Twins: One Is Ready to Start kindergarten...Not Sure That the Other Twin Is.

I know of two families with b/g twins that, at some point in school, had to retain the boy....

I would think that if you are concerned about it now, that it would be easiest to separate them now and retain the boy, possibly enrolling him in a different preschool.

It would be easier to do that now, rather than several years down the road when the school work gets considerably tougher.

You are wise to be thinking about that now.....

I would send them together. Kindergarten is a year of growth. You can re-evaluate this time next year.

I am a teacher that has a twin in class. His twin sister is one grade ahead of him. He was just not ready. Honestly, I didn't even know they were twins until the sister told me! I think it was a good move on the mom's part. I teach older grades and he repeated kindergarten. He just wasn't ready and she was.

I have also been in a situation with twin boys where one was ready to go on and the other wasn't. The parents would not let the one repeat K or 1st grade. By the time I got him in second grade he had fallen farher behind AND had some self esteem issues. Even though they were placed in different classrooms for 1st and 2nd he knew that his brother was doing better than he was and he was still struggling. I WISH that the parents would have let him repeat K (or even 1st) so that he could feel successful. It hurt me to hear him talk about all the things his brother could do knowing that he was comparing himself to his brother.

I would ask yourself: If my son was NOT a twin, would I have him wait? If your answer is, "Yes", then have him wait for K.

We have twin boys in our family, and one thing that has stuck in my mind since the day they came home was something my Dad said, "They're two separate human beings, we don't compare them." They always had separate clothing, toys and birthday cakes :)

And when they went to kindergarten, they never attended preschool, it was evident they were different in maturity, one was socially and emotionally immature. His teacher and principal recommended he repeat kindergarten, and his twin move on. My Mom was very upset at separating the two, but Dad pointed out they were two separate people, each deserving of what was best for them. They ultimately decided to hold one back and let the other move on, and it seriously was never a problem. They attended the same schools, were not in the same school two years, but it didn't matter as twins were always in different classes anyway.

Now that pre-K programs are available (separate from preschool) I'd definitely enroll them both in such a program and see how that goes. Schools have become increasingly more aware of children's needs and may indeed recommend he repeat kindergarten if he goes in the fall, another year before kindergarten may help him mature, the extra year my brother spent in kindergarten definitely helped him get to the level he needed to be at.

I would discuss the situation both with their current school and with the kindergarten. In this case, I would lean toward keeping him back if he really needs it. Friend of mine has a son just a few weeks younger than my DD. Both August babies. She's holding her son back. DD is going to K. I realize it's harder with twins, but I think you have to look at them as independent people and not just a set.

Sorry it's not first hand experience but I know someone with boy girl twins. The girl started, the boy didn't. She said it was kind of hard but it's worked out for the best. They're in 2nd and 3rd now. The boy is also super tall but she doesn't regret having him wait. I think with boy girl it's easier bc people know often boys don't mature as quickly. When she told me, I didn't think "oh, the son must not be bright". I thought typical holding boy back and likely the smart thing to do.

My husband is a twin and his response is always to keep the twins together. Separating twins for their own good is a prejudice singletons have against twins, for whatever reason. Kindergarten teachers see kids at all levels and your children's teacher will know how to deal with it. As long as they're kindergarten age, I'd send them together.

I haven't read all of the answers you have received but w/that I just wanted you to hear from someone who was in that situation up close. I am a girl and I have a twin brother. My parents told me that they had the same hard decision when it came time to put us in Kindergarten, I was ready to go but my brother was not. They didn't want to separate us in 2 different grades so they started us the same year w/the hopes that he would catch up but if not then they would have held him back, they just didn't want to not give him that chance. Turns out that he did catch up to me and turns out he even did better then me that year and the rest of the school years.LOL It's just that boys do take a little bit more time to mature. At the end of the day though it is you guys decision and what is best for him, each kid is different and only you can make that call. GOOD LUCK and I am sure you will make the right decision in the end. O and we had July birthdays so we were summer babies and were 2 of the youngest in the class to start off.

When is their birthday? Are they summer babies? If so, talk to their current teacher as well as the school they would be attending and get some reccomendations. I am not saying this is the case with your son, but many parents hold their kids back thinking a year of maturity will help, but in actuality, there may be something going on with the kids (ADHD, speech issues, ASD) that could have been addressed by the school early on and the kid never "outgrew it".

I would start kindergarten with both of them. In my sons class we have kids who are reading at 2nd grade level.. kids that cant read.. kids that act like adults and kids that cry every day..

there is a huge range of development in kinder..just because he is not ready right now.. does nto mean he wont be ready in September... or wont mature throughout kinder and be totally ready for first grade the following year.

I would try it.. he might surprise you.. boys are not girls.. I have a boy and a girl.. my girl is 18 months older.. but she is so much more mature she acts 4 years older...

put them in different classes. my friends twin boys are like that and she had to have them in different classes. maybe have him evaluated for add.
your kids have very different personalities. your son may need more help then your daughter does.

I have twins and had that exact situation where my son was ready first but his sister was not. He was the outgoing child, friendly to everyone and was reading in kindergarten when his sister had no interest in the alphabet, putting words together, much less reading, and stuck to her brother like glue. They are December babies and missed the school cutoff by a few days and i was contemplating applying foe them to start early since he was ready, but chose to wait a year until she was more mature. So we chose to have them start at the same time, because we knew if we started him first, that would impact her self esteem and self confidence growing up. We are so glad we made that decision. We had them in separate classes to ease the transition, and have kept them separate ever since. They still hang around each other, and as they got older, he does his boy thing with his friends and she does her girl thing with her girlfriends. They have a lot of common friends, everyone knows theyre twins, and they are still very close even they are in different classes. They are now 10 and they are both thriving in school. He's still very book smart but she's the one who's street smart, and they keep each other in check.

Good luck in your decision. As you can tell, I'm advocating for them to start together and it's ok for them to be the older ones in class as they'll be more mature. In fact, so many parents are being conservative about the start dates for their kids that in our school, there are at least 10 kids older than mine in class. So my advice is, no rush. Best to you.

Does your school district offer a TK (Transitional Kindergarten) program? That might help you in your dilema.

I would try to get them into some more situations similar to school where they can practice their school skills- sitting still, listening quietly, following directions, etc. Story time at the library? Sunday school? At home, I would play games like Simon Says to encourage careful listening. Give them activities that develop their fine motor skills (like threading beads or using tweezers to put dry beans into a soda bottle) and gross motor skills, like kicking a ball to each other.

At your twins' age, kids develop quickly and school is still months away. Does your school conduct a kindergarten screening or evaluation before school starts? Kindergarten teachers expect to see a range of kids at all levels of maturity and somehow they manage to get them all to a similar level by the end of the school year.

I would send him with his sister and give him the chance to rise to the occasion.

I think it would be hard not to compare one twin against the other. When you are comparing boys and girls, it's apples and oranges. If they had different preschool teachers, I would have an easier time seeing that they were individually evaluated for K. I don't think we have made the case for either decision!

I do not have twins. But it is only May. September is 4 months away which is a very long time at that age. Have you considered Montessori for them?

What an interesting quesition and what intersting answers you have gotten.
My experience in this instance is as a preschool teacher for 8 yrs. actually had a class with 2 sets of triplets in it one year. and also as a mom with a summer bday boy and a winter girl 18 months apart.

The key to my answer is going to be your DD's personality. I think there is no question in my mind that YES you should wait a year to send DS to kindergarten, and I am of the philosophy that having a child evaluated for any sort of special needs is a win win, either you find out what the problem is and can start to fix it or there is no problem. so win win.

I obviously haven't observed your son so i don't know if maturity is the only issue or if there might be a bit more that might be something to check into. If he can pay attention to a book, or puzzle or building with blocks when he Wants too then he is probably fine. but you would know best if there might be a bit more to it and either the school or your dr can help you out.

SO i definately say wait with him, As for DD unless she is uber confident and uber genius, I don't see it hurting her to wait a year as well. If she isnt' overly percocious i think she would be fine and you really don't need to worry about her being "bored". The teachers would give her reading material that fits her level. and if she is that mature she would make a great role model for the younger kids in the class. and probably have a blast. not to mention life would be much easier for you logistically. I personally feel separating them into different classes would probably be a good idea so they aren't competing for friends, honors etc, they would still see each other at recess and lunch etc. The one poster whose husband was a twin and comented differently was interesting i usually don't hear that perspective.

So my vote is to hold them both back as long as it is reasonable considering birthdays etc. I see that scenerio less emotionally harmful for both than advancing one at this stage.

If it helps, when i was deciding to hold back my late july Smarty boy. several people told me how yes he would be advanced for while but by 6th grade when it was time to learn all new stuff having the year of emotional maturity would be better for him. than worring about him being bored in kinder. It's a new playing field in middle school and I htinkw e made the right choice, he is in 3rd right now and being bored has never been an issue he gets to go to a gifted type program once a week he gets to read at his level and it's all good.

Good luck with what ever you decide. I hope you have some twin resources like message boards or community groups that can help you decide.

I don't.
I just wanted to offer my view that K really IS the great leveler.
Kids get up to the same skill set throughout K.
If you wait a year, your daughter might be beyond bored.
If they go now, together, I'd bet your son will greatly progress throughout the year.
Good luck, whatever you decide!

How old are they? If they started this year would they be on the younger side? If it came down to it, rather then start him if he is not ready, if I wanted to keep them together I would wait to start her.

You don't mention when their birthday is. You also don't mention if they are in the same class for pre-school, or separate.

I have a friend who is opposite. Her son was ready but his twin sister wasn't. Her son started school and the sister attended so type of classes to help with her learning skills.

At our school, twins/triplets are placed in to separate classes within the same grade. This is to help each child be treated as an individual.

If they are late birthday's, say August, I would probably consider holding the son back. Can you arrange a meeting with the Kinder school to have the kids evaluated separately?

Is there a way to have them attend separate summer camps to help them be more independent?

My niece is an August birthday. Her private school told her parents that she wasn't ready for public school Kinder. They should enroll her in THEIR private Kinder where she would more personalized attention. Long story short, a few months in to the school year, the private school said that she was not progressing well. Her parents didn't agree, transferred her to public Kinder and she is thriving! She is loving her teacher, classmates and the bus ride!

Firstly, I have twins, but I haven't encountered this yet as my boys are just turning four this summer. But I do have an older boy in Kindergarten and I can tell you that boys and girls are very different when it comes to school! Boys progress slower and are socially behind girls when it comes to school. They do not have the attention spans that girls have when it comes to sitting still and doing work so girls often fair much better in Kindergarten than boys do. Ask any education professional or teacher - boys are never as ready as girls when it comes to school. (My mother was an elementary school teacher and special ed teacher for years, so we've talked a lot about education). Attention aside, boys also don't have the fine motor skills that girls have, so writing, drawing, etc., will usually appear much better from a girl of the same age. Boy often have social problems in Kindergarten.
I'm using my own son's class as an example when I say that all of the teacher's "special projects" are with the boys in her class. She has one that won't sit down in his seat, one that bear hugs people, and my son who speaks out of turn and still throws tantrums at six. Sigh. Those are just a few examples, but I can tell you that academically, all of those three boys were ready for school. They just weren't socially ready. My own son excels academically, so our problems are just with his behavior. It's the end of the school year and he's gotten so much better. We've worked really hard with the teacher to change his behavior and teach him what's appropriate and what's not. The hugger in his class was reading well before Kindergarten so was also academically ready. He's a very bright boy and his parents are also working hard with the teacher to change his behavior.
That said, you really can't compare your boy-girl twins with each other when it comes to school. But the good news is, boys catch up and so your son will be fine. If you take the time to talk to your son's teacher and to the school at the beginning of the year, you will be ahead of the game. Schools are well equipped to deal with these issues and have a variety of resources to help you as a parent help your child with any struggles. I would do yourself a favour and put them both in the same school in separate classes. Remember, Kindergarten teachers went to school to learn how to educate boys and girls of all types. They are well aware that boys don't have the attention spans of girls and that they need catching up. I'm new to California, but I thought it was policy that once a child enters school he or she keeps moving forward, at least throughout elementary school and can't repeat a grade.
Lastly, as a mother of twins, I would strongly recommend against holding one back as this will always be a bone of contention for him. He will always feel like his sister is smarter and ahead of him. Twins have even more competition than siblings because they are "expected" to be at the same level by society so singling out your son may just cause self esteem problems in the future.
That's my two cents and I hope it helps with your decision. I also suggest you talk to the school board and a few teachers about your concerns before you make up your mind. Best of luck.

Hello Twins,
I know you requested information from people/mothers who may have had to deal with similar issues, and I myself do not have twins, but I do have children. One male and one female who are quite close, yet as different from each other as a snow storm and a heat wave.
Anyways, I wanted to give you what little insight I could offer regarding your current situation, just in hopes that maybe it will bring you some peace in the matter. So here it is: You alone know your children best. (And of course the teacher in question knows how she operates her classroom.) In spite of any hesitancy, I think you should start them both at the same time and in the same class. (Or different classes if the school is large enough.) If it doesn't work, you can always change course. Even with different takes on the world around them, they both may just thrive. These two children have been together from the beginning, right? So if one of them struggles, who better to help the other? They probably do that quite a bit already. Having different personalities is a beautiful thing and I'm sure they'll both do just fine. After all, they're your children and you're doing great. Your concern is your proof. Good luck and great blessings-to you and your twins! :)