Why Cant I Be Left off of Facebook....

No, you are not being unreasonable.

I would be upset if i had specifically requested that people to not post pics of my children on myspace, twitter, facebook, etc. it's an invasion of MY CHILD'S PRIVACY.

I don't post pics of other's unless I have their permission. If I don't have their permission - the pics don't go up. I post pics of my kids on FB - however, those pics may ONLY be seen by a select group of people - not all of my friends, only a select group.

Respectfully ask them to take them down or to change their settings so that only FAMILY sees the pics.

Sure we live in a digital age but you asked everyone NOT to post pictures of yourself or your kids on FB and they did it anyway? To me that is total lack of respect. Of course we cannot control what other people do but these are YOUR KIDS.

Should parents not have a right anymore to demand that pictures of their OWN kids NOT be posted on FB? You are not overreacting. You are feeling angry because they went against your wishes. Not to mention they did it without asking first.

Very rude IMO.

Just to play devil's advocate a little... these are pictures of their grandkids, they are sharing them in their social setting because they love them. Would you object if they sent out a Christmas card that featured your kids? Yes, I know it's the internet and it's big and it's forever, but it's also very much a part of our culture and social world. You may not want to be a part of it, but for many many people it is how they stay in touch with their friends. If there is no other information given (address, school, etc) then what is really the harm? I get being freaked about a video in your bikini in the jacuzzi, but simple snapshots of your darling kids? What's the actual objection?

I guess I'm the only one who thinks you are overreacting. We live in a digital society. Prior to Facebook, I'm guessing you wouldn't have told your SIL or MIL not to post your childrens pictures on their refridgerators or place them in their photo albums, both of which would be seen by non family members.
Do I think your family should respect your wishes, yes. Do I think you are unreasonable, completely.

No, I don't feel the same way (at least not now). I thought my husband and I were the last people on Earth to get on FB- my mother had an account before we did!

It used to freak me out that my sisters would post pictures of us (including my son) on the site b/c I didn't want strangers looking at him. Then I really thought about it... I didn't think twice when the Picture People loved a photo of him and asked if they could enlarge and hang it in their store... didn't think twice when my mother and MIL carried around an album and showed anyone who had a minute 100 pictures of him... didn't think twice when his daycare provider asked if she could use his image in her advertising, so why couldn't my sister "share" pictures the way her generation shares things?

You really can't control what other people do and while you can ask them to take down the pictures, in all reality they are posted b/c they are probably sharing photos with friends and family across the country and world.

We finally got FB accounts and I do check my family's pages regularly to make sure that all of the posted pictures are acceptable, which they are b/c I asked them to be conscious of what is posted. Nakey baby pictures are adorable, but not on FB! Cute pictures of the kids playing together- go for it! Privacy settings "maxed" absolutely.

The reality is, we live in a digital age and you will be hard-pressed to keep your child's face off of a computer screen or website. You may be better served by having your own FB account with very few "friends" so that you can check on the pictures yourself!

I have to say that comparing posting pics on fb to having pics posted on refrig or Granny's brag book is pretty lame comparison unless of course you tend to have several million people roaming through your kitchen. You are not being unreasonable. You as their Mother have expressed your concern and you have made it clear to everyone not to post pics of you or your children on their social networking sites. That is your choice as the parent just like you choose what foods to feed your children, what if any tv/music is allowed, etc. Regardless of if other people agree with your choice it is still your choice and they need to respect that. Bottom line your MIL & SIL are out of line for ignoring your right to privacy. I would politely remind them of your rule and ask them to remove the pics.

No, not unreasonable. Tell them to remove them. (I do like Facebook, but I am very cautious about what goes "out there" - but it is your family and your choice.)

I feel the same as you. I proudly fly below the radar! No FaceSpace, no MyBook ;) I have come to terms with the fact that these social networking sites (or similar incarnations of them) are here to stay and I only have a limited amount of control regarding what info goes onto them. In other words, I feel great about not going on those sites myself; and I would feel comfortable asking family and friends to respect my wish for privacy. But I wouldn't be surprised if there are photos with me or my family in it just floating around out there in cyberspace. If I were in your situation I would not bother to get angry about it, I would just restate my position and aks them to take the pictures off.

Good luck on keeping your kids' pictures off facebook. You are entitled to your preferences and I agree with you. But your s-i-l and m-i-l are just the beginning and if you find a way to control all the people who can post pics of your family on FB, let me know!

I hate finding surprise photos of me tagged on someone else's page. However, these days, it's more likely to be my kids, nieces or nephews posting family pictures for all to see. They don't even need cameras, they just hold up their phones and "click", there I am with my pot belly and sunspots for all to see. Up close and personal. They don't even warn me and "say cheese". In the future, I'm thinking of wearing a disguise to all family gatherings. Or at least a T-shirt with my sister's name on it in bold letters so everyone will think that the lady with the bad hair and double chin is somebody else, not me.

I agree with you 100%, though I do have a FB account (mainly to keep an eye on my teen).

To me it is a TOTAL invasion of privacy when people post pics of you that don't want posted. I'm not sure what anyone can do about it though (unfortunately). I did set my privacy settings where any "tagged" photos of me can only be seen by me. But if someone didn't "tag" me I couldn't do anything about it.

My family has been respectful of my wishes but there are people who don't know or don't think it's that big a deal.

Good luck - just didn't want you to think you are alone!

I am on FB and post pics of my kids, but that is my choice. You have made the choice to not be on FB and not have your children out there. Your SIL and MIL need to respect that. I would contact them and ask them to remove the pictures.

of course you're not being unreasonable. but had you informed them of your preference before they posted the pics? it would have been nice if they had asked, but i'm sure the motives were simply pride and joy and wanting to share. not much to be so angry with there.
make your preferences clear and move on.
khairete
S.

Amen. I feel the exact same way. It seems like privacy is becoming a thing of the past. My husband recently posted a video of me on facebook in my bikini in a jacuzzi--I was livid. He took it down. He didn't even ask me if he could put it up. He thought I looked cute, so why not show me off--fool didn't ask me first though. I'm still boiling about it as I type this response. I think if any person is going to post any pictures of people other than themselves, they should ask first out of respect. We live in a sad world nowadays. Everywhere you look there are camera phones snapping shots when you least expect it and video cameras all over-- without any consideration for those who don't want to be photographed. Sadly though, I don't know what any of us can do about it other than push for laws forbidding this behavior:(

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all.
I hate Twitter. I do use Facebook.
But the only reason I do is because my mother & family are spread around the country. So I post pictures of my kids and me for them to see.
BUT I have my profile on such strict privacy limitations that NO ONE can see pictures of my kids unless they are on my friends list.
It's a very personal choice. and after all they are YOUR kids.
I have had pictures of my sister & her kids, I would NEVER put them on FB unless my sister said it was OK.
No one has the right, in my opinion, to post pictures of others unless they ask if its ok, and Especially of others children.

I think you should ask, or have your partner ask their family to please take those photos down. It's your right. And you do always have the option of "reporting" the photo if you absolutely need to.

Regardless of what people are saying, it is a breach of your privacy to have YOUR children's photos on the internet WITHOUT YOUR permission.

Only a parent/guardian has the authority to allow photos of minors on the internet. Extended family don't fall into that catagory.

So tell her to take them down or you'll report them to facebook and facebook will take them down.

Nope, not unreasonable. Politely tell them to take it off.

Since it's family, I would call SIL and MIL and tell them how you feel and that you feel that your privacy, and the privacy of your children has been compromised. Tell them that you would prefer they not post pictures of you and your family. You cannot make them take the pictures down and since you don't have an account, you will not be able to see if they indeed remove them. You can only hope they will be respectful of your wishes and oblige your request.

I ask our friends to remove my daughter from FB. We go to big events for our hobby and routinely I have to ask people to please remove my child from their event photos. People have asked to take her picture and I say no. I don't care if they think I'm rude. Even though I am on FB, my husband is not, and my toddler is not. Even her big brother and sister know to keep DD off FB.

Nevermind all the other things I dislike about FB, those that hold the keys are always pushing for less privacy and changing things. FB does not respect privacy and anyone who thinks otherwise hasn't been paying attention. Kids may not care, but *I* do. I don't put my high school, my work, my real email address. It's a tool but it has limits.

We live in a digital age, but just like the kids of celebs deserve a little privacy (even though they don't always get it), average people can choose to limit their children's exposure online. It's also different if my child is in a static product, like a picture in her Nana's wallet, versus being online for anyone to see, view, distribute...comparing Grandma's fridge to the whole internet is apples and grapefruit.

I think even if she used the pics in a Christmas card, she should ask your permission first. Parents first, grandparents second. My MIL doesn't make the rules for my child.

you are perfectly within your rights to be angry and to ask them to remove the pictures.

good luck with that, as much as they SHOULD respect your wishes, it's not illegal or anything you can do about that unless you just quit going around so they cannot have pics to post but the ones they have will stay up there.

but then someone else will post them instead

I empathize and agree. It is pretty thoughtless to post pictures of other people and *especially* other people's children without their consent or foreknowledge. Even though I have a blog for my preschool, I don't post pics of the kids on it for this very reason!

I hope your in-laws are reasonable people, and that your partner can have a good discussion with their parents as to why they need to take the pics down. They were probably just clueless. A lot of people seem to be assuming these days that it's "okay" to post pics of others. With all the posts I see on the subject, maybe FB needs to provide some sort of 'etiquette guide to posting pics'. You are not the only one....

As for the line about 'It's a digital age..." great for those who embrace that rationale, but it's a little like going to a party and being told 'everyone else is drinking, so you should be fine with it'... of course, I don't have to have a drink, but if someone else is shoving a drink down my throat, I *do* have the right to complain and refuse it. If someone chooses not to have family and personal pics online and others are telling them to "just get over it because everyone's doing it".... Did you mom buy that line? Mine didn't!

I agree with Meredith S. Its a digital world and something becoming more and more common. I think its better to get familiar with it than not to get familiar with it. If anything for your kids, so they can learn the proper way to share information vs the improper way.

I think as long as the people posting the pictures aren't posting your children's complete names, address, phone number and where they go to school. I don't see the big deal.

I mean ultimately it is your choice, so if you choose to have everyone black your children out of the picture, so be it. But, I think its reasonable you can meet somewhere in the middle. Also, start getting prepared because your children whether you like it or not, are going to be exposed to online sights such as FB.

They should respect your wishes. However, I could see if it was a group pic of them, others, and your kids that they may have either not thought about it, or wanted to share the pic on fb with the others in the pic but can't if they respect your wishes and don't post pics of your kids. it can be a big catch-22.

I ask that when people post pics of my kids, or even refer to my kids on fb that they not use their real name in captions and posts. So we have nicknames that the family knows in place of real names.

M.

Well I do use Facebook but I have not put any photos at all.

To share things on FB is sharing things with family and friends. Before FB I'd email pictures and videos that were special to me to all my family and friends. Now I do it on FB which is the same thing. Ask them if their stuff is secure that only family and friends can see them. I'm sure they aren't sharing them so that strangers can see them. I have my FB secured and I'm only friends with people who are my friends. Good luck!

Open a FB account just to monitor other people JUST to be safe. My sister threw a fit because her son was in the background of a picture of my son. I didn't even know that was him. (I cropped it because the picture of my son was so cute.)

I love FB but don't Twitter so I understand your desire NOT to be on social networking pages.

i feel the same and i would throw a fit.

send them this article and have them look at the youtube video that goes with it- http://www.nbcactionnews.com/dpp/news/local_news/investig...

They are her family too and if you tell her to take them off you are probably going to start WW3. I can understand your concern but it's not like she's posting your address or anything about how to find them.

I guess you can always stop giving her pictures.

We have a lot of pictures on FB and I do keep my albums to friends only.

I do not want to be on facebook etc either, I ask my friends and fam to simply ask me before they post it up, that way I can say yes sometimes and no most of the time. I do not want my wild drunken days pictures on facebook but I do not mind a few cute family shots, but again my friends/family ask before they do.