Screaming - Chandler,AZ

It's hard to know what you should do now without knowing what you have done before for these tantrums. You say here that you "tell" him not to do it.

Have you been consistent with firm discipline since age 2 (or any age before now) for tantrums, but yet at ten, he's still throwing fits? If so, he could have a medical disorder causing him to be unable to control himself despite the rules.

Have you always been understanding and let the fits "go" or ignored them or just talked to him about them? If so, it could be escalated behavior for lack of discipline. In some kids, especially boys, lack of boundaries causes rage.

Let us know what has been done already, therapy, evaluation, discipline, etc.

Have you told his ped this? I know that there are extenuating circumstances in your home with an ill child, but your son is "screaming" for attention in the worst way. You need a medical intervention in the worst way.

Get your ped to help you here. You all need counselors. A 10 year old who does this is going to be a menace to others and himself as an older teen if you don't get help, mom.

This isn't normal behavior.
Is he autistic?
Does he do this at school too?
Talk to your pediatrician and have your son evaluated for behavioral and sensory issues.
This isn't something that's happened over night.
If he's always been like this I would have been talking to your pediatrician when your son was 4 or 5 yrs old.
His behavior is already out of control.
He's only going to get older and stronger.
He could become a danger to himself, others and you.

Sounds like he needs some medication. He may have a chemical unbalanced. His reaction does not sound normal.

Does he also behave this way at school? If so, ask the teacher how the other boys relate to him. Yes, he needs medical attention ASAP.

I am sorry you are having so much trouble. It is possible that there is something causing this, but it might be a good idea to try this first:
He probably wants your attention. When he screams and cries and throws things, he gets your attention. You don't want him to get attention for negative things - only for positive things. So - and this could be hard at first, but stick with it and don't waiver - you need to react only to positive things he does. When he screams or cries, you turn to your husband and say, "I think that (his name) probably needs something, but I haven't heard him talk to me and tell me what he wants in a normal voice, so I guess I can't help him." Each time he screams and cries, continue that kind of thing. If you are alone, then wonder to yourself aloud, "I wonder if (his name) needs something, but he hasn't talked to me in a normal voice, so I can't tell." Do NOT look at him when you are saying this. If he throws something, then say, "It's too bad someone threw that, because they will have to work for money and pay to fix it. I wonder what (his name) would say about that or what he wants to talk about. I guess he'll tell me in a normal voice when he wants me to know." Even if he hits YOU, do not react to it. If he hits another person/ child, then you grab that child and comfort them and hold them (or apologize to the person and let them know that you will take care of the situation) - but do NOT look at the offender. Then, when he talks to you in a normal voice, say, "Wow! I'm so glad you decided to talk to me! What do you need?" Be positive. Don't give him what he wants, unless it is okay with your family rules, though. If he finally talks to you in a normal voice and asks for something that he can't have, then act as if you are on his side and look sorry and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, honey - it's a family rule that you can't have that. I wish you could. Is there something else we could do, instead?" Then, while he is talking to you in a normal voice, act as if you haven't seen him in a long time, and tell him you miss him and you love him (and hug/ hold him) and want to hear about his day. Reward positive behavior. He will keep up the positive behavior as long as you don't ignore him when he does it. If you are busy doing something else when he asks you something in a nice voice, then turn to him and tell him that you are busy right now, and tell him you will talk to him in 10 minutes, or so. Got it? It has worked for me 100s of times.

I agree with Ronda that your first step is to find out if he acts this way at school. If he doesn't, then you know it's NOT something chemical, and Debbie H.'s advice below is perfect.

A kid who can control his actions in one situation (e.g. school), does not have a mental disability/chemical imbalance.

I also agree that this isn't normal behavior for a 10 year old, but it still could be a kid crying out for attention, and getting it through negative attention, in which case Debbie's advice would be spot on.

IF he does similar behaviors at school, then there is a definite problem, and you need to have him evaluated, asap.

Get on this, now. It needs to be stopped.

Take a Parenting with Love and Logic class with your husband. This class will provide you with the tools you need to stop this behavior. You have, without realizing it, taught your son to scream and need to understand exactly how you did this and how to shift your own behaviors. As parents, we need to support ourselves with really good information about behavior, discipline, and child development. Unfortunately, this isn't provided when our children are born so it is important for us to seek this information out through classes, books, videos, etc.

Does he do this at school? Has he always been this way? Have you talked to his doctor? For sure it doesn't sound normal.

He seems a little old to be pulling this type of behavior. I would email his teachers and/or counselors at school to first see if he is doing the same at school. Then, no matter what the answer, I would schedule a meeting with his pediatrician to see if s/he could offer some solutions.