I can tell you, after 21 years of being married there were two phases to mine. One when I was happy as a lark and my husband was misserable (and I was oblivious to his real feelings about it) and the second when I realized that I was being selfish by witholding the very thing that made my husband happy. Happy men are better husbands and they are just about as simple as two words: sex and sandwiches. If you are not having sex with them, make them a sandwiche-and suddenly, you will have the most attentive, diaper changing, dish washing, hurry home from work, to be with you kind of guy. You will not be so tired, and you will be happier than you knew you could be. Is it fair that you have to be the bigger person and give him what he wants? No, but that question only matters if you are not really interested in being happy. Do you want to be right, or, do you want to be happy?
Mine, and yours too, give and recieve love through sex. Qualtiy, quantiy, quicky, and variety. If they are not getting it, not much else matters. We can stomp our feet and come up with all the reasons in the world why this does not suit us as women, but it won't help your husband feel any differently. This is how he sees it: he thinks that he is dead last on your list, and not a darn thing you can say to him will change how he feels about that unless you show him how he can see it, and that means sex.
Right now, you probably think that you will be so exhausted that there will be no way that you can have sex 3,4, or 5 times a week, but you can. Leave the laundry and the dishes and have sex with your husband. the more sex you have, the more you want to have sex. Say something dirty to him on his way out the door in the morning, then follow through that night. If the dishes pile up for a while, and you need help with the laundry, then ask your happy husband to help you so that you can go have sex again...he will.
As for the libido, if you really think that it is a medical problem, see a doctor, but from my experiece, if you start thinking about it, and you start talking about it with him, you may find that it is a lot more interesting than you thought it was. If not, see the doctor, and get it checked out, but rise to his desired level of sexual need, and see what happens. I promise you, if you just wisper that really dirty thing in his ear, it won't take long if you are really tired. He will be astounded if you have never done that before. If you don't know what he wants to hear, ask, he will tell you, and don't judge, men are not like us. Just make him happy. In a few weeks, you will start to wonder why this was such a problem for you.
As for the variety issue, once he is not so focused on what he is not getting, and he knows where his next meal is coming from (so to speak) some of that will matter less to him. Right now, he wants you to want him as much as he wants you, and that is a good thing, because as much as we don't get that they show love that way, they don't get it that we don't. You are more capable than he is to fix the issue, and he will be showing you just how crazy he is about it every single time. In return, a relaxed, very happy man, will stumble into doing everything he can possibly think of to make you happier too.
Give it a go hon, you will NOT be sorry you did, I have never regretted resetting my needs around his, not once, and I love it now.
M.
PS: we go at it at least every other day. But, if something happens, he no longer pouts about how many days it was, because he is secure in our sexual relationship. Their egos are all tied up in this, pump his up.