How Do You Handle an Unwanted Invitiation

Just decline. NOT a big deal. They probably think "it is better to invite people than to "slight" people."

You're more annoyed than you need to be ;) Some family members send cards to EVERYONE because if they don't, someone will feel slighted. Just rsvp NO, w/a little congrats note, and maybe send a card. No need to send a gift to someone you don't know/don't see.

I received a graduation announcement for a cousin I hadn't seen in decades. It was clearly just a request for a gift, so I was annoyed, too. I sent a congratulations card and left it at that.

I would just politely decline and leave it at that. If you want, send a card, but you're not obligated to send a gift.

Im sure someone was worried about leaving any family member out, so you got an invite. You are free to send your rsvp saying you wont be able to attend, and wish them well.

If your stepmom is like my mom, when it comes to Graduations and Weddings, she feels that EVERY family member should be sent an invite so as to not cause any family drama...

Just decline the invite.

Gift is not necessary unless you are planning to attend. If you respond with your "regrets" that you will not be attending, then no gift will be anticipated (or at least it shouldn't be anticipated, lol). But please DO respond with your regrets so that the hostess can plan accordingly.

That's pretty cut and dry. If I don't know someone enough to want to go, I just rsvp with a "Congratulations on your wonderful news! I won't be able to make it to your shower, but my best wishes are with you" and that is all. Nothing else needed or expected. They probably don't even know you were invited (noone throws their own shower, so I'm sure someone just got your info out of a contacts/address book somewhere). Don't sweat it!

I'm a little surprised at your reaction, too. Your stepmom may be simply trying to find ways to tie the family together – that's important to some people. If it's not for you, just graciously decline the invitation. I doubt that the gift police will come after you if you don't give a present.

It's weird I know. Sometimes people really think they are doing you a favor by inviting you to an event (baby shower, wedding shower, wedding, etc.) but sometimes they do it out of respect. Think of it this way, if they invited your step mom's other children (if she has any) and NOT you, there are some people that would get torqued off for being 'excluded', right? (No saying you---but it happens all the time and that's how family arguments start...)
And I gotta say...I probably would chip in with someone or send a small gift.

It all depends upon your definition of 'family'. I don't like terms like 'step' or 'half' when it comes to parental figures or siblings. Your stepmom married your dad and like it or not you became a member of HER family. You should feel lucky that HER nephew (he's your dad's nephew too) wanted you to be involved in a celebration in his life. In my opinion you need to be a little more open and accept these people into your life and into your heart. Love should always multiply---never divide.

When you RSVP, you decline "Sorry but I won't be able to attend" and that is the end of that.
You do not have to send a gift or a card.

I think you stepmom is just trying to include you in her family. (we don't know how long she has been your SM and what kind of relationship you have.) Unless there is really bad feelings between you, send a very nice glad, wish them well and express your regrets that you can't attend. You don't have to give a reason.
edit:
"glad" was supposed to be "card"

If you don't *really* know them, then you are under no obligation to attend or to send a gift.... if it comes up, just say something like "You are so sweet to invite me.... I already have plans for that afternoon, but congratulations on the pregnancy!" and leave it at that. I wouldn't stress about it :)

Your reaction is out of line, you only need to RSVP that you will not attend. Do not send a gift to people you really don't know and in this case, sounds like to don't care to know.

Blessings....

They are probably trying to be considerate of your feelings. When I had a baby shower, I invited my husbands relatives that I had never met. I felt that they should be included just as much as my family. My feelings were not hurt if they did not attend or send a gift, but I didn't want them to think that they were not important. Technically you are part of the family, I am sure it was just them trying to be considerate......don't blow it out of proportion. If you don't want to go and don't want to send a gift then don't. Don't be surprised when you get an invitation to the wedding.......

i don't think you're out of line for not attending, but why is it causing such an extreme reaction. gracefully send your regrets, and move on with your day :)

Well I don't understand why you're annoyed. An invitation is simply that, an invitation. It is not an invoice for a gift. Why are you so angry? Simply decline the invitation. You will probably be invited to the wedding as well, so brace yourself for that insult too.

I think you have to realize that you may have gotten the invite out of respect for your stepmom... they know you haven't seen them in eons but probably think because you are your mom's stepdaughter, it's appropriate to invite her children. I have had this happen NUMEROUS times to both my husband and I and to friends. They aren't trying to stick it to you but rather are probably trying to be respectful. In which case, I think that is how you might want to view it..

That said, I tend to send gifts to showers even IF I don't attend . I don't think they are looking to judge you as to whether you send a gift or not. Again, I tend to believe that the invite you received may be more out of respect to your step-mom and less about them trying to upset you. To me, either you send a gift or not and it's not a big deal. however, DO consider this... IF this is possibly a new future family connection that could be a positive one, then you might want to participate, if you really don't even want to be in contact again.. well.. then don't send that gift and just move on.. either way, it's worth considering all aspects.

good luck to you

I hope most people send invitations to avoid hurting fellings, not as a gift request. Maybe I'm naieve. But, I think they were just trying to be thoughtful of you, or maybe the stepmom was trying to be inclusive of you. I wouldn't send a gift either, but don't let it stress you out.

Personally, I'd send a card AFTER they get married, say congrats, and leave it at that. Drives me nuts to get invited to stuff for people I wouldn't know from anyone else on the street! I suppose I should feel flattered; but there's been too many instances where I was invited JUST for the gift I was supposed to give. Don't even think anymore about it, just send a card after the wedding and give them your well wishes.

I would not find it rude to not attend and not send a gift. If you want to avoid the "scandal" then send her a 20 gift card to where she is registered (if it's on the invite) or for Target (where most are registered) or Babie's RUs whatever's closer/easier. I do not like sending invitations or reciving them to/from people I hardly know, it just does not make sense.

I am usually one that sends a gift no matter what. But even I say in this instance you are OK to graciously decline to attend and not send a gift. You may want to send a nice card. I would probably stick a Target gift card or something similar in the card, but again, that is just me. Good luck!

I would send a card with your best wishes. No gift required since you are not attending.

Under the circumstances I would send a card and that's it.

If you don't attend, you are under no obligation to send a gift, especially if you barely know the person.

Whenever I receive an invitation, I always send a gift regardless of whether or not I am able to attend the function. I just think it's the right thing to do.

If you do not feel that closely attached, you do not have to go or send a gift.

I agree that you probably got invited b/c of your step mom. I wouldn't be annoyed, but if you don't want to go, then don't. If you got an invitation for the shower, then you'll probably get a wedding invite too. You'll have to decide what to do with that as well and where as I don't think you need to send a gift for the shower, I do think you need to send a wedding gift even if you aren't attending. Also, be prepared for you step mom to question you as to whether or not you are attending the shower and why/why not, she may have encouraged them to invite you.

You are not obligated to send a gift. Even if you attended the shower you wouldn't be obligated to bring a gift but since you're attending the shower you most certainly don't have to send along a gift or even a card. Just send back the RSVP with a congratulations on the engagement.

It's the same deal if they send a wedding invitation but the chances of that are very slim.

they may be just trying to include you, so you don't get offended by not getting an invitation. RSVP no and don't send a gift. If you feel guilty send a card with your best wishes in it.

When I get invites like this, I just rsvp that I can't go and don't send a gift either and I don't think twice about it. If these are people that you barely know and hardly ever talk to, things aren't going to change because you went to the shower!! They'll just be people that you spent a lot of money on and they'll never talk to you again. I believe that showers are for close friends and family, not acquaintances! Not to sound cynical, but I know A LOT of people that invite anyone and everyone to showers/birthdays just so they can get more gifts!

Ugh. I've been invited under similar circumstances, as well. I don't get a gift. We just don't have the disposable income to buy gifts for people we don't know. If asked, I say "I'm sorry, I am unable to attend." If they ask why, you already have plans. It's simple!!

I have blown off events like you described when there is just no connection. I see it as the venue may have a minimum so you are filler or some reason such as that. After all aren't they kinda scraping the bottom of the barrel when you don't really know them?

Another thing was in my first marriage I was fairly well off, okay, pretty darn well off, as such my mom's friends that I never met, not once, would invite me to their kids events, who I wouldn't know from Adam. I don't like being used and that is how that type of invite feels. Ya know, oh she has money, we would like some. Err no thanks.

Maybe I am wrong in my thinking but I actually don't care this time. :)

Oh you got a lot of really good responses.

When I graduated high school I was so excited that I sent invitations to all the relatives I could, even ones that lived so far away there was no chance they'd come, and they had barely gotten to know me anyway. They probably wondered what the deal was. I was excited and had only my immediate family with me. I felt better having someone to send the invitations/announcements to. I was very surprised at those who sent a check back with the congratulations card because I didn't expect it.

I think they're just very excited, and maybe they don't have a lot of close friends and relatives to invite.
Don't worry about it too much. A congratulations card would be nice, but a gift is not necessary. Don't get them a gift out of obligation, but if you are feeling friendly and generous you could send something small like a pretty frame.

Nah, I don't think you are wrong. If you've only met her once then there shouldn't be any hurt feelings I wouldn't think. I don't think I would send a gift if i hardly knew the person. I don't even usually send a card or gift even to a wedding we didn't attend either and I may know them well. Just depends on how close I or my husband is to that person (people) that got married.

I wouldn't worry about it. You could send a card for their wedding since they're kind of a relative but otherwise, I wouldn't do anything else. I'd be really annoyed if I was invited to the shower and not the wedding, though.

I think your reaction is a bit out of line... IF I got an invitation like that, I would take it as an "invoice" for a gift however, I would not fret, simple decline the invitation and send a card at most.

You'll more than likely get an "invoice" for the wedding as well so be prepared, just send a card or if you feel like sending nothing don't.

Please do RSVP though!

Just respond you will not be attending. If its not close family your not expected to send a gift. I have been invited to a lot and some I could not attend and wouldn't especially if I did not know them so well. Besides if you get invited to the wedding then you can give them a gift then if you want to go to the wedding. If you don't go to the wedding either then you don't have to send them a gift if you don't feel comfortable doing it.

You don't need to attend, and if you don't attend, you don't need to send a gift. If you barely know the groom and you don't know the bride, then don't go. It sounds like you are annoyed that you were even invited - do you feel they are fishing for gifts and inviting people they barely know? Or do you feel your stepmother is trying to include you in her family events and is being kindhearted? If the latter, you still don't have to go, but you don't need to be annoyed either. You just have a conflict with the date & time, that's all.

It sounds like there's more history to your response. I dont think its outrageous that your stepmom's nephew sent you an invite to his fiancee's baby shower. I consider that family. Now if you dont want to go then that's fine just RSVP in the negative. Perhaps you can send a card when the baby arrives.

I don't think you are out of line. However, I think a nice card and a $15 gift card to babies r us would be nice of you too.
Kinda confused as to why you are annoyed? Do you feel like they just invited you so they could get a gift from you? Maybe they invited you because you are "family".
L.

If you plan on attending the wedding you should send a gift.

If they invited you then chances are that they invited a number of other not-so-well-known guests who will also not send gifts. Don't send a gift.

I would send a card and that is it. I don't think your reaction is out of line at all!

I wouldnt go or send a gift. But beware, if your invited to the shower, your most likely invited to the wedding too. At least thats the way its supposed to be. Your not supposed to invite anyone to a shower who is not invited to the wedding.

If they want you to rsvp, I would politely decline, same with the wedding.

oooohhhh....people go crazy at invites for weddings and bridal showers....

personally? I would send a card and a small store giftcard...

If you don't want to do that - politely decline with thanks....I'm not available that day...best wishes.

Hi M. P,

You are completely within your rights to decline and not send a gift. Especially if you dont know them well, you have no obligation to send a gift since you aren't going.

M