Eight Year Old Not Doing School Work...

I would ask the teacher what she is doing in class when she is supposed to be doing her homework. If she is working on the homework, but just works more slowly than most, than I would ask her if homework was finished and handed in. (She may need to be reminded that doing part of it is not sufficient.) If she is not on task - talking to others, off in thought, etc., then she may need some testing to see if there is a reason she cannot focus. I went through this with my son who has Asperger's, and it continues to be a problem. I have a rule that if he says it is done, he has to show it to me. He knows that this is because he lied and lost my trust.

If possible go to school before dismissal and help her pack her packback up with the unfinished work. A few times of this and she might decide it is better to do it herself than have mom come in and do it for her.

I would work with the teacher. Can your daughter stay after school to finish the assignments since you know she won't do them at home? Her dad being in Iraq might be part of this and when she gets home it may be harder for her to concentrate on doing anything. Talk to the teacher and see what you can work out. I'm sure the teacher would be understanding if she knew where her dad was.SHe could even maybe find her a "big sister" to work with.

Hi M. I have been in your shoes. Our oldest son even in his senior of high school he would not get up until first class of the day was overwith. It was not because he didn't like the class as it was band and he all four years in band sat 1st chair in the trombone. He also place in the top 20% of a 240 student class. Since graduation he has gone to music school in California and writes, composes and sings in movies and TV. Our youngest son hated school from the first day until the last day of school. After high school he went to school in Arizona and did what he always wanted to do and now has his own Custom Guitar Business and makes good money. I know it will seem like years and years until your daughter comes into herself and she will but it sure plays havock on mamas.

We are lucky, our school district has assignment books that come home for signature every night. My child, didn't always fill it out and isn't good about giving it to me but we can always email the teacher and they will send home a list of the assignments and whether they were completed in class or not.
Letting you know once a week that assignments were not turned in isn't really very helpful for a concerned parent. You need to have a serious conversation with the teacher regarding this and ask what you can do to get the information on incomplete daily assignments and what needs to be worked on at home. Then, of course, if the book or paper isn't brought home with your child you can handle it from there.
I had a child who wouldn't bring home the book or paper. I made arrangements with the school and we went in when the school opened in the morning and I made him do the assignment before school the next day and then there was the loss of activities and the additional chores at home until he could behave responsibly. To date all of my children have had more homework in third grade than they have had in 6th, go figure!

Hi M.! I started doing pretty much the same thing when I was in the 3rd grade. My mom set aside 2 hours at night for homework time. If I didn't have any homework, then I was to review my books & make outlines of what I read to fill in the 2 hours. I was not to do anything other than school work though for that 2 hours. After a few days... maybe a week... I realized I'm going to have to fill in this time with school. I may as well do the homework I actually have & pass my classes. I don't know if 2 hours is reasonable to you. Obviously, you set the amount of time. But you can't budge on it.

Good luck!
A.

My daughter is 7, and I ABSOLUTELY would take away all after school activities from her if she wasn't doing her schoolwork. You just have to word it right to her in order for it to seem like it's in her control and not yours. What I mean is, make taking her out of girl scouts a natural consequence for her lack of effort at school. Say "You know, I've been trying to think of why you may be struggling at school, and I think I may have figured it out. You must be tired! So, what we're going to do is stop participating in Girl Scouts, and also move up your bedtime a half an hour until you feel better and are more alert to your responsibilities at school. BUT, after awhile, once things get better, we can talk about whether or not we should try girl scouts out again. It will all depend on how well you're doing at school" That way, it's in her control, and your "assuming" it's because she's tired and busy, makes it become a consequence that she brought on herself, but has the ability to have control of how long it lasts too, by proving to you that she can handle her normal bedtime and after school activities. Whenever my daughter or son do something, I try to make a natural consequence. For example, if she gets out of bed after I've put her down at bedtime, she owes me 1/2 hour the next night to "make up for the sleep she lost". It works much better than just plain punishment because it's more control given to the child for their actions and behaviors, and the consequence is directly related to what they did.

I think part of it is her age. My wonderful daughter seems to be going through similar things. I was concered as well, but I found out other children her age are going through the same thing.
That does not however mean we need to ignore it.
I have been consistently checking her backpack.
I also email the teacher and if she forgets to turn it in then she is disciplined. Sometimes it is no TV for the night, or not going to a friends party, etc.
I do not know that I would take away girl scouts with dad away this is a stable constant for her.
Keep doing what your doing (checking on her) and together we can all get through this.
good luck!

Hm. You bring back memories.

I remember doing EXACTLY THIS in third grade!

I was not a bad student. I was not a slow student. I graduated 10th in my class in high school. I graduated magna cum laude in college. BUT in retrospect I notice a pattern with me with everything, not just completing homework. I even struggle with it now at work. I wouldn't say I'm ADD or anything. But I do get distracted and then sometimes a little overwhelmed.

I think at the time I was a little overwhelmed. I wouldn't get an assignment done because ... I don't know if I was bored, it was too hard, etc. It all came to a head when my teacher came to ask why I hadn't turned in a bunch of "over" papers (where she gave something back for us to do over). I hadn't completed an assignment and THEN was too overwhelmed to do it again. She taped them all to the front of the classroom (I'm talking probably 10 to 15 assignments), humiliating me and eventually forcing me to get them done during recess, etc.

Anyway, I had no answer to give my teacher besides that I didn't know why I hadn't done them.

Here's where I noticed the pattern I have, and the solution: when I joined Flylady.net. If you haven't heard of it, check it out. It's a system of organizing your life, house, etc. in babysteps, 15 minutes at a time. Many people send in testimomials about how it helped with homework etc. too. "You can do anything for 15 minutes."

It may be that your daughter would respond to this. Simply punishing might not do it. My guess is that she is overwhelmed or has trouble applying herself to this new task where she has to work more independently than she did last year, and she probably needs HELP figuring it out. You can help teach her a method that may help her for YEARS.

My suggestion is to try teaching baby steps. TELL her that she can do anything for 15 minutes. Set a timer. Work with her (at first, at least). Find a work area where she can put her homework out and leave it out for the evening. When she comes home from school, after greeting her, set a timer for 15 minutes. Get the work out, look at what needs to be done (math problems and spelling lesson, for example). Pick which assignment you'll tackle first and what needs to be done. Get it set up and ready. Then stop. Take 15 minutes to enjoy an after school snack and ask about her day. Then set the timer for 15 minutes to start the first assignment. Then 15 minutes to walk away, stretch her legs, take a deep breath, etc. Then set the timer for 15 minutes and keep working on the assignment, or start the next one. After supper, do the same thing. You'd be amazed what can be accomplished in 15 minutes! (And if she has more than 2 hours' worth of homework in second grade, that's definitely a ridiculous problem of another type in this day and age!)

If this is the trick that it takes, then eventually, you won't need to be there doing it with her, but you can still set the timer. She, of course, needs to be truthful about the fact that she has homework. I would tell her (and I would HOPE the teacher would be concerned about your daughter's development and cooperate with you on this -- and like someone else here said if she doesn't then complain to the principal) that your teacher is going to talk to you each day and let you know ahead of time what homework she has to do that night so you can prepare to help her with it. That way she can't just say she has no homework to do.

But I would emphasize to her that you're going to work with her do it in baby steps so it's not so big and overwhelming till she gets used to these new assignements. ENCOURAGE her that she can do anything for 15 minutes. And of course, she has to know you'll check to make sure it's all done.

The teacher should have let you know sooner, but maybe she just noticed that it's truly a pattern to tell you about. Again, if she doesn't cooperate (tell her your plan) you should DEFINITELY complain to the principal!

I hope this suggestion helps, because now that I've realized it in my life in general, I wish I had known about that back then! She's 8. Suddenly having new homework assignments (which they didn't do back in third grade in the 1970s!) is probably daunting, and she may have a makeup that makes her overwhelmed and prone to procrastination. Help her and she will be able to apply this skill to her life in many areas for the rest of her life!

I'd love to know if you try this method and if it works (because I'm betting it would have worked for me years ago)! If you'd like to you can e-mail me at ____@____.com luck!

L.

Talk to her teacher and see if the teacher would consent to signing a notebook every day as to whether she has turned in all assignments for the previous day, or if the teacher would email you the information.
If she has not or if she "forgets" the notebook, then there are NO after school privileges that evening, including Girl Scouts.
The one activity I would allow is reading.
The key is you knowing daily whether she is doing her work, and not waiting until Friday.
Also check whether she is losing or misplacing her work, and where she is expected to put it when she finishes it at school.
Put the hammer down NOW or you will be dealing with this forever.

If she isn't bringing homework home and insists on not turning things in on time, etc. she needs to be continually reminded of the consequences of not turning things in on time, etc. Don't hesitate to take things away if she's not doing what she's supposed to do.

In addition, sounds like she also needs some motivation to be able to show dad that she's doing great in school. Don't know how much contact you have w/ him, but sending a few papers, grades, etc. would be great for both.

Talk about responsibility. If her teacher isn't requiring her to set goals, etc....set some with her. Weekly goals...This week I'm going to.........turn in all my assignments on time. Talk about the rewards of reaching goals.

Give her some new responsibility at home - maybe something she WANTS to do....like help in the kitchen, etc.

I would suggest a face to face meeting with the teacher and ask her for some suggestions. Maybe your daughter learned to be dependent on your being with her when she did homework. Maybe she is not clear about exactly what to do. I think that a teachern should be willing to work with a child and her parent to get to the root of the problem and then work together to fix it. You do not seem to see any defiance in any other area. I would not punish your child any further until you get to the root of the problem. There is something going on and the school should be willing to work with you.

First you need to get the teacher to help you out a little more. If the only communication that you are getting from him or her is on Friday's after it is too late to make your child do the homework the problem isn't going to be resolved. Your daughter is still only 8, not in high school so it is not unreasonable to expect the teacher to help you by making you aware of what she should be doing at home. Get an assignment book for your daughter and put it in her backpack. Ask the teacher to take a moment at the end of the day to note any assignments that are due and have not been completed. if your daughter has actually finished all her assignments a simple NONE or all turned in is all the teacher needs to write. Then make your daughter show you the assignment book each afternoon and check the work before signing to show the teacher you are aware of the assignment and that it was completed and placed in the backpack before school. This makes it impossible for your daughter to lie to you about homework. If you continue to have problems getting her to do the work then it's time to take away privledges like girl scouts.
If the teacher is unwilling to keep you informed of the assignments on a daily basis complain directly to the principal that you are doing the best you can as a single mother and that you need to be informed of what is going on with your daughter's schoolwork in order to succeed. It is in the best interest of the school to help your daughter achieve good grades because the district is judged by the pass/fail rate of their students. Making it clear that you are willing to do your part should bring about a resolution.
On a side note if your daughter is very bright she may not see the value in doing the homework because it is not challenging enough for her. If you think this might be part of the case then take it upon yourself to go above and beyond the homework at home by having her do extra credit work for you such as reading, writing practice, or flashcards. My daughter and I do a mini spelling test of her words for the week every day and I have her read me an extra book at bedtime. If she reads an extra book she gets a small reward.

First and most importantly, have you talked to your daughter about what is going on? The reason I ask is because kids at this age tend to have very short attention spans, and my daughter had a similar problem around this age. It turned out she was actually doing her homework but she was forgetting to turn it in.

Assuming that she is actually not forgetting, we can start thinking about curtailing the problem behavior and creating new habits. Taking things away is obviously not working, so let's try a different method. You will need to talk to your child's teacher and it will involve a little extra effort on both of your parts, but you need to buy your daughter a little datebook that she is to present her teacher with every day. Give your daughter's teacher a book of stickers (make sure you give them to her personally so your daughter can't do this herself), and have her put a sticker in the book for every assignment that she turns in. In addition, let your daughter know that when she misses an assignment, she will be required to do it and turn it in during recess the next day. Both teacher and daughter need to be very clear on this agreement beforehand. This way, you reinforce the behavior you want (turning in assignments) and take away free time at the same time. I would stop taking away activities and other fun things for missing homework, as she will have no choice but to do it or miss every recess. Instead, reserve those type of punishments for lying to you or other offenses.

The good news is that this behavior is very correctable, with lots of communication between parent, teacher, and child. Make sure you give her lots of praise for "earning her stars" and have other members of the family ask her about "how many stars she made this week" as well. The point is to praise her when she does what she's supposed to, rather than punishing when she doesn't do what she needs to do. As an advanced technique, you can always work out a system in which she earns extra privileges or activities with stars. ("For ten stars, you get a special picnic in the park with Mommy!")

This worked for my daughter, and hopefully, it will work for you as well. Good luck!

Christin

There may be something else happening besides being unwilling to do the homework. Have you checked her vision? can she see the board clearly? I had to get glasses for my daughter when she suddenly could not see the board. I did not realize that she had a problem. She did not know enough to say she needed glasses.

Has her hearing been checked? Does she correctly hear the assignments?

What is her seating assignment? Is she distracted by a person who sits near her? Is she HELPING that person instead of doing her own work? I did that. Found out years later I have ADD. Did not know it then, girls didn't get diagnosed if you didn't cause a ruckus. Have the teacher WATCH to see why she is not getting it completed.

Maybe all the previous years of handholding when doing homework make her scared that she cannot do it by herself without help, and she is too embarrassed to bring it home.

It is not about the lying about whether she has completed her work. It is not about withdrawing privileges. It is about WHY it is more important to lie and be punished, than to admit she did not / cannot do the work. WHY can she not do it in class?

Hope the teacher will be more helpful - you need to get this fixed right away.

Good luck!

As a teacher, I totally agree with what Lacey has suggested. I'm really surprised that since this is a chronic problem, the teacher has not already put an assignment book or note in place each day. That would have been one of the first things I would have done. You could also have her make a simple spreadsheet with small boxes for each subject every day and staple it to the front of a folder. She can keep it on her desk and the teacher can quickly comment after each subject. If she doesn't get an assigment finished, in the folder it goes right away so it doesn't get lost in her desk.

I was exactly the same growing up. My issues started in 5th grade, and I didn't do homework in classes I didn't enjoy until college! My parents would ask me, and I would forget, or I would "forget." I think there are a couple of things you need to do. First, homework time needs to be homework time. If you finish early, make her review areas she's had trouble with in the past. I would think, for an 8-year-old, no more than an hour should be spent on homework a night (but honestly, it has been a long long time since I was in grade school, and I've heard things have changed now). Secondly, reports on Friday are not sufficient. Find out if there is some way you can communicate daily - one person suggested the teacher could sign a notebook if your daughter had finished her work. I think this is a good idea. Best of luck to you!

You could give her a threat of you sitting in class with her all day to be sure her assignments are done. No child wants Mom there with all of the friends. Yes it would be embarrassing, but her telling you lies is an embarrassment to you when you speak to the teacher. Her teacher knows the child is having problems and should be making a daily effort to let you know what your child needs to finish, that is her job to teach your child.
You say she knows it is wrong, so she must be doing it for extra attention either from you or her teacher.
Good Luck and I hope you husband comes home soon safe and well.

I wouldn't take the girlscouts away. It's a positive thing to have in her life. She's learning while there, it's not all fun. (even if it seems like it) Do you think it could have a little something to do with her dad being in Iraq? It has to take a toll on a child. Although I don't know how much they understand at that age. (mine are young still) I would take a lot from the previous suggester. And also ask she why she doesn't want to bring her school work home. Is there something she wants to talk about or something bothering her? Just to see if you get anything from that. Good Luck!
J.