Potty Training My Son - Keyser,WV

First instinct answer - he's too young. Most boys take much longer than girls, and pushing it too hard now will just make him fight it.

I've done quite a bit of research on this topic and lots of observation of families with young children. While there are moms who insist that training can happen as early at 18 months, it appears that (1) only some kids actually accomplish it, (2) at that age, the parents actually must train themselves to get their kids to the potty with great regularity, and (3) that even the successes often seem to get "burned out" on the responsibility after a few months, or regress when a new baby or other major change comes along. I'm sure there are exceptions, but these scenarios are common. And discouraging.

The most and quickest success seems to come from waiting until the child begins to express interest and willingness. This can happen between 2 and 4.5 years old, often somewhat on the earlier end for girls and toward the later end for boys, whose development tends to lag a bit in both bladder control and emotional maturity.

Before that age, it's usually desirable to introduce the idea of using the potty, to get engaging books and videos, to get a potty seat for the child to invesitgate and experiment with, to demonstrate and get puppets to play-act the process, and generally keep it instructive but positive and free of pressure. Interest develops when the child is ready, just as interest in walking and talking develops when the child is physically and mentally able.

Kids who are allowed to proceed at their own rate train quickly. Sometimes in a day, often in two or three weeks, with diminishing accidents by the day. My daughter, at about 2.5, needed less than a week, and she loved the process. My grandson was a couple of months older, and needed only about 2 weeks. I've known of children who decide they are ready, and that's it, they are trained.

It's good to be aware that a child's ability to stay dry all night may develop months later, and some kids can't help bedwetting until well into their grade-school years. While there can be an emotional or "anxiety" component, this is really a physical delay that they can't help.

Likewise, for some kids, pee and poop training are separate processes. Some kids need (and will often ask for) a diaper for pooping for months after pee training is a success. Too much pressure on a child in this area can result in withholding stools, constipation with painful elimination, and an even more severe condition called encopresis, which needs medical supervision over sometimes weeks or months to correct.

So, I guess my advice would be to work on lots of happy "pretraining" messages. Give the little guy plenty of time to process the information, get motivated, learn to recognize his own urges in time to make it to the potty, and wait until he wants to go for it. No sweat, no tears, no nagging, no bribes or punishment are needed.

This is a subject where I'm sure you 'll get lots of posts - everyone has an opinion.

I have an almost-5 year old boy and a 26 month old girl. My son couldn't have been bothered until about 3.5 years, and my daughter is trained during the day except for the very occasional accident, and most mornings wakes up dry as well. She was the one who decided she wanted to wear underwear; probably because she is second, and saw her brother using the toilet, because of her own personality (she is very determined), and because she is a girl (I really do think girls become more aware and interested in toilet training earlier).

With my son, we tried introducing the potty, including books, stickers, etc. At about 3.5 he decided he was going to use the toilet, skipped right to the regular toilet after about 2 weeks on the "potty", and also decided about that time that he was going to stand up to pee.

Not sure if this helps. There are just SO many different stories, all different kinds of "normal".

My opinion is that you can model the behavior for them, find healthy ways to encourage use of the toilet, but this is one of the first big decisions the child is making, and they will use the toilet when they are ready. Good luck!

BTW, we used cloth diapers, which we washed ourselves. I mention this because one of the "side benefits" I saw when we started is that I thought it would encourage early potty training - because they feel more if they are wet. It didn't seem to make a difference in our family :).

I had one out of six train before 3, and that one wasn't a boy. My oldest daughter was easily trained by 2, my latest trainer was just over 3.5, with the other 4 right around 3. Relax, you're doing nothing wrong, he's just way too young.

Potty training needs to come from the child being ready. If he is not interested then he is not ready. The more you push it the more likely he will have issues (like with-holding/constipation) and the more unnessary battles. I would stop completely and wait for your son to let you know he is ready, which for boys is typically more like age 3.

I agree with all answers as to when he is ready. . . .i was ready to wait until my son was 3 to push him a little, but the month after he turned two, his big sister put him in a pair of her underpants (don't worry, I have the blackmail photo) and since then all he wants are big boy pants. Now, that being said, as long as I take him every hour or more often, we have no accidents. He rarely asks to go, just waits until I tell him. Think that makes me trained not him.

What I would say, if he is showing interest, but still not going when he should or saying no when you ask him to go, I have found making it a game - I can get to the potty first, usually does the trick. The second one will make some moms cringe I know, but I tell him he can go find a spot in the grass outside if he wants (we are redoing our downstairs bath, so potty trips require a trip upstairs. He loves the independence and adventure of finding a spot in the yard. He has not told me no one single time when I suggest that. Make going a game!

He's probably too young. I know our parents seemed to have all their kids potty trained between 12-18 months old, but it really is so much easier for both you and son if you wait closer to 3 or when he's really showing readiness for it.

My guess is that your son isn't ready at all for the potty. I made my son at 2 1/2 because he was so difficult to hold down to change a diaper, besides the fact that he knew what it was about.

I recommend the video "It's Potty Time" by Barbara Howard and Ray Sturner. Your son needs to be in control of his own body. This video should help you be certain he is ready for that.

Good luck!
J.

he's so young. some boys will learn how to use the potty this young, but they're the rare cases, not the ones you expect your child to be like. back off, be patient, wait until he's ready. pushing very young children to potty train generally creates anxiety and a host of problems you really don't need.
khairete
S.

Hi - It doesn't sound like he's ready. We tried pushing our daughter to train at 2.5, and it didn't work. I'd back off, let him use diapers if he wants to, and then try again when he seems more interested. You'll save yourself a lot of frustration and laundry. :)

I just have to say this every time I hear the potty training question - if it's taking that long, he's not ready! I trained both of my girls in about a day - mostly because they were totally ready (I'm no miracle worker, and I don't claim to be the best mother either) One was 2 1/2 and the other was a week shy of being 3. Don't make this any more difficult on yourself than it has to be!! :)

Mom, are you , Dad and all caretakers reminding him consistently each hour to use the potty? this is important especially after waking and any snacks or meals too. Also make a chart with each day of the week and then divide the day into morning , afternoon and evening sections. Put the chart by the toilet at his eye level. Next reward him with a cute child friendly sticker on the chart and one for him on his shirt each time he goes. THey need to be a character he likes or very kid friendly, Wal-mart and Target have them by the party favor section, When your son gets 10 stickers on the chart give him a little inexpensive reward. Dollar store has lots of goodies for this. Try it for 2 wks and see what happens. if this doesnt work he may be too young. Good luck Mom

Here's another vote that he is too young. My son potty trained at closer to three years. My daughter just turned two and we haven't even really started in earnest. I take off her diaper and let her sit on the potty sometimes, but nothing has come out yet. When the time comes I recommend the cold-turkey method. Just swtich to underwear and be ready to clean up a few accidents. Until then practicing still helps them become ready.

Hi J...I just had to respond, because we JUST had our potty breakthrough yesterday with our son. He is 3 years 5 months. He didn't actually pee in the potty until he was 36 months and finally completed the poop stage yesterday. Eve that said, I realize it still may be a few more weeks until the diapers are endangered. I had been reading books, giving incentives (treats, stickers, etc) for months. Most of his peers have been using the potty for months now, if not over a year. But no matter when your son finally makes the jump, don't worry....he will go to high school potty trained! Good luck.