Overwhelmed!! - Orwigsburg,PA

You sound like me! I feel like I am going nuts everyday! I cannot keep up with everything. Some days I will feel so completely overwhelmed. I will look at my house and think it is so filthy dirty and wonder how I can live in it the way I do (even though it isn't really that bad). Other days, I will relax the whole week and not care about anything! I just try to relax with my kids. Most of the time though, I am so overwhelmed that I go nuts! ;)

I think we all feel the same way from time to time. I've just learned to let some things go. You'll get to it, when you can get to it. Enjoy that baby! :)

Yes, I think we've all been there. Some of us live here, welcome. :-)

I heard from a teacher recently that a family friend's son (follow all that?) passed away at 18. You know what his mom said? I wish I hadn't spent so much time cleaning and trying to make my house perfect. Had I known I didn't have much time with him, I would have spent more time playing and just being with him and let the laundry and dishes wait.

I have of course have taken this to the extreme (my daughter had to look for clean shorts this morning in the clean pile in the living room) and my kids think the only time we clean is when someone is coming over (ok that's mostly true).

We've lived in our house for 5 years and as much as I would love to have done everything over in that first year, we try to get 1-2 thing per year done. Windows and paved driveway? Last year. New deck and paint the kitchen? Two years ago. Floor in kitchen? Four years ago. Wishing I could tear the whole house down and restart? About once a week. :-)

Deep breath. I'm told this craziness won't last forever, that the children get bigger and may even want to help (gasp) with some of this. Yeah, I'm waiting for that too while trying to enjoy it.

guess what....it's just not toddlerhood.....it continues thru teen years, too. & it could be worse: I have a friend with 6 kids -3 & under!!! :)

That said, find a way to restructure your choices. Make a chart of what needs to be done, enlist all the help you can get.....& learn to live with what you have.
**Instead of pulling weeds, use Roundup in the areas where your child doesn't play.
**It's a heatwave right now....so you can't logistically stain that deck or it will not dry evenly. Schedule the staining for fall & make it a party!
**You don't have to have those new windows (altho' energy efficiency is always a good thing!)
**& those new floors/counters are simply a wish on your part. Don't let wishes become barriers to living a good life!

Next step would be....sit down with your child, take a good long look at the beauty within your child, & then relax. The most important thing you can do right now is to enjoy the beauty of your creation. By learning to appreciate what you have....you'll find the stress will diminish!

How do all working families deal with the pressure. You don't. You get rid of the pressure. You tell it to leave. You stop letting your family have it. It took me being very ill to realize that if all of this isn't done all of the time, I will still go on. I was about to not go on much Longer -if I kept up how I was feeling. Oh does the deck need painting? Absolutely. Do we need to paint just about every room. But we both work and we are tired and we realize how tenuous life is and I refuse to SHOULD on myself anymore. I will not SHOULD ON MY SELF. (repeat after me). I no longer spend every waking minute matching socks but throw them all into the same sock drawer or pin them together before I wash them. I accept the fact that the windows are older and a little drafty and we accomodate this in winter with either silicone or plastic or heavy curtains. We have begun to pay down charge cards because we do not want to have the debt all the new things and labor would cost. If you don't like weeds, create a rock garden (that's what my sister does/all cement patio-very little grass-yuk).Yes, weeds are annoying, but two hours when you have a sixteen month old is not the same two hours as a double income couple with no kids for example. You need to pick and choose what will be permitted to destroy your precious time with your family. And that will have a bonus-you will feel very good, too.
HUGs

How do you eat an elephant? O. bite at a time.
Make a list in order of priority...then knock it out.

If you can afford it--hire out some of the stuff.

Not sure why this Q is geared to "working families" as this is something we ALL deal with.

I make a SMALL list every week of things that I would like to accomplish and everyday durring naptime I do a couple of things from the list and cross them off. I too HATE a messy house and stuggle with getting it to look the way I would like. It is easy for people to say not to worry about the house work and just spend time with you little one but for some of us clean freaks we can't enjoy anything usless our house looks presntable, not perfect but not trashed. I have a two year old and a 5 week old so I know what you mean, and I am a stay at home mom. Sometimes the list is nice to leave somewhere where your husband can see it and maybe he can do something on the list too.
I also have my mother-in-law come by once a week to watch the kids while I get some stuff done. You have to look at it as little projects and not a whole bunch or big projects. Even if it takes you a couple of days to get one thing done, you will feel better and like you have accomplished something if you do a little at a time.

I struggled with this as well, right around the time my little one was 16 months. You have to let go of your perception of perfection. You have to settle for 'good enough' if you don't have the money to hire help. Your life with a child is very different now, including household chores and to-do lists. It's more stressful to hang on to trying to reach perfection, than it is to just let go and enjoy your family. Remember that your family won't remember how you spent 2 hours weeding that day, but they will remember how you spent another 2 hours with them. I doubt anyone has been on their deathbed, wishing they had done more laundry, dusted the house, worked more, etc. Most people wish they had spent more time with the family. You get the point.
At some time in the near future, your little one can join in with 'helping' you. And then you know what happens? They grow up before you know it and you'll have more time to do those chores. So, enjoy that little one NOW. A year from now, you'll be wishing you had paid more attention and relaxed about the chores. It does get easier. You are not alone! :)

I have a 15 month old at home and really enjoyed these answers for myself as well :) We sound like we are in exact same situations and I too feel like I am forever trying to work on a to-do list that only grows....

I would echo some other answers and the things I try to remind myself daily...

1) A wise person once told me "this too shall pass." This has been my mantra! I remember always that certain phases of life with a little one will be more challenging in different ways and it just so happens with a child this age - accomplishing much of anything can be really difficult! Just remember that there are stages more difficult than others in our lives and when the kids can occupy themselves with a video game/movie or something - you can get some of those bigger projects done more easily.

2) I don't know what your income is like but if you are both working, perhaps you can fit some help into your budget. We recently decided it was worth it to pay a cleaning service to come every 2 weeks just to do kitchen and bathrooms. This helps tremendously because I can manage the small and regular things (dishes, vacuuming, etc.) but the deeper cleaning things are just too time consuming and spending that precious time with your family in the evenings on deep cleaning feels wrong! Same goes for paying a neighborhood kid to mow your lawn or other such tasks? It may seem expensive, but if you can afford it then your time may be worth a lot of money and piece of mind!

3) Please remember to take care of yourself. You cannot be a good wife/mom if you are not taking care of yourself as a person. My husband and I are realizing this and recently committed to a regular date night, every week. One week will be a stay-at-home date night (movies and pizza after the LO is in bed?) and the alternate weeks will be an ACTUAL date :) Also, time for yourself is important and I've found I have to actually MAKE myself put this in my schedule. If its a regularly scheduled thing, I find I will follow through (every Wednesday evening for example - coffee with a friend, a walk, etc.)

Good luck....this too shall pass!

Breathe....

Those of us who are SAHMs can't do it all, either. As your little one gets older and more self sufficient, you'll have more time to breathe.

For now -- Hire someone. Pick the paint and hire someone to come in and do the painting and staining. Time is money... We do the things we can and know how do and hire out what we don't know how to do.

Take baby steps. Pick one room or one thing and do that. Don't sweat the small stuff... Your counters, windows, and floors aren't what you'd prefer, but they are serviceable. Save your pennies and decide what project you want done first -- then do it. Then make plans for the next project... Everything takes time and money... And most of us have neither.

Keep your chin up.
LBC

Yep, our house needs painting, the grass mowing, the deck sorting out, the list goes on. Sometimes it really gets to me. I can relate. But just carry on and prioritise properly. Get a local kid to pull weeds for $15 every fortnight. Get a roomba, stop ironing. Make it easy as possible for yourself.

I totally understand what you're feeling!I have raised two children they are out of the house. I look back at their childhood and yes I remember the house being a mess, but I have zero regrets about that! I wish I could go back and have some more time to enjoy their toddler hood, preschool years, elem years! I wish I had tried harder during the difficult teen years. I'm not saying I neglected them at all I'm just saying if "I could have time in a bottle".... I sure wouldnt waste it on my house and yard! Again I have no regrets about what the house looked like! With my third child I enjoy each stage, each happy and each fussy moment, knowing how quickly it slips away. And THIS time I find time to spend on me because it makes me enjoy life more, enjoy him more. An old fashioned meditation type Yoga class has forced me to sit still and be calm for at least a few minutes! OK I sound like I am all ZENned out and really it has been a CHALLENGE for me to figure out what to let go and what to stress about and how NOT to let stress claim me. Another thing that helped me is to start writing down things I am grateful for things I am blessed to have in my life, so I can focus less on what I dont have (time to stain the deck, a well behaved dog, money for windows, the trip to Europe I have dreamed of but never saved a dime for) I write down: I have a nice house, a comfy bed, a secure job, a healthy child etc etc etc things we'd really really miss if we didnt have. This helped me change my attitude.
And as you can see from your responses you are not alone!

I went through what you are feeling and had a royal meltdown. Now I stay home with our son but that is stressful at times too. Good luck and take it little by little only dedicating 15-30mns per day on your tasks. Good luck

We both work fulltime and have three little ones. We hire high school and college kids to come over to do the jobs you are speaking of. Simply I am stretched to thin and tired. I also have a cleaning lady who comes every two weeks to clean what I can't :) Makes a huge difference. Take a deep breath and create a budget and get some extra help :)

I accept the fact I can't have everything all at once and focus on the kids with gratitude since they'll be older soon. The housework gets done as I'm able. My creative pursuits get a little time. Renovations??!!! We were in our house 3 years before I got around to painting the kid's room (1st thing on list of about 100 things). My husband always travels. I'm lucky to get he lawn mowed in summer or the walk shoveled in winter. Aside from that-our yard ain't fancy. Oh well.

There's always something to be done...we sit down periodically and prioritize...work on the top few things and let the rest go. When the top few things are done, you can look at your list again and re-prioritize if you need to.

I echo those who mentioned getting help. We typically have a cleaning lady every two weeks. My 12 year old asked about earning extra $$ this summer so I gave the cleaning lady off for the summer and the theory was that my 12yo and I would clean. Has it happened? No...we're too busy enjoying life. Oh well...school starts next month and I'll bring the cleaning lady back then. Make sure you take the time to enjoy life!

Don't get any visions that things will change any time soon...just learn to manage it. My kids are 12 and 14 and in some ways, it's busier than when they were small. They don't need me for all the little things they did when they were smaller, but now I'm always taking them to a sports practice or music lessons or going to a game, concert, horse show or whatever.

I am super organized, if I don't, I get overwhelmed. The way I keep everythingbin check is I print out weekly calendars from my Mac and write EVERYTHING on it, even dumb to do stuff. Like I need to dye my hair in thenext few days and I've been trying to figure out when to do it so I can write it on my calendar. Any stuff that doesn't get done, I write it down for another day. I find that getting stuff out of my head and onto paper, I feel less stress. And I also have a schedule that I follow every day so anything else that needs to happen I try to fit around my schedule for that day.

Hire help. I know it sounds like an unnecessary expenditure, but if you can swing it hire a housekeeper. It was hands-down the smartest thing we have done in the last two years. We have her come once a week and she "cleans" the entire house top-to-bottom so all we have to do during the week it "tidy" and put things away. She does the laundry and again- we just have to put it away.

Rosie (yes, my housekeeper's name is Rosie) is our life line. She charges us $150 per week, but spends the ENTIRE day at our house cleaning, organzing and laundering. We could not live our lives without her. We would be spending all of our time "catching up", washing, drying, folding, ironing... well, you get the idea.

It's an expense, but I would be lying to you if I said that we could do it without her.

Your post, and many of the responses below feel very familiar to me. You are definitely not alone!
1) get help if you can. I consider my cleaning person (twice/month) a necessity and I will sacrifice many other 'extras' to be able to afford her. I usually do the weed-pulling, but I have been known to hire a neighborhood teenager when I'm desperate and the weeds are getting tall.
2) everything else: make a priority list. Make sure scheduling in playtime with your baby is at the top of the list. Having a new kitchen won't make a foundation for your future relationship with your child as he grows, but spending time with him now will.
3) once you have the list, tackle one project at a time and take the long view of life - it helps keep your sanity as well as your financial stability. We do one household project a year. Ok, it's taken us 9 years to get all the rooms in the house painted, and it took us 5 years to get our deck built, but we did it. And there are projects that we haven't gotten to yet, but at least I know where they are on our list, and that we're getting closer to getting them done.

Good luck!

Have you considered other domestic help. I'm a personal chef and I cook a weeks worth of dinners at a time for my clients. All they have to do is warm them up at night. There is probably someone in your area to do the same thing. If anyone reading this is in the Raleigh NC area my website is culinarydelightsnc.com.

It's hard! We have a cleaning service twice a month. I can keep a lot done, but it seems I never get time for baseboards, windows, furniture polishing,etc., so that has been money well spent! I only get to about half of what I want to accomplish in the yard, and hubby does the mowing. We have SO many things to frame and hang! That's a big project this weekend. We've been in our new home for three years now, and we still need to paint the guest bath and find window treatments for the dining room! At this point the entire downstairs needs painting, including the ceiling from where the boys flooded their upstairs bath, so I feel like we shouldn't even hang anything else down there right now! My husband is a great painter, but I may price having it done so it will happen this year ;-) One thing-we throw a lot of this stuff to the wayside on evenings and weekends to spend time with the kids, family and friends. Ultimately that's a better expenditure of time!

Hi

Maybe consider hiring a college girl to come hang out for 4 or 5 hours a few days a week so that you can get a few things done while she entertains the little one. Its very helpful!

Good luck

Hi A. - first off, it's okay to get some help. Pick one or all listed here depending on your budget: Hire a neighborhood teen to pull your weeds and mow your lawn. Get a cleaning service in at least once a month. Hire a pool guy or get one of the roaming pool cleaners to relieve stress on the filters. Find a good handyman to do your deck for you. Owning and maintaining a house is hard work and it requires a lot of time and help. We're not rich but I consider my cleaning ladies a necessity. My family is just so much happier with that help. There are times I choose to get help for yardwork and times we do it ourselves. When we cant manage it, we hire out.