age. Language Arts seems to be harder for some boys. Its usually not a favorite. Its not that they cannot read, its the writing part that comes with it. Maybe your son does not feel confident about his log to turn it in. What you could try is to reward him for turning them in for the week. You have already explained how important is it to turn them in so just reinforce that and tell him he will get a something special if he turns them in for the week. Make it something small but worthwhile so you are not starting something that could get out of hand. Boys need more motivation than girls. Girls it seems to come natural to get their work done or chores or whatever is asked of them. He is the oldest of your children so he is basically your geiny pig for problems and how to handle them. That is the way it is in my house also. I have my son and 3 younger girls. I didn't want my kids getting older than 10 for that reason. Then the difficult parenting starts and it won't end for a while since you have 5 kids. My son hasn't had good teachers in elementary school either. A lot of boys are "hands on" learners also. They could do without the spelling and writing, etc. Just give them math
and science and they're happy. I hoped this helped. Good Luck. R.

Great minds think alike. My son wouldn't wear his coat last week for morning recess when it was freezing cold. I told him that if I caught wind of the fact that he didn't wear it again, I would come down there myself and put his coat on for him. His teacher had emailed me about something else and I shared this with him. He let me know that my son started wearing his coat.
Since Language Arts/Reading seems to be the issue, can you get him interested in a particular series? My son (he'll be 9 in Jan.) loves everything from Harry Potter to Captain Underpants. He loves getting a new book. Maybe when the reading log gets turned in, he can get a paperback. After a few times, then you can go to every 2 weeks of getting a book.

I had the same problem with my oldest son in the 5th grade. He is smart ~ totally an A - B student. He was getting C's, D's, and F's because he was not turning in homework. I got to the point where I called his teacher every day to find out exactly what was assigned, then would sit him down at the dining room table and watch him do his work. That didn't help, he would still either "lose" it, or "forget" to turn it in. This year, I promised him that if he had one missing or late assignment that I would go to school with him every day and sit right next to him to make sure he was doing and turning in what he needed to. Guess what? He made honor roll this grading period! =) It works! Give it a try! (and make sure you follow thru)

GOOD LUCK! =)

~ S. ~
mom to 4 monsters.. ummm.. err.. boys ;-)

Hey I feel for you but this a a boy thing and a phaze he's going through. My son was in 4th grade, he was a young starter, when he started doing this. We were doing the same homework 3 and 4 times. I got tired of it. He would do well on tests which in my mind proved he knew the work. He just would not turn in the work. I told the teacher I would promise he was doing the work but short of coming in to the building and putting it on the teachers desk I could not promise he would never see it. What was so distrubing about it to me was that he loved this teacher. I had to go the the principal's office at least twice a week. He said it was the first year teaching for this teacher and he was being to hard on Michael. He also said this was just something boys went through at this age. I guess he knew his stuff because Michael only did it the one year. I told the principal I didn't feel the teacher was being to hard. I would hope all teachers were hard other wise they might not be motivated to learn.

Hi N.!

I am a 5th grade teacher and I experience this everyday! I'm not sure why reading logs aren't viewed as more important to the kids. Anyway, I would staple the log into a file folder. Let your son decorate it with cool stickers or the names of his fav. books/characters ect. Ask his teacher if they are part of the Pizza Hut reward program. In many schools, kids can earn a free pizza every month if they reach their reading goals. If his school participates in this, you could plan an evening where you and your son go for his pizza. Just the two of you..to make it special. If not, you can decide on your own reward. If he turns in his folder all five school days, maybe he could pick a movie to rent or a new book ect.

Hope this helps!

My advice is to first assess your child. Is his other behavior normal? I don't want to scare you but I have a son who is 8 with ADHD and we have this problem sometimes. He is easily caught up in different things (talking to his friends, getting into class on time, etc..). Whatever it is, his homework sometimes gets "lost" or "forgotten" in the midst of the chaos that is elementary school mornings. We have a friend who's on is midly autistic and has the same problem. Both kids get good grades and are performing at their "normal" levels or above but sometimes have trouble turning stuff in if not reminded. If you think that there isn't something else like this going on then I would do what the other mom's suggest: seek support from his teacher AND go with him to the school until he can remember on his own. Try not to get angry either way. Just stay consistent with whatever you do. ADHD or not, it is something that you will be able to find a solution to. Good luck and God bless!

if its not to much trouble try to take his reading logs into the teacher yourself that way you know that they are getting turned in. thats what my mom had to do when i wouldn't turn in my homework.....of couse that was a few years ago lol hope it helps.

Discipline is the best way to motivate kids. You could try this: Tell him to turn in his reading log on Fri, contact the teacher to see if he did it. Make him stay home, in his room for the weekend if he did not. Of course, let him know ahead of time what the rules are.

I just want to address the part you said about "not being good at older than 9." Please don't decide already that you're not going to do well at these crucial years to come! I think it's important to make a choice now to enjoy the entire process, and to keep reading so you'll be equipped and not frightened by the challenges ahead. A friend whose grown children I greatly admire just recommended a book called "Relational Parenting" by Ross Campbell. I got it from the library and am feeling challenged but lots more confident now that I'm halfway through it. It's written by a Christian author... don't know if that's a plus or a minus for you, but he's not pushy or forceful about it, yet uses Scripture to back up his advice.

Don't think I'm assuming you've got a defeatist attitude or anything... I'm only bringing this up in case the seed of one might be in there. :) You can thrive with older kids!

I was a third grade teacher before having my daughter. Every year it seemed like there were some students who forgot to turn in their reading log, even though they had done the assignment.

One idea would be to have some kind of incentive chart at home. He gets a sticker for each week he turns it in on time and after so many stickers gets some sort of reward. Also possibly buying a manila envelope and letting him decorate it however he wants. Then that envelope could hold the reading log back and forth from school each week. Or putting it in the same place as his other homework to turn in so that when he turns in other homework he sees the reading log and remembers to turn it in. Also there could be consequences at home for not turning it in on time. Lastly, I would talk to his teacher so that she is aware it is being done and to see what kind of plan the two of you can come with to help the situation.

I still have a problem with my ADHD 13 year old daughter not turning in assignments when they're finished too! First, talk to his teacher. Let the teacher know the work is complete and see if they will ask him for it specifically when its due.....might involve going thru his locker or desk to find it...but support from the teacher might help!

I would discuss this with your husband. Girls are motivated differently and think differently than girls. And with you being a mom it is easier for you to relate to your daughters.
There are many good books out there that you can borrow from the library about the differences between girls and boys and the struggles that boys these days are dealing with. One is Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. Michael Gurian has written several boos comparing the two. I highly recommend this so as your child gets older you understand what is going on with him.

Take him to school in the morning, and walk him to his class to watch him turn in his homework. Tell him that you will continue to do this until he can turn it in by himself. My guess is that he will be embarrassed by having his mom walk with him in school that he won't want a repeat of this every morning.

N.,

You don't say if you think he is reading at level, but you have raised enough red flags to need evaluation. I am an educational advocate, and very soon, your son will no longer be learning to read and write, he will be reading and writing to learn, so it is imperative that you identify what the issue is now, get him the help that he needs, and put him on the road to success. Write a letter to your school and ask for an evaluation to determine if he has a learning disability, or executive dysfunction. Ask them to give you an answer in writing and do not let them talk you out of it.

At the same time, get a private educational evaluation, one that you own and control, from a psychologist, developmental pediatrician, neruopsycholgist, or a licensed School psychologist. You should never go into a school meeting knowing less than the school does.

This could also be a visual problem, and I would recommend that you call the occupational therapy department of your local children's hospital and ask for them to give you then name of a developmental optometrist in your area. This kind of eye doctor not only measures visual acuity, but also measures how well the muscles needed to read well have developed.

I wish you well, don't wait, this problem is probably not behavioral, and it will not just go away all by itself. It sounds VERY familiar. Find out for sure from professionals, and then do everything you can to get him what ever he needs as soon as you can.

M.

We have a 15yo boy and 8yo twins. Our older one did the same thing. This is an age that teachers are starting to expect kids to start taking responsibility and do and turn in homework and not have to be reminded and in turn if they don't they suffer the consequence, a bad grade. Well, you need to also make him realize that if he doesn't take responsibility of his homework and turn it in then there will be consequences at home. Such as, until you see on the parent access that he is turning in the homework he doesn't get to play outside, play video games, be on the computer, etc. Whatever is his favorite things will be taken away until he shows he can be responsible and turn in his work. He has to learn that mom and dad can't do this for him. Hope his helps and goodluck.

Does he have a homework folder? Maybe try that so that everything stays together!

The age and behavior in regards to reading are what makes this curious. Do you actually do the reading with him, hear it or see it.

If he is like my son, (and many others)) they say they do it because they are struggling to read. At 3rd grade level is when it becomes more apparent there could be an issue.

Professionally, I work with parents daily that have the same issue and find out later that a reading disability, dyslexia, etc. is in play.

Just my op. You might review our questions at www.diaohio.org and see if you answer yes to any others....

Wow! Sounds like you are a very busy lady! I have a 9 yo boy who is a slight challenge. His problem is more of a chit chatting during class issue. I cannot seem to get him to understand that he needs to keep his mouth shut and his ears open. But, I feel your pain. It is very frustrating trying to get a child to understand how importatant something is, especially when they have already made up their mind!

Our solution to the problem is a daily grounding. If he comes home and he has gotten in trouble (teacher sends home a chart) or he has forgotten his glasses or his homework, he is punished. His punishments fit more what we have time for or needs to be done around the house. Sometimes he has to write sentences, clean the bathrooms, or sweep the floors, or yard work. We do a mix and match combination of the list along with a ban from electronics. We have seen a great improvement. One week he cleaned the bathroom 2 days in a row! These punishments are on top of his other chores (helping make dinner, helping clean up dinner, watching his sister), so he is pretty much cleaning and writing sentences until it is time for bed, which we move up 1/2 an hour.

As I am telling you this, I am really seeing how mean we are....LOL. But, it is working!

There was a point last year that we were using positive reinforcements, but that only worked for a few days. It also got more and more expensive.

Good luck on your adventure in parenting!