Little Girl Not Liking Her Daddy

What the other ladies have to say is super advice. One other thing that I did when my husband was at work was to wrap my daughter in one of his shirts so she would get used to his smell. That way one of her senses was already familiar with that stranger she didn't just spend all day with.

it happens all the time and has nothing to do with your separation - she doesn't even know it happened - she's only 8 months old! go away and let them work it out. Tell him to stay calm and sing to her, rock her and just love her. the worst thing to do is take her away from him when she cries, which would make her just cry more. Let him feed her, change her diaper and be her parent as much as possible.

What your daughter is doing is totally normal, at 8 months some "stranger anxiety" is developmentally appropriate, in fact a better term for it might be "anyone but Mommy axiety." She would probably respond the same way no matter who picked her up, whether it is Daddy or the mailman she is going to be worried because it is not YOU. The only way I have ever found for dealing with that with my own daughters and husband has been to just let them have Daddy time even if they cry through it, mind you, it should be in small, managable chunks, and some men are less patient than others and may not want to hold a crying baby for more than a second. It is not a good idea to leave your baby alone with your husband if you feel that he can not handle a crying baby with love and patience, but if he can just practice holding and rocking her while talking to her in a gentle voice or singing to her for a few minutes every day then she will begin to understand that Daddy loves her and that she is safe with him. You can also hold her in your arms and have Daddy talk to her and play with her, a quick game of "got your toes" might make her smile at him and make him feel much better about his relationship with his baby. As she gets older it will get easier! But I have to say, expecting a child to help to improve your relationship with your husband is just SUCH a bad idea, so please be careful and don't balme your relationship troubles on your babies, EVER! Good luck!

Oh, I just thought of one more great idea, why not have your husband put the baby in her stroller and take her on a walk? She might really like that because she can not see who is pushing the stroller and he will like that fact that he is getting to spend some quality time with the baby! I have used that trick when I babysat for a friend's baby who was going through the same stranger axiety stage and it worked like a charm, not only did the baby stop crying, but we had a great walk, I got exercise, and the baby fell asleep in her stroller and slept unitl her mom came back.

this may have little to do with your "baby hogging" and more to do with your baby's personality. my daughter 2.5 still gets upset sometimes when i leave her with daddy. she went through a phase where she was totally happy and fine, but is mommy's girl all over again. baby's just need their mamas. . . are you still feeling a little edgy around dad? she could sense that. if not, then again, it may just be her personality and needs. sorry, no advice except to love it, because one day she'll want you to drop her off a block from school and not kiss her goodbye when she leaves the house. . . . so just enjoy (eventhough you feel like you need a little time to yourself) and of course. . . take time to yourself, but know that baby may just not be very happy about it and hubby can't take it personally.

8 months old is the peak time for seperatation anxiety in infants. my daughter went through this to. my husband was workin glate (until about 11pm every night) for two weeks when my daughter hit this stage. she wouldn't go to dad for about two months afterward. this is really hard on dads, but it will pass. the only thing that really seems to work is handing baby off and leaving the room or the house. she will scream about it (tell hubby before hand to expect this) but the more she is around him the less she'll scream. i may take several months, but it will be worth it. it just seems to be one of those things you have to tough out. now mom daughter is a big time daddy's girl. lately when he's home, she refuses to let me do anything for her. it has to be daddy. jst try to explain this to your husband. it is'nt that your daughter doesn't like him, it just isn't easy for her to make a strong connection to more than one person at a time, it takes practice. just have patience and tell your hubby he's doing a great job, even when she's screaming.

This is not about you being a "baby hog." Both of my kids went through not wanting daddy (or anyone at all but me) at around that same age. I think that it is around this time that little ones figure out that mommy is a separate being, which means that mommy can leave - WAAAH! What they haven't figured out yet at that age is that mommy will always come back, and that they can be safe with someone else. My son was really bad about it, to the point that it hurt my husband's feelings. Both my babies were so focused on me that I couldn't even go to the bathroom without the baby losing it.

Please forgive me if I sound like I'm trying to be "the expert" - I'm not - but I can share what worked for us through two kids with heavy mommy separation issues.

Please tell your husband that the key here is gentle persistence. He needs to avoid showing his frustration to the child. If she doesn't want him to hold her he should put her down next to him or near him, but stay with her. She will scream. He needs to stay calm and stay with her anyway. And you could try taking a walk - at first 5 minutes, then 10, then 15 - to get a break and leave those two alone so they can work out a relationship. Your daughter needs to learn two things - that mommy always comes back, and that daddy is also "her person," and safe and loving to be with.

Good luck - please keep telling yourself, and your spouse, that this is a normal stage of development for many kids and it will pass.

This is normal even if you never seperated, all kids do this. It has little to do with him not being there. She has very short term memory. It is about comfort and kids just knowing mom is the one to take care of them. Even happy married couples struggle with this one! :) Men take it personally more often unfortunately.
Just encourage time with daddy, leave the house and she will be fine. Once she learns she can trust him, that you will be back she will get it.
Most all kids go through this. Neither of my kids would stop fussing unless I was the one to pick them up for the longest time, then my daughter switched gears and "daddy" had to do everything.
Now I am divorced and when my ex visits my daughter only wants my help and my son only wants daddies. I think it just is about security for them more then anything.
She is young it is normal at her age to have seperation issues, hang in there and tell your husband not to take it personally. It is a growing phase and her comfort zone, but don't always be rushing to her if she cries when he gets her either.
Take a break! You need it for you as well as for your kids! :)

Something that I suggest is do little daddy bonding times. If he is oay with it ask him to change her diapers when he is home. Let him burp her. Maybe let him bathe her. Start small and keep it simple until she is old enough to see that her daddy is fun and cool to be around. At this age babies feel loved as they have people doing things for them. I don't know if this helps but I know that it works for us. It will take time and my 2 year old adores her daddy.

I just want to reassure you that it's nothing to do with your husband or your separation. Mine are 2 years apart so my husband spent most of his time getting the 2-year-old fed, dressed, ready for daycare, etc and I mostly took care of the newborn. My daughter did the same thing as yours... She was just over 1 year old when she finally relaxed around him and 18-24 months when she became daddy's little girl (meaning 'get lost, mommy' :-) )

She's still very good at playing us off each other (she's 3 now) and running to mommy for comfort, especially when daddy has asked her to do something and isn't giving in to her whining. I should probably get used to that.

hi V.,
Our situations were a bit different, my daughters dad was deployed for the first 12 months, but I got advice from our therapist. Our daughter was basically terrified of dad when he first got home. My doc had said that the ages of 9-18 months is the bonding period for children. She told us to just let my husband completely take over for one week. He did everything from getting up in the middle of the night, to changing all the diapers, to taking care of owies.. everything.. and he only did it for one week. It helped him and my daughter form their "bond". I used this idea on both of my 2 youngest, (he was gone the first year of both) and now they are both such daddys girls.
This is just a suggestion, like I said our situations are a bit different. Good luck in whatever you try to do.

H.

My son was similar...and not because I was a baby hog! I think kiddos are just more attached to the parent who is taking primary care of them...especially if you are breastfeeding. My hubby would constantly say "he doesn't like me...he'll never like me" and I kept telling him to give it time and be patient. Sure enough, at about 9 months, he suddenly discovered his daddy...and now at 14 months, I suddenly barely exist! It just takes time and make sure Dad is trying to care for her. Find one or two things that just HE does for her (my hubby is the only one who bathes him- or used to until our son started playing more with him- and now gets him ready for bed occasionally and does a lot more for him because our son lets him) and eventually she will become more and more comfortable with him...probably even a Daddy's girl! Just remind him that all kids go through this stage and that it will wear off soon enough. Also, keep in mind that kids tune into feelings, so make sure you are keeping any hard feelings towards your hubby (if there are any...) between just the two of you and give him a chance to work things out himself! Try not to give him the baby during those harder crabby evening hours or when he is tired because that does make the situation a little more frustrating and harder to deal with. Try to have him do things for her in the AM or during the day when she is happier in general!

Does she see you and your son interact with him? Like hugs, kissing, etc. It she does and that does not work, then just leave her with him. It usually takes roughly 3 times alone with either a daycare provider, nursery attendant @ church, or things like that and your response to them when you leave helps. He needs to say things like "mommies always come back" "Come play with daddy". Give her something that is familiar when you leave. Always talk calm, loving words when you hold her as mommy leaves too. Mommy needs to cut the tie a little more and say things like, "Daddy will help you", as you hand her over. It is okay for her to cry a little, but if you continue not just walking away so dad can handle it, then she won't learn to love him too. I hope this helps! K

My daughter is the same way! However I have a determined husband and he just MAKES me leave so he can have their time. He mostly does this on the weekends. He will take a whole day where he does everything. We do still breastfeed, so I did have to step in at times, but for everything else it was all daddy.

She of course still has mommy issues, but I think it really is more a matter of age and not what is going on in your home. My daughter is this way with EVERYONE. We can't go anywhere without her being stuck to me like glue. As much as I think I might be a baby hog, I think it really is more a product of being a stay at home mom. Babies get used to routine and I am what she sees everyday and who takes care of all of her needs. I know she will grow out of it and some babies have it worse than others, but it won't last forever.

In the end your husband has to be the one to step up and just take her on. Yes she will scream for a bit, but he has to be willing to ride that out. The more he steps up and jumps in, the more she will get used to him. The key is however you can't be in the room or even in the house! I know that is hard, but what I do is go to my room, shut the door and turn the TV on. I just try and tune it all out. If I can get out of the house I do... that way I don't have to hear any of her cries. Yes he won't do thing like you would and I am sure if we could watch out husbands we would be shaking our heads, but the kids will survive they will know this is daddy's way of doing thing :)

Good luck! Just know you are not alone!

I agree with both the previous posts. My husband even stayed home the first three weeks of my maternity leave, but then had to go back to work. Babies get used to a routine just like adults, so they tend to want to be around the person they are most comfortable with - - which usually is Mommy! BUT, now if Daddy is in the room then my daughter wants nothing to do with me, so I just keep telling myself it's a stage and not to take it personal. Tell your hubby to hang in there and just try to be around as much as possible. You may have to leave just for a little while so neither of them have a choice...

All of the advice below is great. Please tell your husband to be patient. My daughter would cry with my husband all the time as well. She would do better if I left the room or if I wasn't at home, and of course she would start crying and try to get to me. She's 17 months now and still prefers me, but loves daddy too. As a matter of fact she started saying "Daddy" before she started saying "Mommy" So tell him to keep at it, and Daddy's little girl just needs to get a little older.

I agree. It happens to all kids at some point, I think.
I also agree that kids know who takes care of them. That's their main bonding activity, is being taken care of :) So have your husband help change diapers, give baths, feed, etc. At first, maybe he'll just have to tag along next to you instead of doing it by himself. When she figures out that he's pretty good at taking care of her, she'll warm up.
I also remember that my husband wanted some time with the baby, but he felt like he didn't know what he was doing. All day, I had a chance to get used to the baby and what he liked without anyone watching me. But when Daddy got home, it was all new to him, and he got nervous because I was watching him. He'd get embarrassed or frustrated, and hand the baby back to me. So I encouraged him to go outside with the baby (or you could take a turn leaving) so he could figure out "their thing" to do together, away from my watchful eye. Outside turned into their thing. They'd go out there almost every night, looking at the stars and moon and cars driving past. Half the time, he'd come back with a sleeping baby on his shoulder, looking very very proud. And what a help to me!!!
Help him find "his thing" to do with the baby, and let him figure it out without you watching!

My daughter definitely preferred me to anyone else - especially at that age. Try to interact with your daughter together, so she can see you both. That way, she will eventually more accepting of him. Right now she assumes its an either or situation. Definitely reassure your husband that this is a rough age for many kids and is not any reflection on the kind of relationship they will have in the future.
Good luck!

my daughter was like this too. he was having an affair during her gestation and babyhood. she only wanted me, she never wanted him. she did not speak to him at at until she was 4 except to scream red-faced, "NOT YOU!!" at him whenever he attempted to do anything for her at all. I was not the type of wife to ever raise my voice so I know this came from her own feelings. I did not hog her. she simply clung to me as baby monkeys cling to their mothers. for 4 years.

long story and many details omitted, he was escorted from our house and we divorced when she was 6.

my advice would be to leave the baby with her. 8 mo old is a normal age to go thru stranger anxiety. the crying would probably stop once you are not around to rescue her....leave them for them to spend time together. He needs to bond with her for their relationship and for your sanity. He also needs to act like it is no big deal...babies pick up on when someone is uncertain about being around them.

Hi V.,

What I am about to write is not from a place of blame, so please hear that. There are things about what you describe that resonate with my own family life, so hear that, as well!

Here's my 2 cents: Your daughter will take her cues from you - especially if the two of you are extraordinarily close & attached to one another. If she sees you comforatble around your husband, if she sees the two of you being affectionate & genuinely warm & friendly with one another, she will grow more comfortable, warm and friendly with her daddy. If you are still harboring unspoken anger, resentment, distrust towards him, she will pick this up and act it out. The main thing is, they have to forge their own relationship, and you have to give them the chance to
do that - with you NOT present. She may cry at first or reject him for awhile, but if he tries his best not to take it too personally, and doesn't give up, they will find their way. Have him read up on what's going on developmentally for 8 month olds, plenty of good books out there (stuff on the internet) and games and activities/toys babies this age LOVE. Let them create their own silly, fun routines with one another, and let her see you enjoying his company as well. Let her experience the 3 of you having fun together, and with her brother, too.

As a mom and a therapist, I assure you, as the two of you resolve your own issues between one another, you will see a shift in your daughter's behavior.

Good luck!
D.