Resenting Mom

I'm not sure where to start, but I absolutely know where you're coming from. I am actually on the other side of the problem though. My mom has adored my son Jacob since the day he was born and brags him up all the time (especially to one of my sisters, who has 8 kids herself). I'm sure it gets extremely annoying to her too. Luckily I don't see you blaming your sister for the problem, because I'm sure she probably has nothing to do with it. I would guess that your mom has just formed a special bond with this child for some reason like my mom did with Jacob. I can pretty much tell you that for sure because my mom doesn't seem as close to my younger son. I know, it sounds awful! She loves all of her grandkids though with all her heart... I think they just have a special attachment sometimes, so I'm not really sure what you can do about it. I guess you could mention the problem to her, which is better than not talking at all, and hope that fixes things. Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it. Also... if she sees this nephew a lot more than you, that may be the reason for the bragging... maybe she's just filling you in and you're taking it personally.
Hopefully you're letting your mom visit your kids frequently... even if you don't let her babysit, it's a really good thing for them to have a grandmother there to spoil them. Good luck with everything and your feelings are perfectly normal, gloat about your kids all you want.. I'm sure they're amazing. (Sorry for the book)

I have a mother-in-law that does the same thing. The nephews now live in NE and the situation is still the same. Except she never asks my oldest daughter to do things. We live two miles from her. However, your mother is asking to spend time with your 5 year old. Just because she is laid back does not mean that he will come to harm with her. She raised you, and that is not good that you don't trust your mom.

If the other is really bothering you that much every time you talk to her. I would sit down and tell her how you fell directly. Not over the phone, but face to face. Use your "I" words. I have always found things alot easier to deal with if you just simply tell people how you feel. Your not wrong in being jealous but she may not even be aware that she is doing that.

I know how you feel. I'm pregnant with my third (ready to pop any day now!) and my sister just had her first. She placed her baby up for adoption, and I feel that because of that my baby will never live up to the "sacrifice and turmoil" of my sisters.

It's hard isn't it. I've tried talking to my mom and she just get's mad at me for being jealous over my sister because I get to keep my baby. I do hope sometime I'll be able to look at this and laugh!

But you can feel what you want, and it's never wrong. You love your kids and you want everyone to see how wonderful they are. I wish you luck and wish I had better advice. Just know that I think you're normal. :)

Have you talked to your sister? Maybe she feels the same way. It could be that mom is just "sharing the news" and telling your sister as much about your kids as the other way around.

You do have to keep your kids safe. It is hard to advise without knowing the kind of relationship you have with your mom. If I had a situation like that I think next time she asked I would just say something like "I would love to let him spend time with Grandma like that, but I worry about him being outside by himself." Or "one of our rules is that he can't play outside without an adult being outside with him."

Of course it is okay for you to want your mom to appreciate your wonderful children!

N., I don't think you should feel bad at all. It is wonderful that you want to gloat over your kids and that you are proud of them. I know some moms who only complain about their kids and that's so sad. But what I think you need to do is have a talk with your mom. Everything you told us, tell her. It might be very hard and she might react that you are just being jealous and mean but the truth is you're not and you need to KNOW that and stick to your guns when you talk to her. Tell her you called to talk about YOUR kids not to hear about your sister's. You want her to know what your kids are up too and to not be brushed aside all the time because of your nephew. You never know maybe she just doesn't realize what she's doing maybe when you mention something about your kids it reminds her of what your sister said about her kids and she just feels the need to pass the news on but nevertheless you need to tell her what you feel. The only way to solve this is open communication. If all else fails, send her an e-mail. Good luck. I know having issues with your parents is hard and sometimes its even harder to solve them but it feels so good when you do. Oh about leaving your child there, if you don't feel safe then don't do it. Come over for an afternoon and stay late but then go home and take the kids. We had the same issue with my mother-in-law, she always wants to babysit for us in her home and we never would let her because her home truly isn't safe for kids and when we finally came out and said something instead of just saying no all the time she understood why we didn't come over so instead she would come to our place to spend time with the kids. So open communication really is the key.

It's understandable for you to feel upset. My advice is to just tell your mom straight out. Sit down and have a good conversation with her about it. She probably isn't even aware of how you feel.
Hopefully once she knows, she will be more responsive when you talk about your children. Good luck!

N.- It's totally normal how you're feeling. I sometimes feel the same way about my mom too, my brother had my parents 1st grandchild and she always seems so sad when she doesn't get to see him for a week. We live just a block from my parents and whenever she stops by she always says "I can just stay one minute", sometimes she leaves even if my son is begging her to stay. I think it's fine that you don't think your five year old shouldn't stay over night with your mom because as mothers we are the only one's who know what is truely right for our children and we are the ones who job it is to protect them.

You are not "wrong" because you are allowed to have your feelings. But your mom may not realize that you feel this way, so my best advice to you would be to talk with her.

"Mom, I know I haven't called very often, but it's because every time I bring up things little Anthony has done, it seems to me that you bring up little Nephew and it feels like you are comparing them. That makes me sad. I'm very proud of my kids and I'd like to have the chance to gloat over them with you - that's a bond with you I'd love to enjoy."

Or something like that. But what's important is to let her know how you feel without pointing the finger at her - don't say "you do this" "you do that" because then it will put her on the defensive.

As far as the trust issue goes, believe me - my DH and I have gone a few rounds about my MIL watching my daughter. I love MIL to death, but she's not the most responsible person on the planet - she's older and she forgets things, and she lets DD do anything she wants. Which I don't. I'd never leave DD with her alone. So if you don't feel comfortable leaving the kids there, don't do it.

I agree with the other advice that you should talk to your mom. I would address it as though you feel that the children are being "compared" when they are all clearly different children at different stages in life and just cannot be compared, nor should they ever be. I would tell her that you love hearing about your nephew, too, but would like to "gloat" about your own kids because you are a proud mother and what mother doesn't want to gloat about their kids and their accomplishments! You shouldn't feel guilty about that. I'm sure your mother just doesn't realize that when she's bringing up your nephew at the time, she's hurting your feelings.

I'm luck, I have two neices very close in age to my kids and, thankfully, they never get compared by my family (at least not that I know of!). But I think I would feel bad if everytime I brought up an accomplishment of my kids, someone said, "Oh, did you hear your neice is doing this or that."

And I also appreciate that you don't fully trust your mom to watch your kids. I am the same way. I know she means well but she tends to get distracted easily and is hard of hearing, so she doesn't watch them all that often and when she does, it's usually in the evening when she can just put them to bed. Luckily, she lives out of town, so it's not often an issue.

Anyway, good luck with your situation.