I Want a 2Nd, but He Doesn't

Just give him time to enjoy the child you have right now. He may come around later, just do push him about another child right now.

If you and your husband are still intimate, there is always a chance you will get pregnant. I'm assuming this is a healthy relationship, and you do satisfy one another's needs, willingly. I know it can be a stressful thing, but unless either of you has surgery to prevent further babies, they may come. It is by the grace of God, and He ultimately chooses who will and who will not have children. The first commandment given to Adam and Eve was to be fruitful and multiple! Be fruitful, multiple, Lord willing! :)

Also be content in the son that you do have. If your husband sees what a blessing it truly is to have children, perhaps his mind will change. Even after getting pregnant, it may take some time for his heart to adjust. Just continue to work at being a wonderful wife and mother to your husband and son, and love what you were given responsibility to care for, nurture, and cherish. Also encourage and build up your husband for being an awesome man, for working so hard and providing for the family etc.
May you be blessed!

Angel, what you said is great: "It's something inside of you and you're not wrong or right for your feelings and neither is he. I say you don't ever have to get over it, just find a way to accept what it is."

you're in a relationship based on trust and love...to trick your husband would risk all of that. would it be worth it?

It could be due to the age of your little one now, give him some time, once the child is a least five and maybe he will change his mind, but with you on his back about having a child could be pushing him away and maybe hurt your marraige, so don't get pregnant on purpose, good things come to those that wait, just wait it will happen.

I don't know, I am on the other end of this spectrum. My husband and I have 1 daughter now 11 yo. He always wanted more, I didn't! I strongly feel that if someone does not want more they should not have more. I feel very blessed to have 1 AMAZING daughter. I fell like I have plenty of energy and time for her. So many people told me I was being selfish but I guess when you know your limits you just know. I am an only child, husband is oldest of 4. I guess that could have something to do with it. But good luck to you, I hope everything works out in the best interest of you both.

I've been there. My husband didn't want any and we have 3 now. Of course if you have atleast two children, they can play and entertain eachother which can give you a break. When our first child was 3 my husband finally gave in maybe because I always stared in envy at pregnant bellies or maybe because I brought it up every week. Or maybe it was the nightly prayers. I don't know why he gave in but there isn't much you can do until that happens to your husband. There is no advice I can think of for you to get over wanting one. It's something inside of you and you're not wrong or right for your feelings and neither is he. I say you don't ever have to get over it, just find a way to accept what it is.

You could always get a small puppy, but really the urge your biological clock is sending you does not go away!
My best advice is to sit down with your hubby alone (get a babysitter and go out to dinner) and have a serious discussion. Ask him to tell you all of his reasons for not wanting a baby and on a scale of 1-10, how important is it to him to stick with just one. Then tell him why you want another, what it means to you (open up yourself), and on a scale of 1-10 how important having another is to you. He may find the compromise easier when he truely understands how important it is to you. Maybe he can agree that if you space them far apart it wouldn't be so bad. On the otherhand, you may understand his concerns and learn to live with the idea of just one.

I have two kids and constantly feel the yearning for another baby, but we agree for many reasons that two children is best for our family. It just takes him reminding me why every once and a while when my biological clock starts screaming.

I wouldn't try 'getting over' your want for another one. Maybe try talking to your husband about the downside of having only one child. My experience is that 'only children' grow up very spoiled in life and become very spoiled adults. They miss out on a lot of the learning experiences those with siblings get such, as how to share their parent's time with another child, for one.... which is huge. I personally feel 2 is a great number!

D.,
Children are very important. When my husband and I got together, we had no plans of children. Four years later I got the itch for children. At least one. I spoke with him for over an hour convincing him that we should have a child and he listened. We had a child because he knew it was in my heart that I was passionate about it. He had to undergo a vasectomy reversal that had been done fifteen years previously knowing that there was no guarantee of success. Well, after trying for over 1 1/2 years we finally conceived our miracle. Three years later we had one more. The biggest reason we had a second was because a friend of ours is an only child. Even though things are easier with one child, she expressed a feeling of sadness because there was only her. She pleaded with us to have a second and we finally we caved. When he was about 1year old my husband had a vasectomy again. I would love to have more, but he doesn't. I respect his decision. What we have is wonderful. He did something for me out of pure love and the result is two beautiful children. I feel that if you try to persuade your husband to have more children and he agrees out of sheer caving, your relationship may become damaged. Later on he may resent having the second child and resent you for it. Our youngest is almost 5 and I still long for a daughter and more chldren. I don't think the feeling will ever go away. I just thank God that we made the decision to have a second. I'll be thinking about you because eventhough I have two, I still secretly long for more.

Well, when I wanted another.. I just did it .. My husband said he didn't want anymore until I told him I was pregnant again. Besides,,, if your hubby loves you.. he should give you what your heart desires. That is what we are here for .. to have beautiful families we can be proud of and fill our hearts with love..

D.,

Bless your heart....this is a post close to my heart as well. This very subject was an on-going “discussion” in my house for over a year. We already have a wonderful 3 year old son, and I wanted another. I was an only child and refused to have my son be one, too, because I hated it. I always wanted a sibling. After numerous fights and a long time in discussion, I had started to accept that we were not going to have another, and I was literally mourning the “loss” of the dream of having another child. I stopped talking about it. Then one night it came up again, surprisingly by him. I just broke down and told him why I felt it was so important; The only child thing, our son having a friend and playmate, our son having another family member once we pass on, etc. And I hate to be morbid, but I also said what would happen if something drastic happened to our son? What if he is goofing around with his buddies when he’s older and gets into a car wreck? Or got sick? Killed in a war? My hubby is in the service and wants our son to do the same, so what then? We’d be childless and too old to start over. My husband’s grandfather is a lonely old man living in another state, because his adult children don’t pay much attention to him. I asked my hubby if he wanted to be like that, if our son passed away? I sure didn’t. I also put my foot down on the birth control issue. I said I was done being the responsible one in the marriage and putting chemicals (the Pill) into my body that I didn’t want anymore, and that other tried methods (IUD) did not suit me. I was the one who went thru hell with that device, not him. So if he was so adamant about not having another, then HE needed to take some responsibility and go get “fixed”. As far as I was concerned, he was getting an easy ride with not wanting another child, but having me be the one to take on the birth control issue. To my surprise, he did come around. I am currently 26 weeks preggo with a second son. We will be done after this one, and I’m ok with that. I also agreed to have my tubes tied since I have to have another C-section. And even more to my surprise, he is excited to be experiencing this pregnancy with me, since he was deployed thru the entirety of my first one. He’s excited about having another son.

Also, what are his reasons for not wanting another? Calmly and quietly explore those with him. My hubby’s were mainly financial fears. He was also worried we would not have time enough for ourselves. I stand firm in the belief that parents need their time alone, too, to be refreshed in each other and therefore be better parents, so I re-assured him that we will always have “our time” as the kids grow up. Parent-only get-aways and such. And that it is something I truly wanted, too, not just smoke I was blowing to get another baby.

I wish you the best. It’s so difficult, I know. I wish I had more words of wisdom for you, but I can only speak to what I have experienced myself. I truly wish you the best.

I am right there with you. I want a 3rd and my husband says no:( As far as advice for getting over it, I have decided to just stop talking about it in the hopes that I will forget about it. Maybe one day in the future your hubby will bring it up and it will be a nice suprise. I think talking about it when he is so clearly against it will only set you up for dissapointment as it has me. Hope this helps and I hope he comes around.

A few good things to bring up to your husband about having only one child is they will grow older with no one to share important events in their life like graduatuion, their wedding day, holidays. I can't imagine if I did not have my 3 siblings to call when I am happy or sad and my kids love being around their cousins. On a more serious note what if they were to get sick and need a sibling doner or something or if the parents passed away they would be all alone.

My hubby was kinda this way. But with my hubby he will not really tell me anything until HE is ready to talk about it. IMO it does not help to pressure him, just tell him what you want and let him stew it out before you talk to him again. maybe he just wants a break from diapers and stuff, maybe his idea is that #1 should be in kindergarden. Maybe he just doesnt know yet. After my #1 I was on birth control for 2 years, and it was time to go get more, and I just broke down into tears, but I was trying to not let him know, I thought he was asleep, he wasnt and he asked what was wrong, I didnt want to tell him because I was afraid he would kust not want to talk abou tit yet. But I did tell him (this was 2 years after I told him I wanted another baby) and he said that he was starting to feel ready too, two months later I was PG.
Give it time!

I would love to hear the advice you get from this. I have a son that will be four in June and I would really like to have a second. My husband doesn't seem thrilled to have a second one but he is a great dad and would love to have a sibling for our son. I keep waiting for the perfect time to talk about it again, but I don't want to seem like a nag or desperate.

Good luck and keep us posted!

Of course, after the fact, children should be discussed before marriage so as not to have this problem arise, but I had a second child for my first child. I wasn't about to let him grow up as an only child. I know too many people that were only children and so longed for a brother or a sister. They hated being the only child. Not only did they have no one to play with, but they don't have a sibling to share with, be it things or secrets, or whatever. It just is a sad lonely adult life for them.

It can cause social problems later when your goes to school or be with a group of others. The child has to "share" things and doesn't know how to. He only knows, "It's all about me."

This might sound a little polarizing, but I'm just gonna call it like I see it. here we go...

There are cultures in the world that have sayings like, "cursed is the man who doesn't allow his wife to bear more children" (or something like that). It might sound archaic, but I think the saying is basically right.

Obviously men and women enjoy an equality in relationships that we didn't used to, but people are afraid to admit anymore that men and women are different. We ARE different. Women are still primarily the ones who bear and raise children, and we are biologically and spiritually geared toward finding fulfillment in that.

I would never dream of telling my husband that I wouldn't "let" him pursue a promotion or career path that would bring him further fulfillment in life. Especially one that he dreamed of as a child. Heavens, would you?! Of course not! You'd be seen as a controlling, needy, selfish wife who is holding her husband back and destroying his chances at personal happiness and fulfillment for her own selfish reasons.

For him to demand you stop having children is the SAME THING! I am appalled by men who want to tell their wives how many children they are or are not "allowed" to have. It's selfish, egocentric, and insensitive not only to your needs and happiness, but also to your child's needs and happiness (an only child? poor thing!).

I realize that these decisions need to be made together to large extent (the same way my husband would talk to me before pursuing career changes). Every family is capable of different things, but it's just not reasonable for him to expect only one child unless you've got some really extenuating circumstances (are you very poor or disabled? Is your child disabled? Obviously YOU feel you want more, so I'm guessing you're perfectly capable of more).

I should be clear -- I think the husband/wife relationship is the most important one in the home, so I wouldn't dream of suggesting that you thumb your nose at your husband and tell him you're gonna do whatever you want without him. But I think if someone needs to make an adjustment to their thinking in this case, it's him, not you. I admire your courage and humility to try and give this up for his happiness, but honestly, in this case, I don't think it's appropriate for him to let you do that. It's a life-lasting decision you can never undo for yourself. I think you should be patient and loving and all that, but I think you should be clear about your expectations and firm in your womanhood and right to pursue and explore the things that are fulfilling to you. You're not asking him to support you through 10 kids or anything! It's just 2! If he can't do that for you (and for them), he should be asking himself some serious soul searching questions about his own selfishness and what he sees as his role in your life and his childrens' lives.

Too bad we don't have medicine men around to talk hard to the men who are shirking their responsibilities (I saw this when I had a Native American boyfriend, on this very issue). But I think you would do well to "own your power" in this case, and let him know that this is something you need and that you need his support, and that this is not a decision he can make for both of you against your wishes.

Just my 2 cents.

Good luck, whatever you decide. I wish you happiness in life.

postscript: Angiie V posted while I was writing this. Great response. I believe everything I'm saying here, but she gives you actual advice that is far better than my rhetoric. Good luck.

This hits home. I have a little brother, my dad sort of had an attitude with him. My mother told me it was because he did not want anymore children and she did so she "acidentally" go pregnant (something about a diaphram that got a hole in it). There was obvious resentment at times with her and my brother. I have heard that in a personal situation such as this that the "no" wins. You do not want to bring a baby into the world that is not wanted even subconsiously. Give your hubby a chance. He may come around. Are you giving your husband the loving attention that he got before the baby? Is he maybe a bit jealous and is afraid he will really get left out if a new baby is added to the mix? Some things to think about. A husband and a wife should be a team and that old annoying saying of there is no "I" in team means that this should be a joint decision.