We are in Texas in a pretty strict school. My son needed to on a level I this year in order to pass on to second grade. A little background information; He struggled in Kinder, and he struggled in first grade all throughout the year. He went to summer school both grades Kinder I pushed for him to move on because he was .1 (yes thats point one not even a full point) for moving onto first grade in reading. He's always been brilliant with math and science. In First he struggled with reading and writing, homework was a chore and he got really down on himself crying all the time. I felt that he would have a moment where everything just "clicked" for him. He was always not too far behind but still behind a little bit. A lot behind in writing., but a lot of that I feel is developmental. First grade we went to summer school(for just reading), and a month later we heard back from the school district on placement and how he did. He made progress in summer school but not as much as they would of liked. They said he needed to be retained due to his reading, his attention, and behavior(his behavior was not focusing, listening, and talking too much or not talking enough depending on the day, and having to tell him multipe times to do something). He is on the waitlist to get tested for adhd/add with the district. At this point the after a year of him getting down on himself and being upset and constantly working with him all the time I thought(very hesitantly) that he should stay in first grade. Fast forward two months; two days before school starts he has his ah-ha moment. Literally he read a book that took him forty minutes plus to finish at the beginning of the summer(yes I timed it) and picked it up and read it in twenty five...only stumbling on two words. He's reading signs at Wal-Mart, on the street, boxes, and everywhere we go. I am now thinking we made a mistake, that will affect him for the rest of his life and I feel awful!!! Absolutely awful! Did I make a mistake with him, and if I did how can I get him in second grade when the school board alreaddy voted on it? A lot of time and consideration went into this decision and I felt like I made the right one for him at the time...but now school starts tomorrow he is well past where he needs to be at the end of the school year in reading. Plus, he is seven and will be turning 8 at the end of Feb. in first grade. He has attention and behavior issues but that’s not going to go away with either promoting or retaining. I felt retaining would be a good thing for him since he struggled so much, but now he has a higher risk for dropping out due to being older for no reason. He’s almost as tall as I am. If you have a child that has been retained are they okay with it? Did they struggle with being retained when they got older? What are my rights if any to push to go onto the next grade the day school starts? We are in HEB Isd. Ugh, I am so upset I’ve been crying on and off all weekend. : ((!! Help!
Thanks everyone!! I went in to talk to the principal. She said he was tested at 10 points below where he needs to be in summer school. They said he needs to know the information to move on and I agree(which he's doing better on), they are going to test him again in a month and see where he's at. He is getting tested for dyslexia in three weeks, and add/adhd he's seeing someone in October. He's not focusing on the work. Hes going to have trouble whether he's in first, fourth, six, or tenth. She told me, "He will do better this year because he has another year to understand the information. I doubt he will have trouble this yr since its his second time in first." Sure enough yesterday he was looking around the room not paying attention. Which I told them was going to happen. She also said at this school in second grade they have to read their science and math questions almost by themselves. So if he struggled with reading all of those subjects would slide too. Which he's gifted in. I can see that point, I don't want him to slide in those because his reading. I guess we will deal with this now, and if age becmes a huge problem later on in his schooling years, I can pull him out and put him in private school.
Hon... DEEP breath.
1) Go in and talk with the principal / teacher. Changing classrooms after a day or week isn't the end of the world
2) You're in Texas. If it becomes a problem (retaining = fear of dropping out later), just homeschool for a period of time, and the register him 'up' a grade.
I think you might want to tell the school to test him again. If they won't, go to the school board. You could also try to change schools - is there a private school that has an opening in 2nd grade? If his current school won't move him to second grade, perhaps the private school will put him in 2nd grade.
You still have the worry about the writing. Boys often struggle with writing. Even boys who write very well in high school can struggle up until middle school.
I think if I were you that I'd get him tested by a child development psychologist to see where his strengths and weaknesses are. He needs an IEP (do you have one for him yet?) Knowing this will help you and the school know how best to work with him. You also need to know if he has learning disabilities. He needs accommodations for extra time for testing, etc.
I agree with you that being 8 years old in first grade is something to worry about. If his reading really takes off, then you should get tutoring in writing. It needs to be FUN writing with a tutor who understands BOYS. Story writing is important and should be part of the tutoring.
I will say that ADHD and learning disabilities go hand in hand, but not all kids with learning disabilities have ADHD. Sometimes, a child who can't figure something out doesn't focus because they are bored, or miserable trying to keep up when they don't have the stamina for it. You seem to think that the light bulb has turned on, so perhaps his behavior will be better because he will have more success reading.
I would NOT consider too much talking to be indicative of ADHD. My goodness - that's a personality trait and though it bothers teachers, you shouldn't let ANYONE push you into an ADHD diagnosis. Be very careful here - stimulants are poison to a kid without actual ADHD. It changes their personality and acts like SPEED.
So, push for additional testing. Push hard. Don't back down. If you need to hire an attorney, I'd do that. It says a lot that he is almost as tall as you - he runs the risk of being teased and dealing with it by becoming a bully. The school won't consider that THEIR fault if it happens, but it will be.
Good luck,
Dawn
I would keep him in first grade if he has struggled so for two years, let him have a good year. He will be at the head of his class. Let him have the year to regroup and don't worry about him dropping out because you held him back. Best thing I did for my son in first grade!
I would make them move him to his regular grade and if they wouldn't I would consider either moving him to a private school for just the one year or home schooling him. And I say those things not liking them as an option usually. I know that many people can afford private schools and I do know that they are excellent but there are so many other things that money could go for. I also could never home school a child. I think it is awfully hard on them to be normal kids once they get older and have not learned how to manage those large groups of people.
So I would tell them to test him the before he starts school to see if he is really doing as well as you have observed. Then make them move him up.
My grandson was held back due to too many late mornings, he was never more than 5 minutes late but each tardy counted as a half day.
He is 13 1/2 and is nearly 6 foot tall and in class with kids that are less than 5 feet tall. He is humiliated and hates school with a passion. He is embarrassed and if I could I would try to get my ex to let them move him up. He doesn't think it is such a big issue. I see my grandson suffering.
I think that holding a child back is a super big deal and unless they are failing in each subject they should not even consider it.
I understand why you chose to do this. They made a good case and it might have swayed many of us to allow them to do this. I do think he needs to have you advocate for him to be in his right aged class though.
I don't think that they can retain him without your approval. If you fight it, they most likely will allow him to move on to second grade.
Based on my experience, when a child is struggling to learn to read, retention will not help him learn. Most often, the child is struggling due to a learning disability, he may do better in the repeated grade only because the material is familiar and review for him, not because he is now able to learn. He then goes on to the next grade and continues to struggle because he did not receive the appropriate intervention.
Again, based on my experience with my daughter, I suggest that you push for a comprehensive educational evaluation. You may need to get an outside reading evaluation if you are not happy with the results obtained through the school testing. If your son has a reading disability such as dyslexia, he will continue to struggle until he gets the appropriate intervention.
A side note: If he does have a reading disability such as dyslexia, it is not the end of the world. It does not mean that your son is not smart, it just means he needs a different technique for learning. Majority of the kids with learning disabilities such as dyslexia, ADHD and other types are learning disabilities are very bright but they just get passed through the system without appropriate intervention and they never get the chance to show everyone how bright they really are.
I would be particularly concerned if your son is having a hard time with small word and site words. Also, remember that he may have memorized the book that he read to you. My daughter, used to memorize books word for word after just one or two times having it read to her.
If this is the route you choose to take, you can check out the website writeslaw.com the site will help you understand your rights as a parent. Also review the IDEA laws - no child left behind.
Good luck, let us know what happens
After a year of struggling, it might be good for him to have an easy year next to kids who've never done this before and are struggling a bit themselves with new material.
Now what was hard for him last year will be easy - it's a great esteem builder.
An extra year of maturity might help a bit with his other issues, too.
I think he'll be fine in repeating a grade.
It's easier now than if it were a few grades later.
He'll still be working on reading comprehension.
He'll only be 8 in 1st grade for 4 months - it's not like he's turning 8 in Sept and will be 8 for the whole year.
You made your decision months ago - don't be second guessing yourself now.
Relax and follow through.
My oldest daughter was retained after 4th grade...... she, too, was very bright, but was struggling with getting things done.....
She hadn't memorized the multiplication tables, for one, and was still trying to multiply by counting..... but... as a bit of background, when they did the Iowa Basics tests in 4th grade, her math computation (multiplication, etc.) was on a 3rd grade level, but math comprehension was on a 7th grade level... she understood it intuitively, but didn't have the mechanics of it down...
Anyway, we were moving from Iowa (a very small school district, less than 900 K-12) to a much bigger district in Texas, so we had her repeat 4th grade when we got to Texas.
However, she was a young student.... her birthday is in August, and she was also always petite, so she didn't stand out by being the tallest in her class.
We always got those letters that she was at risk of "dropping out" because she had been retained.... but she is almost finished with her doctorate in microbiology at Johns Hopkins!
I think you need to go in and talk to the counselor and explain how his reading has "clicked" these last few days, and want to discuss putting him on in second grade... have them see for themselves how his reading has changed.
A question though.... is he simply "decoding" the words (able to pronounce them easily as he reads them), or does he really understand what the words mean? After he reads a story, can he tell you what it means? Have you asked him questions about the story to see if he understood the story? That can be a big indicator of reading readiness.....
I would push hard to put him in second grade. Eight is too old for first grade. He will be way too mature when he is in fifth grade. If you can't get him into your local second grade, I would strongly consider a Montessori instead. The standard (and you need to check because all Montessori schools are different) is a multi age classroom with child led progress. My son did Montessori through kindergarten (his school ended there) and was doing multiplication and division half way through his kindergarten year. There was no pressure on the kids to read any earlier than they were ready to. MANY private schools have scholarships and financial aid that is worth looking into if you do not feel you can afford them.
The Scandinavian countries (and Waldorf schools in this country) do not even attempt to teach reading until the children are seven and their educational systems rank well ahead of ours.
That is what I have meant when I have said a few months can make a world of difference. I would talk to his teacher and the principal. Let them know the difference you have seen just since school let out, mention your concerns, and ask if they would consider retesting him now to see where he is or at least consider retesting soon if they see he is more in line with where he should be.
He may have had his "ah ha" moment with reading but you also mentioned he struggled all year so reinforcing may not be a bad thing for him now that he is ready to learn it. You also mention behavior and while it isn't going to improve based on the grade he is in, it could cause him to struggle at the next level. Keep communication between you and the school open.
Relax, it is only first grade. He has many years to change his grade level. Does HE feel bad about being retained?
I think, as stated below, it wouldn't be bad to let him have a year to "shine," since he spent so much time feeling bad. If he is obviously way ahead of his peers in a grade or two, you can have him skip a grade at that point.
I agree that it can be a bad thing to be much bigger or older than his peers, but it won't matter quite yet.
If at the end of this school year or next he is obviously too big or advanced for his grade, you can skip him at that point. You could always switch schools, to a private or charter school, if this school refuses to skip him.
In hindsight, I worried way too much about academics in my kids' first few years of elementary school. First through third grades should be more about getting the basics, and making learning fun and exciting, to light the proverbial "fire" in your son, not bog him down with academics.
Don't worry, his future is not dependent on first grade.
If he is retained, better at this age than later. He struggled for 2 years. Maybe giving him a year to shine is what he needs.
My SS was almost 6 when he started school and did not suffer from being older than his classmates. My mom was retained (3rd grade) and I think she suffered more from being in the same grade as her younger sister than the retention itself. I wonder what her school years would have been like in a bigger school.
So, anyway, I would probably go to the guidance counselor at this point and see what can be done and if he can be tested and possibly moved even after school starts. I was in GT in one district, "accidentally" placed in GT in another and then in 7th they took be back out til I could be tested, which took half the year. I was annoyed, but none the worse for wear in the end, I passed their stupid test, moved on with my education. Perhaps not all is lost even if he resumes 1st grade to start.
This isn't JUST about reading, it is about everything. I would also ask them what more you can do - my mom tutored my sister through a couple of reading books when she was in early elementary because the old district did not match the new one. Find out what YOU can do to ensure he's in 2nd grade as appropriately quickly as possible.
FWIW, my sister's K teacher said she should be held back for emotional problems (our parents divorced that year and sis was very shy) and my mom spoke to the principal at the new school and asked that she be allowed to try 1st grade because she could do the work. Also, consider that some schools actually have K, pre-first, first for kids who need it. So they advance, but aren't quite ready for first grade. You are not the only one in this boat. So get a tissue, and find out what you can do for your son and keep asking til you get all the info you need.
No, I don't think you made the wrong decision to hold your son back. We all mature at different levels and different times.
My daughter had issues in school in second grade. It was an agonizing decision but we held her back. I sat down with her and explained that she was not being punished. I explained to her that she needed more time to understand what was required for her to do in the classroom. She flourished the next year and was able to do the work and do it well.
Sometimes being a bit older helps and there should be no stagma attached to a child because he repeated a grade. Many schools don't want to hold kids back because of money and will "push" them through the system.
The only way I can see a child dropping out of school is if they were held back in one grade progressed to another grade and then was held back again. By then the parents should have known what their child was capable of learning and sought help. But then again, where my child went to school it was a military school and the teaching is different than your average civilian school. We as parents had a say in if the teacher stayed or went after each year.
Do what you feel is necessary. Have him attend the second grade and if he cannot keep up have him placed in a different first grade class than he had last year with a different teacher. Or do the flip have him in first and tested and placed in second.
Good luck to you.
The other S.
My best friend's son BEGGED to be held back in first grade. He's entering 6th grade this school year and he's been thriving ever since he was retained. His age hasn't made a single bit of difference. His maturity level, academic level, social skills... everything was more on par with the children that were a year behind him and it really was the best move they ever made. He has such high self-esteem it's incredible. He's happy, popular, and gets good grades.
My mother should have done the same thing with one of my brothers. Instead, he was the youngest in his class and struggled his entire school career with C's and D's. He's very intelligent, but he was never as mature as the other children and was never academically on par with them. He was always behind. It affected his self-esteem negatively and he ended up dropping out of college very early on.
I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so hard to know if we are making the right decisions when sometimes the answers do not seem clear at all and when we cannot predict the future. I tend to project the worst case future scenario even when I know it isn't helpful and likely isn't the most likely outcome. I think you should speak to the teacher. It is possible that the behavioral issues can be better address in either first or second grade (teachers would be able to analyze this). You don't mention what issues there are, so it is hard to give you my specific advice, but I do think these issues may be the determining factors in the decision to either retain him or to move him forward if his reading issue has been resolved.
