last night i got a text from my fiances mom saying, youre invited to my cousin E's baby shower right, did you rsvp, and i hope you didnt buy a gift yet because we are going to put you on the group gift my mom and i got. E is my fiances grandmothers nephews wife .. ive only met her once and him maybe 3 times so i dont even really know them. I responded to her text and was like no i wasnt invited, i didnt even know she was pregnant much less havign a baby shower. So she replys with well they are having issues with the amount of people who were invited an that 5 of my fiances cousins (his aunts kids) all of whom would be the only ones i really knew there besides his mom and grandmother arent going to the shower. I told future MIL that i wasnt aware of it and fiance never mentioned it either.. and she says well i thought i had mentioned to him and "supposedly" you were invited... "supposedly" .. is exactly how it was written in the text... fiance walks in the kitchen and i asked him about it and it reeally pissed him off.. he started texting his mother and basically he thinks its b.s. we barely know them and the he knows damn well we werent invited and its just now that people arent going that shes saying she sent me an invite and that he thinks my name shouldnt be on the gift.. He thinks its insulting because everyone, all the people that arent going, are going to have their name on the group gift and that its like well they arent going so just throw their names on there too. A little while later i get a text from his mom saying whats wrong with Mr. Pissy.. and i was like i have no idea all i did was ask if he knew about it and he got all mad. Im guessing theres something else bothering him about it. Bottom line is that #1 i dont think i was ever invited and theyre just saying that now. #2 im not going. Fiances mom was like well my mom and i are coming down by you guys that morning so you can still come... yeah i dont think so .. thoughts??
--supposedly the cousin E, sent me an invite in the mail.. but it was only mentioned after the fact of multiple people saying they could not attend... my fiance swears his mom never said anything to him about it and he didnt know she was pregnant either... he just pissed off about the whole situation... i told his mom i didnt know why he was mad because i hate being the between person with the two of them.. she can just ask him why hes so pissed and not me
---By The Way.. this party is a week from saturday.. nothing like waiting til last minute
It sounds rude, and a bit like gift-grubbing, but when someone is rude, it calls for a exceptionally classy response. Either say, "I'm so sorry, we have another commitment, congratulations anyway" or come and bring a small, modest gift. Or don't come and send a small, modest gift.
If you don't respect this person, why do you want to get into a big pile of drama with her?
this post gives me a headache!
I agree, pick up the phone. Say that you were invited, fiance's mom should have know better than to send the invite through her son instead of contacting you directly. Doesn't she know that as soon as guys here 'baby shower', they shut down and hear nothing?
My response would be to ask them to not put your name on the group gift, don't go, and don't be offended one way or another, because even if you had gotten the original invite, you wouldn't go.
I suggest that your finance turned this into a drama. All you had to say was no you weren't invited and thanks for the thought but you don't know them and won't be going. Period.
Sounds like whoever did the invites was not organized and/or there are too many "cooks" in the mix. It's no big deal. Just say, thank you but no thank you.
Oh boy...triangling.
Please do whatever you have to do to STOP being the go-between. Tell her "you'll have to talk to Fiancee about it," and tell Fiancee, "You'll have to talk to your mom about it." Then step out of the situation. No more texting back and forth, no more asking or answering questions for them.
Also, if my MIL had texted me "What's wrong with Mr. Pissy," I would have said something to make it clear that she should not expect any negative talk about him from ME. The correct response is not to feed into it. Something like, "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk about my husband like that. He is upset and has every right to be. If you are concerned, you should call and talk to him. As for me, please do not put me on the gift for the baby shower, because I will not be attending. I have other plans. Thanks."
Last minute invites to bulk up the attendance list and/or the # of gifts... gotta love 'em! I think your man needs to get over it. You guys have plans, don't you remember? ;-p.
Even if you got an invite, no one dictates whether you go our not and especially what gift to bring or not bring. Odd to me that hubby took it so bad. There must be something more (that perhaps has nothing to do with the party and has more to do with family dynamics) that is ticking him off. He needs to deal with it by talking to his mom and not put you between them. Just tell them you can't make it, no excuses needed and tell her you'll send Cousin E your regards later and you don't need to be a part of the family gift (I'm assuming they want everyone to pitch in?).
This is why people need to pick up the phone and talk vs texting, IMO. It sounds to me that that got a gift they plan to split x number of ways and if people bow out, they need other people to fill in.
The way I deal with group gifts is that I don't pony up til I have more info. If they buy something I cannot afford my share of, that puts me in a tight spot. I also don't send money til I'm sure it's a sure thing. One of my relatives has done that a couple of times "oops, we didn't get it" and then I'm scrambling for a gift and have to tell her not to cash the check or send me my money back. This time I waited til they had the TV in hand and gave them my share THEN.
You told her you have no idea, but that's a lie, right? You know he's upset about how it all went down and he feels disrespected. So maybe instead of "I don't know" say, "You should call him and talk to him yourself."
Bottom line is you don't really know her and you're not attending. So she can't dictate what gift you provide, if any. I'd RSVP my regrets and ask not to be included in the gift.
What's wrong w/ people anymore???
If you barely know her, and did not receive a formal invite, then NO I wouldn't go. I agree w/ your fiance that it sounds like they are trying to "drumb up" people to come.
It's ridiculous! I would just graciously decline and wish the expecting mom well :)
