Retaining My Kindergardener.

Do it now, while she is still young. You'll regret it later if you have to hold her back in 2nd or 3rd when it makes more of an emotional impact. Put her in another school for a year, then transfer back to public in 1st grade. That way she doesn't feel left behind.

I myself haven't had this but I have friends that have had this dilema. The friends that have put their kids back in Kinder have been very happy they did, it made it much easier going into 1st. THe friends that I have that had this dilema their child are November birthdays also.
I just thought I would pass on what I know has worked.

Have you thought about Homeschool. I home school both my kids, through a charter, one is in kindergarden, and does not like to sit still, but I do know what she is capable of accomplishing. She is reading and adding and subtracting as well as writing her letters and numbers and spelling simple words. I think the schools don't have enough time to focus on one child and it is easier to make her repeat than help her to focus on the work. You as her parent know her best and You can decide what she is capable of doing.

Hello P.,
I am 32 and also born in November. My mom started me in school early as well. I ended up going through 3rd grade twice. For me, I wish my mom would have done it earlier. I've always had to struggle with the idea that I wasn't as "smart" as other kids. My mom never presented the situation to me in that way, but other kids informed me I wasn't "smart", or I wouldn't have had to go through 3rd grade twice. I also think I missed valuable information in first and second grade that going through 3rd grade twice didn't give me. I've always struggled in school and felt like I had to work a little harder then everyone else. Now, in the work world, I'm always spell checking (English was the most difficult for me) everything before I let anyone see it, or emailing things to my mom or husband to make sure it sounds right and I do believe that my fear holds me back from putting myself out there in the work world. That's just my opinion and my experience.
If I were you, I would just think of it as preventative measures.
Best of luck (I’m off to spell check this=0),
C.

I am a Kindergarten teacher and mom of three. When the kids have late birthdays it's always a little tricky deciding if they should be retained or not when they are not excelling. Personally....I rarely retain a child in K. The problem is, going ALL the way back to the first day of Kinder is too remedial for most kids. And then they cannot be retained again until 3rd grade if they continue to struggle. It is, in my opinion, MUCH more worthwile to retain in 1st grade.

It sounds like your DD's greatest issue is not being able to sit still and being more concerned with social activities than school work. These are not reasons for retention. She should only be retained if she is far below grade level (does not know any letter names or sounds, can't write her own name, does not recognize any high frequency words, etc) and ALL intervention efforts have been exhausted. Frankly, it sounds like she simply lacks maturity...which is, again, not a reason for retention.

I would suggest you have your daughter go to 1st grade, keep in communications w/ her new teacher and be prepared to retain her next year if necessary.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

P.,
I was an "early kindergartener" and my son was born ON my birthday, late Nov....I was fine and did well in school, so I decided to start him when he was 4 years old. I noticed a little bit of struggle with him when he got to 1st grade. His handwriting was a mess and he wasn't quite up to speed. The teacher, however, thought he was doing well enough to promote him to then next grade. So far, he's doing OK in 2nd grade, but I almost wish I had held him back 1 year in his early school years, rather than have him held back in the future where it would socially be more "devasting" to his "ego"...If he really applies himself, he does OK...but I foresee problems in the future. If I were you, I would take the teachers advise and hold her back. At this point in her life, it may affect you more than her! Hope this helps!

LO

Hi P. ~
I can relate and understand how agonizing this decision feels. Been there done that ... a long time ago but the issue would still feel the same. My advise is accept the teacher's recommendation and retain her. The best gift I feel I ever gave my children was retaining them in school. As hard as it was for ME I still say that it was the single greatest thing I ever gave them, even after all these years. My son was a June baby but still young for his age. His social behavior was right on target but in the academic arena he needed that extra time and we held him back in 1st grade ... it would have been a LOT easier in K! Our daughter was an October baby and we let her do K over. In each instance the growth we watched the second year for each of them was astounding! Their ability to concentrate, accept circumstances, rules and truly delight in what was happening in the classroom was amazingly different! Beleive me when I share that the fact of retention is harder on parents than on the children! I understand that it feels awkward knowing that their social connections will alter and you question how that may work out ... but it all will, very easily, I promise! On a personal level I too was held back in school for immaturity but not until the 5th grade! I am 52 years old now and I can honesty say I have always thanked my parents for giving me that year to become the confident woman I am today. It was that year that made the difference in my life - really. If you can give your child a boost in life, an advantage ... wouldn't you? This is it. Go for it!

A good friend of mine had her daughter repeat her Kinder year, and it worked out fantastically well. Her daughter is now in 1st grade, has a ton of friends, and is at the top of her class. This same little girl really struggled her first year of Kinder, got in trouble all the time (not because she was being bad, but because she was having trouble following directions, sitting still, listening, etc.). Her second time around was a much happier experience.

Hellp P.- I am interested to see the responses to your post. My son is scheduled to enter kindergarten next year but I am not sure about his readiness. He is very resistant to focusing on non-preferred tasks. I get mixed advice- his preschool teacher says hold him back, many parents seem to think it would be better to send him and see if he needs to repeat. I'm inclined to hold him back because I don't want him to get so frustrated in school that it affects his self esteem. I have decided to look for a range of professional opinions to aid us in reaching a decision. Maybe a visit to the school psychologist would help, or to the district testing office. Just beware of anyone who wants to diagnose your child with attention deficit disorder at such an early age. I think schools are expecting too much of young children these days. Good luck.

All three of our kids have fall birthdays and we started them all later. Nows they are in 1st, 3rd and 5th grades. They are at the top of their classes. Our desision was not about readiness for kindergarten, but readiness for life once they graduate high school. Do you want a 17 year old going off to college? Do you want your child being driven around for a year, until she gets her licence--or do you want her driving others around? When competing in sports, it is better to be older and stronger, than younger. I don't know anyone who regrets the desision to hold their child back--I know a lot of people who regret the early kindergarten desision. The age gap really shows up in middle school. Good luck.

P., my birthday is in October and my parents put me ahead via private school. I "made it" through without retention, went to a top ranked school for college, but I wish my parents had had the wisdom to start me "normally". My brain was not mature enough to handle the abstract concepts presented in college. I just wasn't ready. I had to fight tooth and nail to keep up. My junior year, it got better, but by then, I was very burned out and needed counseling. My parents still think they did the "right thing", but I don't think so.

I am starting to read "Your Child's Growing Mind" by Jane Healy. I would suggest picking up a copy (I got mine at the library) and read the first few chapters. It has great details on how a child's brain develops and also discusses the importance of maturity in readiness for first grade.

Wanting the brain to go faster doesn't mean it will!!! For those of us who were "pushed ahead", I am no better off than my peers who were not and I doubt being a few months younger really had any bearing on anything important, like college admissions or getting a job!

Just wanted to add a note: I teach HS, mainly freshmen. A lot of the kids who have difficulties in math or need a large amount of attention because they aren't organized, or just "act up" because they are immature compared to their peers - they are mainly kids with those late birthdays and were pushed ahead. I also noticed a LOT of the kids who have specialized plans for learning problems - late birthdays and pushed ahead. I think a bit of maturity is required to handle transitioning to first grade, and now that I've read some about the topic, I understand better why! Those problems compounded as the kids progressed through school. Feeling behind and not up to par with the peers can have devastating effects on the child and their attitude towards learning.

***

Adding a comment - don't know if you'll see it down here.

Retention doesn't work...if done TOO LATE. Retention at kindergarten or even 1st grade is effective, because maturity is a huge component of success in the early years. Success in the early years has a large bearing on later success.

Retention done especially around 3rd and beyond is very ineffective. By then, the social ramifications are great, and the child is more aware of beind "left behind".

My son was a young kindergardener (4) when he started in a independent study classroom. What made up my mind was when the teacher asked did I want him to be the youngest in his peer group or oldest come high school. Would I rather 2 years of K or another grade later down the road.I could only find positives for him doing 2 years in K. I am very happy with the decision thus far. He is in 2nd grade and doing great!

I have a 4 year old daughter with a late October birthday. I've been debating whether or not to send her to Kindergarten in the Fall, when she'll be turning 5, or wait a year and send her when she'll be turing 6. I've gotten advice from my pediatrician and from an administrator at a local school, that we should wait. The reason that they both gave, was that it doesn't make much of a difference in the first few years of elementary school, but once girls reach around 6th grade, the younger ones have more difficulty dealing with the emotional issues that come up at that age range. I've also heard that if you are going to repeat a year - Kindergarten is the time to do it, as it's easier on them than if they had to repeat at a later grade. There is less stigma because they are all still so young. If I were you, I would take her teacher's advice to heart, and give your daughter another year to mature before moving her on to first grade. Good luck!!!

My daughter has an October birthday (she was 5 the past October) and we did not start her in Kindergarden yet, she was not emotionally ready- so she did another year in her preschool (they have a Transitional Kindergarden class she is in this year). My husband has a late birthday and stayed back a year in Kindergarden- and was very supportive of keeping our daughter in Transitional Kindergarden- she has many, many years of school ahead of her- give her the best start, keep her back!

I would definitely keep her back. I was a November baby..and struggled allthroughout school. My parents when i was in high school really wish they had kept me back (even though teachers never suggested it). My sister, was a january baby, and was given the opportunity to start her early. My mom after taking us all to a day at the Ice Capades decided not to start my sister early because she couldnt sit still during the performance. My sister was a 4.5 GPA, triathlete, Sr. Class president, who ended up graduating Magna Cum Laude from University of Notre Dame!

Most teachers will always say, babies in the fall keep them back.
Your daughter is at a young enough age, where she wont get humiliated by her peers. Hold her bag now, so she doesnt struggle later!

Hi P.,

I had 4 children and I'm a grandmother of 6, when my youngest was in kindergarden I had her repeat kindergarden. It is the best thing that I could of done, she went on to do much better in school, also my 3rd child was so smart that she was busy helping her friends and other class mates that she got behind in her own school work, I made the decision to keep her back also, again it was the best thing I could of done. She went on to finish in the top of her classes and got into Stanford.

A mother who has been there. My 28 year old was in the same situation. Very smart and ahead of everyone in kindergarden, first and second grade at the age of 4. When the teacher said she should go through kindergarden again because she wouldn't waddle like a duck, I thought the teacher was nuts. I now know she knew what she was talking about. It really isn't kindergarden you have to watch for. It is when she gets older. She will be hanging out with older and more muture kids, which can lead to more trouble as your child will want the same privledges as the older ones. My very intelligent daughter got pregnant at the age of 15. Straight A student in a college prep high school, living a normal life with few struggles. Good family background. I had started my other two children one year later and it made the biggest difference later in life. My advice, listen to the teacher, your daughter will never make a big deal of it, as long as you don't. It doesn't make you a lesser of a good mother and has no reflection on your parenting skills. It is better for the child in bigger picture.

My daughter started young, too. We should have retained her in Kindergarden or even first grade, but I let my pride get in the way and insisted that she could "catch up". She did get up to grade level by 3rd grade, but when it came down to it the jump into 4th grade was so big that we decided to retain her in 3rd grade. It was the right decision, but I wish we had made it in Kindergarden or 1st grade. We did move schools so socially it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but still...
She is in 6th grade now and doing well. We started home schooling this year and that has been great for her. I hope this helps.

S.

When I hear of retention in K, I am concerned about the child's self esteme and confidence. She may be thrilled to return to K with this wonderful teacher, or will she be devastated to not go on with her classmates. She may need to go into another class so she's not bored with repeating the same activities.
Are the areas you mentioned, basic immaturity, or other behaviors that just drive this teacher crazy? Repeating K may not make these go away. Perhaps she's really bored with it all. So difficult to tell.

My daughter was a Nov. b'day as well, always the youngest in her class, but she had difficulties with learning that we percieved as being her age. So she went into first grade anyway. They were true learning disabilities, but holding her back a year may have helped her feel that she wasn't really so far behind the others. She would have been devastated to remain in K though. (she was very tall and mature in many areas and would have stuck out like a sore thumb with another year of K) She just didn't pick up on the academics easily ...till she started homeschooling in the 6th grade. Now she's due to graduate college in May, right on schedule.

My recommendation is follow your heart as you know your child best. She may do a lot of growing up over the summer, many kids do, and a different teacher may be just what she needs.

P.

Dear P.,
(I love that name, by the way).
The school year isn't quite over, so try to take a deep breath. You still have some time to make a decision. I am a December baby so I had to start kindergarten later than most children. My parents just about fainted when they were told I should repeat the grade again. I already knew how to read, I could write the entire alphabet. Apparently, I was a behavior problem and wanted no part of sitting in a circle with the rest of the class while they learned their colors. The principal of the school spent some time with me and I ended up being placed in an advanced first grade class instead of being held back. I was not being challenged. My daughter, born in October, started kindergarten at 4 years old. She was certainly intelligent enough, pre-school basically kicked her out because she was advanced and didn't belong there anymore, but she too had some "behavior" issues in kindergarten. She was the class "social butterfly". Everything you said about your daughter was said about mine. You have to find a middle where school isn't gruelling, but it's not all play time either. My daughter was the most well behaved as far as manners, etc. So, I worked with her at home as far as understanding what time to sit down, time to keep to yourself, time to focus on your own work meant. And I rewarded her for each week the teacher gave me a good report. I came very close to holding her back, but she was able to understand that work is work and play is play and she wasn't in pre-school anymore. I ended up not having to retain her. But I would have if she had not shown an improvement. One of my best friends just held her son back in the 5th grade because he was struggling and becoming so very discouraged. Fortunately, it's a 5th/6th grade combo class so he has the same teacher, knows the routine, the same kids, and has flourished. His grades are great and he's participating in plays, etc. It took a huge burden off of him.
Just know that you don't have to feel badly if your daughter should repeat a grade. But, be sure to find out if it is for intellectual or behavioral issues. You can deal with either one, and you will get through this. Like I said, you have time left in the school year to find out what will be best for your child. Ultimately, that is the main thing. Take care!

Hi,

I understand how you feel my daughter was held back to and I was hesitant about it. I decided to go ahead and let her stay another year and she really enjoyed kindergarten that year,she came out of her shell and excelled. She is now in the fourth grade and is doing very good she is at the top of her class.It's better to hold them back when they are younger. My son was an early kinder his b-day being in November and I never held him back but wish I did because he struggled his whole time in school. He is now 24 and is a successfull college student and business man but it took a lot of training to get him there. So don't worry she will be fine and you will see the differance the coming year. God Bless

Hey P.,
I am the mother of 4. My oldest 3 were one of the youngest in the class and my 4th is one of the oldest.
If I had to do it again, I would have made them all one of the oldest. That extra year makes all the difference in the world!!
Your daughter may be able to do the work, but physically and socially she is still a year or more younger. Give her the extra year to be a fluttering butterfly. You will both be glad you did!

My daughter is now 10, when she was in kindergarden, it was recommended that she be retained, we did not do it. The teacher never mentioned it until the very end, so I was confused, why had she not said anything before now. We should have retained her then, she was retained in second grade. It was harder for her, she struggled through first grade. Her birthday is November 9th, your daughter sounds like my Lauren. She is doing ok now, but if I was to do it over again I would have retained her in Kindergarden or even waited another year to start her in kindergarden. First grade now is like second, they are expected to read, it is more advanced.

M. Farley

I was born in late Nov and was one of the youngest students in my class. My husband was born in October and he was one of the younger boys in his grade. I have a 16 month old son who was born in October. I will most likely have him be one of the older students and start Kindergarten when he is 5 years old. One reason is when I look back both my husband and I struggled in school. Another reason is my husband is 6 feet tall as an adult, but while in grade school was one of the smallest children. I think it will be nice to give my son the advantage of being a year more developed. I can not think of many advantages of starting early other than to say I started an Ivy League education when I was 17 years old. I ended up not doing well and transferred to a less competitive school (maybe I was not mature enough).
I think today vs. 25 years ago more schools want the child to be age 5 when he/she enters kinder. The private school I attended now requires the child to turn 5 by July for kinder. Most public schools in California require the child to be 5 by Dec 1st and in Florida they require the student to be 5 years old by Oct 1st for Kinder. If I was in your shoes I would have my child attend another year of kindergarten. In my opinion, even if someone’s child is “advanced” I would try to get him/her in a good private school or charter program not just skip a grade in the public school system.

Dear P.,
My name is Nicky, I am the mother of twin, Five year old boys and a three year old daughter.
All three of my kids have October birthdays and will be attending Kindergarten for two years each. I think the longer they have time to be kids, the better.
Academics will come in time, but there is too much pressure placed on their acheivements at too early an age. I can't imagine anything worse than a stressed out kindergartener.
I support you in your decision. Go Mom!
Sincereley,
Nicky

Food for thought... the state of CA is raising the Kinder standards again this year. I work (teacher) with 1st, 2nd,3rd grade students who are currently struggling in class. Many of the students I work with are young for their grade, or have social issues having to do with maturity. If social maturity is an issue in Kinder, I might consider retaining as well. Most of the research regarding retention has to do with retention in higher grades than your daughter is in now, and it also has more to do with students who've been retained because of their struggles with math or reading. Along those lines, a student who can't sit still for long or is "in someone else's business" will likely not be able to concentrate long enough to understand what the first grade teacher is teaching (yes, those are the first graders I work with each day).

They say hindsight is 20/20. I have 8 children, the oldest 2 are now married, but they were both Nov. babies. I wished I had waited to begin them in kindergarten. Long range it was always harder for them not so much scolastically, but socially and physically it was tough. They were the youngest to get their permits, youngest for about everything. Now with our no 10dd who is a Sept. baby, I've kept her behind, and it's a totally different story. She is thriving in all areas, and those that have been more challenging it's ok, she's at her level with her peers. Hang in there this too shall pass :) Let your dd have some more growing up time. One of the reasons we homeschool now is for that very reason; giving our kids growing seasons before they are totally grown up beyond their years. hth. hugs~~K.

As a 7th grade teacher I can tell you that retaining kids in K can be the best overall thing you do for them. I have been in so many conferences with kids who have issues (social, organizational, etc...) and come to find out they are young for the grade. Retaining her now sounds like the right thing, not only for now, but for the long term as well.

I wish I didn't start my daughter so soon in kinder. When they graduate from HS you will see why. The same immaturity in kindergarten is the same immaturity you can see when they graduate HS. What's the rush?

Won't help you P., but may help others facing this situation: My fall birthday son was ready academically but not socially for kindergarden. I felt another year of preschool would not be challenging enough. I found a school that has a 2-year kindergarden program. Fall birthday kids were put into a class that taught only half of the standards, so had more free play time and time for other activities. Most of the children continued at this school for the second year of kindergarden. I had him start kindergarden at our local school. He had time to mature and was not bored since there was still lots of new things for him to learn. He is doing wonderfully several years later and it was the best thing for him.

Abby

My oldest daughter, now 25, was in a similar situation. Her teachers suggested retaining her as an option, but didn't push us either way. We chose to move her on with the rest of the class. Looking back, I think her academic life could have been a little easier had she had another year. Turns out although she is extremely bright she is also dyslexic. That adds a burden she carries quite well but had a very hard time in high school. She has gone on to college and has become a fabulous single mom despite the extra effort she has to put out to deal with the dyslexia. Good luck with your decision.

Hello 33 year old mom. I'd just like to say that working at an elementary school (k-6), for over 7 years I have seen a few children in kindergarden who were held back for pretty much the same reasons. In those situations the parents weren't truly happy with having to have that done with thier children BUT, they all agreed that it was the best decision that they could have made for their child. Why? Because the children benefited greatly from being held back in "Kinder". This way your 5 year old will have more time to grow, mature, and focus better in the classroom. It will make learning sooooo much easier. I hope that helped. Good luck. S. C. Kelseyville, CA.

I know there is a lot of stigma with repeating a grade and a lot of teacher's don't even approach it with parents because they are afraid of the backlash. Your daughter is lucky that she has a great teacher that is interested in her best interest. It takes courage for a teacher to approach this subject and your daughter will benefit so much more in the long run. The pros outweigh the cons.

I am an October birthday and my sister is Nov. We both started early. I was fine, she was like your daughter. Smart, but just a bit ion the younger end of maturity. My sister repeated. She never once had a problem with it. She loved it as she got into the upper grades that she was at the top of her class and was the first of her friends to get her driver's license, turn double digits, etc. It is good to do it now and allow her to be a kid.They have so many years of school ahead of them, this will help her get ahead now. Good luck. Be strong and go with your gut. It never lies. :)

We had to hold back our son in kindergarden. Better now then latter. Do you take her to a park? Does she act the way she does when out on the school play ground? If so you can work with her on not worring about others.(getting in to there business.)Is your 11y a girl? Is your 5y old trying to be like your 11y old? Sit down and talk to her about why she is doing it.From a mom of FIVE

Good Morning P....

Don't feel bad about your kindergartener possibly staying through another year of Kindergarten. For our youngest son, it was suggested that he have an additional year of pre-school (and his birthday is in July), rather than go to kindergarten. He was having similar issues...ie, not wanting to sit still for circle time, getting up and walking around at lunch time, could not focus on doing one art project at a time, wanted to do many different items at the same time, and then would get frustrated when he did not finish. We also had him tested for ADD and it came back positive for ADD. I felt that for my son's success, and for him to feel more accomplished, that sending him to pre-school as a Pre-K kiddo again was eventually going to be for his benefit. In my opinion, I felt as if I was not going to set him up for failure even though age wise he was old enough to go. I am so thankful now, because I feel on a maturity level, he is more geared for the kids in his class now and more on a level playing field for him as well. He is a happy and successful second grader now, and again I am thankful that My hubby and I chose to keep him for one more year of "practice". Also in my opinion, it is better and probably less embarrasing to be "held back" at this age, than to watch him struggle through and be "held back" in his later years. Children this age really don't "realize" it and your daughter would probably be more successful "practicing" to get ready for the "big school" than to rush her into it. GOOD LUCK to you and your sweet daughter....and please know that this would be a good decision for you and for her.

C.

Hi P.! It looks like all the responses are very similar experiences to mine. This will always be a topic for discussion, I'm sure. I have 2 boys, both born in September, and struggled with the decision whether to start early or wait. My older son, who's now 11 in 5th grade, I waited to start him. He has always been a very successful student. When he was 4, he was "academically" ready to start school, but not socially, as he still cried easily, potty wasn't perfect, etc... and I wanted to "protect him", so I waited. Proved to be a good thing in the long run. My younger son, now 5, just started full-day Kindergarten this year. Basically, I started him a year earlier than my older Sept. son. I thought he was ready. He's adjusting well in the "teacher's eyes", but having an older child lets me see things from a different perspective. It's not just Kindergarten that you are preparing her for, it's the older grades, as well. Things get harder as they reach 4th & 5th grade, and maybe your daughter's teacher knows best.
My husband started Kindergarten early, then was retained in 4th grade. He says it took him a long time to ever feel confident about his school-life again. I only tell you this because that may be what you have to face if you DON'T retain her in Kindergarten.
It's a sensitive subject, actually, and the only person who can make this decision is you because you know your daughter better than anybody.
I have talked with my kindergartener's teacher about ME holding my son back another year, because I want him to be ready for the older grades, not just the first couple of years. She said, that "Yes, a parent can absolutely make the decision to hold their child back".
Maybe you wait until the year comes to an end and make your decision. That's what I am going to do :o)

Hope that helps!

N.

You are doing the right thing! We retained our preschooler with a Nov. Birthday on the advice of his teacher. we were really surprised, but ultimately now that he's 12, we KNOW for sure we made the right decision. social/emotional readiness is a major key to academic success.
We are also considering that option for our kindergardener as well, 1st grade is a huge jump --- and depending on the type of school you go to -- can really cause tremendous stress if the child is not really ready . when she is 25, you will look back and be very glad you did it now, when it will not have a negative effect on her self esteem, rather the opposite.

good luck!

I don't know if you will value what I have to say since we have totally different situations but my son is in kindergarten right now too. His birthday is in Dec so he's 6 yrs old. He's the oldest in his class instead of one of the youngest. We go to the charter homeschooling program here in Placerville so he goes to school 7 hrs a week and we do the rest at home. I'm so happy for this situation since he's already told me he knows everything the teacher says in class and gets frustrated with the younger kids in class acting up and goofing around. He has a friend who's in 1st grade (public school), however, he's only 2 weeks older than my son but he made the cut off to start kindergarten at 4 ys and the mom jumped at it so as to get him out of her house earlier. But now there is this obvious social difference between the youngest in the class and the older ones. She's going to hold her son back in 1st grade which I think is worse than holding back in kindergarten. I wish the cut off for entering kindergarten was 5 yrs old by Sept 1st like a lot of other states for just this reason. 1 year makes a lot of difference at this young age. For instance my son is already reading at a first grade level, we are doing 1st grade writing and math too. He's a very, very active rough and tumble boy but because he's 11 months older than your daughter, he's able to sit still in class and keep his hands to himself, etc.

I am going to have this problem with my 2nd son though since his birthday is late Aug so he'll either start kindergarten when he just turns 5 or just turns 6. I'm not sure yet what to do about him. I don't want him to be bored like my older son is getting but at the same time I don't want to hold him back. Good luck with your decision!!

Both my husband and best friend are grade school teachers and they are both big proponents of waiting to start a younger child (4 yrs) old in kindergarten. It has nothing to do with intelligence or personality. It has to do with the maturity of the child. Maturity is gained over time and younger children simply do not have it. They struggle more and often end up disliking school more because they can't handle it as well emotionally, not because they lack intelligence. Although it sometimes can be overcome later on, it really just sets them up to fail or struggle from the start. It doesn't have to be that way. The earlier a child is held back the less socially difficult it is on the child. I suggest taking your teachers advice and holding your child back now rather than later. It will benefit her for the rest of her life.
Note: A friend of mine let her pride get in the way and sent her son to kindergarten early. She wound up holding him back and having him repeat kindergarten at the suggestion of the teacher. She is amazed at how much better he handles school and how well he is doing.

I had this happen to me as well. My son is a March b-day and was age appropriate for the class. However he wasn't acting like it. Anyway the teacher suggested it and I struggled with the decision for a long time. I talked to a lot of teachers from many different schools and they all agreed. They said the oldest kids usually have an easier time in 6th 7th and 8th. I cried the first day of school for the second year of K but my son had a really easy adjustment. Now I say it was the best decision I have ever made. He fits perfectly in his class in 2nd grade. He is doing really well. Good luck!

They suggested the same with my kindergartner last yr. She turned 5 that Sept. Anyway....they said she need more time to acquire social skills...and so forth. My daughter was just paticular about whom she spoke with. If she was not "feeling" you, she didn't want to be bothered. Anyhow, I did not retain her. She went on to first grade and has blossomed tremendously! I receive nothing but rave reports from her teacher and principal. My daughter told me she is much happier now. She got in trouble because she was bored. Now she's not. She likes her class. (her words not mine). So the challenge of 1st grade helped her alot. Remember, you know your child, better than anyone. Even if you admire their opinion. Search your heart, you'll know if she's ready to move on. Good Luck in you decision

If her birthday is that late (November) and the teacher says she can be retained than you should retain her. I am a first grade teacher and used to teach kindergarten and your child's teacher probably knows what she is talking about.

N.

In both of my kids classes there are a lot of older kids who either started kindergarten when they were almost 6 or they repeated kindergarten. In California the state standards were raised about 5 years ago, and kids have to be more mature to handle what is being taught. Some of the stuff that they need to learn- like 3D shapes is very hard for a younger kid in school these days. My oldests always asks me, Why didn't you hold me back? The reason being is that until now ( she's 10) she has always been developmentally slower. She is extremely smart, but she is emotionally young. School and concepts are more difficult for her.

I think if the teacher is recommending that she stay back a year, it may do her a world of good, as she gets older. Lord knows that kids nowdays need a lot more maturity in the world that we live in.
Good luck!

I am a teacher, I teach middle school students and my daughter is a kinder teach for 3 years now. There is research out there that retaining students does not help. However, this is the perfect time to retain a student as the maturity needed to succeed in school will help some. I would suggest speaking to the principal at your daughter's school. She may mature by the end of the school year. You can wait to make your decision. Good luck

As you have said, you're having problems retaining her. Your daughter will probably think nothing of it next year. In fact, she'll have a leg up cuz she's already done K & will feel proud to know the routine, the teacher & how things run. Our son is now 7 1/4 & in 1st grade which meant he started K at almost 6 yrs. The best decision cuz if we had sent him at the same age as your daughter he'd be in K again this year instead of 1st. And, our son is not the oldest in his class...several October babies as well as a handful of other November babies like him who are all 7 yrs. Where you'll really see the benefits is at the Jr High level. If we had sent our son on time, by Jr High, his lack of maturity would be very evident. We have friends whose daughter is an August baby & they were advised to wait another year to send her to K but ignored that very good advice which I feel was a big mistake. Their daughter is now 15 & while she's very bright & an excellent student, she's still very emotionally immature & has had problems numerous times over the years w/her friends as a result. If you send her to 1st next year, she & the teacher will be very frustrated. Her inability to sit still & 'get into everybody's business' will be a bigger problem next year & she could spend more of the year getting into trouble than learning. I also spent many years working in a K class & saw so many kids who started school at not quite 5. Many of these parents were advised to retain, were too proud or embarressed & sent their kids to 1st & then the child struggled all year & the following years, to keep up, academically & in their maturity. Please take this teacher's very good advice & have your daughter to K agian next year. It will be a huge benefit for everybody. good luck!

I am a teacher, and to decide to retain a child is one that isn't taken lightly. Your daughter may have a struggle in the years to come, and retaining in the upper grades is so much harder. I have a son that has an early November birthday, and when the time comes I am going to start him late. There is talk that the cut off date for Kinder is going to change from December to August in the near future because of a lot of students needing that extra time to grow and mature. Good luck

My son went into kinder early, also a November birthday and he was not retained. He was not having what I consider to be tiny issues that your daughter is having. He was very bright and definitely school ready, but since we moved prior to kinder the standards were higher in the new town and he was at a disadvantage. Every fall, until 6th grade we went through the "school blues" where he was frustrated because felt he was, "not smart enough" and "couldn't do the work". Each year by Christmas break, he would be on track, handling the work better and feeling confident. Now he is in Junior High and is a confident, well adjusted Honor Roll Student.

However, our friend's son had similar immaturity and attention issues in kinder. The school decided not to retain him at kinder and then had to retain him in 1st grade, which my friend felt was a little harder on him as he was much more aware of his friends moving on when he wasn't. Depending on how you feel and how your daughter is about making friends, it may be easier to switch her to a new school for the retention and remainder of elementary.

If she is performing well academically and her issue is only the attention span and immaturity, try sending her to summer school to see how she does and make your decision in the fall. It is amazing how quickly they change and she may be ready to go forward in the fall. Good luck!

I have two November children. I waited to enter them into kindergarten because I did not want them to start school when they were 4 years old. This has given them an advantage in school. The next year they were so much more ready. One is out of school, while the other is a freshman in high school this year. They are older than most of their peers, but this is an advantage. I say, give your child another year. As far as repeating kindergarten, see if she can have the same teacher. This will help in the transition.

I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!!!! The most important thing to remember is that every child is different. They all learn differently, and in a different amount of time, and THAT'S OKAY!!!
My husband and I began to consider retaining our oldest child mid-way through his Kindergarten year(October b-day). His teacher actually thought it wasn't necessary, because he was doing "ok." However, as his parents, we weighed the options and decided it was far more important that he progressed through school with confidence. We had to complete a form, requesting that the school retain him. Our family was very upset with us and begged us to change our minds. To make it even more complicated, we have another child 12 months younger, who probably would not need to be retained, which inadvertently would put them in the same grade. We stood firm. He is now in first grade and what an amazing difference!! Actually, he still isn't even the oldest in his class. Five other parents in that class made the same choice we did!
I polled about 10 moms and teachers before making my decision and I am sure it is one of the BEST parental decisions I have ever made. Good Luck!