Secretive Husband

No that would bother me... I dont like secretive stuff. The wife should reach over and answer the phone.

She needs to talk to her husband about it. There are good reasons for having a coded phone - to prevent unauthorized users from using it - but if she is suspicious and jealous, she is doubting her husband's fidelity. And she needs to talk to him about her feelings of insecurity. If late night calls are a norm, and he is not answering, he needs to tell the callers to knock it off. If he is not answering, it doesn't seem to be as important to him as she is. By the way, I don't scroll through my husband's calls and he gets plenty of them.

No.. I don't know anyone like that, and I would naturally be very suspicious. I would have her ask him about it. If he gets all defensive, then that is a pretty good sign there is something going on that requires further investigation. If there is something going on, there will be other tell-tale signs. That kind of thing doesn't stay hidden for very long (esp if the wife is already getting suspicious).

My Husband had one years ago but,gave me the code to his work /personal phone just in case. If it rang late at night it was because he was on call for emergencies and the phone had to be answered, friends knew not to call late. The code was to keep unauthorized people from using his phone and running up the bill.

Before my husband and I got married when bought a house together. He wanted to make one of the rooms in the house his office with a lock on it....we did not have children, at the time. So, why would he need a lock? I told him I don't think so, and he slowly, agreed with me. He never put a special lock on the door...

Have you talked to your husband about this?? I would ask him about it and just use your best judgement.

Hope Everything is OK! Keep me posted.

No one needs to tell you what you already know. And no one needs to tell her, either. She just has to reach the point of action on her own. All you can do is be there for her and tell her that there is a better life out there. Being a single parent is incredibly tough, but at least you know the rules. In her current life, she may have what appears to be a marriage and a normal life from the outside, but the turmoil and up and down is just exhausting. Believe me. My other thought is to make sure she and her kids are protected financially. Try to encourage her to see a lawyer sooner rather than later. If not for herself, for her kids. Does she want her kids to grow up thinking that their father's behavior is appropriate? Good luck, and thank you for being a good friend. She is a lucky person for that.

Hi,

My sister has been going through something very similar lately. My advice to her would be to contact the cell phone company and ask for a faxed copy of the phone activity. She can claim she needs them for financial records.

Unfortunately in my sister's case, her husband was found to be keeping a dark secret. She found all sorts of receipts and business cards from her husband's affairs. But, be careful not to be too presumptuous, it can drive you crazy!

Good luck!
Heidi

This is certainly suspicious. Have you asked him directly if he would be willing to share the code with you, and he point blank refused? And what reason did he give? Why is his 'best friend' calling him at midnight, has he had a reason for that? My husband has a code on his phone, but I have never felt suspicious enough to ask him for it. If I did, he would hand it over without hesitation, if only to ensure me that there was nothing he had to hide. It's time for a sit down discussion for you two. You need to tell him your feelings, why it makes you feel that way, and ask him how the two of you together can solve this problem. If he still refuses and acts defensive and not understanding and sympathetic, where there's smoke, there's probably fire.