FACEBOOK - Life Threatening Necessity or Scourge of the Earth?

Personally, I love FB. I am so happy to have found long lost friends, and have the ability to stay in the loop about what is going on in their lives! There are some people who bring the drama...my answer to that is easy - defriend them or hide their posts.

I have to say, that I am sooooo happy that there was no such thing as FB when I was in high school/college. I can't even imagine the trouble I would've gotten myself into. Drunk posting and such LOL!

I love facebook. It has reconnected me to many old friends and helps me keep in touch with out of state family. With that being said... Yes I have lost a friendship due to misinterpreted facebook posts. The truth is petty people are just as petty on line as in real life. Same goes for liars, jerks, weirdos, and over dramatic people. It's not the site it's the people.

I honestly don't think that facebook really has anything to do with these things you listed.
Because people are going to be who they are no matter what the delivery method. Who they are just showed up on FB.
FB has allowed me to get back in touch with some people I was good friends with in high school as well as some of my teachers and I've made some really good friends through FB that live all over the world. It lets me chat with my sister who is in Japan ,

In answer to your title question.....neither. Facebook is a useful tool and is only used for bitching, backbiting and affair mongering if people are already like that.
People who regress into their childhoods already do that......it's just spread on the internet for a larger group of people to see.

I have travelled the world many times over and Facebook is a great way for me to keep in contact with them. I get updates from "groups" that are geared toward natural health and natural products. I just won a $100 giveaway for a great online store that sells organic lotions and soaps. All because of Facebook!

So, you all can demonize it if you will, but the people who experience problems have the choice to jump into the fray of the drama or not.

As for affairs.......I literally laugh at that. My husband and I share an account and have an open book policy......no internet secrets. We choose to be smart about it. The people who aren't smart? Well, that's not facebook's fault! ;)

I disagree, people are going to be who they are no matter if they are online or not. I have used Facebook for years and have never had the urge to cheat on my husband. I think people who want drama will find it.

I think it is what you make it. It is a great way for our family to keep in touch with friends and family that live all over the world. the best part....if someone is acting childish or causing problems, you delete them.

I love Facebook. It helps me keep up with people I genuinly like, but might not see or talk to very often. I feel like it has enriched my life. I don't have that many friends, and they are mostly my age and family. I don't friend children, it just seems odd to me.

I don't think you can unring this bell, and really, almost everything has a good side and a bad side, it is a matter of perspective. Just because someone out there missuses something good, does not make it bad, I think that it is just human nature, there are going to be people whose moral compases point in the wrong direction.

M.

I just use it, to stay in touch with friends and family out of state and friends from long ago. My privacy settings are set, so that no one can see any info on me, or see any pictures that I'm "tagged" in, or notes I"m tagged in. Basically, if you're not my friend, you can't see anything on my page at all. I don't see any weird drama, or childish situations. I suppose, it has to do with the company I keep. They wouldn't really ever be involved in something like that. If the people you know are doing all that, I wouldn't want to know them. I only keep people in my life, that are positive. I love facebook and have only had a great experience.

I like FB. I am not crazy obsessed... well, maybe a little bit. And I am completely aware of how it can become creepy.

For me it has had the following benefits.

1-Assuaging curiosity about "whatever happened to..."

2-Putting me in contact with old true friends who I had lost touch with; We aren't closest friends again, but I enjoy chatting and catching up and being more than Chritmas Card firends. I think it has prevented losing friends.

3-It has helped me make new friends with neighbors and other moms. I am kind odf shy and really bad at small talk, so I enjoy keeping up with people and making small talk electronically, when I might not normally see them for weeks at a time.

4-We have this really unique situation where my husband discovered his long lost sister - who he didn't know about - not through FB, but online. FB is how the whole family has gotten to know each other in a rather non-threatening sort of way.

5-Then SHE found their father on FB. That was actually a negative for us because my husband doent' want anything to do with him and we all checked our privacy settings. However, the long lost sister is very happy to "meet" her father for the first time.

So, I am maybe 97% positive toward FB, at leas tuntil my daughters want accounts :)

Before I answer you Q's... I've found the FB sphere thing really interesting since it's become widespread. Only a small portion of the population was on any given "live" site (message boards, myspace, this type of site) at any given time... but FB has really caught *everyone*. Not literally, but from all walks of life. What started out as just another message board, but one designed for college students (like this one for moms)... when it went public (aka you didn't have to give up your account when you graduated and anyone could create an account) people from ALL over the country in every demographic have made a solid presence. And it's new. Just as letter writin was new once upon a time (as people became literate and supplies cheap and plentiful), telegraphing was new, phones were new, texting was new. Social etiquette surrounding FB is still nebulous and ill defined. So it's fun to watch as people try and figure out what the "accepted" use of it is. Especially since some come from strong background in electronic conversation (blogs, message boards) which each have VERY different standards of what is "acceptable" depending on the site... as well as those with no background in electronic conversation and are coming from a phone etiquette background being their only standard. Add in that FB is nationwide now (instead of limited to geographic region just like mamasource used to be), and things get really interesting, because "polite" changes from region to region.

"FB Drama" has become it's own entity. I give it about 2 years before there is a well worn path of what is "accepted" and about 5 years before it's cannonical. (Just like letter etiquette, phone etiquette, everything that is "new" takes getting used to as people sort out what the behavioral forms around it are going to be.)

I've had an account for over 5 years (part of why it's been fun to watch how it changes). In the beginning it was mostly an "update" site about classes, parties, graduation, cram sessions, dating... and now it's a multidimensional blog/message board/ picture sharing & storage/ networking/ marketing... it's just HUGE all of the aspects of daily life that it covers.

Also... people use it differently. Some only accept people they know in real life, others use it as networking, others try and collect as many "followers" / friends as possible.

All that said: Yep. I like Facebook. Not only to I get to chime in with friends I don't see often, but I get to touch base with those I lost touch with. It's fun.

FB DRAMA? Nah. Not really. I've mostly managed to stay out of it (bene of being in my early 30's... young enough for most of my peers/friends to realize 'what-not-to-do' through other sites... and old enough not to be swimming in hormones). There have been one or two snarky people (another mom keeps making digs about video games = kids who aren't as smart/accomplished... which is just sad. My kiddo is advanced in math and plays video games... but she's trying to say my son is stupid. He's not, so I don't care about her manipulation games. She can go ahead and "convince the masses" that my son will never be able to add or read, because she takes some kind of issue with him reading at 3 and starting algebra at age 7... but why on earth would I CARE? If anyone is actually concerned about my son -and messages me, asking if I need help- it's easy to set them straight as to what he can actually do. I don't even need to mention snarky mom. "No... he's fine. He's still 5 or 6 years above grade level in math and at grade level in reading so I'm not really concerned... but thanks for sharing resources! I'll pass them along to friends as need arises! How are you doin these days?" ). Just like in real life... when there's drama, I generally opt out.

I like Facebook and think it's funny that people get uptight about it. It's a great tool that I use almost daily to see pictures of my friends and their kids that I would have otherwise lost touch with. I like learning what my friends are doing and sharing what I'm doing.

My privacy settings are extensive and were easy to put in place, so the only people who know about my life are people I choose. There is no way for a third party to obtain any information from a person's Facebook profile that has the proper privacy settings in place, contrary to popular belief. No potential employer or legal body or advertising machine can access my private information. And to be honest, there's not much "incriminating" information on my profile anyway. No address. No phone number.

It's a great tool for keeping in touch that I would never in a million years be able to (or have time to) replicate in person, by phone, or with email. It's as simple as that.

I really like Facebook. I think all those divorces, arguments, and general nastiness, etc., were already there. This is just an outlet for them -- unfortunately.

I can now look at pictures of my friends' kids, share their good times, give them a cyber pat on the back in their sorrow.... Many family members are on there -- and we also see pictures of kids we'd never have seen otherwise probably. I really enjoy that. I like the way it keeps me connected to people around the world and across the country who I'd never be in contact with other than a Christmas card once a year maybe.

I have seen some of the nastiness and I just ignore it. It doesn't occur on any of my friends' or family members' pages - but those pages of young people I work with. I agree, that's silly and pointless. But overall, I really enjoy the thing.

Updated

it is what you make it, just like anything else. it's kind of like being drunk, in my opinion. it lowers inhibitions. but you aren't going to say anything on facebook that you wouldn't secretly be wanting say in person. so, if you surround yourself with those kinds of people...or if you are one of them yourself...well you can fill in the blanks.

personally, i only have about 75 friends, and they are all close friends, family, or coworkers. i LOVE getting on every morning and seeing updates from the people i care about. i guess now that i think about it, i do love it. it is exactly as much, or as little, as the person at the keyboard wants.

I totally love Facebook! If you fix your privacy settings and only friend your family and true friends you shouldnt have any crazy problems. It's a great way to keep up when none of us have time to keep up in real life. You are not obligated to give your life story or minute by minute thoughts at all. Kids do that, grown ups dont.
It eliminates having to send emails and pictures separately to everyone, you can do it all in one stealth, quick step.

I like Facebook. I use it to keep up with friends I don't get to see, catch up on friends I haven't be in touch with for a while, and share pictures easily with my family and friends who live far away. I don't use it to tell people my daily mood or comings and goings, play games or search for long lost "loves." I also use the privacy controls and I block people that I don't want to get in touch with me.
In my opinion sites like these can be helpful and fun or they can be abused just like anything else.

Yes I like FB and I use it a lot. I have reconnected with some high school and college friends.

I have not had any desire to leave my husband or participate in any drama, although there is not much dramam on my FB.

You can choose who you "friend", you can choose to be drama mama and you can choose what you post or talk about.

I don't think FB causes affairs and divorces..... that's going to happen where ever you are.

My 16 yr old has a FB account and I check it regularly and see no issue with it. As long as you are being responsible for yourself don't worry about others.

I ended up moving away from all of my friends and family. So I joined myspace. I didn't like it much, so I gave that up for facebook, and I have had only positive exepriences with it. All of my family and friends can see pictures of me and my family (and yes they are set to friends only, so they are private). I have re-connected with childhood friends that moved, old friends that parted ways for whatever reasons. I even have found family members that I have never met (my last name is not common, and everyone with my last name IS related). I even informed some of my family in other states (the ones I have not met) that my dad passed away (he had met them before). I found one of my dads cousins who is 90! =)
I have never seen any backstabbing, divorces or whatever with my circle of friends/family on there. I have had friends vent on their status, but honestly it's no different then people coming on here to vent. I honestly feel it's up to that person to allow it to be drama filled. If someone started to act like that with me I would just simply delete them.
I also never accept requests from people I don't know. A few had to remind me they went to school with me and who they were friends with. To each their own. =)

I love FB. I've gotten back in touch with people I haven't seen since I was in Elem. School/Middle School, etc. I love seeing pics of my cousins' kids, who I've never met. I love being able to post pics of my own kids so all my family (we're spread out throughout the world) can see them. I love being able to quickly wish people a happy birthday to let them know I'm thinking of them. I love reading some of the hilarious updates my friends post as well as read the interesting links they share. There's so much I love about FB! I haven't experienced ANY of the negative things I've heard happen. Neither have any of my friends. I can imagine that people who are insecure and unhappy could be influenced by what people say on FB, but it all seems so very immature to me. I just can't imagine acting like a petulant child just because it's "virtual" and I'm not saying it to a person's face. FB is what you make of it - for me, it's a place of fun and sharing.

I LOVE FB! However, you will NEVER find me posting about arguements with my hubby.....our sex life (or if there were a lack thereof).....drama with my family or inlaws (all of them are on my FB and while it CAN be tempting to get sucked in...you have to use common sense and tact). I've gotten reconnected to friends I had in elementary school (boys and girls LOL) and also friends I haven't seen in YEARS and have missed. It a nice way to see what people are up to and from time to time, I have gotten together with some of these friends to hang out again. However, as I rule, I have told my hubby he has unlimited access to my FB page (password/logon)...because I have nothing to hide from him.

He on the other hand...thinks that FB is simply for a bunch of people who refuse to grow up. Oddly, HIS friends friend-request me and keep in touch with him that way...

I detest the folks who post personal business on their page (if you wouldn't tell your closest friend and/or partner the info why the hell are you posting it on FB)....or change their relationship status about every twenty minutes.

Hi Sammy
These sites are virtual communities,its an online community.
So with communities you get all sorts of people,personalities,situations going on etc. Certain people will create dramas,thats them.
I like facebook for the fact that I am in contact with some people that I have not seen in years and its lovely to reconnect.
I like the privacy setting and everything I put up,photos etc. are for friends only.
Also you can block certain people etc.
Saying that I don't spend that much time on it.
I prefer this site as it seems to be more intellectual.
As a wife and Mum I don't socialise that much ( I used to love to party).
I see facebook as a social outlet.
Computers will never replace human face to face contact and of course I prefer human contact but I also enjoy going on line.
B. k.

I have not had that experience at all. I have used facebook to get back in touch with friends from elementary school, middle school, high school, and college. That has been terrific, with no weirdness anywhere.

Some of my friends and I use it as a way to keep in touch, even though we live in the same town. Almost all of my friends post interesting or amusing things, and I enjoy reading about what they and their families are up to. A few of them post boring things (I've got one who posts almost daily about her commute, or about what she ate at her most recent meal; I think it's kind of funny). Some people post links to thought-provoking articles, or to funny youtube videos.

I have not seen any posts complaining about facebook, and no one that I know has used it to cheat on their spouse or anything like that.

It all depends on the demeanor and the maturity of the person that is using the social network. I've been on facebook for about 5 years now, and have never had a problem, upset, heartbreak, family crisis, backstabbing event. I love it. It keeps me in touch with friends and family and I guess my group isnt as cuckoo as some? I love it for sharing vids and pics fast. I, personally have never had an arguement with ANYONE on facebook.
So, it just depends on who your people are that you talk to on there and how you use it. You can make "issues" out of anything. I'm not the drama queen type so I don't try to read between lines and make something of nothing..... a lot of people do that. That stems from boredom, some people thrive on drama. Facebook is awesome as far as I'm concerned... and I'm 53. I believe the young and more immature types are the ones that have problems socializing on FB, and they probably have the same problems in real life as well. Just my opinion and my experience talking-- for what it's worth.

I love FB I have had a couple problem but I see it out weighed by all the benefits. I get to share pics of my son with my family, I can message people to ask them a quick question, ect. I dont have a cell phone so I can't text and everyone I talk to is a long distance phone number so that would get so pricey, FB is a good option for me

I love facebook! I have been able to reconnect with so many friends from my past that would have otherwise have been lost forever! Facebook does not cause problems in good relationships, although it may help highlight problems in ones that already had problems.

I have a Facebook account and have never had a problem with it.

I use it to keep in contact with family and friends. I guess I am in the minority, in that it has never caused any marital problems for me and I have never had any hurtful posts or backstabbing or bickering or any of that sort of problems with it.

I think like with most things in life...it boils down to maturity levels.

I think many people have stopped using these sites...just look at Myspace, it is pretty much over now because of Facebook (none of my family or friends use it Myspace anymore, just Facebook)and I am sure something better will come along eventually...but I am fairly confident that social networking sites are here to stay.

I do like facebook. I have a small number of friends from high school, neighbors, relatives, etc. I never would have called them on the phone, but I feel like on FB they can contact me as much or as little as they'd like. This is the only way I'm able to have a relationship with my sister-in-laws. I contact my brother on FB, but I don't have his phone number. I have looked up other friends from college and high school to see what they're up to, but have not friended them because I don't want to bother them. I don't check it more than 3 times a week, and I don't play the games. None of my friends have any drama going on.
I thought it was more of the younger generation who stir things up. When I wanted to find out why my younger cousin's wedding got called off, I looked up her BF's page, and he had the details there for the whole world to see.

Then there's the older generation, like my parents. They refuse to join Facebook because they're afraid of the privacy issues. My dad also won't sign up for discount cards at stores for the same reason. I tell them that they don't have to use their real name, they don't have to post pictures or tell people where they live.
I don't worry too much about the privacy issues. I set it so only friends can see my posts, and I only post things that are appropriate for the the whole world to see. However, I am worried about the ability to link your account here with FB.

I love Facebook, but I don't get the immaturity shown by many adults on it. I, and most of my friends, use it as a fun little tool and it's great for showing far away relatives photos and whatnot. It has been a hoot to see and get in touch with some high school folks as well. I can't stand the stories you hear about though where people have played out their divorces in Facebook or made it obvious they're cheating or had fights back and forth on Facebook. That's the height of immaturity and classlessness to me.

I use fb and I enjoy it. It has helped me in getting to know people that I see often, but just didn't have the opportunity to really get to know otherwise & now we are pretty close friends since we have so much in common. I feel more connected with friends that are miles & miles away & I with family I haven't seen in person in over 10 years, but I talk with weekly. With that said, I do not feel it is appropriate for minors, unless supervised actively by an adult!!!! Now, I don't argue, fight, etc on fb nor do I post things such as my family problems etc... fb is not my therapy session. I'm fairly cautious about who I friend & what people can see & I think about what I post before I do so and I try & imagine that i am in the middle of walmart yelling out what I'm posting, cause it is the same thing, which is why I would be hesitant about minors using it. Course I'm older & don't drink & party etc...

As with anything new, the user is ultimately responsible for the consequences. If your a mature responsible adult, then you should be able to use the technology with great success. I feel the same about texting as well.

love facebook
my social life is mamapedia and Facebook.
yes, of course, be cautious. should be cautious always, but it is great reconnecting with old friends, keeping in touch with family overseas (my phone bill now thanks me because i don't call as much), i get to see my nephew and niece grow in front of my eyes without having to travel 23 hrs and 10k later to see them too often.
my husband has an account too. we have not friended each other on facebook.i trust him, he trusts me, and i see not reason to see who is posting what on his wall, and neither do i feel answering questions who is this and how do you know them.

I have a FAKEbook account...one with an email address and pseudonym that I only use for that purpose...so I can get special offers from companies. I am an avid couponer and some companies offer exclusive high value coupons only to those that "like" them. There is ZERO personal information on it, and everyone is blocked from seeing anything on it anyway. I have the security settings set at the highest possible level, just in case. I don't want to be found that way.

That said, I hate that my parents are on there! They post pictures of my son and I HATE THAT!! It is a HUGE privacy issue for me. If I wanted anyone see picutres my son, I should be the one to share them. Then again, they took the pics, so I can't stop it.

The thing that bothers me the most and that I find creepiest is that not only do your friends get to see what you post, but friends of friends, their friends, their friend's friends, and so on and so on. People may judge you by who is down the line, and sometimes you don't even know them! People lose jobs because of it. Or not get hired in the first place. Yes, we should not judge, but it is human nature. It is what keeps us safe most of the time.
</soapbox> :)

I like facebook. I use it to keep in touch, even if it's only on a relatively superficial level, with far-flung friends and family. I like how one person pointed out that some people are sane and some are given to drama. None of the friends whose comments I see are given to drama. I have blocked the wall posts of a few less mature friends who post a lot of drama.

I have also blocked the wall posts of several friends who frequently share religious or political views (they can say whatever they want, but I don't have to read it!) I personally don't post potentially offensive things, and I do feel I can still be friends with someone who has a different point of view.

Finally, I have my privacy settings set to "friends only", so my posts, pictures and profile is not available for public access. However, I gave my husband my sign-on and password information, so he can be comfortable in the knowledge that I wouldn't be using the site inappropriately.

So, no negative experience to report, thanks to the ability to carefully screen who looks at my information, and whose information I choose to look at.

I love Facebook as well! I have re-connected with many people who would cross my mind from time to time, but I would NEVER have made the effort to get in touch with them if it weren't for the FB.

That said, there are *many* people I have hidden from my news feed so I do not have to be irritated by their daily BS. I am very conscious of what I post, not writing anything that I would not want a potential employer to see. I very rarely send a friend request, and I would not accept one from someone I do not actually know. It is worth it, though, to be able to keep up with so many people so easily.

I'm not a facebook kind of gal. Never had it and probably never will. I keep in contact with friends and business friends through e-mail. I can send them messages, videos and pictures and all the stuff facebook does. I guess I don't get why I would need another site to do that. I can barely keep up with my e-mail connections I don't need another site in the mix. Not a friend of the twitter or texting either. Lately, I've been into making my life simple and less stress free more natural. Thought you may want to hear another point of view.

I think that facebook is like money in that it doesn't corrupt or cause problems in and of itself, but it reveals the character of the one who uses it. It can be used for good or evil.

I have had wonderful experiences with facebook. I post stories to raise awareness about human trafficking, promote benefits and special events; I re-connect with long time friends and post encouraging stories to uplift people and brighten their day. I save all my drama or personal struggles not to post for the whole world to see, but to share with my closest confidants. Facebook, when used without wisdom or tact, can destroy lives and relationships. On the other hand it can be used to make a real difference in the world when you use it right.

I notice a lot more drama, so that sucks. But I absolutely LOVE facebook! I live in TN, and most of my family is in ID. So it's nice to be able to keep in touch. Only a couple of my family members have actually met my daughter, but because of Facebook they are able to see pictures (which I keep strict privacy settings) and videos. Most of my status' are on her latest developments, and they enjoy the constant updates.

To work backward, I don't think anything will stop people from using social networking sites except the next wave in technology which might be that little chip that they'll implant right behind our ears where it just automatically tracks our every thought and convey them to the appropriate people - government included. Okay, so it might not go down exactly like that but you get the picture. As the "global marketplace", technology, and the computer adoption rate of kids continue to evolve these types of applications will grow and become even more common place.

As far as terrible things happening, I've heard of people who were robbed because they posted info about their wherabouts and "friends" took advantage of their absence at home. But whose fault is that? I mean, who accepts friend requests from people they don't know?! Possibly the FCC or some organization might develop some greater oversight and rules but I doubt it. Shoot! If they can't even figure out a way to stop WikiLeaks then social networking is probably quite low on the list.

What I realize is how icky it can be to live out your life in public like that. Like having your status listed as "In a relationship" then having to change it for all the world to see. So, I've learned to keep it as neutral as possible. I don't log on or even post regularly, and when I do log on, it's more to keep track of my kids, or just see what some of my more interesting friends are up to.

I don't have it.
My Husband does.
He uses it for keeping in touch with family/friends who are all over the world... and for work contacts.

On a side note... many people put photos in their Facebook pages. Be aware... that when you take a photo... say with an iPhone... Google 'tags' the photos with the LOCATION of where it was taken. Hence, if the photo is of your kids/your home etc., anyone can look it up on Google Maps etc.
SO... you have to... set your settings... to 'hide' this photo tagging. My Husband discovered that... that with the photos he took.... and then looked up on is own Facebook page... that the photos were tagged, with where the photo was taken. It is creepy.... ANYONE can then, find you... your kids.... their school..... where you live etc.
I don't know the technical 'how to' of how to undo that photo 'tagging'... but my Husband, then made all the photos he had on Facebook... 'private' and untagged it. He showed me....

Anyway.... Facebook has changed the cultural ethos... of many people across the globe.

all the best,
Susan

I use it only to keep in touch with my friends and family that I don't get to see on a regular basis. Ok well I do use it to get amazing discounts at my favorite online stores. But other than to keep in touch and amazing deals, that's all. I am fb friends that I see everyday, but I do try not to interact with them on FB since they sit right next to me most of the day.
Im in the opinion that the people that have facebook drama usually act the same way out in the real world. That is at least what I have seen.

I totally agree about all the trouble and negativity it is causing between family and friends.

I love FB! But I use it cautiously and I would NEVER "fight" on FB--how sophomoric. I did hear that 1 in 6 divorces (I think) are caused by FB. Almost hard to believe.

I'm a dinosaur when it comes to technology. I keep a blog that I don't post pictures on, and that's about all I need. Might sound like a cantankerous old lady here, but I believe Facebook has created a very insular community of people who mistake *their* being on it for EVERYONE being on it. Some people post important information to Facebook only, leaving everyone else who might appreciate knowing out of the loop. I am the only woman in my mom's group who isn't on. My husband and I are literally two of very few adults I know that aren't on.

My husband is an IT guy and we both agree that the privacy settings are a sort of massage for the fact that Facebook owns any content that you post. In my case, as a writer, I want to own my own content, thanks. I don't want pictures of my adorable son being sold as stock photos. And I want the rights to anything genius or witty that accidentally happens to slip from my keyboard. ;)

I'm pretty happy with my circle of friends; the people that I am close to have my phone number and email already. And I'm a preschool teacher running my own school; I don't want something I posted working against me because of misperceptions or assumptions.

One thing I have seen is people who get a little too obsessed with having *friends* online. On this site (Mamapedia), there are a few women I have PMed because we have some common ground, but I am not here to look for friends. On my blog, I know that when I post something, several people may read it, but no one might comment. You have to be willing to throw it out there and let it stand on its own or sink like a stone.

And nothing is a substitute for a long phone call with a sister or going out with a friend for the evening. Looking across a table at their face, seeing them smile and laugh in real time, or be sad and be able to really hug them instead of sending a hug online. Those are okay things, but there's nothing like warm, breathing human beings to fulfill my need for socializing. Then again, I'm an introverted creature, so I don't need much in that area.

I do not have a facebook account, nor do I want one. I have thought about it, just to get in touch with old friends. My biggest problem is exactly how you describe, nastiness by those that use it. The PTA president at my daughter' school has used her facebook account to talk bad about teachers, calling onein particular a ditz, talked about a fellow classmate of her son as someone of the "wrong color", and has even trashed fellow moms. I do not have a facebook account but still see these things because other parents that do have accounts and are "friends" with her send them t me in shock, but yet won't do anything about her. Through all of this, she still remains president. Makes me sick. From what I understand the district PTA has been informed and basically all they made her do was take off "president of the PTA" from her page. She is no longer allowed to reference the school or the PTA. Great so what does she do? Sets up a facebook page for the schools PTA and now she is free to bash whomever she likes on her personal page. This woman is in her mid 40's. Ridiculous! For me, anyone that I know that is facebook friends with her is no real friend of mine. I would never want to be associated with her and I second guess the types of people that remain friends with her. Yes, like you I have heard many stories of people who say things that are mean and others are so offended that they do something bad to themselves or others. Look at the poor girl that committed suicide because her x-friends mom (who pretended to be the daughter) made up lies about her and posted them on facebook. There are no laws on the books about this cyber bullying, and until there are, anyone and everyone is free to say what they want about who they want and no legal action can be taken. My friend just let her daughter get one (because all of her other friends have them) and her daughter friended another girl who decided to send her a message and tell her to stop posting her stupid pictures, no one wanted to see them. Well, needless to say this girl was so upset. She is only 12. A 12 year old cannot handle being bashed like that. Heck, most adults would be sad if someone said something mean to them and posted it on facebook. To me, it just doesn't seem worth it. I'll just be one of the few that keeps in touch with people the old fashioned way...email! :)

I do not use it, do not plan to use it and have no interest. Tried my space when it came out and I moved to a diff state never really used it so I moved on. I understand that many enjoy it but I think it is craziness and I refuse to use it, post on it or encourage friends and family to use it as well.

We have relatives (and good friends) who live all over the country and in Canada. I got involved with Facebook so that these people who live far away can see pictures of my son and I can see pictures of them and their kids. I have the blocks set up so that only my friends can see my information and pictures. I have found it much easier to share pictures on Facebook than trying to email pictures to everybody. Emailing them takes forever and I have touble sending more than a couple at a time.... clogs everybody's email up and again, TAKE FOREVER!!!! I do still mail pictures to relatives once or twice a year. I do see your point about some people using Facebook in a negative way. However, for people like me and my family who are spread out all over 2 countries, I find it the easiest and most economical way to stay in touch when we are all busy with children, jobs, and life in general.

I have a FB account but use it primarily to check up on my 17 year old daughter's friends. My daughter is super positive with postings but some of her "friends" are just awful with profanity and drama. Don't their parents see what they are writing?? I can't imagine putting my business out there for the world to see. I did have a few customers from 15 years ago that were able to reach me, that was nice.

I've heard this same opinion from other people so you aren't alone in feeling this way about Facebook.

For me, Facebook has be awesome! I've re-connected w/ long lost friends I haven't talked to in years, I've grown closer to current friends and have enjoyed sharing and viewing pictures of our kids. I feel like I'm in the loop at all times so I'm up on all the latest news (new babies, engagements, etc.) People also say that it makes people anti-social since it's not face-to-face, etc. Not true in my case! I feel that I'm more social than ever, and FB has kicked-started friendships that include playdates for our kids and GNO's.

Facebook is what you make it. Place your privacy settings at the most private you can get it. Anti-FB people tell me all the time that they think it's "over-sharing" and "TMI" and it's taking the place of face-to-face conversations. But it's what you make it! Don't over-share, just use it as a tool to keep track of your friends and see pics of your friends' kids.

Don't bash something if you haven't tried it! A neighbor who was very anti-FB has finally joined and wondered what took her so long after she checked it out.

Interestingly I just finished a research project on this subject!
Turns out that mankind has just been enjoying a reprieve from drama - brought to us by the industrial age and the rise of transportation.
It used to be that people lived in tight knit communities where drama and gossip were the entertainment of choice. Once transportation improved everyone's mobility and people began leaving farms to work for businesses we began to know our neighbors less and less and this created "private lives" that most of us have come to know. But now social networks like FB are making physical space irrelevant and basically creating an extended gossipy community on the internet. There is truth to what everyone has basically said: that some people are sane and some are given to drama. I am not on FB. Why? I tried having a blog for awhile and every time I got too busy to update it my family nagged me - I don't need that. I have no desire to have awkwardly polite conversations with people from my past. Also, I am not comfortable with that much share-age. Perhaps I am already becoming old and set in my ways?

**Added**Marci I agree with you 100% couldn't have said it better myself.

I hate facebook, I closed my account and had to re open again because when I closed it I immediately lost contact with my family overseas. It's the only way I know from them and see pictures of my cousins and their children; they're avid facebook users and post EVERYTHING so if I close my account I know for a fact that they won't write letters or send me pictures since it's so much easier just to post them on FB and be done with it.
Also I don't put pictures of my children AT ALL and I always get posts asking, please put pictures, it's so annoying. I want to close my account again but it seems everyone I know has it and it's their prefered method of communication.
If you ask me I agree with you it's creepy, stalkerish and super annoying. By the way I reconnected with everyone from high school and guess what, it was high school all over again for a while with the nasty rivalry and embarassing stories. I'm only glad I reconnected with about 7 people from my class, the rest I can do without but if I delete them then gossip starts ughhhhhhhh

i ban social networking from our house! i also think it is creepy and dangerous. my in-laws are so addicted to it that they talk to each other on it thru their laptops sitting in the same room with each other!!! none of them will tell us anything going on in their lives or send kids' pics because they think i am ridiculous for not getting on facebook to find it all out. it takes less time to make a personal phone call or email. i don't have all that spare time to let the world know when i go to the bathroom or "farm". i can't even keep a real garden! i truly believe if i let my daughter on to a site like that she will be lured away by a creepy, 50-yr old pervert acting as a teen "friend". call me stuck in the '80's (i am) but it has taken away from the personal touch of a conversation. it's also hard to determine the tone of the comment and too many things are taken the wrong way. you are not alone when you stick to your guns about this.

S. m

I love Facebook, but you are right (and more people agree with you than you might think!) it does have its pitfalls. Reasons I love it is because I can keep in touch with so many of my friends from high school, college, sorority, workplace, relatives, and other people I have met thru various hobbies/groups I participate in. I am also a stay at home mom, so it is a lifeline (for lack of a better word) to keep in touch with former colleagues. I love sharing photos and funny things my kids say. In fact, I always do a digital photo album for a Christmas gift for relatives and facebook has helped me keep a running document of those funny little quotes/pictures that I have used in my book this year. I choose to keep my page private, so I don't do a lot of the games or invite anyone onto my page that I don't know fairly well. You do have to be careful because there are lots of viruses associated with FB. My accounts were hacked awhile back so I had to run scans and change my passwords, so that was a little annoying, but nothing major happened beyond that. It can be a huge time waster and people do tend to put stuff out there just to create drama in and of itself, but I usually just de-friend anyone that seems to be too obnoxious. I haven't had to do that very much though.
Hope that helps!
A.

You must have very interesting friends and family. I have 6 siblings, I have dozens of cousins, 16 nephews and nieces, aunts and uncles I think 6. Lots of family. Plus my friends and such. I've never seen an argument that was heated or anything to speak of. I have a very large family and that is all pretty much immediate and you know we can bicker and fight with the best of them. But I've never heard or witnessed anything that you speak of. Hey maybe my friends and family are weird. Maybe those people are far from civil. Maybe they are just contrary for contrary sake. Who knows. But that sort of behavior sounds trashy. In cyber space, in public.... anywhere. If you are having problems it should stay in the bedroom I guess. I can't stand people who air their dirty laundry in the public. Who seriously likes to sit next to some couple that is fighting in a restaurant. Don't we all get up and move? I guess if you already are your relationship is pry already at a loss and you are trying to sway public opinion in your direction when the inevitable happens.

But regardless I didn't think anything of these sites. I thought they were for school age children to talk and play. Someone talked me into getting on there. I find it delightful now. I have a baby and a 6 and an 8 year old. I can go on there and say my son walked for the first time today! He got his first tooth! Milestones that are great and awesome but I'd never call my family and tell all of them! But now they all get to hear about my son getting an award in real time. I get to share the little stuff in my life that all of our busy lives doesn't allow us to know. Hey one of my nieces announced she was pregnant. Sure it would have made it's way through the grape vine previously and I would have heard it some time this week But I got to know the same time as everyone else. We all got to tell her how wonderful it is! We all get to see the ultrasound pictures. It's wonderful. We get to go through her pregnancy at more times than when we get to see her.

I also get to hear about bad things and work and tell them how that sucks and offer my sympathy or empathy.

My friends can say hey we are going here tonight if you want to join us. I can make an event and instead of calling 50 people or sending out 50 invitation to a party I can let everyone know!

I've yet to see a bad side to social networking sites. Sure I've heard on the news about some pedophile working it's way onto some child's site and then stalking them... but beings I'm still hearing about it on the news it's definitely an anomaly because hey it's on the news and we are being warned. But hey what good parent would let their child be on one of those sites without monitoring them in the first place on there. Who wouldn't give ground rules. And just like everything else if they disobeyed it would be gone in a snap. But lets face it pedophiles have always existed and will always find a way to sully anything. Hell they even became priests.

Anyways, I've seen nothing but positive things. I love them. I get to feel as if I live with my family all the time. I get to hear from my friends more often than when I get to go out and see them on the rare occasion I have free time and a sitter.

But again hey maybe I'm weird.

I both love and hate facebook. I love it because I have been able to stay in contact with all of my friends from college (my college years was actually when facebook came out and was ONLY available to college students so I've had an account well before it was open to everyone). When all my grad school friends moved across the country, we regularly update each other via facebook. We are able to get private messages sent amongst our group so that we can all know whats going on with each other and such and not have to repeatedly tell a story over and over again. We do still call each other all the time, but it is still helpful. Also, my entire family lives in a different state from me and I am able to update them with pictures of pregnancy, baby room decorating, etc. so that they can all see whats going on without me having to e-mail constantly or mail pictures constantly and end up forgetting someone here and there. My boyfriends family who we don't see a lot are able to stay up to date on what is happening with the baby as well. Along with this, they can update me regularly with what is going on with them and their lives all in once place. I think I just like the fact that I don't have to keep repeatedly saying or doing things for all the people that I want to know to find out about it. It helps me stay connected. I even started developing a very close friendship with one of my cousins who I saw a total of twice when I was growing up.

What I don't like about it is the lack of privacy, but because of this, I utilized EVERY privacy function that they have. If I only want certain people to see certain pictures, then I label the album for such. You can't access any of my profile information except my name unless we're friends, and I usually only allow access to my wall and statuses for certain friend groups. I know that one would argue, well if your so concerned about privacy, then why have it at all as it is the internet, but I feel that privacy is something a person always has to be aware of for themselves. We cannot stop people from eavesdropping when we're on our cell phones in public, or gossiping about us even without facebook in the world. So I just take precautions that I can and learn to accept the rest.

What also drives me crazy are the people who blast their lives on facebook that don't always need to be blasted. I do put a lot of stuff on there, but as I also said, I privatize a lot of stuff. I do not post on facebook arguments with my boyfriend or other friends. I have one friend who is having actualy arguments with her boyfriend on facebook almost daily as a string of status updates. In this case, I think its WAY healthier to pick up the phone and call him. Also, I didn't post anything about my pregnancy on facebook until well after everyone knew anyway. My boyfriend does not have a facebook account and he never worries about all the drama that you often here about (i.e. cheating partners, etc.) because he trusts me. If he did have one, I would trust him with it too. I think some people want to use it as a "safe" way to start drama as opposed to being adults about it. But, all it really does is drag other people into something that should be kept between a small group of individuals.

In answer to your last question, no I don't think people will ever stop using them in spite of the problems because many see the benefits outweighing the problems. Especially since MOST of the problems are only caused my a small fraction of users to the site.

I am not on facebook, though I have browsed it to check up on people I have lost touch with. I also got in touch with a couple of friends from high school who I lost touch, then closed the account.
To be honest, classmates scared me off of these type sites. Several guys tried contacting me even though I was clearly MARRIED. One ex tried to get me on the Oprah show and even got the producers involved. He wanted answers as to why I didn't want to marry him and such. I refused.
I also used it to check up on teens we helped raise when they were not doing well in college. I found out it was because one was traveling nearly every weekend to a different town to party. She quit posting her escapades which helped her get hired. Some of her friends have not gotten a real job and if you google them, you will see why.;-)

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I've deleted my account at least 3 times because of the drama and childhood tendencies like you mentioned.... And I'm 30. But then I go back because the friends I WANT to keep in touch with are on there as well as distant family, whom otherwise don't email much!!

I agree that it has shown us who never really outgrew jr. high, however, I could see that at the water cooler.

I have never ever once seen backstabbing or childish behavior on facebook. All I have seen are people posting little updates about their day, accomplishments, children, etc. I think the biggest problem with it is it is a major time waster. But I do like seeing what current and old friends are up to or get comments from them. Makes me happy to keep in touch! I want to say I like your question though! It is interesting how the times are changing and how popular using FB is. I do now know what negative/positive things it might bring.

Facebook is not a life threatening necessity....but it does enhance my life :) I get to see family in italy, friends babies who have moved across country. I have family on their that is 90 years old. We get to keep in touch in a way that we probably wouldnt have been able to without facebook.

Myspace, to me, is junk. (i have an account still from MANY years ago....just so i can still get the free karaoke ;) )

I did not read any of the posts.... i will later... i just wanted to give my opinion. If you use it for the right reasons it is wonderful. If you use it for the wrong reasons, that is your fault. Same with abusing meds, over shopping, over eating.... i could go on. All in safe moderation :)

P.S. If someone wants to cheat or break up a marriage, they don't need facebook to do that. Blame it on the person...not facebook.

I do not have FB or any other kind of social networking. If my friends want to contact me then they know where to find me. I don't want to reconnect with people I went to elementary school. I also think it could be very dangerous. Especially with young people today, the access they have to computers and with nobody checking on what they are doing. Someone could easily go to the library and use a computer there so they don't have mom or dad pearing over their shoulder. What's wrong with picking up the phone and actually talking to someone? I think we are headed to a world where no one is going to need to know how to write or even speak because everything will be done on a computer. Also what's up with the updating your status on FB? Do I really need to know that you're taking a dump? Gross. I do think people will continue to use them because it gives them attention. We are very much becoming a "look at me" society.

If not used properly it can be very harmful. I have a fb page but it's under a different name and have no personal information on it and I have it set on the most private status as I can. Even my birthdate is incorrect. I've done it that way for the obvious reasons but also because I have an individual in the family whom we do not have contact with and do not want her to have any information on us. Long story. But anyways I feel fine with fb because of the way I have it set up and I don't use it in a way to get back at others. I hardly ever post anything on there about my family. I mainly use fb for the games that are on there and to keep up with family and friends that live away. So like I said, if it can be used properly and you manage the amount of time spent on it, I find it be fine. But if it ever became drama filled or I had any suspicions of anything being harmful done because of it, I wouldn't hesitate to get rid of it.

I suppose I will have to go back when my child gets old enought to have an account.

I am one of the few who had an account and found it annoying. I'm married and don't need to talk to old boyfriends and some people just don't need to know what I am up to every minute of the day, so I closed my account. I don't miss it at all.

The other alternative is to keep your privacy settings high and your friends list small - who needs 1000s of "friends" knowing their business every day?

I understand completely.

OHHH I so agree. While I enjoy facebook to keep in touch with the people who are currently involved in my life (you know my real friends and family) I find facebook "friending" to be like going into my freshman year all over again. I believe if these people were really important to me it wouldn't have taken me 20 years to connect with them and it's very dangerous to a marriage. One of my exes contacted me with a message attached to his friend request and it's a really good thing my husband has access to my page because I really think if he didn't he may have believed I was having an affair as this exes message made it sound that way. Fortunately I have always made sure he knew my password and have never been one to not open it in front of him so when the message came through I was able to show him and even let him write a response. I have since blocked this ex but it sure could have gone another way if my husband was a different guy. I hope facebook is a passing fad but am fearful it isn't. I also do not allow my children to have access to any of the social media and hope to continue that for as long as I can get away with it.

I'm still trying to figure out when people have TIME to do Facebook. Aren't we busy enough?

My real friends will always know how to get ahold of me!

dont like it for no other reason than there are to many creepy people out there & an ex boyfriend 'friended' me that i absolutely despise

I refuse to sign up for a Facebook page. I figure that there are other ways of keeping in touch with friends and family. I will not allow my 13 year old daughter to have a Facebook page either. There was an episode on Dr. Phil last night about the dangers of Facebook. There are so many predators out there and this just makes it alot easier for them to get to our children. I don't know if Facebook itself is to blame for all of the problems associated with the site...probably not. I heard they're pretty good about pulling down sites upon valid request. I believe it's more about the power to harm others by using FB as a medium. I refuse to take part in it. I would much rather hear the sound of my family & friends voices over the phone, receive an actual party invitation in the mail or an invite over the phone, share pictures through email or in-person, etc. I personally do NOT need FB and all the problems that could potentially go along with it and neither does my 13 year old daughter nor my husband (who also has no interest) nor our much younger daughter (who doesn't know what FB is yet and will not be getting a FB page either).

Thanks for posting this thought-provoking question. I'm very passionate about NOT allowing FB into my home.

Updated: By the way, if you didn't catch Dr. Phil last night...there was a teenage girl on there who didn't create a FB page but SOMEONE ELSE created one in her name, pretended to be her, and posted very provactive pix that were suppose to be her on the site. She had predators tracking her down, camping outside her home, calling her on her phone, etc. According to her, finally after two weeks FB took the page down. Can you imagine? Very scary.

I've had both the good and bad of face book. The good is that I've gotten in contact with some very old friends of my even dating back to the early 70's! Also have mended some broken relationships of the past as well.
The bad is that I've hooked up with some people that well, I wish I hadn't. They seemed to have changed alot since I've known them from way back when. Some have hurt my feelings but such is life. It's like on here, someone's bound to say something that I consider hurtful and wrong. I think that you can control your account, the friends you have and don't have, and how much you choose to share so it's up to you.
I've thought about closing my account a few times but decided to keep it up to keep in contact with some old friends and family that live far away.
It's hard but I really try to not be too 'thin skinned' and just be wise about what I decide to post and share with others.
C.

I do NOT have a FB account. I did have myspace b/c "everyone was doing it." and I wasted too much of my life posting pictures and doing absolutely nothing with myspace, therefore I decided not to "conform" and join FB.

That being said, FB seems to have gotten much bigger, popular, and not so 'ghetto' as myspace, so oftentimes I kind of wish I had it so I could see pictures of my friend's kids. I'll email them and ask about pictures of their newborn and they say that they posted on FB. But I still have not joined. I figure if they want to email me a pic, they will (and they do!) :-)

I agree that I hear a lot of drama stories coming from FB. My former relationship with my ex-husband is full of drama and hate and pain, I don't honestly want him 'finding' me on FB. That's another reason I don't have FB. Life is easier w/o added drama added to it. So what am I missing out on? A few pictures of my friend's vacaction , a few pictures of my cousin's kiddos, and that's about it that I can see. I've gotten on my mom's FB account a couple of times to look up a friend or two, sent them a message, then they emailed me. Simple enough.

Love it. :)

I am friends with former coworkers, high school (real friends - not people I didn't know or didn't like in high school) and folks from my old neighborhood and sons former preschool friends Mom's. I like it because I can message my friends easier, chat with other SAHM's when it works for us, and connect with family. I like to see my old friends kids photos and know what they are up to.

I have had no negative stuff, but limit my accessibility (only my friends of friends can find me - I have to find people to friend) and have ignored a number of requests for friendship.

J.

I use it as a photo sharing site so I don't have to send photos to loved ones. I use it to keep up with what's going on back home with the people I love. I use it to reconnect with lost aquaintences. I am aware that people get tacky online, but I have worked hard to rid myself of those type of people. They aren't on my friends list and if anyone stirred something up, I would just unfriend them and that's that. Like anything else, it can be used for good or evil.

Wow-I never see any of that at all. Maybe my friends are tame-who knows. I am very weirded out by Facebook in general though and very uncomfortable posting anything myself and have no pics up. I don't know why-its just so strange for me to let all of these people know what I am up to and what I am thinking. Good way to find old friends though so I keep my account.

I like Facebook! I enjoy seeing what my friends are up to. I have gotten contacted by some high school people and I wasn't to down with what they had to say so I just hid them. I can always disconnect with anyone that I think is acting ugly or offensive and you can go into privacy settings and block anyone specific person you want to from seeing your site. So I guess if you like to use it like I do you just have to be proactive about not allowing garbage on your site and cut people off who act inappropriately, just like life I guess!! I have mine set up so that only my friends can see any pics and what I write. I have truly enjoyed getting back in touch with old buddies, so for me it's great :D

An identity can be stolen with amazingly little information – believe me, I work in a field where it is possible. Most folks put birthday info up there along with pics of themselves and family. That is enough information for someone to get your social security number and suddenly you can find your credit trashed. There are also key logging programs out there that can steal your private info. This happened to my husband’s credit card from his Facebook page. I prefer to be “friends” in person. Those people I want to contact, I send emails or make phone calls. Besides, I spend 9 hours a day in front of two computer screens at work. I could care less about turning on a computer at home. I don’t like those sites.

My husband has fun on the site and wastes way too much time there. He plans his motorcycle rides with his buddies and talks to his friends from high school. He has bumped up the security on the computer but the risk is always there.

We agree to disagree about Facebook.

Gratuitous b/c who really cares when XYZ is going to bed, etc., etc.

Creepy b/c everything you post there is their property to keep until they decide to delete it. Also creepy b/c of all the back-end links/associations they do.

Call someone one the phone - mirror to your children how a person is to make eye contact with another person, smile when speaking, interact w/ another human. I feel so bad for kids today - constantly with their heads down..... the amount of living they're missing is mind blowing.

I didn't get a chance to read all the comments. But in my opinion i like FB i recently moved from the state that i was born and raised and FB is a method of communicating with my family and friends from my hometown. However i do i agree with you about ppl acting like they're still in jr. high and acting like little kids backstabbing others, writing rude remarks about someone else or updating us on every little thing like "i am now washing the dishes" and 5 min later "im watching tv" I just dont let it affect me and go on about my way...

No, I don't like or use Facebook. I did sign for an account awhile back because my high school reunion sent a postcard that the ONLY other information would be on FB. Well, I just wanted to view it, and suddenly I started getting "friend" requests from tons of people. So of course, I would reply accept so as not to offend them, but I would cringe because I didn't then and don't now have any intention of keeping up and connecting by Facebook. Haven't logged on in almost 2 years. I prefer real life contact with those I care about keeping in touch with. I would prefer not to exist at all in the FB world.

Gosh you are so right. Its pathetic, and I just do it to stay connected to the outside world because I dont get out much. Everything you said is true, it should even be outlawed probably. And I am shamefully a part of it. Gross...

I believe that the type of people that get off on insulting people publicly, will do it offline or find other ways to be just as evil offline. They are reverting to childish behavior. They never grew up in the first place.

I only have 39 friends on Facebook. Part of the reason is that I see no benefit in accepting requests from poeple I don't know. I only have a couple of friends from facebook that I haven't met in life and only because they are friends of friends. When I get something stupid or nasty from someone, they leave my friend list and I don't care who they are. If I don't want to let them go I try and find a tactful way to say something about what they say. But if they are just that way, delete.

It takes nasty people to hang with nasty people. I LOVE facebook and my friends are family and clients. Of course, even if I were inclined to have a personal disagreement with anyone, having clients on there is a constant reminder that I need to delete anything or anyone that would ruin my reputation.

I like FB and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. My teens are on it too but we're very careful with them and with what we post and who we're friends with. My kids are always cautioning me about what I'm doing on FB...LOL