Low Libido, Please Help!

2 words MACA ROOT you can buy it at walmart in the vitamin aisle. I used it for 2 days and attacked my hubby in the bedroom (he was happy)!

Sex does bring a couple so much closer together! It is a wonderful thing in any marriage. I go to a doctor who tests hormones. I know a few other ladies who go to the same doctor and they were dealing with the same problem. You mentioned that your libido took a great big dive after children and being pregnant does affect our levels. Our body secretes two big sex hormones DHEA and testosterone. DHEA eventually will convert to testosterone. Once those levels are brought up to a satisfactory level you will get your drive back. Since you are in a big metro area you should have no problem finding a doctor that deals in bio-identical hormones. My friends say that testosterone replacement really does work! Good luck and don't hesitate to email me if you have any further questions.

My hormones are whacko and I ran across a website that sells herbal remedies. It is called "Radiant Wonder" and it sells an herbal mix called "Super Fertility #2". I am not trying to get pregnant, but was trying to fix my hormones through herbs and it has really, really helped with my libido. They recommend that you take four pills per day, but I only take two some days. I wasn't trying to fix my libido, but that is what those things did to me. I don't think they improved my hormonal imbalance, though.

GL
Marci

Hi S. - I'm kind of surprised that your doc would not be interested in this as a symptom of a hormone imbalance. Especially since you love your husband and would be interested in sex if you felt up to it.

First thing is to have your bloodwork done, including a complete hormone panel. Make sure they check your estradiol, progesterone, serum and free testosterone, and DHEA in addition to your thyroid TSH as well as free T3 and free T4. If those come back normal, be really happy not discouraged. It also means that self-medicating with OTC herbal supplements and creams, etc. would not be right for you.

Try to get lots and lots of sleep. The saying "no sex for the weary" is definitely true. You may also have to change your mindset about sex that it can be fun even if you're not in the mood. Sometimes for me it's like going bowling - it's not the first thing I think of doing for something fun to do but I always have fun when I get there.

For women, sex is an emotional experience, not just physical. Talk to your husband about ways to help support you throughout the day so that when the time is right, you're ready. Buy a fun outfit to wear for him or find an "idea" book that suits your sensibilities. Sex is something you do with each other but also for each other.

Good luck!

at the end of a long day chasing the kid, the dogs and my mind around the house picking up rooms I just picked up and washing laundry I feel positive I just put away there is nothing I want more than to jump in bed with my husband

and go to sleep.

I think that when I stopped to put into perspective the expectations I was putting on myself it's no wonder my libido was low! Seriously who works all day then turns around and says yeah baby yeah lets do this!

okay maybe my husband can

and apparently lots of women on TV.

reality though this is pretty normal--and I think I figured part of it out. there will be days when really you want a massage...one on your back not other places and a good soak in the tub and sleep for 10 hours. (okay I'm dreaming but dreams are healthy right?)
if I don't take those moments though to put something into me, I'm too drained to want to give of myself to one more person even though it would be the fun kind of giving. by the end of the day I've been sat on hugged, taking care of spills and those I need mommy comfort moments that I just want MY body to MYSELF!! So if I take time out to go soak my feet for 10 min and paint my nails or to curl my hair in the middle of the day when dh gets home from work so I have time to myself. or to just lay down or sit in my favorite chair without an animal on my or my sweet daughter or anyone or anything. no phone calls no computer just me (which is overwhelming because I realized I don't know myself anymore I stopped taking time for me) now that I've been putting that back in to my life our sex life has gotten healthy again. and it isn't just my husband who is happy...I'm happy. before he deployed I said I wouldn't turn him down before he left. and a funny thing happened. there were some days he was content and not looking for loving! just time to talk and cuddle. so while it can be hormones and it can be well a bunch of other things I completely disagree with your doc--there is ALWAYS something we can do about it. and if we take time to have our bodies to ourselves and to know who we are then wewill be ready for a different kind of massage and have some fun in the bedroom.

You have lots of great responses, so all I'll say is get a new OB ASAP!
There are things you can do and you need a doc that is willing to take the journey with you.
You need a full work up of blood to check hormone levels and thyroid, ect.
Seriously get a new OB!!

Dear S.,
First you are an amazing woman who obviously loves your husband or else you would have not put such a personal thing for us to read.

I have been married for almost 16 years & have been pregnant 7x (our first son passed away & 1 miscarriage). I had issues too with libido off & on through out our marriage. My husband felt the same way as your's does. That we just don't find them attractive. NOT TRUE!!!

I asked my naturopath "What is wrong with me???" She said "NOTHING, it is part of our natural make up that at certain times of our life, especially after having children that we know it's more important to take care of ourselves, our family, responsibilities... than in is to be intimate". But she also said : it is so important to make just US time (So true)!
Hormones, life, stress, can all play a MAJOR ROLE. Talk with him, draw close to him & just keep trying. You will not always feel the right time as he does but always making an effort to show him that you love him, even if you are not "in the mood" will help. Men need that physical attention, as most women need more emotional.

To help me understand he said "what would you think if everytime you asked me I just said not right now or changed the subject?" I was horrified ;0( it is soooo true, I would be devistated). Make time JUST for the two of you, date nights. It is so important & it will make your relationship stronger!

My final bit of advice is soooo important! NATURAL HORMONE BALANCING CREAM!!!! Helps regulate your hormones naturally & helps with so many things: Loss of sex drive, PMS, Lack of concentration, Irritability/fatigue, endrometriosis, unexplained weight gain, headaches, acne & so much more. I LOVE MINE!!!I will message you with info.

All will be ok :0) this is not out of the ordainary and just a little work your relationship will be stronger & intimate for the both of you!

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I've been going through this. And most women I know are going through this. I also have talked to a doctor who pretty much poo-pooed it. Then I watched Oprah's show about bioidentical hormone replacement. It really spoke to me. I've yet to find a doctor that meets my expectations. My friend is a natural health consultant. We've tried different things. The one thing that has helped is DHEA. Another thing that has helped is that I have ordered lingerie from Victorias Secret and other places. I've also experimented w/ costumes. That has helped ME FEEL sexy. Oprah's website also has tools for you and your husband to talk about sex. I'm still convinced that I have a hormone imbalance. The doctors have all said I'm depressed. I'm still searching for a doctor that will help me w/ my hormones. Whatever you do... don't let this ruin your marriage. This is a phase that will pass... I'm sure of it. But YOU need to actively find solutions because sex IS important to a marriage. Until then... JUST DO IT... regardless of whether you want to or are too tired to. Try counseling also. Good luck!

I have so been there! But I tried something free and easy before trying pills or creams and it worked:)

The first five years of our marriage, I really didn't have much of any libido either. And like you said, it really hits bottom after kids. I had complications after our twins came and it was over 7 months before we could have sex again. With three young boys to take care of all day and barely any libido I was fine just never having sex again.

While my husband was very supportive during that long 7 months and the months afterward with extremely little action, he wanted more and was starting to feel unwanted, too. I wanted to give him more but didn't know how since the desire just wasn't there and he didn't want me to feel like I had to have sex with him and he wouldn't if he felt I wasn't into it. I read about scheduling and decided to try it since I couldn't keep lugging three kids to the doctor and pharmacy all the time.

It's a very simple idea. All you do is schedule sex and then commit to staying on schedule and NOT having sex on unscheduled days. Theoretically this will help your body to regulate your own hormones and get everything working the way it should. We started out slow, scheduling one day a week, then two, then three. Within two months I couldn't wait for the scheduled days to come! When we were really into a good groove we threw out the "no sex unless it's a scheduled day" rule so we could be spontaneous every so often, but we still schedule our time together.

It's was so easy, so cheap, and so much fun. It's made all the difference in the world for my husband and I. I don't know if it works for everyone, but try it out because there's nothing to lose:) Best of luck to you and your husband!

S.,
My mom goes to a hormone therapist in Phoenix and they do hormone pellets. Inserted under the skin. My mom loves it and keeps encouraging me to do the same as I am in the same boat with you 2 kids low/no labido. It also was an issue with my marriage. You could probably do a search for them on line but I am sorry I don't know the exact name of the company.
Best of luck.

it reminds me of when I asked a doctor about my low bp making me black out - only to find out a few years later that there are herbs that help. Go to an herb store and ask for Dr. Christopher's Libido formula. Spicy foods and exercise should help, and anything that increases your health like chiropractors and acupuncture are generally good.

I've used DHEA supplements with great success. It provides your body with the building blocks to make hormones like testosterone (which increases libido). You do, however, need to be under the care of someone who can keep an eye on your hormones. I was seeing someone who did a technique called BioEnergetics and they use electrodes and a computer program to test and see how much you need and where your hormones are at. You would need to seek out an alternative practitioner to help guide you through this.

couple of things you can do is get a small "toy" and see if you can get things started on your own i know that has helped me after my 2 kids and the great thing is there are books just for moms that are specific to this i would give them a try.

You've gotten a lot of great advice, but I just want to add mine! My advice is that when your hubby approaches you or makes "the moves" don't say no, say YES even if you aren't in the mood. My hubby and I have an unspoken rule that we never say no to eachother unless one of us is feeling sick and it helps a lot to keep us with a happy and active sex life even though we had a little one and another little one on the way. I'm sure there will be some adjustments after baby #2 arrives, but I'm confident we'll be able to continue as we have since we both feel there is no better way to spend our personal time together! If you say "yes" even when you feel like saying "no" because of tiredness ect, within just a few minutes generally you end up just as into it as your hubby and by the end you are always happy you said "yes" because you sleep much nicer ect :-). Sometimes I have to force myself to say "yes", but I have never regretted it afterwards and I'm sure you wont either! Good luck!

You've received some good feedback. Here's something slightly different to consider.

You don't mention if your health is good overall. Do you get lots of exercise. Sometimes if you've been inactive for a long period of time or if your health is compromised in other ways, your libido suffers. Your body has to put its attention on the higher priority needs.

If your health and physical activity levels are very good already,then you may want to consider a therapist that specializes in sex and relationships. I had a friend in California who specialized in that. She also used sex surrogates for her patients when necessary. Those are people that help patients heal and discover or re-discover their sensuality and sexuality. I'm not sure how far that goes, but my friend used to say the people who needed the surrogates really benefited long-term.

Finally, another possible quick fix that I've heard about is viagra. Apparently, it works for women, too.

There is a wonderful store called Hysteria - it's on south Broadway. The woman who owns the store is very knowledgeable in this area and offers various types of classes. I highly recommend her. I believe she would do one-on-one consultations. It's hard to just put this in writing, I suggest talking with her and finding out for yourself. She can really help!

I was like that for 3 years after having my last. It still comes and goes but I put forth the effort to try and do it at least once a week. I know how not doing it makes my husband feel. I just try and get into it as much as I can and things start to kick in for me at some point during it all.

Vitamins! Take good vitamins to keep up your strength and energy. Remember that men spell I Love You like this, SEX. They just have a different love language.
Get this book, Love and Respect by Emerson Egrich (not too sure of the spelling) it is wonderful!

Just lay there and pray for it to be over. That's what I do.

Hi S.,
I actually have the same issue. But this is really the case with it. It's like your tired from your day and just want to kick back or go to sleep. Also once you involved your into it so really you just need to commit to doing it and enjoy yourself and being connected with your husband.
Hope this helps
J.

S.:

Thanks for having the courage to share something so private. As I'm sure you know, you're not the only who is going through this!! You've gotten a lot of great advice. Personally, I think not necessarily a hormone inbalance problem, so much as a "I'm so friggin tired and have about a thousand other things on my mind" problem!

Women need way more time to prepare for sex than men do - they wake up and go to bed ready for sex!! But, it is such an important thing in the life of a marriage!

I have gone through spurts of this throughout my 8 years (and three kids) of marriage. At times, I have really needed to make an effort to be into sex. I have always been attracted to my husband (we've been together for almost 16 years), but I haven't always wanted to have sex with him! Some things that have helped us is to just talk about it - how I'm feeling, how he's feeling, understanding that it's not about the other person, letting each other know what you can do for the other person. I let him know that I need foreplay - and by this, I don't always mean cuddling, kissing, caressing (although those things help too!). Helping me with the kids and the housework is foreplay to me! This helps alleviate all the things that I can't get out of my mind when I'm supposed to be focusing on him and having sex! We have also scheduled sex into our week. It's not the most romantic, but it works!! We decided when I was pregnant with my second son, that we would shoot for having sex at least two times a week - one time would be more spontaneous, but the other time was scheduled for Wednesday nights (hump day! :)). This scheduled time gave me a whole day to mentally prepare for sex. We would text each other sexy messages during the day, I would make sure to be showered and shaved, and we would make sure that my son was put to bed on time to give us more "us" time to cuddle, talk, give a back rub, etc. before we hit the sheets! We also have incorporated toys into our sex life. If you're not comfortable with that, a nice piece of lingerie, some massage oil or flavored lubricant can do wonders!

Sometimes it's so hard to not have your children be the center of your universe. I've had to remember that my husband came first, and maintaining my marriage is very important!! It takes work, but it's so worth it!! Making time for each other (ie. date night at least once or twice a month) is key!! If we're not happy, it's hard to keep the children happy!

Good luck with everything!!!

S.,

I actually am in the exact same boat..only with 4 kids after being married 14 years. I hope with all my heart that you get things figured out.

There are a lot of things that could be affecting your libido. There are some physical causes (hormones, sometimes physiology or illness). I'm surprised your Gyn didn't want to rule those out. I would get a second opinion. And in the mean time, try out some of the other ideas you've gotten, you might just have fun!

YOur OB/GYN should be more helpful, get a new one! There are precription cream that can increase your libido, most of them contain testosterone which has a lot of influence in libido in both men and women. There may also be other factors at play here, your hormone levels could be out of wack, if you are taking hormonal birth control maybe you need to swich kinds or use a form of birth control that does not involve hormones. Also, there is the delicate subject of orgasms, when you do have sex with your husband is it enjoyable for you? If not then that may be why you are not eager to have more sex! This is something that you and your husband will need to figure out together, there are things that you two can try to make the experience better for you, be creative and unashamed to tell him what you really need. Good luck to you!