Relationships - Spokane,WA

If he's not the father of your daughter begin the process of letting go of him. He's going to be gone for 4 months. What is the point of continuing a relationship with him?

Not every guy plays with your mind and heart. Only those that you allow to do so will do that. It sounds like you choose the wrong men and stick with them after they've acted in such a way as to show you that they do not respect you and are not treating you with love.

I recommend finding some way to improve your self-image so that you know that you deserve better. Then you won't allow a man into your heart before he's proven that he will treat you right. Four months is frequently not long enough to know that as you've discovered.

Counselling could help. Along with that I'd recommend learning how to take care of yourself and have fun without having a man around. Only when you can take care of yourself will you be able to find a man who will also take care of you. I speak from experience.

You can find counseling thru a church or the county mental health clinics.

I wish you the best. I know that you are in a great deal of pain now but it will get better.

I just have one thing to say, Forget him. while he is out of town make it seem like your too busy for him. if he calls get off the phone quick let him know your busy. if he wants to set a time toc all you back tell him you have plans. you've only been dating 4 months. guys loose interest in woman if there whole world revolves around the man. let him know how much you love your time away from him. don't keep you mind on him cheating because that's just gonna worrie you and that's not gonna leave time for you and your daughter for the next couple months. So what if he's cheating, you've only been together for 4 months and if he is cheationg and you make it seem like you don't care because you might be cheating on him then he'll think well is she? and start behaving. if not then it was not ment to be. Keep your schedual packed for yourself. make your free time occupied with hobbies. take a class at ccsn. go to mommy and me classes with your baby. find a way to keep up your spare timethat way he'll have to try harder to be with you. guys don't like needy girls. they don't like someone who is boreing. someone who will sit and wait for attention. they like girls that go out with there friends who have a social life outside the relationship. in fact I read something yesterday that I think you should read. it makes complete sense too. go here
http://www.wikihow.com/Not-Be-an-Obsessive-Girlfriend
They have other links at the bottom of the page and they truly make sense. I belive you should read it. plus it will give you a complete 180 turn around at how you look at relationships.

Well I believe Marda and Anna they are right. if he goes out of town why you need to be so worry about him cheating. is nothing you can do about. stop creating those monster into your head. Worry about your baby and don’t push honey.
I will tell you a little history here: long time ago i start dating a friend from work, we have a lots of fun i had my a little girl with me she was 6 at the time one day he came and told me that he has receive a offer to work in new York, I was very sad because that mean bye, byes to me. so i told that i wish for him the best in his new job and new life in new York even i bough a card and wrote a pretty note for him with all my wishes for him and i let go with no drama whatsoever i don’t like drama I believe always I believe if somebody is for you there is no way distance or whatever take away from you that person. he left and we still were talking on the phone and i was very busy with my daughter she is my angel "still" she is 16 years now. well I used to tell him remember we are no committed anymore you can find someone and don’t feel bad, just let me know it wont hurt me, i believe life is like that today you love someone tomorrow probably no. so (to make this short) for more I push him away and let him no that it was okay with me, he never forgott about our relation he keep caming to las Vegas, he on my birthdays came to Vegas and take me to see his mom, he make many trips to came to see me and my a little one, just i never push him i love him and i believe when there is love you accept the situation and understand it was for his future profession so that is the reason i letting go and start focusing more in my daughter i always said she is my entertaining through all my life i don’t get bore with her, well one day he calls me and said i want you to came to new York to spend thanksgiving i ask a few friends before take a decision all my friend said go! (we take care your girl! so i did went over there i love to see him i just love him so much but well thanksgiving day after our dinner with some friends of his a couple i notice they were like looking at me kind of funny but i didn’t no what's going on, for a while after dinner they all disappear we were sitting on the sofa then i see him getting on his knees and said to me 'LOVE' that is how he always had call me DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME? Oh! My god i just couldn’t believe it so i said yes after that all his friend came out and yelling eyeyeyeeyeyeyey! i move to new York in December and we marry 6 months after. HUGE WEDDING, we choose Las Vegas because here is were we have all our friend, now we have 7 years marry and i give him beside my daughter two more kids a girl and a boy, no rush! i don’t like rush i have learned that and i don’t like let monster invade my head with stupid thing so like this others girls are telling you occupied yourself and see what happens!
Ps. By the way we are back here in vegas after all this job of his was the best choice he did make, and i am his best second choice, he always said to me "remember you telling me go"! "take the oportunity". now, is this job what it have give us our estability in our life. He has the greatest job and the greatest position. and i dont need to work i stay home enjoying my kids!

Be patient, Be patient, and assertive you never know!

josie

Honey, I don't know the whole situation but if you think he's cheating or is going to cheat then it may not be worth keeping the relationship. If you can't trust him with your heart then why in the world would you trust him with your daughter?

But on the other end of things...If you trust him not to cheat then why are you letting 4 months apart stand in your way? I'm not married and 22 also and I've been in a relationship for almost two years now. Why that is relavent is because by boyfriend lives and works out of town. Now we have a house together and he supports me ( I'm almost due with his child) but I only see him 4 to 6 days a month. So considering that we manage to make it work, if you feel you want to try it with this guy 4 months is nothing to wait. So try it if you want but for your daughters sake don't put all emphasis on this relationship. You've only been in it for 4 months...it's not like you put you heart and whole life into it.

Hope you figure out what's best for you. Good Luck and I hope your daughter has a happy birthday.

Hi T., sorry to hear about your MIL. I know how it feels to some extent. My husband's sister had a baby boy about two year ago, a little before she had him, my husband and i found out we were pregnant as well. The two boys are 6 months apart. Unfortunetly, all the attention has always gone to her daughter's son, and not to ours! This has been a tough issue to deal with and I feel bad for my husband because he too notices it and feels like his son is second best and that the other grandson always comes first. Needless to say, my MIL always preaches how she's "christian" and blah, blah, but it is so obvious, there are pics. of her other grandson plastered all over her house, and she constatntly baby sits for her daughter, whom is a SAHM, and doesn't do anything!! REally, we struggle trying to make time for us and it feels as if we have to book her a month in advance just for my husband and I to go catch a 2 hr. movie!

This is very frustrating, but let me tell you what I have done to test my theory and to prove to my husband the way his mother really is. I gave her a bunch of pics of my boy a about a year ago, and she hasn't put up not even 1 of them!! So, my parents came from Texas to visit, and they absolutely adore my boy, too bad they are the ones living at such far distance and not vice versa. Well, I scheduled a pic. appt. so they could take pics with him, and hung them all over my house, I also framed some that said I love Grandma and I love Grandpa, without any of their pics. in sight!! hee hee! Two can play this game as she's quickly coming to find out. Well for his 1st bday i took him to get pics by himself, framed and gave them to all other relatives, including my MIL's parents, (the great grandparents). She's started to realize she is the only one without a pic and asked me for one. When she asked I said well I've given you pics. of T.D. in the past, and I haven't even seen one around your house, she said she keeps them filed in a box. I said, well I think more of my boy and am only giving relatives who care enough to put pics of him up a copy! LOL ;) ...i know hurtful right, but not as hurtful as her not giving my boy the same attention as the other grandson.

As far as her doing things with my boy, she never takes him anywhere and has even taken her other grandson to football games with us and everything. Never once has she picked him up and hung out with him and lets not "push" her watching him and spending time with him while my husband and I do something. Well, for this, she has a "christian" church friend in her own words, hee hee :) and I got to meet her, this lady has a young girl who has taken the babysitting classes. So, I have hired her as my babysitter. Then, guess what, my MIL said there is no need that she is here to help watch him whenever we'd like, tough cookies lady! I explained to her that I don't like having to book her a month in advance and that even then she always gives me a million and one excuses.

So it's give a little get a little. YOu just need to learn to pick your battles and trust me for so long I have bitten my tongue and felt as I my boy is only second best. The most important thing is to just start distancing yourself just a little bit, so she can see how hurtfull it can be, i'm sure she'll come around. Maybe you two have an open relationship, if so then just tell her how you are feeling , but as a spanish saying always says, "Son of my daughter's grandson is he, Son of my son's whose can he be? " Get it? that's just the way the cookie crumbles, take this as a lesson, and if you ever have a daughter in law, be sure you take her in as your own!