Not Interested in Sex

Definitely get some books about sexuality and desire from the library or bookstore. I find they help get me thinking about sex more than I would normally. With a full-time job, two kids, and a new community, I don't think about it nearly as much as my husband would like. Plus, I find interesting things in the book to talk to him about. We also have been watching Sex and the City; it brings up great discussion topics too.

Communication!!!! This is huge. Keep the lines of COMMUNICATION open with your husband. Lots of people think that moms are invincible, but we are human and we need attention and reinforcement that we do mean a lot to people. Also, do things for yourself. Go to a spa, get a massage or get your nails done. You have to feel good about yourself!!!!!

I completely understand. I struggle with my current body image as well. It is a hard adjustment to accept how you look. I personally have to schedule or "make myself" have sex. I enjoy it when I do have sex.

Iknow saying it is normal doesn't really make you feel any better, however, like the others have said, you are not alone. It may sound silly, but I changed the type of lingerie I wear. Undergarments and pajamas,to something more sexy, that I had always said I would never wear! I am a BBW and they do make sexy things in bigger sizes now. It helps me feel more sexy and that helps, the mental aspect a lot. Also, you might have your doctor check your testosterone level, it really does effect our libido.

Angie,
I know exactly how you feel. I read on a website about a condition called sexual anorexia and it is exactly how I felt and sound like what you are describing. I wanted to do something about it too so I bought a book to work through it. My husband and I just got done going through a couples devotion called When two become one by Christopher McClusky. He is a Christian Sex Therapist-oxymoron I know;) He goes through many issues and we really have grown and since we finished the devotion have only had one week without connecting when it used to be more like once every 2-3months. I hope and pray this book will help you as much as it has helped us. We are planning on getting another book like it that he suggests by a different author. We started out reading it in bed at night together and it really helps.

Since I dont know for sure how old you are, this could be a medical problem. Yes we women can have the same problems as men when it comes to sex. However, my guess is it is just that you have too much on your plate right now, and feel like sex is one more chore for you to fulfill. Find ways to make life more romantic for yourself. Buy hubby some sexy boxers--I have gotten mine some silky ones (great to touch) and other ones that I liked. Buy yourself some sexy undies--I am overweight as well, but they still have really cute things out there for us women, even Walmart. (though I dont really see the weight as much of an issue as the time part) Also plan times to be romantic and be creative during those times, like play games, like strip poker, or my favorite, strip trivial pursuit. Send the kids off some where for the night and have a romantic dinner and wear only your sexiest stuff, both of you. Candles create a wonderful atmosphere too. If you cant send the kids away for the night, then give everyone an earlier bed time and lock the bedroom door. But the most important thing to remember is to relax, when you worry about something like this, it makes it 100% worse. We went thru this, when we were trying to get pregnant for the second time and we both lost interest. Now, 3 yrs later, we are expecting #4 in March. So be playful, be creative, and be relaxed, planning time together does take the stress off and make sure it is known to both parties, that if it doesnt happen, it doesnt happen, and move on from there. It will come back, but it may take a few times. Good Luck!

You might check out the following post and all the responses to it: I love my hubby so much but my sex drive is dead!
From: Trina L Date: Thu. Mar. 08, 2007 -

This is a very common problem! Read the earlier post, there are lots of good ideas there.
Take Care,
Tam

I am 36 also and I went through a period of being "not interested in sex", let me tell you it is not "you". There is something in your life that is missing and until you find out what it is, this is how you will feel. Mine situation is a little different than yours however, I stopped being interested because my marriage was failing. As soon as we were divorced, I was reborn. I have a wonderful man in my life and I love having sex again. You have a wonderful husband so what you need to do if find out what else is going on in your life that is making you unhappy. You mentioned you were overweight but your husband "still wants you". My advise is to buy something sexy for yourself and tell yourself you are sexy again, schedule romatic evenings with your husband, I bet you get that spark back. Because I thought I could live wihtout sex also, and you know what I don't want to. The wonderful feeling have making love and achieving an orgasim is amazing and why would you not want that. Toys are also fun. Try them you have nothing to lose and you may enjoy that. Your husband loves you embrace that. Good luck.

I had that same problem for a long time and I could not figure it out... I stopped taking my birth control (trying to get pregnant) and a month later I felt a LOT better... It was the strangest thing, but it's true... If you happen to be on birth control, it might be something to think about.

Please talk to your doctor about this!!! He/She might be able to help - I know it's hard to bring up with someone you hardly know, but wouldn't it be worth it?

Some ideas - sometimes something like changing your diet will help. I don't mean "dieting" like atkins or whatever, but just a general "eat well and increase your activity" - not for the goal of weight loss, but just better health in general. Also, try to get more sleep - I know that when I'm tired I will always ALWAYS choose sleep over sex...

good luck, sweetie!

Hi Angie - Just wanted to say that I'm in the same boat as you. I tried the sexy underwear and other suggestions listed, and as one of the other replies said, there's so much on my plate that time to myself and sleep are higher on the survival list. I'm 38, married for 18 years, and have 3 boys, so we're close in that. You've got alot of people to see to, and I'll bet that someone is always needing something!! I'd definitely recommend talking to your husband to find ways to make him still feel wanted. My husband and I talked about it alot so that he knows that it's not that I don't want him and we've found ways to be together to keep that intimacy. I still feel guilty that I don't want sex as much as he does but he goes above and beyond now to make sure that I have time to myself, which makes me feel more rested and more likely to want sex. I think there's alot of social and media pressure for us to want sex all the time, and that's just not me. Be sure to communicate with your husband how you're feeling. Good luck!

I am in the same boat! I only do it to satisfy my husband. My doctor told me that as a sahm, you need time to yourself. A day away or doing whatever you want, with your husband watching the kids. This could mean only a couple of hours to go to the gym, take a long bath,shop or whatever. We tried this once! Maybe it could work for you! H.