Seekind Advise

I think that one (big) reason why fathers are resistant to participating more is that we feel we need to do everything ourselves. Then we get burnt out but they fail to recognize it because we do a good job. Then they can be afraid that they aren't "doing it right" since they do it differently from the way we do it. Even though as moms we need breaks from the routine, it is hard to let go and let someone else do something their own way. It may be a different way of doing something, but not necessarily wrong. As long as the baby remains healthy and happy, a different way is OK. Maybe start off with "easy" tasks, such as reading a goodnight story. Then progress to different ones. Allow him to do it his way, assuming the baby's needs are met. Allow him to make his own mistakes without taking over the task. This could help get his confidence up so he will feel better about the bigger things.

H., I would suggest you sit down with your other half and be honest. Try not to discuss the situation when you are stressed. You may even want to say something like "I thought I could handle it all in the beginning but I need your help. Children are a learning experince for both of us." Look at the things that cause most stress and ask if he could assist with a couple of those things. Bath time is our worst. My husband agreeing to do that took a lot of stress out of our lives. Your other half may get defensive because he doesn't know what to do. Ah, if children only came with play books!!!

I am a single mom working full time so i know how you feel. Try leaving them at home for the day and let him handle everything. He will probably call you 100 times and you can give him the advice but he will physically have to do the work. Hopefully that will kick him into daddy gear.

Sometimes it is all in the way you ask. I have had the most success when I try not to sound critical and instead focus on how I feel... for example, "It would make me really happy if you would watch our daughter for a few hours while I go (insert thing that you enjoy here)." Or, "I feel so tired and stressed out, would you please feed her dinner then give her a bath so I can get a break?" Also, admitting to him that you feel it was a mistake to push him away in the beginning may help him feel more validated. Good luck!

I know how you feel, my daughter's father barely does anything to help out either. What you should do is, schedule a spa day or a day where you get your nails done...he has no choice but to watch the baby. And make sure (if you can), that you have someone else on standby in case he has a problem like your mom or sister so that you can truly have much needed r&r. Call them in advance, let them know what you are planning and than tell him you have an appt. you can't bring your child and that he's gonna have to watch the baby. If he has a crisis, than he can call whoever it is that's on standby. They really can handle it, it's just that they don't want too.

my husband and I alternate on sat and sun who gets up with the kids(we have five....8,7,5,4,and 18months)...I started this system because I noticed he never got out of bed and I resented it and him...now even if I'm not sleeping I get a little bit of relaxing time on a weekend too. Also I made bath/showers his job (we have all boys so it works)he is in charge of getting them clean and the teeth brushed while I clean up after dinner....he likes to cook so when he can he does and I clean up. My best advice is to figure out what you can let him be in charge of and let him do it...HIS WAY...you wouldn't do it the way he does but bite your tounge and let him do it...lots of men won't get involved because they'll hear about how they did it wrong....figure out what he can do that won't drive you crazy and go with it! good luck and remember he's only a man and he will never jump up and change a dirty diaper, it just doesn't bother them... :-)