Help with Three Year Old

I have a three year old also and seperated from my husband about a year ago my son did the same thing but he also started acting out and hitting me and his father it is very hard to deal with even though his daddy and i are back together he is still acting out i have plenty of advice if you haven't gotten enough of it already ...... A. ____@____.com

I agree with Trinity. He needs some stability. Think about how unsettled you feel with moving from place to place and being seperated from your husband. Kids are way more sensitive to that kind of thing than we are, they don't know what to do with their emotions. Your husband should be helping either with the car or care for your child. Can you take public transportation to and from work? What about paying someone you work with gas money for coming to pick you up from your place? No matter what, it will take time for your son to adjust to the new situation, but it is your job as him mom to make it as easy as possible for him. Not having a place to call home and being shuffled around so much is not helping either of you. Also, like Trinity said, you should look into counseling.

Good luck with it all! Hang in there!

Hi M.,
I'm so sorry to hear what the two of you are going through. It sounds like your son is suffering from seperation anxiety. He needs stabililty. I know it may be difficult for you, but you really need to keep him at his home he is familiar with, not staying with friends to take you to work. Try hard to find someone who can pick you up at your house. Of course, he is worried you are not comming back. His daddy left and has not come back. Also, spanking and punishing is no way to get him to eat his food. My pediatrician told me once that no child ever willingly starved himself to death. Just present him with healthy choices and then, he WILL eat when he gets hungry enough. Also, there are several options out there for single mothers to get help. It requires some effort on your part, but is extreemly worth it, I know....Good luck and remember, you are his entire world now. How you treat him and how you handle this situation will shape how he deals with the world in the future. Trust in God, find a good support group, and you will be doing both of you a favor.

Good luck, S.

Hi M.,
I am sorry for your situation. 3 y/o are a hand full in a normal situation, and your situation is making it worse. Like eveyone one else said, your first priority is to make your son feel safe and secure. Job, and apartment aside, you must make this your first and only priority or your son will face years of seperation issues that will show up in his friendsships ,relationships, and self esteem. I'm not sure what part of town you are in but please contact Grace Community Outreach Center in Plano. It's a great church that has a lot of resources to help people in need, including counselling, assistance with legal issues, maybe even an old car etc. If not this church, try another church or resource. You need someone to put their arms around you, give you a different perspective of what to do next, etc. One thing to think about M., is there are a lot of sick people out there. You taking your young son from house to house, with strangers is not good. Think about what I'm saying. You may know your co-worker pretty good (or maybe not). But you don't want someones husband, brother, son, friend wondering into where your son is sleeping one night. Life might be crazy during the the day but I strongly encourage you to create a safe, stable place for you and your son to lay your head down to sleep. I don't mean to be preachy, but I have a 3 y/o and my heart went out to you when I ready your post. I wish I had a car to lend you. But I can be a support for you if you would like. I'm in Frisco, we have a Christain home and I could watch your son for you on weekends if you need a parttime job. Please let me know. God Bless you. And hang in there. Single mom's are some of the strongest women I know. You can take control of this situation. D.

Lots of advice for me to second and third.
You need to stabilize things. If you can not afford to move,
you need to get a car. You need to find a sitter with whom
he is with everyday while your at work. The City of Fort worth *call united way* has a child care program that will assist you financially with child care. *there is a waiting list and you need to call monthly to stay on it*. Also United way will assist you with finding other avenues to help out. *bus tokens**food*.
Your son is dealing with daddy leaving and thinks you will to.
Don't yell when he does not eat. Take the time to do an activity with him. Make sure he gets a vitamin and pediasure
for other nutrients and do small snacks. He needs to know
you love him. He needs a place to call his own.
It is nice that friends and such are helping you with getting
to and from work. It is hurting him in all the bouncing around.
He can only think the worst.
Make sure to tell him his daddy loves him.
Call the daddy and tell him he needs to visit his son.
Make sure you and the daddy both tell him you love him. That
daddy and mommy are not getting along with each other, and it
would make it more unhappy to stay together. You both have to say that. Do not say mean things about the other parent in front of him. That will make things worse. Set up a time
each week that he is with daddy. Even once a week,same day each week with a grandparent. Gets a stability there too. Too look forward to that day with grandma/grandpa/dad. If the dad
wants to not be in picture...do not tell the son that.
Also legal aide will give advice one time on getting a start on
child support. *forgot the name of the office that enforces that.*
Again...get a car, there are private people in the papers selling cars. Stop bouncing around. I am sorry to add to this by saying...it would be better to get the person giving a ride
to pick you up and drop you off at your house...it will make it
your home. Pick son up and go home. Same room, same bed, same
mess he likes on the floor...every day.

I am sorry to hear about the situation you two are in. I don't know about all kids, but mine behave best when they are on a set schedule and routine within the same surroundings on a daily basis. You may want to find some way to have some regularity duringthe day. You should really get a car so you can stay at your own place or maybe take the bus.If you get a car it just needs to be something that will get you to and from work. That will help some but he will still be dealing with his daddy not being there. Reassure him that you are there for him. You are all he has to depend on, so make sure he knows you love him! I hope things get better!

I went through the same thing when my son was two. I had to get a job because his dad walked out on me but I also didn't have a car. It's a hard thing to imagine trying to afford a home and keep a job without a car. I'm not sure if you know this but by law your husband has to provide you with a car if you have children. My friends brother just went through this a few months ago and he had to buy his wife a car b/c she has custody of the kids. I hope it gets better. It took me a year to get a car but my life is much happier now.

My heart goes out to you and your son...I've been there.

First...please stop spanking and/or yelling at your little guy. This will not help. In fact it will only make things worse. I can tell you from experience that he is so scared and confused right now, that he is doing the one and only thing he can control...and that's to act out. The rest of the things his life are controlled for him. Nothing about his life is stable...he doesn't have a Daddy (or so he thinks), Mommy is tired, working and stressed all the time. He doesn't have a place to call his own. He's afraid that when you leave you won't come back. It appears by the email, it's a new place each week or maybe more often. His behavior isn't going to change until his life is stable and he stops bouncing from place to place. For the sake of you little guy you need to stop and put his needs and fears above anything else. It's hard...like I said I've been there. As adults we often make choices that our kiddos don't understand. We then expect them to just accept it and carry on like nothing has changed. They have feeling and emotions even they don't understand. He needs help with these scary feelings. He needs stability AND the love of his Mommy. Good Luck and God Bless.

Your situation is very hard on both you and your son. People responding are right. Your son feels alone and worried. My daughter did the same thing when her dad & I divorced. If you need to talk with someone please contact me and we can set up a time for the kids to play and for you to talk and relax and if nesissary (spelling?) scream without scaring your son. My e-mail is ____@____.com

I would try and move somewhere on the busline (it's not that bad :) --I did it when I didn't have a car. And, if I were a struggling single mother, I would get on whatever public assistance I could get on. And I would just make sure that your little guy knows that without a doubt he is your absolute #1 and I would spend as much time as possible making him feel that way. My kids were all about 4 when they realized that when I went somewhere that I would be coming back. It sounds from your post that you are pretty stressed, do you have any supportive family that can help you out when you need some alone time? Good luck.

He's acting out because of the situation he's been put in. No stability whatsoever. My advice is simple, get a car (buy or borrow. Try a note lot, they can qualify you even if you don't have a lot of money or terrible credit) or move closer to work and stop shuffling the kid from house to house. Where is dad in all this? I would think that since you have the child, you should have the car. Just my opinion. His behavior will start to improve once you stop moving him around, but not completely because he's also dealing with his dad being gone and the separation in general. It's a lot for kids and you need to understand how he's feeling. Maybe a couselor could better help him...and maybe yourself. There is low cost/free assistance. Since you have access to a PC, it shouldn't be too hard to locate on the web. Good luck.

The mind of a 3 year old says "If she left my Daddy behind why wouldn't she leave me". Sometimes if we think how they might be seeing it it helps us to better deal with them. Reaffirm to him you won't be going anywhere without him if even every day. Maybe explain a little about where and why his Daddy is gone use your better judgement on what not to say. Speak to him and treat him as though the 2 of you are a team and you couldn't do anything without him. But give him something to latch on to he may only be 3 but he has his own thoughts in his head no matter how true or false they may be and your job is to settle them for him.

sounds like he may be having seperation anxiety, just reassure him that you are still there and everything is fine. Since daddy is gone and no vehicle and no place to stay, all the main things in his life are disappearing. This can be normal for a child of this age to experience this. Just keep reassuring him that YOU will NEVER abandon him or leave his side. And if it makes him feel better, I know you may not have peace for a few days, but let him follow u room to room so he knows that you are not leaving him. Good luck to you sweetie!