How to Get My Daughter More Involved

Another two cents worth. My son loved soccer but wasn't a great athlete so was always assigned halfback. He did a lot of goofing off also, but he really enjoyed it when he had an opportunity to get active in the game. He played soccer for several years and he liked it even though he never was really as engaged as some of the others. The only down side was that I got upset when the coach allowed him so little playing time (just one or two coaches--most realized that ALL the kids needed the opportunity to play). Some coaches are too focused on winning, in my opinion. I realize that in competition winning is important but when kids are young they need the opportunity to compete and not just sit on the sidelines.

she's absolutely normal! There are games/practices where we have a whole field of dirt-diggers!

After doing sports for the past 17 years, we've found that practice at home gets their interest up quicker than anything. It's that one-on-one training that teaches them what to look for & to become just a little bit competitive against us & themselves.

& here's a LOL: my younger son is 13, & sometimes, still wants to climb the netting than play goalie!

It's kind of early to tell. I would encourage you to work with her in the back yard with dribblig and stopping the ball...my son took soccer at a Kindergartner and had a love/hate relationship with it...liked the sport - didn't like the pushing, shoving and stealing the ball (didn't feel it was sportsmanlike because it goes against everything they've been taught...but that's the GAME). Anyway, I'd stick it out the season just because if you don't you are sending a message VERY LOUD AND CLEAR that quitting is ok and you can do it anytime you want. You committed to a team/league and your teammates will depend on you (trust me...this is REALLY important on game day when team members DON'T show up, it's exhausting to have to play a whole game at this age...we substituted out every 5 minutes in Kindergarten and played 3 on 3). My son may not have always LIKED soccer but he learned to stick it out for the season (we only had 6 on the team and lost one right off the bat). I told him it was ok by me if he never wanted to play soccer again but that his teammates and coach were counting on him participating, playing and supporting them.

Now, having said that I will say by her behavior she sounds like she might be better suited for individual sports (where she's only competing against herself). Have you considered swimming, gymnastics, dance, or even golf? My son has forgone soccer for swimming, gymnastics and Tae-Kwan-Do. Change out the Tae-Kwan-Do for dance and that's my daughter. Likewise both are interested in starting music lessons of some sort (piano, drums, guitar, etc.). I actually found a music teacher that would teach a 6 year old...some will, some won't...but at least you are exposing them to something else.

There are other ways to teach your daughter about competition, sportsmanship and teamwork OTHER than sports. It may just not be her bag... I know it certainly wasn't mine. Likewise, the little league stuff is good to try and usually short enough that you aren't investing a lot of money in something if they don't show an interest or aptitude. You might also check out your local YMCA...ours has Lil' Dribblers & Lil' soccer which is mostly run indoors and is just the basics...a teaser if you will to teach them how the to dribble, pass, etc. No special shoes or uniforms are needed...just come as you are.

Keep in mind that there are A LOT of parents out there that are really sports minded people. Some friends of my son are in EVERY sport known to man AND hunt and fish with their Dad and they are only 6 & 8. The kids are darn near experts at everything they do because their parents have done these things with them since they started walking. Mom does YOGA with them so they are super flexible and they play ball at a level that is at least 3 grades higher than they are now. Don't gauge your daughter against these kinds of people...you're just starting out...give her some time to adapt but likewise, practice with her so she doesn't feel like the oddball out in not knowing or understanding what needs to be done.

There's always one daydreamer on a team, it seems, and my son has always been that one, heh. The first time he played a team sport, all he did was dig in the dirt in the outfield. But he's gotten a couple seasons under his belt, and he pays attention now (mostly). It just took him a while to get with the program. He's always had fun, tho, and really wants to be out there, so I keep signing him up. Your daughter will catch on, too. Just keep her focused before and after, and make sure she's having fun. Good luck!

Have her finish out the season, since you paid for everything already, but maybe try her in something different. She may not be interested in soccer right now. She may be more artsy and like dance instead. If you want her to be competitive, find a studio with a competitive dance team. Basketball season starts later on in the year, she may rather do that. Or she may not be interested in sports. I wasn't at that age, but was more interested in cheerleading. There are many thing for her to try like gymnastics. She can start that at any time during the year. Just some thoughts. Good luck and God Bless.

Hi A., i would give her more time. Why don't you and hubby practice at home between games and practice time. Get her used to chasing the ball and kicking back and forth. Make it fun though don't make it seem like a punishment or something she has to get right, right Now. Takes time to learn a sport or game and some children are embarrassed to be in spotlight so to speak.

When Our son's were in T-ball there was a coach for another team that I came to really dislike. To get his little guys to hit the ball off the Tee he would tell them to pretend it was their sisters head and hit it hard.. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

We had the daisy & dandelion pickers,cloud watchers, that just kids. Give her some time A. she will either really like it or not.

God Bless
K. Nana of 5

Honestly, I'm surprised to hear that more kids aren't daydreaming. That's always been close to half of our kids teams at that age. I would encourage her to stick with it for the season. She'll catch on and get more involved. Practicing with her at home to develop skills will help, too. You don't want to pull her out, though. That will just teach her that its ok to quit if something is hard or if you don't like/get it right away. Teaching her to work thru challenges and stick with something, like a season of a sport, are great life lessons, too.

Soccer just might not be her sport! But don't get disappointed if nothing is really her sport either! We tried soccer with our daughter when she was 4 and 5 and both times she was completely uninterested. We got out there and practiced with her, her grandpa did too as he had coached soccer for years and one of his sons played professionally. She just didn't like it. She tried softball next and didn't really like that either. Then she did pre-competitive swimming for 3 seasons. I found out this last summer she hates swimming! She is playing volleyball now and she decided that's her sport. But I realized this summer that if she doesn't choose a sport...that's okay! Not all kids have athletic ability. Sometimes their interest lies elsewhere and as long as they know they can do anything they set out to do and you will love them no matter what, they'll be okay. She loves riding her bike, jumping on the trampoline, walking, skipping rope so she is getting exercise. But she's also very creative, loves to read, write, sing, put on plays, dance and be silly. Your daughter will figure out what she likes to do and encourage her to do it well. She'll turn out okay!

A., don't worry about her. Our daughter, who is now 12, was the same way. We would find her visiting with another child the majority of the game, or simply wandering around admiring the clouds. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with her, she just isn't "into it". Keep trying different activities and sports and you will find one she likes. But also remember that not all people enjoy competing. Our daughter loved ice skating and was great at it. But once she was jumping and her coach started trying to get her to compete, she completely lost interest. The same thing happened with swim team. She loved practices, swam faster than all the other kids, but didn't like the meets. Now she plays volleyball and now that she is on a team with her friends, together they are highly competitive against the other teams. So they're all just different and your daughter will find what she loves eventually.

Sorry, I had to laugh. This sounds exactly like me (and most of the rest of the girls on my softball team) at that age. We'd be chasing butterflies, making flower bracelets, talking, etc. And I was a tomboy! I remember my dad (who was a coach) yelling, "Come on girls, this isn't the Ladies Aide Society!" I played softball through middle school, and still play co-ed slow pitch. I love team sports and am very competitive.

For your daughter, if the other kids have been playing for a year already, they might be a little more into it and focused, but that will come for her. If she says she doesn't like soccer or seems unhappy there, then I'd try to find something else for her to do. Otherwise, I think you're doing just fine. :)

A.,

Not only did my daughter chase butterflies, etc., she refused to wear shin guards and tennis shoes so she wore her black Mary Jane's to all of her games. She never did like the sport and found that dance was more up her alley. Now going into her 10th year of dancing, glad we tried sports (volleyball, basketball, soccer) but have found her true passion. Your daughter will find hers, too. Hang in there!

In first grade our son went to a private school, refused to play soccer but we did convince him to play baseball. His coach constantly yelled across the field, "Alex get up" Alex loved to bat but in outfield he would sit or just lay down, it was funny to me at the time, we tried every sport imaginable, in 5th grade he finally found wrestling to his liking! You can try her on many sports, let her decide what she wants to do,camps are a great way to experience all the different sports options. Good Luck

Hi A., I wouldn't quite just yet, I'd have her finish this season, she may improve with time or soccer may not be her thing. But I know that we never let our kids quit anything they signed up for, they have to finish since the team is counting on them. Talk to her to see if anything else instrest her. My girls tried t-ball and hated it, but they love to dance. So we do dance, one just does regular old dancing and the older one started with competitive dance this year. They still learn team work, working together and confidence plus they get to dress up in the costumes. But my younger one has said that she wants to do Karate, so I guess once dance is done she's going to try that. So I would just make some suggestions, if there is something she is interested in see if one of the local clubs/schools that offer lessons will let her sit in on a couple to see if she really wants to do it. Or like our dance school offers a dance camp each summer that is only like 5 classes, so a lot of new kids try that out before signing up for the year. Good luck!

It may be a bit early to tell with her, but not all kids get interested in sports. We tried to have my daughter on the soccer team for several years, and she was the same way for a good part of each season. Turns out, she only wanted to play because her best friend was playing as well. My son tells me every year, very seriously, that he does not want to play any sport, then changes his mind after we have missed the deadline for signups. All of my siblings were into sports, but I hated them. I played T-ball and softball a couple of years, but I dreaded every game. I was more into the arts, particularly music and acting. My advice would be to give her the opportunity to try anything that she wants to try, but don't force her into anything. My dad wanted all of us to be athletic, and I simply wasn't. The more he wanted it, the less I wanted it. He didn't hide his disappointment in my interests, either. She may come around to sports, but don't put so much emphasis on it that she will feel like a disappointment to you if she just has no interest.
Please don't take that as me saying you are forcing her to do something that she doesn't want to do. I'm not presuming that you are like that. I see a lot of parents put such an emphasis on sports, especially in middle and high school, that academics go out the window and the overall student performance drops a lot with each generation. I believe that some kind of teamwork and that socialization is very important to every kid, but they need to decide what form that interaction will be in. Let her try out as many things as you can put her into, and if possible, let her try it more than once. Soccer, baseball, gymnastics, whatever. She may no be interested now, but that isn't to say in a couple of years she wouldn't be.
Again, I hope I didn't come of as offensive to you. She will find her hobby before you know it.

One more thing Mom-I hear you are looking for something for you yes you! Team sportsd come with many parents to play with and make a name for and with your self and family-now if you are interested in sports then find a team for you to play in-there are many adult teams out there and yes they are lots of fun. Your children will do well in their own space and really do not need to do things-unless they tell you they are interested in something. There are classes for art, dance, music, writing yes even for first graders and what about foreign languages? Spanish, French? more yes much more. If you are lacking for friends try a Brownie troop for your daughter and get active as a leader. Kids really love to have their families in touch-but not too close-give them space and let their imaginations run-this is healthy for them. Good luck Mom and i hope youlook into something for your self-did you consider volunteering in her classroom when you have a day? That is the most special Mom ever!!! I know I did it and they all love you and guess what there are other Moms there too. Go for it and have some fun before they grow up and tell you they didn't like that "sport" or whatever much later.

Actually, your daughter's actions are pretty normal for playing for the first time at her age. The other kids probably have been playing for a couple of years already, as a lot of kids now start soccer or baseball around 3 or 4 y/o. Encourage her to participate, but remember, she may not be the sports type.

My first question would be: Did you ask her what she wants to do? You might find that she would be more interested in the activity if you get her input. I have watched tons of parents who have signed their kids up for activities and the kid is not interested. It's a waste of time and money. Not to mention the frustration the parents and the kids experience because the parent picked the wrong activity. Remember at this age fun is the most important part of the activity. It is obvious that your daughter could be some place else when it comes to soccer. There are other activities that she could be in that will teach her teamwork. Such as dance or gymnastics.

My children were the same way. They are now 9 and 7 and very avid sports players. They would dance, play in the dirt, turn flips.... just having a fun ole time. And yes, some of that was due to boredom. I do not think you should let your child give up. You payed for this years soccer. You should never let a child just "give up". You should not have to push them either. But I think, as a rule, you need to make your daughter finish out the soccer season. If you take her out, she will begin to learn a bad habit of quitting something just because she doesn't want to do it anymore.

I coach a Kindergarten girls team, my daughter likes to do cartwheels on the field, I have another player that enjoys getting tangled in the goalie net, and two others I can't put on the field at the same time becasue they like to hold hands. I think that all of the girls have their moments, you just don't notice them because your focus is on your child. I have always made my children stick out whatever we try for the first year/season whatever we signed up for. I have noticeed in coaching with each practice/game the girls pay a little bit more attention. I would say stick it out and if she tells you she really does not like it don't sign up again. Good luck to you:)

Soccor, or any sport, maynot be her thing. My daughter really didn`t care for t-ball, but I made her finish the season. She liked picking the grass and playing in the dirt. I would suggest Girl Scouts. My oldest daughter is now a Cadette and loves it!

Hi! I have a first grader too! :) We did the same thing this past summer only with T-ball and we had a whole team of daydreaming dirt diggers! LOL I think it is completely normal at this age, and that by sticking with these kind of activities - as she matures, she'll naturally progress into more involvement.

Just my two cents... I wouldn't worry quite yet though! Good Luck!

I would say allow her to be herself. It sounds like you put her in soccer because you thought it would be good for her. Maybe she doesn't like it. What's wrong with a child chasing bugs? Maybe she'll grow up to be a biologist. Allow her to be herself instead of focusing on how she should be like others.

K.