Potentiating Low Self Esteem or Encouraging Fitness and New Activities

You mention wanting to make contact with Deer Park and Elk area moms. You might find some help through Columbia Virtual Academy. I know they serve the Deer Par and Elk areas and, in addition to their educational services, they have an active parent group through Yahoo. Try the website

columbiavirtualacademy.org

L.

I don'tthink there is any reason to push him to be involved in sports. It sounds like sports is just not his thing. He doesn't have to be athletic. If he is haivng fun and wants to stay though, there is no reason he can't... even if he isn't the best one there. If he is being made fun of, then the activity is more hurtful than helpful. Be sure that you haven't drilled into him that boys have to do sports. That way you can assess whether he wants to go for you, or for himself. Ask him what he wants to do. Maybe he would rather take an art class, or swimming. Non-competetive activities like swimming may be a better idea so there isn't so much focus on who is better.

I would say with T-ball his behavior is totally normal! I didn't even know there was such a thing as wrestling for 6 year olds! But, then I just was a new class at our communty center for 4 year old tennis! They come up with new ones all the time! Soccer is a great idea. It is a really popular sport around here, with most kids all running in a pack at your sons age! I would also say that trying something more individual is a really good idea. Swimming lessons or gymnastics. My cousin wasn't able to play contact sports because of a health condition and his parents put him in swimming. He ended up being a very good competetive swimmer all the way through college. My husband was a small boy who was not very coordinated and his parents put him in several sports, but he found that he felt bad about his abilities not because of his parents, but because the coaches were really only interested in the kids who were really good. I would try and make sure that the coaches are modeling your own attitude that this is all about fun! My husband ended up loving boy scouts instead. He found a place where he had fun and fit in. Sometimes, it is just about finding the right activity that your child really enjoys.

You've done quite a bit to help your son. What he might need now is some time and space to really become his own person. At 6 not all children really have a great interest to be part of one sport much less a variety of sports. Kids do need time to just play and learn what they really like to do. I agree with another post that he just might be bored.

6 year olds have definite opinions and can express them very well. Talk to him about why he isn't listening. Don't make it an issue that he is doing something wrong. You might find out that he just doesn't like wrestling and might just need a break from organized activities. You can still do many things with him at home to ensure he still gets the physical activity he needs like takindg walks, riding bikes or scooters, or even just going to the park

Hi B.!

What a great job you are doing with Joseph!

I'm familiar with the area you're in because we have some property in Newport and plan to move there when we retire in a few years. We love it there!

I know how rural it is out there so there may not be as many options. If you want to try another team sport, Joseph is at a great age to start soccer. I highly recommend it! It's something Joseph can either practice with you or by himself with just a ball. Most of the kids at the younger ages just run around and kick at the ball, but over time skills are developed. Since everyone is playing at the same time soccer isn't as stressful as having everyone watching you when you're at bat or trying to catch a ball in baseball or when you're competing directly one on one against another person like in wrestling. The runnung also releases a lot of stress!

In addition to team sports, I was wondering if Joseph might like something more individual where he is mostly competing against himself - at least to begin with. We have friends in the area who were similarly trying to help their son improve his physical development. I was thinking of things like swimming, Tae Kwon Do, horsebackriding or even golf. (I know you tried Karate, but maybe something a different would work).

Joseph is very fortunate to have you as parents!

V.

So hard to know not knowing your son's personality but things I would consider were it my son -

Not paying attention during the teaching portion suggests he might be bored. Maybe look for activities that aren't worried about doing it right and more about just doing.

Not wanting to wrestle his partner could be he doesn't want to lose, doesn't want to do it wrong, doesn't want to get hurt or embarrassed. Maybe an activity that is more "by yourself" - swimming, gymnastics, would suit him better.

Our parks & rec has an obstacle-course class. So they're active, spending time with other kids, and learning to follow directions, take turns, challenge themselves, & encourage friends, but not worried about learning a sport.

We go to a great soccer class that is just about playing games with a soccer ball to develop skills but not about "playing soccer" with scoring goals and winners/losers. So they're learning but there's no "stand still, listen to a lecture" time.

Hi B.,

When he's playing outside, do you notice anything he seems to particularly enjoy? Like running, kicking, anything like that? I know what I'm trying to say, but I can't think how to put it....

My son, he liked batting, and hackey sack, kicking the ball, running, stuff like that. He did soccer for 3 years, and then grew out of it, did t-ball for 2 seasons, didn't like it, and basically, we just let it boil down to letting him ride his bike and play outside with the other kids. We would have encouraged sports if he'd shown interest, but he never did. Oh, he didn't like tae kwondo(sp?) either. Now, he's a gamer, and not into sports at all, and one would think he'd be overweight, but he's not. He actually swims at school everyday, and he loves that, so I guess you could say he's a swimmer, but not competitively.

Maybe with your son, either take him to the park/playground on good days and let him interact with the other kids, and do what he feels comfortable doing there. He'll more than likely find some kids there doing something he likes. Or, check out the "Y" and their kids' programs. They also have swim classes, and it's something you could consider getting him into.

Also, think about this: reality is some kids may be teased, probably all are at one point or another. There will be times when you can't control every situation, so even if you know it's happening, you may have to let him be exposed to it, just so he'll learn how to handle it. If you teach him value about himself, and self-esteem, then while their words might upset him, he can look at it as something wrong with them, not something wrong with him. The only time you should intervene, is if you know it's hurting him emotionally(irreparably) or physically. You should probably ask him if what they say bothers him enough to make him want to quit. Then maybe you should let him know that if what he's doing is something he really wants to do, then he needs to try, so he can make himself proud that he did his best. Then, if he's tried his best, and still does poorly, thenit's not for him. But also, you shouldn't make him stay in something that he really doesn't like or really can't do.

Find what he likes and what he can do. Every kid has something they like.

Good luck to your family, esp. your son. He's lucky to have you. :o)

K. W

I would not push the sports if he doesn't show interest. There are other non-group physical activities he can be doing to stay active. Like...walks, going to the park, some swimming etc.. But it sounds to me like he just enjoys the academics more, and that is okay. He is a thinker! Sounds like you have an amazing boy:-)

Perhaps he is in too many activities. Kids and adults need down time to just relax and not have to do anything. School plus three activies might be exhausting, even if he seems interested. It "feels" like we need to put kids in lots of activities because that's what "everyone else" seems to be doing, but it's not always good for kids (or those of us chauffering them around). John Rosemond (www.rosemond.com) is a parenting expert, and recommends one extra curricular activity at a time.

He is normal I coached T-ball last year all the boys were 5 and 6 years old and half of them could not stay focused to save their lives don't worry about it just hang in there and in another year or two he will have better attention span. they were laying down in the field during games, playing karate with the apposing team, they were doing practically everything but baseball it was quite amuzing I must say. so just find the one thing out of each event that he did ok and tell him how well he did don't focus on the other stuff. Oh and God bless you have a great week!=]

At this point since he is only 6 I wouldn't worry aabout it my child did sports and gymnastics and she would get bored easily with some of the activities especially t-ball she would sit or talk. that age is a hard age unless it is a sport that keeps their attention and keeps them busy they will be bored with parts of it. I would just wait a couple more times or even miss a practice just to see how bad he really wants to do it. If he doesn't miss the wrestling then maybe he isn't all that interested.

Despite his unfortunate beginnigs in life...it sounds like he's perfectly normal. Maybe try something more individual than wrestling and then ask him which one he likes better.

He sounds like he really needs to work on social skills and emotional intelligence. If other kids are laughing at him,it can be a sign he really needs work in these areas. At a parenting course, I learned that kids are really not capable of team sports until the 8-10 category. To do so before then is counterproductive. Focus on individual physical activities instead to work on motor skills. ie swimming, park visits and playing with you guys, toddler gym, playgroup, gymnastics, etc. I would also ask his teacher for insight.

Hi!
We are raising my nieces boys 5 & 7.We are in the process of finalizing our adoption.We are in our mid fortys.My husband has a daughter grown in Ohio. Our youngest Joey is alot like your Joe. Birth mom was a coke addict.We held off on wrestling this year because he is not ready. Last year we tried indoor soccer but too soon.He would play for 10 minutes or so and then pick up the ball and run away with it.Not A.D.H.D. but sensory intergration problems.Plus he was premature as well.What does your doctor say? Have you tried swimming? Joey is a fish in the water and loves it.We have a new YMCA in town and it has been great for him.These drug affected babies learn different.Hope I have helped some.Bless you and your husband. Joseph is lucky to have you.Good luck.
Take care,
P.