Question for Moms Who Have Retained a 1St Grader???

I retained my 4th grader... and it was the BEST thing we ever did!

I will say, though, that we did it at the right time..... we were moving from Iowa to Texas, so no one at her new school needed to know.

She is an August birthday, but extremely bright. She just needed an extra year to catch up....

(She is now 32, has a Doctorate in Molecular Microbiology, and works for NASA as a Senior Contamination Engineer.)

MY DIL and SS held their daughter back in 1st grade. She is just now finishing her second year in 1st grade. It has not adversely affected her at all. In fact, she enjoyed this year because she was able to achieve some academic success. At the end of last year, she hated school because she had struggled so hard. This year is a completely different story. She loves school.

I would say if you think she needs to be held back, do it. Kids that struggle year after year tend to not like school and those are the ones who drop out.

I am a parent educator and former teacher.

I had to do this w/ one of my kids. The 1st grade teacher told me to move my child up to 2nd grade. I WAS THE ONE who disagreed.

My friend was in the same predicament. She let her child move up. I did not.

It has been one of the best decisions I have ever made. Even to this day, my friend wishes she had held her child back. Her child struggled both academically and emotionally at times for the next 4 yrs.

If you do hold your child back, make playdates with as many 1st graders as you could. Making new friends and having them in class with her with ease some of her worries.

My child was a tad mad at me a few yrs later...I stood confident. I based my decision on my training as a teacher. Yrs have passed and I still do not regret the decision...at all.

My child's confidence is much better because of my decision.

School is not easy nowadays. The demand on academics has changed.

I don't know. IF IF IF they absolutely flunked the material, simply could not get it, it was too hard for them then I think there is no option except to retain them.

IF IF IF it's something like "I don't think she's mature enough" "I think they just need another year in first grade" then no, I do NOT think that child should be held back.

Kids make enormous leaps of cognitive growth in that first/second grade year. They go from being little kids to being elementary school kids, to their latency period. They become human sponges and absorb everything all of a sudden.

It may not happen in 1st grade but it should happen by or during 2nd grade.

So if they're retained in 1st grade they can end up being way ready for more challenging material and it's a review of the same stuff they had last year. It's boring beyond belief to them.

So many parents are starting to hold kids back just because. They think it's "good for them" to red shirt them and not let them be with the other kids their own age. So when an actual 5 year old kid is in kindergarten with a kid that was 6 when school started but is now 7 it's crazy for that teacher trying to make stuff harder for the older kid who needs more cognitive challenges.

Then there's the barely 5 year old kiddo who's struggling to do the same work the older kid requires.

I think holding back a kid for any reason other than that child having a problem with that specific material is the wrong reason.

My brother was held back in first grade, so was a little over a year older than most of his class. (He had a late birthday, so he was usually one of the oldest anyway...)

Honestly, it never bothered him too much. The worst thing was that all of his friends moved on without him... But he quickly made new ones in his class again. he was never really teased about it, and never felt ashamed of it, (my dad was careful to make sure he knew that it was not because he was "stupid")

By the time he got to the third or fourth grade, no one even really knew about it except the family and a few of the friends he kept contact with from his original first grade class.

If she needs to be retained, now is the time. Any later and she will be VERY socially aware of it. I kept my boy back in Kindergarten because he was very immature. It did him a lot of good. Now, he's the "mature" one.

no experience but just heard a talk show person talking about being willing to be a little uncomfortable and even sad for a while to eventually be in a better place. it was in reference to divorce but I think it applies here too. DD might be a tad upset but I doubt it. she will adapt to new friends and settle into the routine as one that has been around and is more comfortable.

I teach a lot of first grade. My personal opinion is that if you need to retain its best to do so in k or First grade.

Kids even out over time. No worries.

Do it now so that there is not stigma. I held my daughter back in second grade. We explained to her that she needed more time to learn the material and that she was not being punished in any way.

It was the best thing that we could have done for her.

So do go with your gut and don't let peer pressure force you to do something that is not right for your child.

the other S.

I had my son held back. He was adhd. Super smart but had some issues with speech and also with processing. He was not at level with reading because of the processing thing. So they pulled him out for resource for times every day. They wanted to push him on to second but he would have started behind. I said absolutely not. It was a good choice for us. He just graduated from high school on the honor roll. He did say sometimes that he flunked 1st grade but he knows he needed the extra year.

Not a problem at all. Kids are pretty resilient.

My daughter did the 1st grade 2X. it was a different experience, she first went to an english school, then a french school for her 2nd time in 1st grade. She is graduating this year with honours, she is a Glider Pilot and a Power Pilot. She earned a scholarship to France this summer and has earned multiple scholarships.

Now my situation was different, she changed schools so it was not even noticed. But here is what I know as a retired teacher...
--Kids can be mean, yes some may say something. At first the kids may notice that your daughter is not in the same grade that they are any more, but very quickly it will fade...they are 6 and 7...nothing sticks with them.
--Just as your daughter will make new friends and forget those that were in her class last year.
--As a teacher I ALWAYS recommend retention if there is any question at all...it is ALWAYS in the best interest of the child's education.
--As for self esteem - being held back has NOTHING to do with it. I know kids who have been with their peers for each grade and have very low self esteem, and those who have great self esteem. Self esteem is BIGGER than the grade they are in.
--A child who is a bit older in the class does WAY better than one who is a bit younger.

Go with your gut. mothers do know best.

B.

I retained both of our kids. Our daughter was in 3rd grade and our son was in kindergarten.

I think it was a little hard on our daughter BUT she was so happy to finally feel like she understood the material. After that she was an A student and was in the National Honor Society. Best thing we ever did for her!! She has graduated from university and is an HR Generalist for an oil and gas company. Her birthday is at the end of August

The boy needed time to mature. His birthday is in the middle of September. He was academically ready but very immature. He was always one of the smart kids and I don't think he was challenged enough. So by the time he got to middle school, he had terrible habits and thought he knew everything! NOT!! No he wasn't ashamed because he really had no clue about staying in kindergarten.

All in all, I believe we made the right decisions for our kids.
We presented the holding back to our daughter in a very positive manner. She is smart but she didn't have a good teacher for 1st and 2nd grade. We had tutors for her but she felt stupid. I refused to accept that for her. Education is so important. I wanted my kids to have a solid foundation because if their foundation is built on sand, they will not be successful. We wanted the kids to enjoy school and enjoy learning. If they don't understand the material, they will not learn.

Good luck! Being the parent is never easy!!

I do not have the experience of retaining my child however my son who is just finishing up 2nd grade has struggled with reading and writing. His birthday is in May and while socially he was readying for school he has been behind in reading and math. In other words part of me wishes we had waiting another year to start school. We where discussing possibly retaining him in 2nd grade but we have really pushed him with his reading and math and he is doing ALOT better then he was doing at the start of the year. I think retaining a child in first grade is alot easier to do then in later grades. It might be a struggle at the beginning of the year but I am sure she will fall back into her routine knowing the school and students within the school. I wish you the best.

I retained my youngest son in Kindergarten. I struggled with this decision and even posted the questions on this website. The best thing I did was retain him. He just wasn't ready. He was aware, and he did ask why. He seemed fine but I'm sure he didn't like it especially when he saw the other kids in school in a different class. The other kids did ask him why he was still in kindergarten. Children can be cruel. But, he made new friends, had a different teacher and went on with it. You might also consider switching schools.

I'd rather do it in first than have to do it later. We didn't retain but we did wait to send our son to K (summer birthday). Best decision ever.

I have not retained.

You have to do what is best for your child. If it is in her best interest, then you have to do it. As parents, many of us have done things that brought a little distress to our children, but if it is what we truly believe is the best, then we do it and move on.

So if your 10% doubt is based on distress and embarrassment, do what you have to do and move forward.

On the other hand, is it possible to get assistance for your child over the summer? My daughter was not the best student in 1st grade. She wasn't failing and didn't have any below average grades, but I knew she was struggling and the school suggested a reading program.

I put her in Kumon and by the 2nd grade conference (October), she was 6 months above grade level for reading and by the 2nd trimester, she had all 3's (top grade). Initially, I only put her in the reading program, but that helped her in many different areas. She advanced in her reading comprehension, which is needed to understand the instructions for your assignments. I just added math to her program about 3 months ago. She said she was a little slower than the rest in school and we added it. After talking to the teacher, she said that wasn't so, but I happy we added it.

In my view, the school has a curriculum to follow and meet. If your child does not learn, the teacher has to move on. Not to say they won't help them, but at that point they are already behind the eight ball. It is very easy for a child to find themselves in that position.

If you are able to wait to make your decision and able to find a reading/math program, put your child in and see if it helps. It proved to work for my child.