I am a mother of three, a daughter 8, and two boys that are 2 & 3. My husband and I have recently seperated and I am having some behavior troubles with the two little boys. The youngest has started biting, and the middle child has found the word "NO" to be his main choice. They are always screaming and fighting with each other lately about everything, including who is breathing who's air. LOL. My daughter was diag with Bi polar so she is always a challenge. I work outside of the home part time so I get to spend most of each day with my babies. The father is not consistant with his visiting and has turned up at our new house ( we moved two weeks ago to make matters worse or better, i am not sure yet) only twice, and he was very grumpy with the way that the children were behaving. I am trying to find the best way to help my kids through all these changes without losing my mind or my eardrums. I have enjoyed being a mom since the moment my first baby was placed in my care. I enjoy spending time with them and rarely do I leave them with anyone, but lately I am looking for some kind of peace to resume in my home. Does any one have any suggestions on how to help me help them?
WOW! you sound overwhelmed. you need some mommy time and they need to be awayform you too. find domeone to watch them for a couple hours a week. its normal for kids to have behavioual problems when there is change and there has been a lot of change. but it should nto be tolerated. i dont know what to tell you other than it will not last forever. things will change.
Find a routine and stick to it. Meals, bed times, discipline. As long as they have that one thing to depend on, their behavior may get a little more bearable.
Try a chart - chores and behavior. A chore chart is self-explanatory and even the 2 year old is ready for one; the behavioral one is the great part - make 6 half stars and magnetize them. When their behavior is bad, they lose stars. If they make it through the day with all the stars (we began with 3) the child gets a little treat - helping with supper, internet games, what have you....
Find what the little monsters like and use it as that carrot.
Good luck
First off I am sorry to hear about the challenges you are going through. I of course can relate:) I seperated from my ex when I was six months pregnant with our second child and our first was 2 years old. He unfortunately is not a consisitant force in their life which makes me the soul everything! There are days when I want to pull my hair out too! The only advice that I can offer to you is what has worked for me so far. We are still learning too:)I don't let anyone besides family watch my children and they didn't want to watch my children after the seperation because they didn't want to get involved. So, I created a strict routine. Dinner, baths, and story time before 8pm so that lights are out at 8pm no exceptions. There are days that it goes well and other days not, but be consisitant. That way I have a few hours before I go to bed to watch t.v., relax, or get things done that I didn't do in the day beacuse I was tending to the kiddos. Find someone that you can talk with. Ask your kids doctor for a referal. I was scared at first, but it really helped. It is hard to be everything this I know, but the kiddos behavior will change with time:)Just waiting it out is the challenge. They are finding a way to deal too. Be consistant with all that you can because when dad comes and goes they will need to know what will always be there and that is you!
N. I am so sorry. When marriage starts to fail it is sad and heartbreaking for the entire family. I am divorced with two young kids. My ex moved out of state on top of the divorce so I understand what you are going through. Kids get the worst of it. I would say your husband and you owe your children a open and honest discussion on their level. Explain that you were just not happy with each other and needed some space, like a time out to think about things and see if you can work it out. Reassure them you both love them dearly and you both are there for them no matter what. At first I tried to protect my kids and it backfired. I just kept so much information from them other then the basics and it led to my six year old drawing her own conclusions and it was more upsetting to her! Finally, I was open and honest with my 6 year old after seeing a family therapist and working through her fears. I didn't get detailed, just gave her what a 6 year old could handle but it helped tremendously. Your boys are young, you must talk to them in a way they understand. NEVER bad mouth your ex in front of them, reassure them constantly it had nothing to do with them. With a move and a seperation it is a lot for little ones to handle. They are confused, upset and angry and have no idea how to express that but fight and act up. It is your job to get to the bottom of their fears, concerns and worry and try and give them lot's of love and reassurance. If you live near Broomfield I can recommend A WONDERFUL family therapist that works with kids through therapy play and she helped my kids and I so much!!! My daughter had a lot of anger over the summer and we had a hard summer because of it, once I got her into therapy, a safe place she could talk and learn to expres herself and work through her worries with me, life changed DRAMATICALLY!! If not ask your Pedatrician to refer one in your area, which is how I got the referral in the first place. It is so hard on the kids, it takes A LOT of patience. They see you upset and stressed and just want you to be happy. It is hard but with each day and lot's of reassurance it will get better. Change of any kind is upsetting and kids feel out of control when they feel their family is falling apart.
