Second Baby - Garland,TX

For some of us, we're never really "done" in our hearts. I mean, logically, I know my family is complete. But in my heart, I can picture a new baby in an instant.

For what it's worth, your son is only 18 months old. He is still a baby! Families come in all shapes and sizes with siblings all sorts of ages apart. There is no guarantee that having a child close in age is going to ensure that they are friends and there is no guarantee that having them further apart means they won't be. Perhaps when you guys next speak of family size, you can open your heart and minds to the idea of a second child when your youngest is older? If you feel that he is truly on the fence and don't want to hold him back from his dreams of a larger family, then I suggest that you personally try to picture what another child might feel like in a few years. I say, never get pregnant without being sure, but closing a door on a baby may be premature right now.

ALSO! One child is fine. There are benefits to every family size and a singleton has advantages that a child with siblings does not. My own siblings are my best friends and I cannot imagine my life as an adult without them, but that is not always the case.

Best of luck.

your baby is only 18 months....so no reason at this point to decide yes or no. Maybe just tell your husband you'd like to revisit the conversation in 6 months and see where you are both at.
I knew the moment I had my 1st son that I wanted more. He was 4 when my 2nd was born. At 2 y/o was when it really started and I would bring it up with my hubby. It took us 1 1/2 years to both be on the same page and be fully committed to having another. You may get to that point, you may not. But there is certainly no reason to make a final decision right now.
Pray about it ~ together.
I also need to add that one of the reasons I did hesitate on having a 2nd baby (although I knew I wanted more, but was hesitant) was b/c I was afraid I wouldn't be able to love the baby as much as I loved my first. Crazy, I know! But I was really concerned. But...the moment I found out I was pregnant I fell in love....again! :) You don't ever love the first one less, your heart just grows to make room for the new one!

it's ok to be off and on about the 'new baby' thought, my husband and i have been debating one between us for 2 years now, he knows i'm not 100% comfortable with it mainly because of money and well, we have to be artificially incinimated becasue he's fixed...so that's also an issue, i gave him my delema and where i am to have another baby, the rest is up to him (yes i want one badly, i'm pushing 30, and only one of my own - he has 4 of his own, one died at birth)...

you need to have a serious discussion, about the true reason why you don't want another...room at home, money, your risk of health, etc, and if there's anything HE can change to change your mind. let him know, and let his actions speak....told my husband to get our financial issues under waive (yes HIM-long story) and i would consider more actively...that put the fire under him.

good luck adn keep the communication open

You know what? I don't think I would give it much thought right now. He's not saying things all the time and your little one is only 18 months old. In a year or two years you may both feel the same or different, but I wouldn't borrow trouble. Wait until you go through the twos and threes together -that alone may change any thoughts he has completely!

Lots of things sound good to us in theory, but in reality it just won't work or doesn't make sense for us. Sure -I would love to have 4 or 5 well-adjusted adult children someday who had precious grandchildren, good jobs, loved their spouses and were close enough to visit and see us for the holidays -but far enough away so as not to be on top of us all the time. Do I have the patience, desire or willingness to endure that many pregnancies and raise 3 more children than I have now? NO! Is there any guarantee, that as adults, the reality would be anywhere close to my fantasy? NO! It's a lovely thought -but the actual doing is not for me! Just give it some time. If it becomes and issue, then start to worry about it!

I think that it is to soon for you to make this decision, your son is still a baby. Wait till he is at-least 3 or going into Kinder. All pregnancies are different, the odds are good for you, talk to your OB about it. I didn’t want kids AT ALL EVER, but my husband and I had a trip to the Big Easy and brought back a souvenir (cause we thought we were in high school again and drank like we really shouldn’t have) Once I had my daughter I started thinking (it’s a bit morbid) but I didn’t want her to be alone in the world once my husband and I were gone. Sure cousins, aunts, uncles and good friends are great but it’s different. My brother and I are close and have always been. Once again its no guarantee that your kids will be close, but it doesn’t really matter. Weather they are close or not they will always have someone in the world that is their family, their blood. I know morbid, but for some reason that was one of the factor’s that help change my mind. The other was now my daughter had someone to play with that isn’t me all the time. Gosh! I sound like a horrible person, but I really am not, I promise! I can’t say it’s easier or it’s harder with 2 kids because it’s both. Have a sit down with your hubby and tell him that you feel he has changed his mind and that it is way to soon for you to consider changing your mind about a 2nd child, to give you 2-3 years and then discuss it again. You never know, what the future holds maybe you’ll change your mind before. Just for right now let your hubby know that you love him and respect him and will be willing to discuss more kids in a few years. He sounds like a loving, respectful man and I think he’d be more than willing to do as you ask. Try not to focus on the negative of your pregnancy; hard work is always rewarded just look at your wonderful son! Good Luck!

hi,
I am currently pregnant with my second child and it took me 10 years to get to this point where I actually thought it would be nice to have another. My first preganancy was much like yours where it was very emotionally and physically draining and to this day I can remember the pain and all I went through. I recently got remarried and my new husband and I were very happy with our family dynamic as well. Just the three of us.
Over the course of the three last years that we have been together we have of course had inlaws and family asking when are you having a baby? Our answer was always, "we are not sure if we are going to have a baby, we are content the way we are".
With your husband talking about it, maybe there is something that he isn't ready to give up. For example, I realized with my son being 10 that his elementary days are about over. I enjoy as a parent going to the orchestra concerts, getting the artwork from school..etc...
This is what made my decision after so long about wanting to continue with a new addition to the family. I am no longer focusing on the crappy stuff and for your husband, because he didnt carry the baby and go through the physical pain, he might be thinking about those things. For you, it might take as long as it did for me to get over.
I would just ask him what parts of being a father he enjoys. I would try to stay away from questions that are more negative like, "are you thinking you want another kid?...why?"
I would see what his favorite things are about having a baby and maybe that is what he is focusing on and maybe he feels that he is missing that because kids do grow up sooooo fast.
Good luck with everything

I think maybe you should revisit the issue in a year or two.

There was a point when I "knew" I was done. I had three children and had no desire for another one. I even talked to my husband about getting a vasectomy. I absolutely cringed at the idea of having another one. But then one day, all that changed. I suddenly had a desire for another. Now, I want more and so regret those wasted years (there was a 4 year gap between #3 & #4). So, it is possible that your husband all of a sudden feels differently. It isn't something a person can rationalize, it just is. Even though you feel strongly today, on another day some time in the future, you might feel differently. I was also on bedrest with my first. It was hard. I understand your concerns. I never had to do that again, but there were no promises of that, of course.

You two need to sit down and have an open heart-to-heart. He will try to deflect the conversation like in the past, but this is a major issue for married couples and you need to be on the same page.

You have already made up your mind, but you also have to listen to him and really hear his perspective. For some reason people think that once someone has "agreed" to something they don't have the right to wish for something different. Also keep in mind that every pregnancy is different, just like every child is different.

Talk with him... don't outline all the reasons why you don't want another child. He knows those already- ask him what he's feeling and what brought it on. Someone at work may be having a child and it is bringing this to the surface again. Maybe his general outlook has changed.

Your dynamic will change over the years as your son grows-up and spends less time with you and your husband. Don't lock yourself into "never changing your dynamic" because you never know what may happen to shift a family's dynamic.

Yes, you are the one who carries the baby and stays home with the baby, but he's a part of that equation as well. This may just be a "coming to terms with it" phase for him, but hear him out. I'm not saying you should have another child to make him happy, but listen to what he's saying. He may just be sad about the fact that it's not an option and that has to be okay.

He may want to have another child and truthfully that could be a real sticking point for you as a couple. Don't be rigid about it- listen and if you two need help working through it, get help. For some people, coming to terms with the ending of their procreation time is very difficult and your husband may need that sadness to be acknowledged.

I think you are being very wise, listening to your gut on this issue. It is a big deal to "listen" to our spouses and really hear what they are saying.

I know this is a decision that ultimately just the two of you can make. But I wanted to throw this in there... my first pregnancy was terrible. In and out of hospitals, pre-eclampsia, bed rest, blah, blah. I've had three more babies since then and no problems like that with any of them. Just with that first one. So one high risk pregnancy does not necessarily mean they will all be high risk. So since that seems to be your concern (and possibly the reason your husband isn't being totally honest with you about his desires) I would talk with your ob/gyn about the odds. It may surprise you.

Good luck with this thorny dilemma. I only know how much richer my life is with plus one.

VickiS