I have a 2 1/2 yr old girl who is having major screaming tantrums because she doesn't want to go to bed. I know this is normal, somewhat, because of her age and such but she has for the most part usually been a good sleeper. We are at a loss of how to handle these because she gets completely out of control. She has NEVER been a child that you can comfort by holding her. In fact, you cannot even touch her when she is mad or it just gets worse. I know there have been a lot of changes for her since we just had twin boys 7 1/2 months ago but she LOVES the boys and does not show much jealousy. She is also acting like she is scared at night and we have done everything we know to try to comfort her with that (night light, closet light, talking to her, leaving door open, etc) but she screams so loud and will NOT stay in her room so last night we had to close her door and she just screamed and screamed because she hates that.I felt horrible but she DID go to sleep much sooner. Anyway, any advice or anyone going through this? I know she is testing boundaries and she is a VERY strong willed little girl.
Thanks so much for all of your suggestions! We have actually been implenting a special treat for everytime she goes to bed with little or no problems. We have actually had some very good nights lately. We have actually told her we would shut her door if she acts up too and that seems to work. She does still take a nap, or at least attempts to take a nap every day so I do not think it is because she is overly tired. We also DO try to make sure to always include her, since we know it might be because she is jealous of the time that the babies get. I always make sure she can be my helper and get me diapers and burp rags and she helps at bathtime. She really seems to like all of that. We also always have the same routine every night that includes her own special time AFTER the twins go to bed. She gets stories with mom and dad and just alone time. That helps too. We have always had this routine but it just seems that lately these tantrums have come up. That is why I was surprised. I think she is just going through testing her boundaries and we are just trying our best to stick to our guns and remain as consistent as possible, knowing that will be the best in the end. I think our next step is going to be going to a sticker chart where she can see everything she does daily and nightly. She seems to like rewards but has to know she gets them only for being a good girl.
Thanks again for all the replies. I'm hoping and praying with persistance this will pass............just in time for our twins to start into it! LOL
I'm a Behavioral Therapist, as well as a Mom of a very strong willed 4 year old girl. I would recommend the book "Strong Willed Child" by Dr. James Dobson.
We have a 3 year-old daughter who has Autism and has lots of trouble sleeping. We found that she enjoys having the crib toy in bed with her. We bought a new one for her after she moved from her crib to a bed and she operates it herself. This helps focus her attention on bed time and soothes her to sleep.
Hi, just wanted to share some advice, maybe you should give her a little mom or dad time before bedtime, with a song, game or storytime. and alow her to help with the care of the boys, like feeding, bathtime and bedtime, and let her know that she is your little helper. Which also gives her the time with you that you may not see that she is'nt getting. I can not say this will work but, she seems to have leadership quality already. let her help let her be the big sister.
I pray this helps
From a Big Sister
Hi there.
I have two girls...3yrs and 9 months. Bed time can be difficult. However, kids just don't have tantrums just because. Normally, it is because they are in need of attention or because that type of behavior is not being controlled. My husband and I have experienced both sides of that.
Is she in daycare? If so, does she need to be moved to a different class? (more active ciriculum during the day)
Also try, what I like to call, the "Family Fun Time" This is the 1 hour time frame before bed time. Take at least 30 minutes to allow the kids to be interactive. (helping to wash dishes, clean up time, playing hide and go seek, listening to kid friendly music while dancing and singing) Then use the other 30 minutes to prepare for bed. (bath time, brushing teeth)
There has to be a healthy attachment to bed time. Develop a fun/consistant routine, and stick to it. It's not going to change over night, and it does take a lot of effort. However, in time she will develop a more postive attitude. Hope that helps!
wITH twins the age they are don't know if this is possible,but if you could have a special time with her sitting reading a story in her room preferably, and maybe singing a little song to slow her down for the day an then say it is night time, and sing a little night time song, or night time prayer, and cheerfully say see you in the morning
! And then keep up the night light etc. maybe she will soon quit the tantrum. Just an idea.
She sounds over tired. Try moving the bed time a 1/2 hour earlier and see what happens.
When my daughter was about that age, she tried temper tantrums [to get her way]. Instead of letting her have a fit and throw herself on the ground. At someone's recommendation, I would hold her still and calmly talk to her (saying "relax" over and over) until she calmed down. I only had to do this a few times for her to learn how to calm herself down and to learn that tantrums weren't going to work. My daughter was also very verbal. So I always encouraged her to use her words instead of crying or having a tantrum.
When my daughter didn't want to stay in bed I had to "find her currency". For my daughter it was stuffed animals (at the time - currency changes for kids). Anyway, we would give her a warning, then take one stuffed animal for each time she got out of bed. One night we had to take...gosh maybe 5 "babies" before she stayed in bed. The next morning we gave them back.
Of course it sounds like you're doing everything else you can to comfort and assure her. Maybe add in an extra bed time story or some extra one-on-one play time (if that's possible with twins in the house!) to assure her that she is still loved. (Of course she is, but kids equate love with time spent with them.)
I hope this helps a little.
You are doing all the right things just can not do anything. If she does not want comforted then let her be. They wear themselves out and wil evenually sleep. She still may be jealous even when she is not showing it. I hated my little sitter and I remember thinking my parents loved her more. She was a baby and I was hold hat. Keep that in mind. G. W
I have a few suggestions...
1. She sounds really tired to me. If she's perfectly good natured all day long, but pitches a fit at night time, then I don't feel like it's a behavior thing as much as a reaction thing. Is she not getting a nap anymore? Or are you getting her to bed a bit later because of the summer sunshine?
2. Do you have a really good - set in stone - bedtime routine as a family that you religiously follow whether the babies are being fussy or not?
I've had kids for years and years and years now and I just a few months ago got a really, really good nighttime thing going since I had my last baby. Babies really do throw things off. You stop to change diapers, feed, comfort, etc and they throw off routines! But I realized that since I have so many now, I have to make bedtime more of a really, really set thing. And it takes a loooooooooooong time now. Our bedtime routine starts at six! We eat, clean up the downstairs, go bathe, put on pjs, clean up the upstairs, read, pray, and go to bed. And it takes almost two hours! But they're all tucked in and mostly asleep by eight.
I'm telling you though, it works so much better. We dont let anything slow us down. I know that's not revolutionary, as tons of people have bedtime routines, but we just HAD to start doing it. Before we had this last baby, it all just worked out being more flexible at night and going with the flow. Now we cant do that.
3. My other suggestion if those other things just don't work out is to camp out on the floor of her room. Put her in her bed, let her freak out in there and sleep on the floor in front of her door. Tell her, "Mommy is right next to your door. You don't need to be worried." And then you stay there all night and do the same thing the next night outside of the door. And then the next night you see if she can sleep on her own. I know that's high maintenance, but I had to do that with my oldest once. We had been letting her sleep with us for years and then when we wanted her to sleep on her own, she understandibly got mad. So that's what I did and it worked really well.
Good luck! I'm so sorry that she's having a hard time. No one likes to see their kiddies cry so hard.
Hi C.,
Do you know what she afraid of? One of my sons was afraid of dragon, so I bought a toy dragon and showed him they were "friends". Also some times I use to laid down on the floor close to his bad and, in the next day a little far and so on until I was out of his room. With the other one (2 y) I bought a magic blanquet. He can go everywhere... :) So at night he tells me he will take the space ship (from the blanket that has a lot of toys) and he will wait for me in the moon... or on the beach and so on. It really worked. Do not forget to praize her the nights she sleeps by herself. It may or may not work. Good Luck!
Here is what worked for us. Now, our daughter didn't throw a fit, but she would get out of bed ALOT!!
We developed a standard bedtime routine: bath, brush teeth, potty, book, bedtime. This is a very important part of developing a good bedtime routine and less stress for everybody.
The first time our daughter got out of bed, we'd take her hand or carry her back to bed, tuck her back in, give new kisses and hugs and say good night.
The second time she got out of bed, we'd take her hand or carry her back to bed, no kisses and hugs this time, and a more firm "good night".
The third and subsequent times she'd get out of bed, we'd take her hand or carry her back to bed and say NOTHING!!!
The first few nights it took a while, but she finally realized that her attempts at being able to stay up weren't going to work. After about 3 nights she'd stay in bed the first time.
Give it a try, stick to the plan, it is so hard to not say anything but I think that is a major key to success. Try this a few nights and I bet it works for you too. Consistency is the key!!!
Good luck!!
I went through this alot...and still do, with my six kids. My best advice. Just keep putting her to bed. If she gets out, but her back. If she is screaming her head off but she is still in bed...then just leave her. She will learn there are boundries. But be consistant. If she gets out, even if it's 100 times, just put her straight back to bed. Never get mad or yell, just put her back in bed.
With one of my children is literally took 6 months, EVERY NIGHT, of putting him back to bed about 50 times a night for three hours straight, but we didn't give up and now he is the best one about going to bed at age 3 1/2.
Much Luck!
Make a pictorial schedule and post it at your child's eye level. Use four to five pictures and place them in a line left to right (get PJ's on, brush teeth, read story, kisses). This way your child can "see" bedtime coming. After each step go back to the schedule and "read" what comes next. It establishes a pattern - kids like predictability.
It also help to give choices (2 options of equal value you as the parent can live with) - Do you want to get ready for bed in 2 minutes or 5 minutes (said 5 minutes before bedtime)? Do you want your barbie or princess nightgown? Do you want one story or two?
For more ideas like this read "Love and Logic"
C.,
Is she still taking a nap during the day...she could be very over tired and may need to start going to bed earlier
She may also need a little more attention some BIG SISTER alone time with mommy or daddy.
good luck!
My nearly 2 year old started having tantrums at bedtime after I finally completely weaned him. He, like your daughter, refused to be held or comforted and screamed for hours. He has never cried himself to sleep. Eventually, he would lay dawn and fall asleep, but never anywhere I would put him, and I would have to be in the room with him. I finally, just put a blanket and pillow on the floor by my bed. When he saw it at bedtime, he just laid down and asked me to sing to him. And he fell asleep! Bam! Suddenly, we had a new bedtime routine. I have recently moved him back into his room and the tantrums are gone.
I found one thing that works with tantrums was to take my daughter to her room and tell her that as long as she was throwing her fit, she must stay in her room and finish throwing her fit, then when she got done, she could come back out and join the rest of the family. My daughter is also strong willed, but I just let her know that in her room she could throw all the fits she wanted, where it was not disturbing anyone else. When she realized that she was not getting her way, therefore not the one in control, most of that was over. Sometimes, you do just have to let them throw their fits in their room and cry themselves to sleep. And try not to feel guilty...it is hard but when we let them win the power struggles, it only escalates into something worse. Just hang in there, this phase will pass. I've known people who've given in and let their kids sleep with them until they're practically grown. I think that's one of the worst injustices we can do to our kids.
Try telling her it's bedroom time, make it clear to her that is is NOT bedtime and she is not to fall asleep, it is just time for her to relax in her room for a while. Let her do what she will as long as she's safe and doesn't come out of her room. When my daughter get's scared, I tell her to throw chocolate (not real) at whatever she's scared at and then whatever it is will become her friend. I hope this helps.
On the tantrums... one of my twin boys had tantrums ALLL the time until I decided to play along. One day he was having a doozie of a tantrum, and I got on the floor an mimicked every move he made and every noise he made. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Note - I didn't mock him, but I mimicked him. The tantrums improved greatly after that and came to a stop pretty soon afterward. We still laugh about it, and he's 11.
On being afraid to go to bed... Both of our twins were afraid of monsters in their room at one point. We got a small spray bottle, added water and a little air freshener or liquid fabric softener, and wrote "MONSTER SPRAY" on the side. Before bedtime, we went in their room and sprayed a fine mist of Monster Spray on the bed, under the bed, behind the dresser, in the closet, etc. It was very effective! Also, if you're VeggieTales fans, they have a great video called "Where's God When I'm S-Scared?" including the smash hit [with kids] "God Is Bigger Than The Boogie Man". If you're not VeggieTales fans, you can search for the song online & come up with your own lyrics.
Best of luck!
S. in Texas
Mom of twin boys, 11, and a daughter, 10
Get an empty aersol can. Type in bold letters on a piece of construction paper "monster be gone spray" and place around the empty aersol can. Spray this in her room at night saying all the scarey stuff is going way. Do feel bad about her crying after you have closed her door. If she clean/fed/not in harms way, do not worry about her. good luck.
C.,
Rejoice! Have you ever heard of Love and Logic? It is a great parenting resource that I have found helpful. I am a working SINGLE mom of 3 and my 3 year old is very defiant at times, but Love and Logic has helped to calm things down. Check it out. God Bless you!
