Really Hurt Right Now and Not Sure How to Procede

You are AWESOME!! What a great mom to be that intuned with your son to know the problem was as serious as it was, I hope I have that kind of relationship with my son. I know how you feel still needing your mother's approval, my son just started co sleeping with my husband and I and my mom keeps saying you better get him out soon or you'll have a major problem! When she comes to visit she tries to sleep train him! Anyway, little to what you're dealing with, but I just stand back and agree with everything she's saying even though I want to tell her that I'm the grown up and the mommy now and it's my turn to make all the important decisions. But I never do. So I think maybe you should have a heart to heart with her. Try not to be angry with her, but sad and dissappointed instead. I would also tell her this is the hardest thing you have ever had to do in your whole life and this is a something that she can stand behind you in or she's got to be moved outside the circe of trust...
And PS you are my hero.

B.,
Screw your mom. I hope my bluntness doesn't hurt you more. But your mom is just reacting all wrong and hurtful and you don't need that right now. In her day feelings and family problems were supposed to stay nicely hidden behind a cloak of pretending everything is fine all the time. A lot of people did take their own lives because they could not turn to anyone. Your son may be mad at you for awhile. But he knows you cared enough to get him help.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Kudos to you for being such a good mom that you knew he needed help. I had a terrible feeling that one of my daughters was suicidal once. She did not say one single thing to me to let me know she was. I simply know my daughter and a string of bad things had happened and I felt she had enough and that she must be feeling that way. I flew across country on credit cards and helped her in every way I could. She never admitted to feeling suicidal. But someone close to her called me later to tell me she had tried. She would not give me the details. But I believe that my showing up when I did was part of what gave her the strength to move forward. That and the fact that God sent many people into her life at the right times.

The best thing you can do now is pray and take care of you so that you can take care of him. I'm so thankful that you did EXACTLY what was right.

Suzi

No and I mean NO ONE was standing in your position at the time that this went down. You did the very best that you could or knew how to do. How were you supposed to know that the ER wouldn't let him go home after an initial diagnosis? If you've not been down this road before you had no idea what to expect.

B., I don't know how old you are but I'm 37 and I lost my mom to cancer when I was 25. It really sucked and yeah there were LOTS of times I could have used her advice but YOU ARE AN ADULT, you no longer need advice or approval from her in how you conduct your life. YES, it is GREAT to have someone in your corner, but from the moment my mom died I've had pretty much the whole rest of the family turned against me...so I walked away from them all. It hurt, A LOT, but it was better mentally for me and ultimately for my family. My kids don't know that side of the family really well but I look at it as a blessing that they won't have to deal with the pettiness I grew up with.

Now as for you...I would calmly and rationally either talk to your mom or write her a letter saying that you would really appreciate her support but if she isn't going to give it and lend quiet support than she will not be consulted or even informed of decisions from here on out. She's overstepped her boundaries by a VAST margin...it's one thing to say these derogative things to you but it's NOBODY ELSE'S BUSINESS!!! She owes you a huge apology...stand your ground and demand it.

The bottom line here is no matter what agencies get involved here and try to push you around, COMMUNICATE with your son that your taking him to the ER was because you love him so much and that you can't begin to imagine your life without him! Tell him your feelings, tell him you were scared and didn't know who to talk to. If you're sorry for all the agencies that are now involved TELL HIM but let him know you absolutely don't want anything to happen to him and you want to help him work through whatever issues he has and will help support him in this journey.

As a youth I too was depressed and suicidal. My mom never knew...most people didn't. Eventually I worked through it but my mom, even though she was my best friend was not the person I wanted or needed to talk to. If you are not or cannot be this for your son, find out who that person is. But don't belittle or berate him, these are valid feelings he is having and he needs to know you will listen to whatever feelings he has. I wish you the best of luck!

B., you did exactly what I would have done. And God bless you, I know it probably took a lot of courage. I'm sure your mom is upset because now the "whole world" knows that your son is having difficulty and you made it public in her eyes. These kids are crying out for attention for some reason and your eyes were opened to it and you took action. I would call your mom and tell her you've been hearing things and you want to set the record straight. Tell her what happened just in case she doesn't know the full story. Then tell her would she rather you be calling her telling her this or asking her to come over and plan a funeral. Maybe she has some good solutions for you too, since she has been a grandma to your son for 13 years, and you seem to have had a good relationship with her, since you said you tend to go to her in crisis. Also, maybe your son may be having trouble since you also said he just moved back in with you after living with his dad. Do you attend church? A good youth group support would be wonderful for your son too. Having friends from school and church are great for kids and thats something he needs in his life. Good luck to you will be praying for your family.

YOU are your son's mother, and you did the right thing. If it weren't for your actions, your son may not be with you right now. Remind your mother of that, and feel good about what you did to protect your son. I have not had the same experience wit a child, but I did with my sister. I am her POA and had to commit her last year to keep her from harming herself. My family, including my sister, were mad at me for it. But after a while, everyone calmed down. I know in my heart that I did the right thing because my sister is still with me. God bless you and your son. I will keep you both in my prayers.

First off, let me say I am really sorry about what is going on. I could not imagine going through what you are going through right now.
Secondly, you did the right thing. You got your son help. I pray he gets better now.
Thirdly, I know it is better to have your mother's support. But she is just going to have to get over it. What is her better alternative....that your son learn his lesson by killing himself? What would he have accomplished then?
Don't look to anyone who is going to give negative feedback. All you need right now is to focus on getting your son well.

B., you did the right thing. Your mother comes from a different time when mental illnes was not understood and there were certain stigmas attached to it.

I would call your mother when you are ready & without anger plead that you need her right now for support and that while you don't understand her reaction you could really use some support right now. If she still wants to judge you, then ask her to respect your choice & silence while you are helping your son.

I am a woman w/depression & ADHD and have a daughter with depression w/ADHD. My mother thinks that neither my daughter or myself have ADHD nor depression. I think she feels it reflects back to her. So it is really hard or her to understand our need for medications for these conditions. So, I can understand a little of what you are going through.

I myself was suicidal at one point in my life due to my depression & I can tell yuo it is imperative to get the proper help. If at any point you feel he is not getting enough help, keep searching.

I will be praying for you and your family. This is a really hard time to get through. But, you CAN get through this together. Just remember that he might deal with depression for a little while or a lifetime. Either way, with proper care, he can get through life. I dropped off my daughter to college a week ago & I think she has the tools, care, (& medication) to get her through a stressful time because we got her care when she needed it. (She was diagnosed in 6th grade.)

So there will be a day where you feel this is all in control.

My mother still has a hard time dealing w/the fact that proper diet & exercise won't make my depression &/or ADHD go away, but is starting to accept it. I hope your mother will get over the initial shock & realise you need her now more than ever. Just give it time.

Oh, there are a lot of support groups. Ask the facility where your son is. You might get some help going to some of these groups. My church even has a depression support group. So ask your church & if they don't have a group, ask another church.

Again, hang in there. He is SAFE & getting the helps he wants & needs.

J.

I don't know that we ever grow out of wanting the approval of our parents - but in this case, it's not worth the price. You need to not involve yourself with her negativity as she CLEARLY does not see the magnitude of what has transpired. YOU DID THE RIGHT/BEST THING. Congrats on being so strong, it must have been so hard! If your mother has anything else to say you need to just tell her that she had her chance to raise children "X" number of years ago - and now it's your turn. You did NOT make a mistake and God willing - you saved your son's life - no one's approval could EVER mean more than that. Best of luck to your family - I hope your son can stay strong and see the beauty of life. Love him in the way only a mother can.

You did the right thing for your son. You had professionals telling you what needed to happen and you did it. Had you not listened to them your son may be dead right now. You do not need your mother's approval(though we all want it) you must always do what is best for your child and never let ANYONE make you feel badly about your decisions. She will come around and perhaps you can talk with her about how this makes you feel.
Remain strong and continue to be the best mom you can be--seek counseling to help both you and your son.
Good Luck.

It doesn't matter whether the course of action you took was 'right' or 'wrong'. No one will ever know what might have happened if you had not taken that path. What matters is that your son receives the help he needs and is able to grow beyond the confused state of mind he was suffering when you took him to the ER.

I have taken heat from others, including many relatives and my own mother, for making choices they did not understand. It is easy to see now that they were not mature enough to afford me the understanding that would have helped everyone involved. Nonetheless, I was willing to stand my ground knowing that I had acted as a loving parent and responsible adult. I would rather take the heat and do what my heart told me was best for my child.

Not knowing your mother, it is difficult to offer suggestions. Parents can be the most impossible people to educate. It isn't a child's job to educate parents. Sometimes it is better to simply say, "Perhaps you are right. I'll have to think about that and observe how things turn out." Then, walk away and look for a more understanding heart to talk with. If no one comes immediately to mind, ask to speak with a social worker at the hospital your son is in. This is why they are there.

If your mother can be reasoned with, you might want to try putting your disappointment aside, accept this as a learning oportunity, and ask sincere questions. It won't help to become defensive, accusatory, or argumentative. But, you could simply ask things like, "If what I did was so upsetting to you, could you help me understand how you think I could have done it differently? Did I have other options I was not able to see at the time? Do you feel I should have called you and let you make the decisions? If I had, what would you have done differently?" Just be sure that you can ask these questions sincerely and respectfully. However much you may be hurt and disappointed, it really won't help to get sarcastic and say things like, "Oh yeah, well if you're the one with all the answers, what would you have done?" But, again, you don't have to even try to open this discussion if you do not feel it will lead to understanding and mutual support. Remember, she is scared for her grandson too. It might be best to seek support elsewhere while you are dealing with the crisis.

It might be helpful to say something in an effort to stop the gossip. Perhaps something like, "Whatever I've done, I was doing the best I could under the circumstances. I trusted that you would understand that. Telling everyone that you are disappointed in me is making a very difficult time even more impossible to bear. Could you please be kind enough to tell people that you wish things were different, but you trust that I was doing what I felt had to be done? A little trust and kindness from you would mean a lot to me right now."

I have worked with other families in these situations and seen them get through it. It was very scary for the whole family, but the entire family was strengthened in the long run. Don't forget that the most important step is prayer, fervent prayer. I've never seen that not work! God has always been there when family and friends let me down. I figure God does not create perfect parents so that their children will always know the difference between parents and God. Ultimately, we all come to rely on God (by whatever Name we know the Divine).

I absolutely agree with everyone else here...you made a very difficult decision at a very stressful time and you don't need to 2nd guess yourself or think that you made any sort of mistake.
Now, let me talk to you from your Mom's point of view. I am 60 years old, the mother of 3 grown girls and a stepson. I know that when we went through some really personal and stressful things with our family, I tended to "guard" my own dear Mother from some of the things that were going on at the time because I didn't feel like I could deal with the situation AND her reaction to them at the same time!! I don't now how old your Mom is, probably close to my age, and I think she is probably just reacting from her own fear and "shame" ( yes, sometimes we do tend to think "Oh dear what will the neighbors think, I am not saying that is the right response but it can be a response sometimes). I am assuming that you have a pretty good relationship with your Mom, I would do as one of the other Mama's has suggested, sit down and have a calm, loving, heart to heart talk with her ( or if you don't think you can do that, put it in a letter). Tell her how much you love and value her...how important her support has always been for you. But tell her that you handled a horrible situation in the very best way that you could as a parent. Ask her if she would rather be enjoying her grandsons sweet smile and bubbly laughter or grieving at his funeral. Ask her to set aside her feelings of anger and just concentrate on being the wonderful loving Mother and Grandmother that she has always been. Don't expect this to change overnight...but be as calm and loving as you can be and give her time...she will accept that you did what you had to do...there really was no other choice. She will come around....I am sure of it.
If you need another "Mother" to talk to..message me...I have been through an attempted suicide by one of my girls and I understand what you are feeling.
R. Ann

You did what you knew to do & what you were told to do. Your son is hurting & hopefully he will get the help he needs to understand how he is feeling & why. You did not do wrong by any means, you helped your son, you prevented what could have been a tragic exerience for your whole family & the senseless end to a potentially wonderful life! YOur mom is reacting this way because she does not know how to react. I know its hard when your mom is the person you usually turn to & they shut you out. You cannot let it get to you (easier said than done.) You may have to put the possible endings to this to her in a point blank sort of way. I don't know how old your mother is, but older people sometimes don't feel people should "share their feelings". They don't always believe in depression or that a child could have so much on their plate that they could be overstressed & not know any place else to turn to relieve intensity of everything. This is where the thought "children are resilient" comes into play. They aren't always resilient & they do have emotions & they don't have the understanding of them as adults do (not all). Older people may even consider the thought of suicide shameful or a disgrace, but it's because they don't understand & it's the way some of them were brought up to be tough. She may even blame you, for lack of knowing who / what else to blame. I think we always look to our moms for approval especially when it comes to being a good parent because that's the highest compliment we can get. Maybe you can find a book on suicide / thoughts if she is willing to read it. You did right....she just doesn't understand. You & your son/family are in our thoughts & prayer. Please keep us posted. Take care!

First of all, B., GOOD FOR YOU!!!! You did absolutely the right thing for your son and I applaud you for being pro-active and making sure he was safe - whatever it took. As for your mother, there is such a significant stigma with mental health in previous generations. For her, your son having mental illness probably seems like it is dishonoring her family. I know it was that way with my grandmother. But, my god, just imagine if you hadn't done what you did and you lost him. Your priorities are right where they should be. Find a friend or another relaive right now to get into your court, you need that support. Hopefully, your mother will come around - but if she doesn't, you still made the right choice. Good luck to you, this will be a long road. But, getting treatment now will mean a world of difference for the quality of your son's life as he gets older. Thank you for taking such good care of your boy!

I havent read your other responses, but, First of all, I am in your corner! You are his mother, and whether your mom likes it or not, you know him better than she does. I have been in a situation where I had to make people mad to protect my children and I have absolutely no regrets about it. I would rather someone be mad at me than one of my children be in danger. YOU are his mother, and YOU have to trust your gut. As mothers we have instints on what we know our children need. PLEASE dont doubt yourself, your mother will get over it. What couldnt be gotten over is something happening to your son because you didnt do anything about it. As hard as it had to be, you did the right thing! I am on your side and I think your a great mom!

It sounds like you did the best thing you could do to get help for your son. I think it is often hard for people to admit that their family needs outside help. There are still stigmas around mental health issues and suicide. Perhaps that is what is going on with your mother.

You are making your son and his health your first priority. You are right to focus on his needs. Hopefully with time, as your mother sees that your son is getting the help he needs, she will be more open to conversation. When your family is out of a crisis mode and your son gets counseling, you may be better able to work on the conflict with your mother in a nonaccusatory way and involve her in your son's healing.

Good luck.

How DARE she!! What on earth would she do in that situation!? What if - HEAVEN FORBID - you did not get help from anyone and he followed through on his plans? You did what you felt is best in a tough (impossible) situation. What is her problem??? WHO CARES that you went to a hospital? Where else do you go when you are not trained in suicide prevention like those answering the hotline phones....and THEY told you to get help IMMEDIATELY!!! Ask her what SHE would do!! WHY NOT get help ANYWHERE you could?!!!?!!! God bless you for getting the help you needed - anywhere it was available.

You did NOT make a mistake! You did something brave when most people would have wished it away or ignored it out of fear. Please remember that you and your mom are of two different generations. There is such a stigma on mental illness with the older generation. Here is the thing, mental illness, ie depression, anxiety, bipolar, is a very real thing. What is the difference between diabetes and mental illness? Nothing, it is chemical imbalance in your brain, most of the time. Did you son ask to have this, NO. You did the right thing, Remember that your mom is probably very scared and it is easier to be mad then sad. Explain to her, not that you were right, but to support you in any decision made in regard to your son. See her point of view and explain that you took one step and the trained mental health professionals made important calls determined by the information given by your son. You are correct, having a plan to carry out the harm, is serious. How old is your son? These are very real diseases that need to be treated as diseases.

I have anxiety issues myself, so I am very passionate about this. Your son is lucky to have you. I also have a cousin that is in his 20s and going through a period of depression and was hospitalized. My mom did not tell us because was worried that "everyone would know" WHAT! Who cares...should it be a secret? That really made me realize how that different my views are from that generation. I believe the more it is discussed the more the more it will be accepted.

Best of luck, I will be thinking of you! Please post and update when you can...

God be with your B., You Did absolutely what was right for your son. Never think other wise!! Do not let anyone Tell you different. If you had let it go and just thought, well alot of kids think that way sometimes, He may not of been there the next morning. Praise the Lord you acted quickly and in the right way.

It was a good thing your son was willing to even talk to you about his feelings, to the point you were concerned for his safety and health. It is so sad so many kids today keep it bottled up inside and end up taking their lives. Permanent end to a temporary situation.

If your mom says anything more negative, I think if it were me I would let her know in a nice positive way, this is My son I did what was best for us all to heal & get through this in a positive supportive way. You can never take suicide threats lightly. It's a shame you felt It was wrong and can't be more supportive for your Gr son. Then let it go!

You could get ugly and really let it all out, but it would accomplish nothing but really hard feelings and a bigger separation between you both. I pray for her own sake she will realize the rift she has placed between you.

B. don't give in or give up, your son is a precious gift that is to be cherished and loved.

God Be with you each step you take. Never give up on God or Hope.
K. Nana of 5
PS we have had several deaths in our families, all adults who kept their thoughts and plans to themselves. An illness and subsequent death you can get through eventually with time and prayer. A suicide is so sudden and shocking to all those left to mourn. It has taken years and years to over come. We can look at all the If Only's, if they won't share or confide their feelings we can do nothing if they hide it so well. Which all of them did.

B., I am sure you have had many responses, but I did not even look before I hit reply...honestly I read your post on my blackberry from my email and just felt the need to reply! My mother is my biggest sounding board for all things. I have had many issues with my sons and have sought out her advice on most anything. Some advice seems "generational" and some is just common sense based. Much if her generational advice I have to weigh what I feel in regards to the problem before I even consider following her advice, though it is still valued. I even asked her about this issue because I have a now 12 yo who is not much involved with his father and has many bahavioral issues stemming from that, and she and I both concluded this is in no way something you can not involve someone else in. Just like if you knew someone was going to break in and harm your family you would seek outside help, self harm is even harder to fight or try to control. It does seem that your son was most definatly endangered and you did absolutely the right thing for him. Perhaps your mother did not understand the severity if this situation, or she is a person who would rather not have "family dirty laundry" out in the public and thus maybe her not supporting your (correct) decision to protect your son. I can't think of a way to help her understand, even with education on teen suicide does not sway some people, but this may be one of those subjects you will have to avoid talking with her about. My mother and I have a couple such subjects ourselves.It is one of the hardest things for me to deal with outside of the problem I am dealing with, my mothers lack of support and sympathy or empathy. I think it is one of the hardest things we as adults may have to deal with. I want to restate that you did EVERYTHING right in this situatio and you deserve the recognition of such. I spent over 5 years working as a 911 dispatcher and the worst calls are suicide attempts, most parents don't catch this before it is attempted. Keep vigilant and remember if the hospital doesn't help find a counseling center or another recomended intervention center in your area. Also, if you are religious tap the resources of your church! I am again so sorry to hear you have this to deal with, as a mother it may seem too large a weight to bear on top of everything else you have on your plate, but you have taken all the right steps! Much love and prayers coming your way from me and my family!

I think you absolutely did the right thing, people from that generation (your mom) are more private and don't like help from outside, i.e. therapy, doctors etc. If I even had the slightest thought that my child would do harm to herself or other I would take her to the Dr emediatly. If it's a false alarm then good, now you've got it out of your head and you know you did all you could. No harm done but better being safe then sorry. and if it ends up it wasn't necessary, then now he knows the seriousness of talking like that. And if he talks like that again he'll go back to the hospital because its not a joke and I think now he know that. If he was seriously going to hurt himself then now he can get the treatment he needs. Good for you for being so educated on parenting to know where to go for help! You probably just saved his life and who knows whos life he will save in the future with the information he has learned or will learn from this.

I would just tell her you had to make a really hard decision and this is a tough time for you and you need people around who can support you and if she can't do that then you guys should take a break while your family is in crisis. Surround yourself with loved ones who do support you and concentrate on your son. That is the most important right now.

Your mom is a big girl. She'll get over it. Your son needs your help right now. You need to focus on him, and seek support from those that are positive and have your son's best interest in mind. Obviously, your mom is having trouble dealing with the situation right now and is not yet in your corner. That doesn't mean she won't down the road. Your mom might be embarassed and want to pretend nothing is wrong. By sweeping it under the rug, it will go away. Unfortunately, you know that it won't. Who knows what would have happened had you not intervened, but you weren't willing to take that risk. So many teens go forward with their plans, and it sounds like you have a good enough relationship with him that he was willing to talk to you about his feelings. That's a great thing. Had he not been, things might not have turned out so well. It might just be a cry for help, and thank God, you did. You can't take this lightly, as you know. Teen suicide rates are very high. Since he had just moved back in, there are probably a lot of unresolved issues from that he needs to address. Remember, no matter what your mother says, YOU know that you did the right thing. You weren't willing to risk calling his bluff. If your mom can't see that, then you need to focus on your son, and not worry about how selfish she is being right now. Don't make her and her feelings a priority right now. Your son and your other children need you more than ever. If after explaining all of this to her, if she insists on being critical, then tell her you really want her support, but if she can't give it, then you understand. But, you also don't have the time or energy at the moment to deal with those that are critical and non supportive and will not be able to be around her until then. It might sound harsh, but she will come around if you stick to your guns. Pray for God's guidance, and he'll get you through this. Lots of churches have counseling available, and there might be a support group at your local church that can help you get through this.

God bless!

B. you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing!!!!! I know how hurtful her negative opinion is right now, but you have to believe how much you helped your son. Possibly, once you believe that, the other opinions won't bother you as much.

My brother committed suicide, and I only wish we had the opportunity that you did!!!!

You did a great thing for him!

I know you've gotten a ton of other responses so I'll make this short and to the point...ask you mom, if she'll listen, how she would have felt if your son had taken his life and you were planning his funeral...would she help you plan the funeral or would she treat you the same way and fuss at you for not getting him help? Which would be better for her? I'll pray for your son right now that he gets the help he needs and will turn around. Good luck and God Bless.

Why would you doubt yourself? You did the best you knew how to do for your son! He is alive and getting help. Be strong in your love for your child.

B., sending hugs. I know how hard this must be! Please feel free to PM me if you wish. I'll parrot so many of the other posts...you did the right thing...as a matter of fact, you likely saved your son's life, whether he was considering hurting himself now or later (You see...if he feels he can come to you with stuff like this and you will provide the help he needs...even if it's not what he "wants" right then, he will be more likely to talk to you in the future. If you had sat idly by while he suffered through his anguish, then what's the point of him talking to you about it???)
Your own mother is probably feeling like "she" could have done something a better way(don't they all?)and that by signing him in, you "signed him away"...which is totally the wrong way to look at it. Especially if she never had to deal with this with any of her kids, it can be hard for others to see the fear and pain on YOUR side when your faced with ANY possiblity of losing your own child...you do whatever it takes to keep them safe. I do believe, given time, your mother will come around, but in the meantime, I would probably talk to her and let her know that you do not want your family business being "Shared" with others, that it is hard enough already, and hopefully she'll stop the talk at least. Right now, she's probably afraid to admit there is a scary issue at hand...and eventually she'll be happy that she raised such a level-headed and intelligent daughter who will keep her grandson safe!
I'm curious as to how your son is handling all of this. What were his thoughts on going to the ER? Staying for eval, etc?
Please know you're not alone in all this.
A.

You can't change your mother. No amount of talking or just finding the right words will change her or her mind. The best thing for you to do right now is understand that you are hurt and feel hurt. That way it will pass, eventually. You can talk to her, but it won't do much good and will probably only rile you up and make you feel worse. I have a feeling that this behavior on your mother's part is a pattern, and she has probably hurt you before. You may as well just accept that she is who she is and you can't change that. Then don't expect anything different from her, or you will be allowing her to hurt you. Lastly, it sounds like you did the right thing for your son. I am so sorry to hear this is happening to your family. I am also sorry that your mother is not supporting you and that you feel like you don't have anyone to lean on. That is very difficult. Please try to confide in your spouse and friends to get through this.

forget your mother right now and get her out of the picture she seems to be a bad influence right now and you need to focus on you son. You need to spend more time with him and do things he likes to do- show him the beautiful things in life and maybe have him volunteer for soemthing that will show him he's needed. I think that will help him- He must be feeling like there's no reason to live and there's so much out there he can do- Please focus on him and you and foget your mother she's acting terribly with you. You made the right choice and should seek help with people that know how to handle these situations.
Good luck!

I'm assuming your mom is a "baby boomer"...well...mental health wasn't considered a disease in their time, it was just acting "crazy" and required punishment. Not making excuses for her, but...that only proves how out of touch she is with medicine and the advances that have been made.
You did EXACTLY the right thing. You are NOT a bad mom...I worked DFCS in Georgia and I knew parents who'd lost children after NOT responding to suicidal thoughts/discussions. You are protecting your son, from himself. Depression is not uncommon and can be easily handled with an SSRI (antidepressant) and therapy. Remember how difficult the tween years were for us...middle school, puberty, not fitting in??? He's going thru that, coupled with possible depression. You're a fantastic mom and did exactly what you were supposed to do.
Do not discuss the situation further with your mother, discuss it with moms on here. Vent here, message people...whatever...but, she's on a "need-to-know" basis, unless there's a crisis, doesn't seem she needs to know much.
GOOD WORK, my thoughts are with you...you are a very brave mom!

God bless you, B., for all you're going through right now. You absolutely did the right thing by signing consent forms at the hospital-would could have happened if you didn't? I just thought I would mention that first. Secondly, I would advise, as a person who has had similar problems with my own mother, counseling for yourself. You can discuss the problems with your mother, as well as how you can handle this situation with your child. You need to be sure that you have the tools to be able to care for yourself in all this. I have the name of a wonderful therapist the Crestwood/Kirkwood area who's specialty is Women/Children's issues. Please contact me if you would like her name/number. I will be praying for you during this difficult time, B..

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!! I can't stress that enough having been through it on a less drastic scale with my son, and also myself as a teen. Do not second guess yourself, be prepared to listen to your gut as you advocate for your son, and reach for support of your own whenever and wherever you can. Your mom is from a generation where that type of thing wasn't discussed ever, so she probably sees it as airing dirty laundry in public. Try not to let her get to you. PM if you need to talk! Hang in there!

I think taking him to the ER was the right thing to do, whether your mom thinks so or not. I hope your son is getting the help he needs and will move past this depression he is feeling. I'm sorry your mom is not being more supportive.

It's unfortunate that the authorities have to seem so harsh and punitive towards you at these times. However, you did exactly the right thing. I think a key from your story is, "a 13 year old son WHO JUST MOVED BACK HOME AFTER LIVING WITH HIS DAD FOR 6 MONTHS." It sounds like, for whatever reasons, your son is really hurting and confused. If a person has a "plan" to commit suicide, it is very serious. You did the right thing.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice for you but I wanted to tell you that I comend you for making a tough decision and doing what you thought was best for your son. I can't imagine the pain that caused you. Prayers to you and your son.

B.- you need to pat yourself on the back for taking your son's words seriously. Too many times, people don't really listen to what their kids are saying. Your mom is of the generation, like mine, that believes it is better to keep things out of the limelight. But I am fully in your corner on this one. What harm is being done by getting him help? The alternative would be for you to regret not doing something. I say, let your mom be mad at you- You are the parent to your son- not her. So, she would have handled it differently. I am sure you wouldn't have done everything your mother did when she raised you. You know your son better than anyone else, and if you felt you did what was best for him, than that is all you need to worry about. Again, I praise you for being an active parent and not just sitting idly by as your son suffers inside. God Bless you and your family.

I am so sorry that you and your son are going through this, but thank God you had the strength and wisdom to do the right thing. You probably saved his life. As a mom, sometimes we have to make bold decisions and weather the storm that may follow. I suggest you tell your mom you recognize she clearly does not agree with the decision you made and that you miss her and rely on her for support. Tell her that, with all your heart, you believe you did the right thing for your son. Then just leave it alone, and let her come around in her own time. Perhaps she's felling embarrassed, or feeling a sense of failure somehow (you know how we moms assume there was something we could have done differently!). Take a deep breath, and continue to have faith in the strong, loving mother you are.

I really feel for you and your situation...but I would forget that your mother is mad at you right now...and focus 100% on your son. Your mother will get over it and in the long run realize you did the right thing for your son...and you did. It really concerned me that at the end of your letter you are more concerned about your mom being mad at you for a decision that you made...rather than if your son will get better and be able to come home etc. I know it is easier sometimes to divert your fear/anger/hurt to something other than the actual situation, but you should just shut your mother out until you know your son is better.
It sounds like you and your mother are very very close and probably talk 100x a day on the phone, but you should explain to her that "for now" you need to deal with this situation without any negativity or finger pointing...so you need to take a break from her.

I've been through this twice once with my daughter and with a foster daughter. You did the right thing, keep in mind had you not and your son would have done it what would your mother had said then. She upset and confused concentrate on your son right now you have enough on your plate. Deal with your mother when this is done. If she says anything kindly say let's just worry about my son right now and leave it at that. You and your son are in my prayers I wish you the best.

No matter what your mother thinks, you absolutely did the right thing. You really had no choice to sign the papers, it was either sign them or lose control of the process to DFS and then you have zero input unless you get a lawyer. No one should ever ignore a cry for help. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but young people don't seem to comprehend their mortality. All you can do is explain to your mother the best you can what happened and why you made the choices you did. After that, the bottom line is, he is your son. Good luck and I hope all goes well for your son.

You did the right thing. You did what you should have. You saved your son. His coming to you was a big cry for help, he needed someone totally on his side, that will be the professional people you took him to see. It will probably be the hardest thing you will ever have done, but you were thinking of your son and that's what you should have done. They will keep him safe until they talk him through whatever he is going through right now. You will get him back and hopefully he will be ready to be a part of the family. You were so brave to take this action.
Your mother should be standing behind you right now, take comfort in the fact that the authorities back you up, if DFS would have gotten involved you could have even more problems. We have had three suicides and one attempt in our family and this is nothing to take care of yourself. How I wish there had been some way of knowing before hand, by telling you about it your son was asking for your help and you reacted in an appropriate manner, now tell your mother that you need a positive person to rely on right now and if she can't be that person you will probably not talk to her about this subject anymore, you just don't need the stress!
YOU WERE RIGHT, YOU WERE BRAVE, SHE IS WRONG TO BADMOUTH YOU!! Good Luck!

I feel your hurt, and I am sorry you must deal with this. Tell your mom you would rather be safe than sorry and it would be better if everyone were angry with you even your son if it saves his life. I had to admit myself because of ppd and my family treated me that way too. I made the best choice for MY family, what ifs are too close for comfort now days. Just ask her if it were you what she would have done? Would she have let you "alone" and then ended up regretting it later. Give her time and lots of space, perhaps even after he is getting better keep some distance. His needs are of you biggest concern right now. He is at a hard age to begin with if he has any other issues it is that much harder.
I wish you all the best.
A.
HSing moma to B-Rad 13, C-Man 7, Lady D 5 months
MArried to the Military since 2000

Thank you for being a MOM. You did what you had to do for your child.....& I want you think of something: there is no way in HECK that (at age 13) he would have gone with you to the hospital...if he didn't want to.

Please, please remember this. At age 13, all he had to do was sprint out that door & be gone. Instead, he went with you. End of subject.

Blessings to you for doing what he needed, regardless of your own peer pressure!

You did the right thing! Right now your focus should be on your son and not your mother. All you should be concerned about is how he feels--not how she feels. Down the road, when your son is back on track, you can deal with your mother and her "issues" with your parenting. Good Luck!

You did absolutely the right thing for your son. She will see that in time. Right now your concerns should be directed toward your children, not your mother who is being childish.

I'am 29 yrs old I was 14 yrs old when my parents started taking me to see a therapsit they had no idea what was wrong with me they were praying that I didn't have a mental illness that is was just being a teenager.I had very bad anger, hated everyhing, lash out in physical contact,slept, thought of suicide ,unhappy,didn't care,went to school didn't participate in school activites etc.Then came the not eating lost weight became very skinny so they diagnosed me as anorixa I knew that isn't what I had but that day of my diagnoses I was put into a mental hospital for a few weeks on several medication that I had to take and eat what was given to me or I had to supplement with Ensure.That was very hard being in there you had to ask to use the bathroom and they watched you to make sure you didn't purge.In a mental hospital or intake facility they watch every move you make document and report to the dr,put you medication that makes you sick to your stomach dizzy and really bad side effects and they tell you to take it everyday at the same time and eventually they will go away.But they don't tell you that you maybe on them for years and it is very hard to come off of them.I was on Paxil for 10 yrs and for 3 yrs I had weekly appts to get weined off of them and couldn't do it the witdrawl was so bad and unbearable.Finally for the health of my son I did it cold turkey and didn't go back on them that was the worst time in my life.Now I have to suffer from postpartum depression and now taking zoloft very low dose.Mental health is very hard to cope with I have headaches all the time my body hurts and i'm drained.I belive that getting him help now is great if he truly has a menatl illness he will benefit from it.It is a long lifetime journey.He may not have a mental illness he maybe just sad and unsure how to cope with what happened beign at his fathers home did anything happen to him has he been abused verbal physical sexual?Being a mom is hard work and we hat eot see our children suffer hurt cry we are here to help them love and guide them.You did what you had to do.