How Many Children Are Enough

I got my tubes tied but I'm also 34 and it had to do more with health problems if I had anymore children then anything. 24 seems too young to get tubes tied and I honestly wonder if an OB would do it. I had a friend that got hers tied at age 25 and she regretted it later.
I honestly thing you still have a long time to decide something so major. I'd try the pill or other methods first before something so permanent may be done.

You just need to agree on a number. One more would be great for you while two more will be too much for him. My hubby and I both wanted a big family since we both only had one other sibling. At one time we even considered five. We have three and couldn't be happier. We agreed on stopping because we knew this is what we could handle and believe me, three is a big family nowadays. We couldn't handle anymore, emotionally or financially. I kinda linger for my baby to stay a baby and will miss the baby faze when it's done but I'll know my kids will have all I can give them.

Just my 2 cents ... maybe you need to have a really serious conversation with him about how you don't feel you are finished. Lay it on the line ... not meanly, but caringly and see what comes of it. Find out why he doesn't want to have more ... money, too much work with the kids you have now, etc. I do know from friends personal experiences ... if your husband says he is done ... that might be a sign ... just because the women I have known to "push it" and get pregnant or have more kids and then the husband is overloaded and doesn't deal well with all the kids (anger issues, feeling neglected, etc.). Also, I would suggest he get fixed if he is done ... just because it is "harder" on the woman than the man ... plus, not to be mean, but if something happened to him and later you wanted more kids ... you'd be free to do it. (RE: getting fixed - Men are just inconvenienced a little over a few days ... where women are inconvenienced for a lot longer ... plus all he has to do is put on a bag of frozen veggies and lay around ... it really would be easier on you if he did it.)

I would not get your tubes tied and I am not sure about your OB but I know mine doesn't do it unless you are ABSOLUTELY sure and it depends on age. I have also heard that women tend to have more health problems. So maybe you should tell him to get a vasectamy. see how that works, sometimes it turns the tables because then they are not sure if they are done having kids. You will know when you are done having kids. It kinda just comes to you. If you want more try to reason with your husband. Like instead of 4 kids could we have 3 that kind of thing...He may suprise you. Also just because he says no now does not mean a month or two down the road he might change his mind. I just would not give into the tubes tied thing! Plus remember down the line there will be GRANDCHILDREN and I have heard from my in laws they are the biggest blessings!

just tell him its my turn i want a girl and then we can quit who knows you might even get a big family just trying for that girl

I feel the same way. I have 2 kids and would really kind of like more. My husband does not want more.
I can understand his reasons. Our house is the right size for a family of 4. We will certainly be able to do more for our kids if we did not have to provide for 3 or 4 children, but I love kids and love mothering newborns. I even like being pregnant. I am one of 4 in my family so a big family is a way of life for me.
It is difficult to think that I will not be pregnant again or have another baby, but I also know that it is kind of rational not too. I will not "get fixed." He knows that and will not ask me too. I have long term birth contol right now and he occasionally talks about going to get a vasectomy. I have decided that I will not stop him but he knows how I feel about it and has not done it yet.
It is a difficult problem. I am happy with my 2 kids and I am going to be okay with not having more but I will always wish that he would come around.
Good luck!

I agree, if he doesnt want anymore children HE should have a vasectomy. That way down the line if anything were to happen you would stil be able to have more children. As your children grow older he may change his mind and so may you... That time when no one is in diapers and waking up in the middle of the nite is so peaceful! But then again as the mother of 4, my daughter is potty training and I am missing having a baby in the house! My tubes are tied and my mother tells me this will pass! When the peace and quiet of them all being in school all day comes, I will appreciate thier independence and the independece it gives me! Give it time and definetley dont get your tubes tied. It is painful, long recovery and your periods afterwards are awful! I had mine done 2 and a half years ago and had to go back on the pill to ease the periods..awful cramps, heavy bleeding and monster PMS! I believe there is at least one other request here on that. You and your husband have to do what works for both of you. Maybe he misses all the attention he got prekids...men are big babies when it comes to thier attention! They dont mind sharing attention with the kids, but they hope they get it back when the kids get older!
Good Luck...and remember, even if he does get a vasectomy and you both change your minds later...vasectomies arent as difficult to reverse as tubals!

L.,
Take it from me, I can not have anymore kids not because We dont want them but because I cant. You are young and if you are not sure you are ready to give up not having kids dont do it. Just take other measurements right now, until you and your husband know exactly what you want.
L.

I know everyone is saying not to have your tubes tied, and I would agree. There are other forms of birth control that are effective and not permanent. But I'm just wondering if your hubby has a valid point in not wanting anymore kids. Since you are a stay-at-home mom, he is the sole financial provider for the family. It may be a bit overwhelming for him to think of how to provide for the cost of raising a third child especially when college tuition is on the rise. Maybe try to see it from his point of view. If money is the case, he might be willing to compromise if you would be willing to return to work. Whatever the issues may be, you both should sit down and talk it over.

I am so sorry to hear that you and your husband are not in agreement on this issue. It can be really tough. I can't imagine having gotten my tubes tied at 24 though, even if I'd already had two kids and especially if I still wanted more. I didn't have my kids until I was much older. I have a son who is almost four and a daughter who is almost two. We are expecting our third child in June. I am 37 and my husband is 39. Since I will be having this child by C-section, the question of tubal ligation was brought up by the doctor. My husband wants me to do it because he doesn't want to have any more children once he's forty. I understand that, but it's been really hard for me to let go of the idea of having four children. In the end, I'll probably end up doing it because we are much older, but I honestly can't imagine making that kind of decision at 24 unless it is something that YOU really feel okay about. There's always the chance that he might change his mind.

At this age you are both too young to agree on this. I would consider waiting another couple of years so that your children are evenly spaced. Oh and to end the arguement right now tell him that the procedure is much simpler for him than you. Eventually your fertility will end, his only ends if he chooses and you don't need to end yours right now it will only lead to health problems.

My husband made the decision on his own after our 2nd child was born. I had been pregnant 4 times with him and he couldn't take seeing me go through another miscarriage. I did have one last miscarriage just as his vastectomy was final but at the time I didn't want to even consider trying again. We were ten years older than you are.

It's not fair of him to insist you take permanent measures if he's not willing to make the effort as well.

Hi L.,
I would definitely, positively not get my tubes tied. Especially not at your age!
I would ask him if you can just go on the pill for a while, and then maybe he'll change his mind about wanting more kids in a year or two (happens ALL the time!).
I would ask him what are the specific reasons for his concerns, so that you can understand his perspective, though.
I'm pregnant with Baby #2 (I'm almost 32) and even though I'm pretty sure I'm done, we agreed we won't do anything permanent until I'm 36. And even then, HE'S getting a vasectomy... I'm not getting my tubes tied. For the man it's an outpatient procedure with hardly any recovery time. It just makes more sense.
I hope things get worked out for you - HUGS!
J.

How important is it on a scale of 1-10 for him not to have any more children. How important is it to you on a scale of 1-10 to have another baby? Compare the scores and your feelings. Take both sides into consideration. If his score is 5 and yours is 10.......he needs to think about your needs and vice versa! And 24 is WAY TO YOUNG to decide how you are going to feel at 30! Don't do anything drastic! You may resent him forever for it! Good Luck!

This is a discussion that my husband and I had when we found out that our second child was also going to be a boy. Immediately I though, "Well we have one more chance." because that was the number of kids that I had decided on...3. However, my husband was not on board with me. We discussed things like financial responsibility, how old we would be when our boys were teenagers, the likelihood of having a girl on the third try, etc. in regards to having a third child. If you haven't talked to you husband about his reasonings for not having more children I would definitely do that. I am a true believer in the fact that while we may as women have this picture of how we want our lives to be sometimes we have to morph that plan a little. I'm not saying that your only choice is to settle, but hear out your husbands concern for not having anymore children.

Also if you have a good OB-GYN then I am guessing if you went in and said my husband wants me to get my tubes tied. Your OB would then ask how YOU feel about it. When he senses your hesitation and factors in your age he will probably steer you in another direction. When I went in saying that I should have gotten my tubes tied and, that eventually if we decided to have more kids, I could just have the procedure reversed my OB said that if I had any doubt about getting the procedure and having it reversed eventually that he wouldn't even do the procedure. He said that we were still young and we may have changed our minds in five years. So he talked with me about Mirena which is an IUC (intrauterine contraceptive). He implants it in the office and it stays in for five years. After which time I could still have kids if we've changed our minds or just have another one implanted. After a while you have fewer periods (I just had my first one in about a year) and it only affects the uterus, unlike many oral contraceptives.

I hope this helps.
J.

You are not being selfish, you may want to give it a few months and approach the subject with your husband again. We thought we were done-we have 3,we were in total agreement and my husband had a vasectomy done. Needless to say, the impact that had on the both of us was much harder then we could have ever imagined. Looking back, we would have done things different. Good luck to you

Just tell him you need some time to think about it. Your last child is still young so maybe when he starts getting a bit older your husband will start to change his mind a bit and want to try for another. You never know, but ti can't hurt. I also know that when you tell your doctor they give you a hard time for wanting your tubes tied...especially at 24!! I was 24 when I told them that's what I wanted and they gave me the third degree! Instead, I just had my hubby get the vasectomy. Maybe tell your husband that you will get your tubes tied in the future but not until you are the age of __. I think if he is scared of the vasectomy that maybe you should say that when he gets the vasectomy you guys can be done having kids, hehehe. It might postpone things a little longer anyways.

I started out wanting 4 children. I now have 3 and I have reached my limit. My philosophy is now this: a person can't know if they want 2 children until they have 1; and a person can't know if they want 3 children until they have 2; and a person can't know if they want 4 children until they have 3. So, in his defense, how could he possibly know years ago that 2 children would be enough for him until he started having them?

Second, I have a wonderful, supportive husband who is a caring and fully engaged father. I couldn't imagine parenting my 3 children without his full support. I would be very concerned about losing his support by forcing him to have more children than he is comfortable with.

And finally, the risk of having your tubes tied compared to the risk of a vasectomy for him are much higher. I agree with the other responder that if you decide that you are done, he is the one who should have his tubes tied. He needs to get educated on the topic and learn that a vasectomy does not in any way affect his, um, manhood. :)

I would tell your husband if he is done and doesn't want any more he can have vascetomy which is a less invesise surgry anyway. I would also reccomend you both wait till your youngest is 3. Since both your kids are so close in age I would give a little time before making any drestice measures.

After I have my daughter I swore I would never have another one. ONE was enough. Now she is two and I think I would like another one. If I had gotten my tube tied then I would be out of the woods.