I am at my wits end with my 4 1/2 year old son! I've struggled with him for some time & today things just got real bad! He has been saying no to everything I tell him to do & saying "Im not listening to you". He cried every time he doesn't get his way! He gets upset and angry daily and has started to hit his older brother! He is destructive and disrespects everyone.He started to throw tantrums which I've never dealt with before & we can go into a store without him wanting something & getting mad. At school today he was send home because he tripped his teacher, pinched & slapped the assistant, hit his friends & threw his food!!!! I am so confused & don't know what to do. We have spanked him, punished him, disciplined him, we tried rewards, we tried almost everything it seems & he is getting worse! He wasnt this bad! I need help/new ideas because its just not acceptable. He tell us that he doesnt know why he did that stuff today, but lately he hasnt been having good days at school or at home. My sister & mom have babysat him & they too tell me he is bad. That he doesnt listen & I dont think they will be offering to babysit him anytime soon. What am I doing wron? I him so much & it kills me to see his look on his face when he is in trouble but I have a big problem & I want to correct it now before it gets any worse. Please help
You need to make an appointment with the pediatrician and ask for a referral for a child therapist/psychiatrist. This isn't normal behavior, and you seem to have tried everything you can think of. Good luck!
It sounds like he is not ready for school! Pull him out and give him a year at home with you.
I think it's probably time to discuss this with his pediatrician.
Good luck!
Have you tried a good ol spanking?
http://ezinearticles.com/?Turn-Around-Your-Childs-Defiant...
children aren't bad-their behavior is bad
When my son was having a hard time at school, he was 3 1/2 yrs. I took him out for a while and taught him at home. When he turned 4, I shopped around and looked for schools that fit what he needed. I sat in the class and observed the teachers and the assistants as well.
This particular school he's at now really worked with him and we modeled their disciplinary system at home as well. It's a color system whereas they are Green (good) Yellow (warning) Orange (Time out) Red ( Out the room-your in trouble)
He is 5 and is doing much better. He still may get into trouble, but it's not as frequent or he's not having severe tantrums anymore. We still continue the disciplinary system and if he is red for the day, he does not watch TV or play with toys. It didn't take him that long to see that if he does wrong, he won't be rewarded. It's really been working, trust me I understand.
Don't give up, God Bless...
With a 4.5 year old acting this way, it sounds like something is going on under the surface. It could be exterior -not sure what your home situation is like (problems in your relationship? fighting? recent divorce? -anything like that) OR interior -possible behavior disorder. I have an almost 5 year old boy who has been a handful -and then some! We've tried almost everything, been to a child psychologist, etc., but the things that have worked the best and that have been what we could all live with and grow with have been a combination of "Parenting With Love and Logic" and "P.E.T. Parent Effectiveness Training" -this one also pairs VERY well with "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." We're in the middle of an actual P.E.T. 8 week course offered at our church that has been really helpful. Honestly -it's not easy. You are going to probably have to "re-train" yourselves to react in certain ways and some of it doesn't "jive" with what a lot of parenting experts say (consistency, both parents always on same page, etc.), but it's been so much more realistic for us, and we've seen real changes.
Honestly with acting out aggressively and violently at his age, I would take him to the doctor and ask about some testing and take him to a child psychologist if you can't get to the bottom of something quickly. He sounds VERY angry about something. I can only imagine him acting that way because of a disorder if he's NOT angry about some big underlying issue.
Start with his pediatrician. Get referrals. TALK to him -calmly and logically and ask him about his actions and if he's angry all the time about something. DON'T discount what he says -give REAL weight and importance to his feelings. Check out those books I mentioned as well -it may shine a whole new light on your world.
Talk to his pediatrician for a referral to a specialist like a child psychiatrist. Your son may have a condition that makes his behavior out of his control. No matter what, your child isn't bad and don't let anyone tell you that. No preschooler is bad or a bully. It sounds like you're doing all you can and the fact that you're reaching out for help her confirms that.
Get moving on the medical analysis quickly. If he's hurting teachers and peers, he's on the short list for being kicked out of preschool. I have a son with ADHD who did the same types of horrible things at that age and they did kick him out of preschool.
My first guess is that he has a new little brother or sister? Have you tried reading the books How to talk to kids so kids will listen or how to talk to kids so kids will Learn. I think that would really help. Also I loved the Happiest Toddler on the Block, he has regressed to a three yr old level, not that uncommon when kids are stressed so start reading the book at the three yr old level. Obviously the spanking and punishments aren't working. You all need to change the way you are talking to him, change the way you are disciplining him and change the way you are rewarding him. How long can he sit nicely in circle time? five minutes, ten ? how long are they expecting him to sit nicely?
Sounds like your son is not ready for preschool and this is his way of showing you. Some kids just don't understand school, they don't understand how it works, they don't fully understand the rules etc. He doesn't know how to tell you!
I agree with the others. Pull him out and give him some time with you. You'll be amazed at what a year can do!
Another suggestion, have him checked for food allergies. Sometimes they can develop as the child gets older and those are also some of the symptoms. Removing the offending food can give drastic changes in behavior as well.
Assuming nothing else is going on in the home (divorce, new sibling), I'm guessing he wants time with mommy. If you don't have to work, pull him out of school and let him stay home with you until kindergarten.
Hi,
I have no idea what your situation is like at home. Do you get to be at home, or do you work outside of the home? I ask because if at all possible, I would pull him out of school and pour all of my time into him as much as I can. He needs your undivided attention. He needs to be carefully watched, corrected, discipled. You will need a ton of patience, a ton of consistency, and a ton of love to get through this. It sounds like he is crying out for you. There is a thing called "tomato staking" where you keep your child right at your side all day everyday. You are quickly able to see when he is going astray in attitude and behavior, and are able to correct him before it gets out of hand. Have him help you work around the house, read to him, build with legos with him, etc. Pour your life into his right now. Stay off the computer, keep the tv off. You can overcome this, but it won't be easy. Blessings!
