A friend will post pics of my child (along with her child) publicly on social media and I have asked her not to do it. I prefer to only share with friends. She claims that it automatically defaults to the public setting, which I understood the first couple of times I mentioned it to her, but it keeps happening, and in fairness the posts aren't always public but sometimes they are. I'm growing tired of having to ask her to change the setting to just friends. I feel like the nag. Would this bother you? Btw now she doesn't tag me and will just post, but of course it's in my feed and I see it. Arrr. Should I let it go?
It wouldn't bother me, especially if I wasn't being tagged, but it WOULD bother me that a friend continues to post certain pics when I've asked her not to. THAT is the real issue.
A true friend would not continue to do something that you've asked her not to do. A true friend would respect your wishes.
While I don't find innocent snapshots to be offensive and it wouldn't bother me, I'd be most bothered by my so called friend disrespecting my personal wishes.
The only way to flat out stop it is to make sure the girls are not together in this person's presence.
This "friend" is not fb stupid, she knows what she's doing which makes it worse.
how old is your child?
are the pictures inappropriate in any way?
WHY don't you want pictures of your child out there?
Does she have the GPS mode set so people can find out WHERE the picture was taken?
I don't know why you're upset over this. Do YOU post pictures of your child on social media?
The public setting can be changed. She just needs to go to her settings and change it. It's a permanent thing - not a onesie-twosie thing.
If you don't want it to happen? Then stop allowing your daughter to go places with your friend. I personally wouldn't want to be friends with someone who can't respect a simple request. Your request isn't hard nor is it unreasonable. I guess she's NOT REALLY A FRIEND.
we do not allow pictures of our children to be on the internet. If a friend posted without my permission, they'd probably no longer be my friend if they continued to ignore my request. It's not an off the wall request.
You need to have a real chat with her about it.
fyi, we don't allow pictures of our children because we do not want to violate their freedom by sharing their life with others without their explicit permission.
If I've ever posted a picture of my kids' friends - I show the picture to my friends first and tag them so they can approve. They usually have asked me so they can share with their friends, and we have mutual friends. I do so rarely, not an issue.
In your case - that's something my MIL would do. Remember - most people's intentions are good and they are just clueless.
However, you've asked her and now it's awkward for you. That's where it becomes a pain.
ETA:
1 Could you just say to her, you'd rather she not post pictures at all, unless you view them first? (that way you can approve and check the settings?)
2 Or - you let it go
3 The alternative is, you just not have your children hang out and you kind of let things drift. That seems a tad extreme. It depends if she's rude or just clueless and how you feel about the friendship overall (if this is a common theme). Does she respect your boundaries/feelings in general type thing.
She has her settings set to public. She needs to go to her settings and change it to default to friends only. If it happens again tell her to stop posting pictures of your child. Period. She can take all the pics of her child she wants. Your child NO.Stop being nice. She's putting her and your child in a position of where everyone can see them. She's either stupid to how FB settings work or stupid about the risk.
Updated
She has her settings set to public. She needs to go to her settings and change it to default to friends only. If it happens again tell her to stop posting pictures of your child. Period. She can take all the pics of her child she wants. Your child NO.Stop being nice. She's putting her and your child in a position of where everyone can see them. She's either stupid to how FB settings work or stupid about the risk.
Tell her to stop taking photos of your child entirely. Then she can't give an oops-excuse.
Time to stop being her friend in social media and everywhere else.
She's shown she doesn't care what you think.
So why bother with her at all?
Is she getting the pictures from your social media? Or is she taking pictures of your child?
If she's taking pictures, the only way you can prevent it is not having your children together. If she is getting the pictures from you social media, then you need to unfriend her. You might not want that, but she has made it clear that she will not stop.
She doesn't sound like a friend if she can't stop herself from posting pictures of your child on social media.
I don't have a facebook account. But my husband does and he says that it's an easy fix for her. She just chooses not to do it.
The default setting of public is something that she can and should fix. There is no reason at all to have personal photos set to public. If she keeps doing it against your wishes, I would consider letting her know that if it continues, you'll start reporting the posts. That will involve the site admin of the medium getting involved and possibly locking her out of her account, at great inconvenience to her. She needs to take this seriously. It's a pretty big boundary to crash repeatedly.
If your friend really keeps pushing this and refuses to respect your child's privacy, you can report the photos here: https://www.facebook.com/help/383420348387540
This could alienate your friend. However, the problem isn't social media (which your friend clearly knows how to use, since she knows she can change the settings and now she's not tagging you to try to have the pics slip under your radar). The problem is that your "friend" doesn't respect your right to parent your child as you see fit. How do you feel about that? Maybe that will help you decide if you want to take the step above.
(I'm purposely not answering whether or not I think it's OK to post your own child's picture on social media. This is each parent's choice after weighing the many factors others mention below. But I think it's never OK to post a picture of someone else's child (or even someone else who is an adult) without permission.)
Tell her she is no longer welcomed to take pictures of HER child and yours, if she is unwilling to make her settings private or blur out/crop out your child from her public photos. I would never take photos of my child and another child and then assume I have the freedom to post them. I either take photos of my child, which I keep to myself (I don't use Facebook anyway) or if I take a picture of my child and another, I do not share it and would not, if I had Facebook. It isn't my right to decide whether someone else's privacy is violated, without their permission. I don't see why she cannot crop your child out or just take photos of her child alone, without your child in the photo, considering the fact you have made your feelings known.
She clearly does not care what you think or have any respect for your boundaries when it comes to your own child, so tell her she may not post any more pictures of your child, ever, under any conditions. If you're afraid to offend her, ask yourself why she isn't afraid to offend you and stand up for your kid's safety.
