I am the mother of 9 year old triplets sons. They were born 12 weeks prematurely & 1 of them stays at home (he has a brain injury). The other 2 entered kindergarten 2 weeks after their 5th birthday. They were in a good daycare prior to entering school.
Baby A showed some signs of difficulty with Math in the very beginning while Baby B simply excelled in all academics. Last year, 3rd grade, Baby A began the process of testing for learning disablitilites which was a year long process in out system. It was also our 1st experience with the EOGs. The EOGs are separate Reading/Math tests that are given at the end of the year that cover basically everyskill set taught for that grade level. If the child failed, they get 1 retake and then if they still failed, the teacher would have to request a Waiver if they had a "C" average or better. Otherwise, they would be retained. Baby B passed both tests the 1st time. Baby A didn't pass and had to be retested. Baby A failed again and while his grades had improved significantly in the last half of the year (resources were added), the teacher still recommended that we hold him back in 3rd grade. The results of the Learning Disabilities were compiled and he was determined to not have a disability but would get some resources based on his ADHD so we wrote an IEP that included modified testing,etc. During this time, I had requested a Waiver (snce the teacher wouldnt recommend it) and had to go in front of a panel of (usually 4) but in my case, 7 county staff members. There were 4 teachers(from other schools, etc but incl Baby A's), our principal & the Director of EC from the County Board. They went into the room with Baby A's folder and after about 10 minutes, I was invited in. I was asked to explain my position for this request and so I did. I had his previous reports, showing imrpovements with only 1 yearly average of "D" (math) as well as Dr. Letter explaining her position on retention, etc. I BEGGED, PLEADED, CRIED, all but offered these people my right arm - I explained to them that Multiples are mostly competitive in nature from the Womb and they tend to always be that way. Although, I never compare them or allow others to compare them, Baby A sees that Baby B excels & tries to find things that he is better at than Baby B (beit a video game or whatever). We offer praise for all their achievements, however, they know which one is the Leader and the Follower in most things. I explained it just like that. I told them that Baby A would be traumatized if you held him in a different grade than Baby B. He would suffer in more ways than a math book could offer assistance with - its spiritual with them. Its very hard to understand if you dont parent multiples. This group just continued to disagree with me as Retention was already set in their minds and it was not gonna be changed by a mother who was not a part of the educational system. I do believe in the importance of education as I have an Assoc. Degree in Business and Bachelor Degree in Accounting/Finance. However, I also believe that there needs to be more education of "Multiples & Development" within the School System. I left that meeting after about 45 minutes of pleading and I could hardly SEE to drive. My heart throbbed for my Baby. He was sooo stressed about that test and failing his grade and he knew already that Baby B had passed the 1st time so I couldnt tell him that he failed, I couldnt. They had a ball game that evening and I went to the park momentarily but had to leave b4 Baby A noticed me. I slept NONE that night and at 7am the following morning, I was at the BOA waiting for them to open. I requested/demanded (I wasnt leaving) to see the Superintendant. The Director of Academics was actually wh I need to see and he was in another office across town so the Admin called and left him a message indicating the importance of his return call as I was NOT leaving til talekd to someone. He called back & when I got to the phone, I started the convo with I have twins at MPL school - he immediately cut me off and said, I thought they were triplets. I said they are but only 2 attend Public School and you must have already heard my story & he said he had received 3 calls notifying him that I would be there that morning. he said to write an appeal and submit it to him so I did and the Retention was overturned and Baby A was moved forward. We are now at the ned of the 4th grade and while he still struggled some along the way with math, he passed the EOG the 1st time. He learns at a slower rate but there is no RETENTION fix for that, he would have to be given an extra year for every grade level if that was the case. Retention would have demolished this kid and I know that. One thing is certain, he can be given extra work (as we did all year) to help him along but he can NEVER get that year back and to a twin/multiple, I think that would carve a monster in the relationship with each other and it would tear down the any confidence the kid had at all... I know this 1st hand and I would look at the long term effects of retention... In NC, you can Only retain a child in the same grade once (2 years total) - it busy them time but nothing more. I know my BABY A was Successful this year & he still to this day has no idea that he failed the 2nd EOGs last year or that I had to Fight, CRY, BEG and APPEAL anything on his behalf - given him the credit has boosted his very own little confidence... Just my thoughts / experience...