Facebook and Others Posting Your Business

You know, my mom doesn't even HAVE a FB account, but she does this to me constantly. Most recently, I asked her opinion on something about starting my own business, and specifically said, "Please do not do any research on this--just off the top of your head..."and then asked my question. She, in turn, forwarded my email to my uncle and my aunt, each of who own their own businesses, and asked for their input. Yeah. Um. Thanks, Mom!

So, my point is, if not on a FB format, your mom and other over-sharers will find other ways to share your juicy news. They'll email, or call, or tell all the nice ladies at church...and you really can't do anything about it, other than telling her that you'd like to keep your news on the down-low. Good luck!

This is what the social network is all about. Every single person you are friends with are on there to find out what is going on in your life and talk about it. You cannot control what anyone else says or does. If this action bothers you then i suggest you delete the account so you don't see what they are posting. Otherwise get with the theme. It's a social network, it's what it is for. They will continue to discuss each and every thing you ever tell them. If you don't want to know then don't look.

Yes, you are too sensitive. I can see why you would keep it private for some time as anything could go wrong with a pregnancy and then it can get awkward if something does indeed go wrong. But you are in your second trimester, going into your third. Your family and friends are rejoicing! It's your call if you don't want to post updates about your pregnancy or pictures but don't be such a party pooper.

My sister is like you.. She is very private and feels like we should not mention her business or anything about her on our facebook pages and so we do not.

Even when we just used to post our family gathering photos, she said she did not appreciate them being posted for everyone to see.

When her daughter was in a photo she chewed my mom out for posting it without her permission first. It was my moms photo.

But we told her, since she seems to be the only one that knows what she wants posted, it is just easier(and safer) for us to just not ever mention her.. It has worked well. If SHE wants to make an announcement or brag or share,.. it is totally up to her.

Of course then she got mad, because we do not mention anything about her kids accomplishments her promotions.. etc..

So be sure to make it very clear exactly what you think is ok to share and what is not.. It may be best for them to just let you share and then let them know if they may share further.

I actually do not have a facebook page and this site is about as "sharing" as I get. I do have a pic of me and my son on my main page here but, I don't want anyone to post his pics with out my permission. I have told this to my hubby as well as my MIL and it must have slipped her mind. She was visiting one time and taking pics on her phone. I said to my hubby quitely, "We should reiterate that we don't want his pic posted all over her FB page". He said something to her and he said "Well, I guess it's too late". I was so upset, I hid it well. I told her that I had said to her before that I didn't want his pics on her FB. She was the one offended! I don't understand that logic at all. We don't have a FB and do not post pics of our house, family, post our business.. etc. so we appreciate others not posting about us.
I personally think it's disrespectful unless your responding directly to that person.
Not sure if I am a minority or majority in my opinion.
Sorry your business isn't private and personal as you would like it to be. I totally understand, and I would try to have another talk with them...or just post something on your FB page, lol.
PS Congrats on the pregnancy!

Um...if you're not one to announce things yourself, what the heck is your mom supposed to do? Stay silent about something that's wonderful and exciting to her? It's not like they're stealing your thunder, you never intended to have your own "thunder." I think you're being irrational and over-sensitive. It's not like she posted about something private like a fight with your hubby or is gossiping or spreading rumors, she's sharing something joyful that you apparently don't intend on sharing in an organized manner anyway.

You may be a little on the sensitive side, but it is your business to post and no one should be posting your business and or photos.

I personally think your complaint is completely valid. I dont know what to tell you to do about it, but I understand. :)

I have threatened people that if they ever "check me in" anywhere, I will hurt them. Its getting kind of ridiculous isnt it?

You cannot post anything on Facebook and keep it private unless you don't share with family and friends and in general. There are settings to manage your posts so that other's don't see them.

Ask your family to limit who is able to see their posts so that it's just family and friends. That way the posts are no different then exchanging information face to face or in a letter.

Seems logical to me that your family is excited and wants to talk about the pregnancy. If you don't want them to do that, tell them in a gracious way to stop. Tell them that you don't want them talking about you or your children on Facebook. (Seems awkward to me. If access to their posts is limited then I don't see what the problem is when they post about vacations and birthdays.)

Do not say anything snarky if you don't want to have an awkward situation. Be honest and direct. Communication is the way to manage information. Be willing to calmly and with an open mind discuss the situation with your family.

Gosh, I never had this happen to me, not that I noticed anyways. I do remember that when one of my husband's friends had their baby, they called up their friends and family to let them know, and to also tell them to not post anything on their facebook until they announced the birth first. The fact that they had to do this, was just sad. I never post anything unless I get permission to, or if its a prayer request. The only time I discussed someone else was when my mother could not get ahold of my grandmother in TN, when they had the flood. We were able to find someone to check on her through facebook.

I would just tell them that you would appreciate that they exclude you from their status messages and posts. Otherwise you will have to delete your account, and that wouldn't be fair to everyone else who wants to hear from you and how you are doing..

It may be highly annoying and disrespectful to see what has ensued since you made your announcement, but once YOU put it out there, your info is fair game. (And hopefully you realize it's all on the internet to stay.) Unfortunately it's the same with photos, I found that out when my sister tagged a picture off my FB wall and posted it on my 13 year old grandson's wall for all his friends to see. It was a cute Halloween picture of him, his brother, sister and cousin, but he was very unhappy and embarrassed. So be careful what you post.

As far as your personal info regarding your children's names, when you're on vacation, etc., whether you keep your FB account or not you do not have the ability to control any type of content your family posts. And THAT information is nobody's business to post but yours and you need to stand up and let that be known.

Best wishes on your pregnancy : )

Sensitive? Yes. Private? Yes.

These things happen even without the internet.
"My daughter's coming to visit!"
"I'm going to be a grandmother!!!"
"My grandbaby took his first steps today!"

These are all news and events in her own life that she's sharing with her own friends and aquaintences. Whether it's at the hair salon or on FB, over the fence to a neighbor, in the office, to her brother... these things are news/ exciting.

She's just as proud/ excited about you, as you are about your own children.

I am TOTALLY with you on this! I agree that she'd do it any way, with or without Facebook and other social media sites, but at least pre-FB it was over-sharing one person at a time, not hundreds at one click.

In our family (and we're a large, close, gregarious Irish Catholic mob), we've adopted the understanding that your big news is usually yours to share. No one mentions a pregnancy, engagement, new job, whatever, without asking if it's public knowledge & OK to talk about.

My oldest is more like your mom. She'll share family business with the entire world via FB -- doesn't matter what, doesn't matter who. Makes me nutty. I've spoken to her about it repeatedly. She tries to be respectful and I try to remember, when sharing news or pictures or whatever, to specify what I don't mind her sharing and what I'd rather she keep personal. Sometimes I have more success than others.

Privacy is not a bad thing! A sense of boundaries is OK! Not all of us feel our lives should be played out on an electronic world wide stage. GOing forward, see if you can develop a language and pattern that is neutral and a compromise and is not accusatory or defensive on either side. Good luck!

Oh, and best wishes for a wonderfully uneventful pregnancy and birth!

Well, I guess I see it as her news also. She is expecting a new grandchild! What glorious news! Take it as a compliment and rejoice in their happiness over your news. Let them share in your joy. I guess I am not a private person in those ways though, so my thoughts tend to be to let them be blessed by the news as much as we are. I know people whose parents are mortified with another grandchild. I would be thankful for the joy they see in it.

I'm with Gamma & Michelle R.

I actually think the fact that you consider your own family being excited about your pregnancy to be the same thing as them discussing the actual conceiving & expelling portion of pregnancy the same thing. Totally not & a bit weird that you equate the 2 so readily. We are all human. Of those of us blessed to be natural parents, 100% of us have not only had sex, but given birth in one way or another. I don't discuss my sex life with my mother, but I certainly talked about my pregnancy with her. If you want to live like a hermit for the sake of your privacy (which, make no mistake, you really don't have any whether you like it or not), then for God's sake, delete your accounts & quit trying to tell other people how to live their lives.

I understand where you are coming from but realize that even without FB, she would find a way to spread the news - FB is just the latest way of doing it. The things that would bother me would be things like you guys going away on vacation, since that could potentially make it more tempting for someone to possibly break into your home, knowing you are not there. I would have a more serious talk with her about what you are okay with her posting on FB and what is not okay. And make sure she has all her privacy settings set to "friends only".

This wonderful blessing is a blessing to many. When my brother & sister-in-law where pregnant I waited till they started sharing the news and then on facebook I posted "I AM GOING TO BE AN AUNTIE!!!" this is exciting. Of course I did not say who, but family knew who was pregnant. Once they found out the gender I waited till they were telling people and then I said on facebook "I AM GOING TO HAVE A NEPHEW IN SEPT!!!"

I understand you not wanting specific personal info out there (specific birthdates, when you are vacationing and similar). Now if they are just saying my grandchild was born today, or going to a birthday party is fine they are sharing what they find joy in and are proud of. If anyone asked me to remove some info that I put out about their family (pictures, specific info) then I will take the info down. I do try to not post the specifics of others lives but will share the JOY part like "I AM AN AUNT!!!"

I understand. I had my mother post that she is my mother on FB. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not (still not sure!).

I say stand up for your privacy and tell your family members that you want that privacy whether spoken over the phone, written in emails and letters or posted on FB and such social media. You most certainly DO NOT WANT friends of friends KNOWING your children's BIRTHDAYS! That is not just rude. There are stalkers out there! Sheesh! Tell your family and friends to just get it through their head that they should stop posting details about you! And this is definitely not being just "over-sensitive"!

Personally, I don't want the color of my car mentioned or the street number of my house! Remind them that the details of their own lives are their business but yours is NOT to be shared. Period!

I know several people who have deleted their FB account for similar reasons. That can't undo the "damage" already done, though.

And congrats on the new addition to your family!

i completely agree with you and understand 100%. it IS disrespectful to share someone elses private personal business without any previous "ok" to do so. women are terrible about this, and i can say that because i am one and i know how women work. i say tell them to discuss their own business and in the least ask or wait for your approval to share yours with the world. it is one thing to share respectfully with mutual close friends and family ,but even then there should be some regard for someone else's privacy, and it is totally something different on facebook where there is little control over who reads what. it is very irritating when people assume that it's ok to control someone else's level of privacy just because they own their own personal facebook account, or i should say gossip book! it is your life and you are entitled to share info as you are comfortable, especially since you have the decency to respect others' info. social media has made people lose their minds and manners. also, why can't these people have their convos about your pregnancy in a more personal, private setting like a phone call, email, something not so public, open to whoever chooses to read and join in...boggles my mind how that seems ok.

I hear ya! I don't know how much control you can have, but you should tell them how you feel. I do that. You can't keep your proud people from discussing it, but you can opt out of the discussion. When someone wants to include you, tell them that you do not wish to be included. I did not make an announcement with my pregnancy. I remember I was at my mother's house early on. My aunt was there, and I didn't want to talk about it in her presence. My mother whispered to me, "It's okay.; I told her." I still did not want to discuss it in the presence of someone whom I had not told. It was still too new, and I was feeling kinda vulnerable. You can't control their conversation--like someone else said, it's THEIR news, too--but you can let others know that that does NOT open you up to their conversation. On FB you can hide their posts for a while, so they don't pop up in your newsfeed. If they tag you in something, untag yourself or try to ignore it. They'll get the message. Sometimes people would post stuff on my wall (nothing wrong with that), and I would delete it and send them a personal message that I am not going public yet.