Should I Have Another Child? - Sarasota,FL

I think you really want that second one. I would go for it. In the end, it all works out. Somehow there is always enough money and time for everyone. You will have double the love, hugs and kisses!

Well I have three and it's nuts but wonderful. As far as your time being divided, that works itself out, the awesome thing about love is that it grows and there is always enough to go around :). I had one sister and I adored her. She passed away 4.5 yrs ago at age 34 :( I know my mother still misses her so much, and I could never replace her, but my mom has said how glad she is she had two children. I am the younger child and the only one who married and had kids, if she had only had one she would have no living children and no grandchildren. So I think if it's a thing in your heart and it won't let go, that means something. Not being morbid or saying any of us will lose a child or anything like that, only that none of us can see the future and children are a blessing. No decision here would be wrong, I just kind of think you really want one :). We never worked on paper financially until recently and I have always stayed home. Wish you the best whatever you decide :D

Can you afford two in day care? Think about how much money that really is and then decide if you can stay home. Babies really don't have to cost a lot. Breast feeding is free! If you want to stay home...there are ways.. And really...it will work out. You are stressing over details. Life is up and down and no amount of number crunching will make it ok or not to stay at home. You never know what's around the corner. Your kids are only young once...be there with them and figure the rest out later.

Here's a poem I thought you may enjoy...

Loving Two

I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love. There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.
Author Unknown

If you can't let go of it, it's because you need to have another one. I spent two years going back and forth between longing and fear over having a third...what a waste of time. My heart told me to have another, and I did. Any problems life throws at us, we will manage. This new little blessing it worth it.

As to the time, you manage. You might not be able to spend every minute with one kid, but that kid will have another kid to spend time with. My baby loves it when her older siblings just sit and talk to her. They all laugh and giggle. They could care less that mom is in another room cleaning something.

If I were you considering all the facts it serms as though money is the only issue you are dealing I would have another child and stay home with both of them and then take one or two children in to babysit for and you would have your babies your Heart desires and the funds to enable you to be a stay at home Mommy.If you decide not to have another child because of money you will regret it put your Faith in the Lords hands and TRUST that he will meet your needs and enjoy life with your husband and CHILDREN .GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY AND WE KEEP YOU IN OUR PRAYERS. ROSIE 50YEARS YOUNG WITH A 5.5 MONTH OLD BABY GIRL (ADOPTED AT BIRTH) AND MY BEAUTIFUL 34 year old HUSBAND Adoption was our only option for him to be a father due to my age .I gave up a 60, 000.00 a year job to have our Daughter and God has provided our every need for me to stay home and raise her.Good Luck we Pray you make the decision that is best for Your Family. .;)

Go for it,u don't want to have regrets. U can always work the $ issue out.

Not knowing your whole story, I'd just offer that, as a mom below said, your son will get older and more independent. He'll also be heading to school in a couple years.

Also, maybe you can work part-time...?? Or work from home?

Sorry to throw clichés, but I basically keep coming back to other ways of saying: where there's a will, there's a way. I think you can find a way to balance 2 kids and work/finances.

(Also, I'm in a similar situation right now--stuck in school, feel like I'm losing my daughter's little kidhood, and putting off having another kid until we're in better financial situation--that is, whenever the heck I'm done with school... so, I'm rooting for you!) :)

Why can't you work and have 2? For all that your son doesn't get YOUR time..... he would get the time of a sibling. So it's a trade off.

I was only able to have 1. But I wish I could have had a second. To me the benefit of a sibling.... The lessons, the good and bad, just the experience.... is worth the financial cost and the reduction in one-on-one time you have with your son now.

Just my $0.02.

You can't go back and undo what you've already done. You made the best decision you could at that time, so don't beat yourself up over it. It just adds to the stress.

If you're not sure, go back on birth control and wait until something "clicks" to help you make your decision. Don't get pregnant if you aren't sure, but don't get a tubal ligation either. You don't want to regret it.

Finances are a huge issue for so many families. However, I'd re-think the part about not having enough time for 2. You say how close you are to your son, which is great - but please allow for the fact that kids grow up, find friends, and spend less time with their parents. In particular, boys really bond with their dads - and that's a good thing. You don't want to feel "incomplete" when he becomes more independent and spends less time with you. You can't fill that void with another child, but you can't prevent it either. Moms with a several kids will tell you that they work it out, they have time with all the kids, and they do things together not just one on one. Some people feel kids should have siblings so they have a playmate. Others think that single kids do just fine. I have 1 son and he's great. I've experienced all the emotions over the years - we're so close, we're not close, he's like his father, he loves his father more than me, I should have had another, I'm glad I had one. Finally I've gotten to "it is what it is, and he loves me even if he's not with me every single day or doesn't tell me everything."

So don't try to decide anything irreversible until you are sure. I'd wait it out - if, in another 6 months or a year you're still conflicted, you can always get some short term counseling to help you sort out your feelings.

Don't have children you can't afford to support.
"God" doesn't provide food when you don't have money to buy groceries, housing when you don't have money to pay rent, or medicine when you don't have money to pay the doctor.
The money doesn't "always somehow work out."

In your place I wouldn't.
Yeah the finances (or lack thereof) would bother me too much.
There isn't always room for one more.
As much as I hated having our son in daycare, being at work and having time with adults made me a better mom when I was at home.
We had the money to get him what ever we felt he needed without breaking the budget.
And at least in our case - I never wanted to put our son what I went through with a sibling - my younger sister was pure misery to grow up with - I always wished I'd been an only child..
There's no guarantee that siblings with be compatible.
My pregnancy was text book perfect, and I was a little sad I'd never be doing that again, but I didn't want to be a preg-oholic (get pregnant just to be pregnant again).
We're not rabbits that breed just for breeding's sake.

No one can tell you what is right for you. It is a very personal decision between you and your husband.

It sounds like you have a supportive husband and that is a HUGE plus because many women on the fence regarding another child do not have support from the husband and the decision is made by default.

We have 1 child by choice and I wouldn't have it any other way. She is 18 and headed to college in the fall. For YEARS, my house has been full of children who have chosen my house to be the one to go to. I LOVE that. I have 4 18 yr olds upstairs now!

I have always been a SAHM and I also work from home now managing our company.

You probably hear horror stories about an only child but at the same time, balance that out.. You can find horribly spoiled and rotten children who have siblings as well. It is a matter of parenting and how you bring them up. You can't guarantee that siblings will get along.

We have set ourselves up so that she will not be burdened when we age out. We've also been able to fully find her college education which we strongly feel is a parental obligation. We feel it is our job to get her out of college debt free so she has a clean slate when she enters the workforce.

There are pros and cons to both... financial is a huge one. We have no regrets and we are so excited to see her so happy and planning her dorm room, moving in the dorm, and going to college.

Best wishes with your choice.

You are 50 percent there because your husband supports you either way.

I am you except I don't have anymore time, or a job, so DH does not support us having two.

If you have time to decide, than go for it.

You need both parents on board for more children :-).

Dear L.,

The poem that Stephanie posted is so true! My son was 4.5 years old when we had our second son. We had such a tight bond and I wondered if I could ever give as much time and attention to another baby. And I learned that I can't - but my second gets time and attention from his older brother. Today they are 7 and 2. Yesterday, my oldest got his brother cereal for breakfast, found his younger brother's "dankie" when it was missing and put his sandals on for him so they could go play in the backyard together. They adore each other and love each other intensely. I am not going to lie and tell you they don't fight - they do! Over what to watch on TV, toys, what story mommy or daddy is going to read, etc. That is normal sibling behavior. When I had baby #2, I did not realize it but I gave my baby the best gift I could ever give to him.

Financially, I decided to work 5 half days per week - totally feasible in my job - when I had baby #2. It means less income and we are living off my husband's benefits because I don't get them as a part timer. But, my older child does not have any child care costs now except for summer and my younger doesn't have long hours in daycare. I was able to nurse our second for over a year because working didn't really interfere with nursing - saving big time on formula (which I never bought!). #2 was another boy which meant most of his clothes are hand me downs but that has worked itself out.

It is amazing but I know how much #2 has blessed us as a family and I can't imagine our family without him. Now trying to decide whether to try for a girl one last time:)

Good luck!