Annoyed About a Fb Posting, Who Is Right...

Clearly you were well-intentioned but I think you really do have to be careful about posting other people's pics without their permission, especially when it comes to their children. But taking it down was a good response and maybe saying you did it with good intentions and you didn't mean to upset anyone might help ease any tension.

Just ask SIL.

I would wait for her answer. Some people are just so strange. Why does MIL want to get in the middle of this?

heh. i think i recently caused some upset by posting a pic of a new nephew too. so, i'm with you, but also taking all the tsk-ing to heart!
khairete
S.

Privacy settings are irrelevant. It wasn't your place to post your niece's picture online without her parents' ok/approval. MIL Sounds like she was trying to be tactful in saying as much.

Perhaps she was trying to fend off a bigger family drama when your SIL found out that you posted a picture of her newborn on your Facebook page without her permission. There is a lot of controversy on the Facebook settings of what can be kept private "among friends". I don't think you should be annoyed at your MIL.

Well, my sister is just like your sister in law. And with a newborn, I was (rationally or irrationally) very worried someone would try to take my baby and didn't want to advertise her arrival. My neighbor decorated our porch, which was very sweet, but made me sick to my stomach. I never told her that and was grateful, but still... I would never presume to post pictures of my sister's children because she does not do Facebook and tries very hard to keep her children's names and faces off of the internet. In fact, I only recently joined Facebook myself and don't feel good posting pics of the family. Whatever my opinions and personal choices are for my family, I have no right to post pictures of her family and I understand why she'd be angry. It sounds like your mother in law was respectful and reasonable in a fairly delicate situation. I'd simply comply and move on.

ETA: Okay, I have to say, I posted before reading your other responses. Your SWH was already posted when I got here, so I know you're not referring to my post. But after posting, I went back and read your other responses, and I have to say, you are WAY overreacting to what people were saying! No one was berating you, but you're reacting as if they were. I was expecting to see the worst. People were merely responding to what you wrote. You used the words "irked" "irritated" "creating drama" "annoyed." Your post made it very clear you were mad at her and that's what people responded to. Yes, we think it is wrong to be irritated with your MIL. She is not just creating drama. Sorry that gets you annoyed. But if you react to your in laws with the same level of overreaction you had here, you might reconsider why you are so irked, annoyed, and irritated about a polite request for privacy.

I don't EVER post photos of other people on Facebook without their permission, and I am especially sensitive about photos of other peoples' kids. I don't think it's good manners, and it sounds like your MIL was pointing that out to you, in a NICE way.
Instead of being irked and irritated take the hint. If know someone posted a photo of my kids online without asking me first I wouldn't like it. Not everyone likes to put it all out there.

I'm going to side with your MIL on this one. I am a private person and would not want my families' pictures posted on the internet. I would be not too happy if somebody took it upon themselves to post any of our pictures on the internet. While your intentions were good and no malice was intended, it was not your place to post her daughter's picture.

Just take the picture down, unless you clear it with your SIL first.

I don't like pics on FB either, and one of my sons doesn't want ANY photos on FB (though a couple have crept on there due to other people posting them). My sisters know this as does my mom. Maybe your MIL was trying to head off a problem at the pass.

Now if you have a generally annoying MIL then perhaps that is coloring your reaction (possibly with good reason). Nevertheless I generally try to avoid posting pics of other people (and especially other people's kids) unless I am positive they won't mind.

PS: For us it's not really about other people seeing them . . . it's more of not having an online "footprint." Facial recognition software is getting better and better, and it's not hard to imagine a point in time when every person in the world is identified and tracked. I guess we're just looking to not hasten that moment. :P

Unless you had your SIL's permission to post a pic of her baby, you are wrong. Always ask before posting pics of other people's children. Now you know.

I make a habit of NOT posting a picture of anyone (children included) except my own unless the parent specifically approves and tells me it is ok to post the pic with their child on my FB page.

I don't like for anyone to post pics of me or my family without me knowing about it. It is just a matter of respect to me.

Many people are opposed to their children's pics being on social media. We all know, once online, always online and although I am not as tightly wound as some, I do respect the wishes of others.

Perhaps, your MIL was not trying to create drama but to diffuse a potential drama event. It sounds like she was very kind in her email. MIL was simply giving you a "heads up" and I would appreciate someone tipping me off if I had done something that might be offensive to another person.

Maybe your SIL wants to be the first to post her child on her FB OR perhaps, she chooses to not have her child posted on any social media. Keep in mind that SIL's hormones are crazy so don't get too upset with her!!

Just post a simple congratulations with no picture!

I post pictures that feature someone else's child on FB if, AND ONLY IF, I know that the parents already post their child's pictures. Even so, I always ask before posting for the first time and I always tag the parents so they see what I've posted.
Does your SIL have FB and post her daughter's pictures? If not, then you've really overstepped by doing so. If she does, then I'd still check with her if it's ok for you to do so.

Sorry - but I think you're feeling embarrassed that you did something that potentially offended your SIL, and you're lashing out at your MIL because she called you on it. The previous posters are right - it's not your place to post pictures of other people's children, even if you limit viewing to your Facebook friends (rather than make it public).

If you had already asked SIL's permission and she was fine with it, then simply tell MIL that and move on.

Well... I mean it really isn't your right to go around posting pictures of others kids. It is best you ask. Why not just ask you sil and solve this whole thing?

You have rights to feel however you want but your MIL also has rights too.

Nope, she's not wrong IMO. Whenever I take a pic of especially kids and want to post, I always ask if it's ok. I think it's the right thing to do. One of my friends doesn't have FB so I always ask her if it's ok to put her son up there so friends can see him. She says yes, but I ask.

So, did you MIL get a little in your business, sure. But, she likely didn't want your SIL to get upset. Don't make it more than it is.

I think the parents that believe they own their child's image are odd but I know they are also very dramatic about it as well. I would only see that message as your mother in law trying to spare you some drama and be thankful for her message.

If anyone ever asks me to remove a photo on FB, I do it immediately. I don't often have this come up, because the only photos I usually post are of myself and immediate family and friends, but when it happens I respect their wishes, especially when/if it's someone else's child. Some people are very private and particular and I respect that.
Don't read anything into it. She asked you nicely so just take it down. FB is supposed to be fun. If you are annoyed over this I imagine there are deeper problems with your MIL that you might want to work on.

I never post pics of other people's kids on my page without their express permission... Even family members who regularly post pictures of them on their own page.

Now, if THE PARENTS post a pic, I will probably like and comment on it, which will cause it to show up in my news feed... but they posted the picture knowing that is how FB works, so I don't feel bad about that in the least.

It is entirely possible that your SIL was the one who expressed annoyance at the picture being posted, and her mom stepped up to mention it to you. If SIL didn't post a picture of her newborn baby, then obviously she doesn't want it going around online.

I'm sorry, but I think that your MIL is right.

Some people do not like to have their or their kid's pictures plastered over the internet. I personally don't care about friends posting their run of the mill family photos with my kid in it, but some people do and that's their good right.

The thing is, even if you have your privacy settings up the whazoo, EVERYTHING you post online can get public. It probably won't for your average baby picture, but it can. So you post things only for your and DH's friends to see... if your and DH's friends can see it, they can share it with their friends, who can share it with their friends and so on. Will they? Probably not, but you should always consider that ANYTHING you post online may be entirely public for the whole world to see.

So no reason to be mad at MIL. She is right. You posted a picture of someone else's child on FB without their express permission. This person does not like having her pics posted online. You should remove it and apologize to your SIL.

Good luck.

From the way you wrote the post I assume that you did not ask your SIL before you posted the picture. Is that correct? If not, then I think you should have asked. MIL might have been interfering here, true -- but if you and SIL don't communicate well, MIL might also have been trying to make her happy and get you out of hot water you didn't even know you were in.

Also, are your SIL and BIL your friends on FB? If so, it's possible that SIL or BIL saw the picture and was not happy, but for whatever reason did not want to approach you but mentioned it to MIL. And if that's the case, maybe MIL is protecting SIL or BIL by saying that a "friend" of hers saw it. MIL might be trying to convey a somewhat clumsy but well-meant message to you that your SIL already saw and knows about the picture and wanted it gone. Is that possible? A lot would depend on whether you and SIL communicate well. It sounds like maybe you don't, since you didn't ask her if you could post the picture in the first place --? Could SIL be using MIL to communicate her displeasure to you because SIL is too private or shy or just bad at communicating?

I know some parents who do not want their kids' pictures on FB or online, on school web sites, etc. and in this situation those parents would be ticked off that they weren't asked. These are not parents involved in nasty custody disputes who fear that some noncustodial parent will locate a kid through online sources (though that does indeed motivate some parents to keep their kids' faces and locations off the Internet). These are just private folks and they have a right to feel that way. Is it possible that your SIL simply could feel like that too?

Just tell your SIL that you posted it and say, "Was that OK? I removed the picture already but would like to be able to share it only with 'friends' on FB. If it's OK with you I'd like to post it but if you're not comfortable with it, I won't." Simple and direct.

If your MIL creates drama in other ways all the time, this could be part of that, and yes, drama is annoying. But just bypass her and talk to SIL briefly. There's really no reason to drag MIL back into it (and create more drama) by telling SIL, "MIL called me and said this and I'm so annoyed...."

You need to know SIL and BIL (or brother's if he's your brother) feelings about this clearly anyway, so that in the future you don't post pictures or news about their kids that they don't want out there. So consider this a good chance to establish what to do from now on. You want to share your lovely niece, of course, but her parents should be able to control her image and what is posted about her as much as they wish.

In my opinion you are in the wrong. I don't want pictures of my children posted on facebook without my knowledge and/or consent. Some of us are like that. Your MIL was just trying to let you know that your action was going to be upsetting to the new mom. Not a big deal. You getting pissy about it is what will start drama.

Yes you are wrong to be upset with your MIL. Just take the photo down and in the future get the ok from parents before posting a photo of their child. Easy to solve with no drama.

Did you have permission from your SIL? Don't be annoyed at your MIL for looking out for your SIL's privacy.

I agree that you should take it down. It doesn't really matter what your opinion is of this picture, but it has raised enough eye brows to get to your MIL. I don't think it's a big deal or should be upsetting you...I'd just take it down. If your SIL says it is okay in the future, then post away.

I think your MIL is trying to give you a head's up. I am also a private person who doesn't post my child on FB. Everyone knows by now, but I had to speak up about my preferences. I've seen things pop up online often enough to know that what is posted on one wall doesn't always stay there. I think you need to recognize that unless you have specific permission from that child's parents, it should not be shared on social media. Period.

We had a family to do about my aunt posting information about my grandmother's health - happened that it was on my wall, so I got dragged into it. The bottom line is that we who use social media need to be really really aware of other people who don't, and respect their privacy. If SIL posts pictures of her child on FB, ask her if she minds if you do and let her know what settings you would use. And if she says not to, then respect that.

I think on facebook you can post any picture you would like. If someone asks for you to take it down, then no big deal. Just be respectful of them (which you were). I do not see anything wrong with what you did.

Your mother in law is simply looking out for her daughter and grandchild. It could be that your SIL has mentioned it. It could be she was forewarning you to take it down before your SIL saw it. Maybe she was trying to stop drama before it started. She sent you a private email, that even you admit was nice. It's not like she posted her comments on the picture for all of fb to see.

And I am not convinced those privacy settings really protect you. I have often stumbled across fb posts and pics not intended for me. And random things often show up on my wall. Besides that, all it takes is one "friend" or family member to share without any privacy settings and it is out there for everyone.I always assume, that regardless of my security settings, the world can see what I post. It is also why I ask permission before posting pictures of anyone, even people who post pics themselves, you never really know how someone feels about it until you ask.

I'm just curious, but why are you getting so irked about what she said? Remove the pic and move on.

I have read your swh, - and I think you handled it well taking the pict down.

It is easy to think that it is no big deal to post pictures of other peoples children, and maybe in your case your sil could be someone that doesn't care a whole lot ( couldn't tell if she was included when you mentioned private family)
But as you can see from your responses it really is a big deal to a lot of us. for lots of different reasons. So for anyone else reading this, please ask first, it's just polite.

Did you SIL post a photo? Or did you beat her to the punch? Is this her first baby? Keep in mind that hospitals send you home now with all sorts of warnings about posting photos and putting signs in your yard (and telling you not to do it). Over the top? Maybe. Probably. But the parents should get to decide. So - while I understand how you feel, I do think your annoyance is misplaced. Try to cut MIL a bit of slack here. If SIL is her daughter (as in your brother sister), she knows her well, and MIL may actually be trying to save you drama!

My MIL has been terrible to me - shockingly so. And because of this, I now tend to read nasty meanings into everything she does and says. But that's not fair - and it's stooping to her level. So (outside my own head) I try to state what's nice about things she does. If this is your situation, please keep in mind that in her own way, she may be looking out for you too.

Good luck!

Maybe the "friend" was really the SIL asking her mom to ask you to take it down?

It's obviously a new baby, and you know the SIL is a private person, so you were in the wrong here.

Anytime my friends have a new niece or nephew, I always see something like "I will let the new parents be the first to post a pic"

Why does there have to be drama? You are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Here's another way to look at it. She might be trying to give you a head's up that your SIL might let you have it if she finds out that you're posting pics of her daughter without permission. Rather than feeling that your MIL is creating drama, she might be trying to prevent it. Don't answer your MIL's email, by the way...

You're irked, but maybe you might consider going to your SIL now, before someone tells her you've done it already, and ask her point blank if she has a problem with her baby's pictures on private facebook postings. If she says yes, pull down the picture and don't post anymore. Then her ire can come to others when they do it. And they will...

We have some friends that refuse to EVER post any photos of their children on facebook. They think that all the evil pedophiles will see their kids and think it is terribly dangerous and irresponsible for parents to do this. They are very protective and very private. So...yeah, probably not a good idea to post pics of other people's kids. You have the right to be irritated by your MIL...but she has a point.

My husband & I choose not post our son's pic for safety and privacy, nor will I post an identifiable pic of anyone else's child (certainly not w/o their permission). My husband is VERY concerned about both safety and privacy in the age of FB and all things digital (he works in that field). I'm less so, but I understand and respect his concerns, so I don't post it. We've had family members and close friends post his pic from time to time, but we've casually made it known that we're not comfortable with that. In most of those pics, he was one of several kids and none were specifically identified by name. I'd just check w/ your SIL and do as she asks with respect to this. I wouldn't take issue w/ your MIL; she was probably just trying to help both you and your SIL, I'm sure.

Was your neice named in the FB photo? From my perspective if a photo is shared on FB and the post simply says something like "my adorable niece" or "isn't she the cutest thing?" and the privacy settings are for friends only - then it's fine. but if you mention the child's name and town and include other identifying information then it's iffy.

So I will post a photo of my nephews from another state and say "how stinkin cute are my neice's boys?" - my photo setting is for friends only. Not acquaintences. I think that's OK. BUT if I was in high school and had 2500 "friends" and posted the same photo saying something like "how stinking cute is my nephew, Sammy Smith on his 5th birthday! So glad to see them on their visit from SanDiego" - well, clearly - that's a different story.

Does you MIL have FB? Is this familiar with how it works? I have a very dear friend who refuses to have FB, and won't let her kids have it either - so she had this unhealthy fear and misunderstanding of how it works.

I tend to think you MIL is probably one of those folks that even if she has FB she's not realy clear on how the settings work and may be intimidated misunderstanding thinking that the whole world can see it. I wouls suggest that you ask your SIL next time you see her how she feels about it.

Yes I'd probably be a little annoyed too - but it's your MIL being protective over her daughter and grandchild. Don't sweat it. Soem day our kids will get married and have kids and then we'll understand a lot better what it's like to deal with daughters in law, and grandbabies. Until then I reserve judgement...

It depends on the person. I do not upload pictures of kids with out parental consent or if I know they are on FB and post themselves. My SIL & BIL have specifically asked up not to post pictures of thier daughter. We have not done so , per thier request.

I find the older generation do not like face book. My mom does not and does not have an account. But a ton of her friends do, and I am friends with them.

It is personal choice.. Check with your SIL/BIL and see what they think, they may not mind at all. THere is no right or wrong.

My oldest doesn't like pictures of her kids on fb. When I do post them I don't tag them at all and it's shared with family only. If she wasn't happy with that I'd take them down. I'd say since it's not your child it's not your choice to post them. Check with your sil and see what she thinks and then do whatever she wants. I don't think your mil is out of line and yes I think you are overly annoyed probably because you don't like your mil very much.

You took the high road, which I probably would have done as well. But it really is no ones business what YOU post on your FB.

ask your niece's mother if she objects to your posting-if so, then remove the picture.

If she is telling you the truth then your MIL is not creating drama, she is saving you from potential drama with your SIL.

Simply ask your SIL, "Is it okay if I share this picture of Pumpkin on my Facebook wall?" Then you'll know for sure. If you're given permission, great. If not, take a minute to thank your MIL for the heads up.

My rule for posting pictures of other people and their families is only if I know for a fact they don't have a problem with it. I had to tell my MIL to not post pictures of my son on fb after he was born, as I wanted to share the news with my friends and family first, and I don't know what her privacy settings were set on. MIL is right on this one, sorry. It's just respectful to ask permission before posting a picture of another's child. Good for you for removing it. I would be upset if my newborn was on facebook and I didn't ok it, she doesn't know your all you or your husband's fb friends.

I post my own daughters photos, but refrain from posting other peoples children.

If it has been removed from your wall, no worries, let it go.

I don't think you are wrong. How would you have known it would upset someone?. But I usually do ask folks if they mind me putting stuff on my private page on FB. I also politely ask folks if they would ask me b/f they post my pictures on their page. But I can see how you would be a bit irritated at you MIL.

I always ask "Ohhhhh, this picture turned out so well. Can I post it on FB so xxx and xxx can see it?".

Then if MIL call/emails/or messages you the answer is simply "I asked her before I posted it and she said it was fine with her".

If a friend of your's (or hubby's) liked the picture then a friend of their's (even if not your friend) can see it on their newsfeed.

Let it go honestly, if your SIL wants you to take it down then you take it down. MIL is being too involved and not worth your time or energy. I would have left it up unless SIL wanted it removed.

Sorry but my SIL is the overbearing/controlling MIL to my nephew and wife - she tried to tell me what we could/could not give them for Christmas and that I shouldn't post pictures of niece on FB. Sorry they are ADULTS so I finally told her my niece (nephew's wife) is who needs to tell me if she doesn't want things done and honestly I talked to the niece and she is just fine with everything I gave them (happened to be on the NOT list - even though I had already bought it) and loves seeing the pictures on FB - even tags herself in them so she can share them.

Updated

If a friend of your's (or hubby's) liked the picture then a friend of their's (even if not your friend) can see it on their newsfeed.

Let it go honestly, if your SIL wants you to take it down then you take it down. MIL is being too involved and not worth your time or energy. I would have left it up unless SIL wanted it removed.

Sorry but my SIL is the overbearing/controlling MIL to my nephew and wife - she tried to tell me what we could/could not give them for Christmas and that I shouldn't post pictures of niece on FB. Sorry they are ADULTS so I finally told her my niece (nephew's wife) is who needs to tell me if she doesn't want things done and honestly I talked to the niece and she is just fine with everything I gave them (happened to be on the NOT list - even though I had already bought it) and loves seeing the pictures on FB - even tags herself in them so she can share them.

I never post pics of other peoples' kids without asking first. It's just a good rule of thumb:)

I think your MIL is right in asking you to take the picture down, as long as she did it nicely. Even though your settings are only for friends, sometimes a comment from one person can lead to another being able to see it. Things on FB usually aren't as private as we think they are.

I think the best thing to do would be to talk to your sister in law. You don't need to bring up this specific instance. Just ask her if she's ok with you posting the occasional picture of her children, especially if they are photos with your kids, too. That way, if she says it's fine, if your MIL said something again in the future, you could let her know that you'd spoken to her daughter and gotten permission.

I know you took it down, but I am going to add my two cents worth. If I take a picture and want to post it of someone who I know does not post pictures or many pictures of their children then I ask first. If they say no then fine. If they say yes then great. I no longer ask about my nieces and nephews, because they are all over fb by their own parents and grandparents. Don't be annoyed, just chalk it up to a learning experience and go on.