Hello! My son is 13 months old. He has always been a very easy going baby and didn't "complain" a whole lot about anything. For the past 2 months or so, however, he has really become very fussy, he even throws little tantrums when he doesn't get his way or when it's time to change his diaper. He is, also, a pretty smart boy. He already says several words and will try to repeat things I say to him so I am really focusing on teaching him to say things verbally or through baby sign instead of throwing tantrums. I guess my question is what do I do about the behavior now? Is it best to just redirect and ignore... or should I try and set boundaries now so that it doesn't become more of an issue in the future? One more thing... he has been home for the summer with me since I work in education and have summers off, so he has had a lot of extra attention. Could that also be a problem? Thanks so much!!
Thanks so much to everyone who responded!! Every single response was great advice. It really is a relief that other mom's have gone through similar things. I went out right away and bought the book "Positive Parenting, the first 3 years". It really has made me much more sympathetic to my son. I also have started looking him in the eye and saying "stop" calmly when he in a tantrum. It truly does throw him out of his tantrum for a bit so I can either tell him what I'm doing or finish a diaper change. Thanks again everyone!!! Oh! I also love the idea of giving him choices... he really seems to respond to that too! I'm so blessed to have a smart healthy boy!! God Bless!
This is normal...hang in there. I have a 15 month old that has been like that for about 3 months! I have 4 children and most children, including mine, start the terrible 2's at age 1. Good luck.
oh does this sound familiar....My daughter is turning two this weekend and i went through the exact same thing. Perfect baby, stubborn tantrum throwing toddler. I have to say time out is working. I have a very uncomfortable chair facing the wall and she sits in it for 2 minutes when she hits, tantrums ect. They are smarter than you think. It will not take long for him to notice the pattern. You must stick with it. I have sat her at relatives, friends house ect. She knows the direct consequence to her action. Oh and a timer works really well so they know when they can get down. If they get up put them back and reset the timer. Oh and plenty of hugs afterwards. Good luck.
A lot of this is developmental. We started time outs for hurting behavior - hitting, biting, etc. at 11 months (at this age I sat with him). During diaper changes, which were almost always a struggle, I went for redirections/distraction - a funny song, strange noise, just something that was not the norm for us. That worked most of the time. Good luck.
Sounds like the beginning of the terrible two's..my son started early too. Tantrums need to be ignored- COMPLETLY
When he screams or whines for something, tell him you can't hear him. ONLY respond to calm, non-tantrum needs.
If he screams or whines for something he should NOT have, again, tell him that you can't hear him. Then give him a substitute.
Later, whenever you "catch" him asking for something later in a calm way, say, "What a big boy to ask so nicely!" or something like that. Praise him when he's nice on his own.
I know it's hard, but be very patient. This takes a while. But it will pay off later. He's only going to get bigger, louder, stronger, and better aim, so start setting those boundaries now.
Totally agree with the first poster: start timeouts now, so he knows what they're about and starts learning those boundaries. He's old enough to understand certain things (what "NO" means) and when he ignores you, it's time for discipline.
AT 13 months your son is trying to show his independence. The fits can be "meltdowns" were is is overwhelmed or too tired or they can simple be the way he is trying to communicate what he wants.
There is no such thing as too much time spent with your child (unless you need a break).
So when your son throws a fit, see if there is a logical reason (tired, hungry) if so offer him a word to use to help you understand the problem. And if it is because he is simply melting down- then pick him up in a strong bear hug and go tuck him in bed for a nap.
Good luck- praise him often on all the cute and wonderful things he is doing and he will soon abandon fits for actions that create praise.
Good luck- R. mom to 4 boys and a little girl
The tantrums are a way of his communicating that he is unhappy about something that he can't voice. When he starts getting frustrated stop it early with redirecting or giving him the words "You are angry because I am changing your diaper and you can't keep playing". To stop it tell him "we don't act like this" and give him a ok way to show his unhappiness. He is young enough that it will take a little bit before he can gain control of his emotions enough to stop it so consistancy is very important. Punishment isn't nessessary unless he is throwing fits over wanting something he can't have, then he has to learn that no means no and a minute sitting in time out on the couch will work wonders. Punishing a child over not being able to communicate would be like being punished if you were in a different country and couldn't speak the language. Temper tantrums over not getting something he wants is different, he needs to learn self control and that is where time out comes in.
"Positive Discipline: From birth to 3 years" is a great book. Take a look at it. Very helpful.
I got these ideas from Love and Logic class. Give him many choices thoughout the day. Easy things - what type of cereal for breakfast - "this or this"? - what shirt he will wear - "this or this"? The key is that BOTH choices are okay for you - you always win and he gets to feel some control in things.
When he throws tantrums, you can put him in his room and tell him he is hassling your ears - to come out when he is done. He may be young, but keep using the same words when you put him in his room, and eventually he will get that you don't put up with tantrums.
Hope this helps!
Yes even at 13 months it's time to set clear bounderies and don't let them step over it. They learn how far they can test and push you even at this age. I don't believe that at the age of 1-2 they understand time outs, so when mine would misbehave at this age I set them down on the floor so they are sitting and in a very firm voice and make sure there is eye contact I tell them no or to stop. It takes them out of what they were doing and will redirect them to something else that will get their attention.. hopefully. Sometimes ignoring the fits will work, if they see its not getting them what they want they will stop doing it.
If you let it keep going it will be twice as hard to correct the behavior in the future.. even in a month or two!
